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Heavy drops of rain hit the surface of Serizawa’s umbrella loudly, the noise mixing with the sound of the nearby cars and the conversations of people passing by him. Slowly, the droplets make their way down the stretched plastic and eventually hit the worn wood of the bench he’s sitting on. It’s located at the edge of a spacious public square that is colored rather dreary and gray. Not a single ray of sunshine is able to sneak past the thick layer of clouds and there’s a cold bite to the air. He feels rather uncomfortable and pulls his hanten a little tighter around himself in an attempt to keep a little warmer.
Across the well kept, open and buzzling plaza is a rather large and impressive looking office building that President Suzuki had disappeared into a fair bit ago. Before he had left he had tasked Serizawa with staying behind to keep watch over his son Shou.
Being in a public and full space like this is still very new to him. After all, it had been only a few months ago that President Suzuki had saved him from his own self loathing and the confinement of his room. Most of the things he has to face are overwhelming - the different noises are too much and ,even with the clouds covering the sun, it’s far too bright in his opinion. The knowledge of how many people are around him puts him on the edge and his hand cramps uncomfortably tight around the hilt of his umbrella. In an attempt to keep focus, he runs his thumb over the slightly rough texture of it.
The action helps to calm him a little, his chest feeling ever so slightly lighter than before and he reminds himself to concentrate on what President Suzuki had told him. Serizawa knows for a fact that the umbrella is more than just a shield to keep out the rain. It is just as much a protection for those around him and himself, keeping his powers contained and under control. If it were not for President Suzuki’s gracious gift, there is no way he would have ever been able to cross the threshold from his room into the world outside - much less so into an area as busy as this. It doesn’t come as easy to him as he wants it to, but with the help and support he receives from Claw he feels more in control than ever before. For the first time in his life it feels like he is able to focus on something else but the emotions trying to desperately push out of his body and he can stop them before they take a viselike hold around his heart. There’s no doubt that it would take time to perfect it, but he knows that he can count on the president to stop him if necessary.
His eyes jump from the towering office building to the young boy sitting right next to him on the bench, close enough to be safely shielded from the rain by his umbrella. Shou’s hand digs into the package of animal crackers on his lap and his legs swing back and forth without ever touching the ground. Just like Serizawa himself, the young ESPer seems to study the tall block of concrete with interest. His expression isn’t what Serizawa is used from him. It is much more complicated than anything he had seen on Shou previously and he has a rather hard time figuring out what he might be thinking.
Being some sort of babysitter for President Suzuki’s son is not what Serizawa had expected to be doing when he had been taken in and introduced to Claw. At first, he hadn’t known what he was supposed to do at all but with guidance and a firm push into the right direction, he had figured out soon enough that his highest priority was to aid President Suzuki with whatever he asked of him. In all honesty, he couldn’t be happier to find himself useful and valued. Each and every day he finds himself amazed that he’s entrusted with tasks of great importance. It isn’t a feeling he is used to, but with how much stronger and more in control the older ESPer is, it isn’t a surprise that he doesn’t fear Serizawa the way other people do - he goes as far as to appreciate his assistance, even. Sure, sometimes he still has some harsh words of advice or warning and cold looks, but Serizawa had figured out rather quickly that those are simply ways of helping him to adjust to the cruel world around him.
After all, President Suzuki does believe in him enough to keep his own flesh and blood safe and sound. It feels like a great honor to be assigned with such an important job and even if it comes with the heavy weight of anxiety over everything that he could potentially mess up, it still fills him with glee and excitement. His hand around the handle of the umbrella tightens once more and he does his best to keep his emotions from overflowing.
“Hey Serizawa?” Shou’s voice is somewhat drowned out by the sound of rain hitting the ground, but Serizawa still manages to pick up on it. He focuses on the young ESPer properly now and he’s met with a deep frown and expression more serious than he had expected from any kid that age. “I have a question.”
“Oh. S-sure what is it?” With how lacking his experience with children is, Serizawa isn’t sure what to expect and even less certain about whether he would be able to give a satisfying answer or not. Additionally, when the blue of Shou’s eyes meets the dark brown of his own, he’s faced with a determination that takes him by surprise. For a split second the younger ESPer studies his face closely and all of the sudden Serizawa feels much too exposed and seen.
“You have a soulmark, don’t you?”
For a moment the question hangs in the space between them and it takes a good few seconds of silence for Serizawa to fully catch up with what Shou is asking. Once he does, his face begins to feel a little hotter and his free hand comes to rub at the stubble of his cheeks nervously, fingers picking at some of the longer hairs.
A considerable amount of time had passed since he had last thought about his soulmark and the mere mention of the large patch of his skin made it tingle a little unpleasantly - almost enough to be considered an annoying sting comparable to a small stone getting stuck in your shoe.
His soulmark is not something Serizawa had ever had the chance or want to discuss with anyone and he had tended to push its existence into the very far back of his mind and heart. Oftentimes he didn’t dare so much as look at it, the beautiful and intricate design and colors nothing more but a grim reminder that there is someone out there unfortunate enough to be cursed with him as a soulmate. He has a hard time imagining that he deserved someone bound to him by fate and it is almost unbelievable that there truly is a person who is supposed to inevitably fall in love with him if they were to meet.
Looking at his soulmark or wasting too much time thinking about it never fails to make his powers spike out of control. Most of his daydreams about what-ifs are tainted and accompanied by crashing items, shaking walls and a cold panic gripping around his heart. Maybe it is exactly that panic or maybe it is the expecting and intense look in Shou’s bright blue eyes, but Serizawa’s chest feels a lot tighter all of a sudden.
“I do.” He croaks out eventually, his voice a bit scratchy and barely making its way out of his throat. His free hand starts fidgeting with a loose splinter of the bench and keeping eye contact is suddenly very hard to manage. Quickly, he snaps his head back to allow his eyes to focus on the moss growing between the cobblestones under their feet. “E-everyone does.”
“Mh.” Shou’s hum is all he receives in response before the boy puts another cracker into his mouth. The sound of his chewing feels much louder to Serizawa than just a minute ago. With the cracker only partially chewed, the young ESPer speaks up again, curiosity obviously not sated just yet. “Does it look cool?”
“I-” Serizawa’s voice dies in his throat and for a good few seconds he isn’t sure how to answer. Tuning out all of the sounds around him is almost impossible and he has a hard time focusing on his own thoughts. “I think so?”
Nervously, he dares to look back at Shou even if just for a split second. His uneasiness must have been pretty obvious, if the young ESPer’s raised eyebrows and confused expression are anything to go by. A wave of shame spreads through his chest and he reminds himself how often Presiden Suzuki had made it clear that Serizawa needed to either speak up properly or stay quiet if he wanted people to take him seriously.
The dull pain of his nails digging into his palm is easily ignored in favor of scolding himself mentally for not living up to President Suzuki’s expectations. It feels almost like a betrayal to the older ESPer and he does his best not to mind the familiar feeling of anxiety in his chest. Considering Shou’s sincere interest and the pang of guilt in his chest, Serizawa tries again: “I mean - It’s nice. I like it.”
It isn’t a lie, that much he is sure of. Serizawa truly does think that it’s beautiful. The watercolors and illustrated hands dancing over his skin are mesmerizing to say the least - breathtaking even when he thinks about it. The ESPer doesn’t allow himself to look at it often, the stress and sudden awareness of someone else is too much for him to take most of the time. However, now that he thinks about his soulmark, there’s something else worming its way through his body. When he had still hidden away in his room, he hadn’t believed that he would ever have a chance of finding his soulmate. No matter how much pain it had caused him or how much it had stung in his heart and on his skin alike, he had truly wished that whoever is fated to him would find someone else and ignore their soulmark completely.
That had been when he had been fully certain that there was no way for him to ever control his powers. Now though, with President Suzuki at his side who kept a close eye on Serizawa’s progress, there is suddenly a small spark of hope that takes hold of him. He’s different from who he was just a few months ago. There’s no use in denying that he’s far from desirable or good enough for his soulmate, but he hadn’t realized up till now that there may be a chance for him now. Thanks to the kindness and support he receives from President Suzuki, Serizawa is able to work on himself. He has people guiding him in the right direction to become someone better. His life had drastically changed with the appearance of the older ESPer and he feels a little embarrassed that it took him this long to truly realize just how much he owes the president. Serizawa is more in debt than he had previously been aware of - After all,his life has essentially been saved and he finally has something to live for. Not only that, but Serizawa fully trusts CLAW to shape him into someone worthy of a soulmate, because if anyone is capable of fixing him it would be President Suzuki.
There’s no doubt about how fortunate Serizawa is to have met someone as incredible, open and giving as him. Not every ESPer would have so simply taken the burden of integrating someone as unpredictable as him back into society.
It’s hard for Serizawa to resist the urge to smile when he thinks about it and he finds himself even more amazed at everything President Suzuki had gone through for him. In terms of repaying him, there’s little Serizawa wouldn’t do and whatever is asked of him, he will do to the best of his abilities and without hesitation. He had been given the chance at a future and he is more than grateful, more than in debt, more than in-
“I hope my soulmark will look really cool- and I hope my Soulmate will be someone totally incredible and awesome.” Shou’s sudden declaration makes Serizawa flinch a little. The younger ESPer smiles widely now, his hands having a tight hold around the packaging of his crackers. Behind his eyes is a determination as fiery as his hair. “No, they will be. There’s no way they won’t be someone super cool and smart and they are going to have psychic powers too so we can have some awesome fights!”
The enthusiasm in Shou’s voice is something Serizawa isn’t used to. The energy and the excitement is a little hard for him to catch up to and he isn’t sure if anyone had ever spoken to him with such a carefree tone. His smile grows a little warmer without him necessarily realizing and he finds himself not minding the younger ESPer talking all that much.
“M-maybe. There’s more ESPer’s out here than I thought so- so I think there’s a good chance your soulmate is going to be one too.” There’s no way he can be sure about that, but somehow it feels cruel to shoot down Shou’s mood. To an extent he feels a little bad for not explaining things a little more properly and he hopes that President Suzuki won’t mind the encouragement of his son’s dreams. Then again, it is also hard to imagine someone who isn’t an ESPer being able to match Shou’s boundless energy and talent, so maybe Serizawa doesn’t have to worry too much about it not being true. “They are supposed to be your perfect match after all, r-right?”
“Right! I will make sure I find them, no matter how long it will take. I won’t let them ignore me either. If we are meant to be together we will be!” The declaration is rather bold, but with how serious Shou sounds about it, Serizawa has a hard time doubting his claim. There’s a short beat of silence between them and for a moment he thinks that's it. However, it doesn’t take long for the boy next to him to take a long and deep breath, breaking the silence once again. “I’ll make them as happy as I can.”
There’s something about his statement that is different from his previous ones and it makes a bit of curiosity itch under Serizawa’s skin that he doesn’t quite dare to indulge in. Still, he finds himself wishing for the same - even if it does feel rather selfish. Now that there is even the slightest chance to meet his soulmate, he finds himself with the same dream as Shou. The idea to go out of his way to find his soulmate is as terrifying as it is tempting and he can’t help but wonder if it would ever be something that he is able to accomplish. Right now, he isn’t sure if he would ever be able to make someone truly happy.
He knows it’s unfair towards the young ESPer, but he is a little envious of Shou’s untainted determination and of his devotion to his soulmate. There’s a part of him that wishes he could have been able to feel the same way about his own. Shou is admirable for his courage to plainly state his wants and emotions and Serizawa wants nothing more but to be as confident about his own.
For now, the thought that maybe one day he will be able to pursue his little indulgent fantasy of searching out the one he is meant for has to be enough. He knows there’s still plenty of growing for him to do. He is far from worthy of anyone’s love - be it his soulmate or not - and he still needs to learn to control his powers with the help and guidance of President Suzuki, Still, if he works hard enough, he might be able to allow himself to dare to be in someone else’s life one day.
“Serizawa?” Shou calls his name to pull him out of his thoughts again. He’s smiling up at him brightly and Serizawa suddenly feels a little overwhelmed by how honest the expression is. “I hope you find your soulmate too.”
No matter how truly generous everyone has been so far, Serizawa can not remember anyone looking at him quite the same way as the young ESPer is right now. Without a doubt he can tell that there is no question that Shou means what he is saying.
Faintly, Serizawa notices how the drops of rain stop rolling down his umbrella and he adjusts it to see how a few bright rays of sun break through the dark clouds above them. Maybe he shouldn’t put so much worth in Shou’s words but they fill his chest with a comfortable warmth that he can’t deny.
“I hope so too.”