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It was happening again.
Each time that Katsuki called, Izuku's plan was to answer, explain that he only had a few minutes, then get out of the call. However, it was only a few times his plan proved successful.
Whenever he called, Izuku only answered out of obligation. It was rude to ignore calls, despite his disinterest in conversation. So he would try to get out of the call before Katsuki got too comfortable and roped him in for hours.
Anywhere from seven to eleven at night every few months was when Katsuki would come out of the blue to try to reconnect with Izuku. Katsuki opened with questions to catch up, slowly dragged out the conversation, and left no wiggle room for Izuku to squeak out. Izuku couldn't even remember most of the conversation afterward, he just knew that it exhausted him.
The one constant was Katsuki trying to get Izuku to reminisce about Yuuei and some of junior high occasionally. Remember this, remember that... even when Izuku didn't remember, he'd give a complimentary laugh and go along with it in hopes that the conversation would end soon.
Sometimes, Shouto would come back from grabbing take-out or a few last-minute errands he had forgotten about to find Izuku on the phone. He always sat at the kitchen table, messing with whatever was laying on it as he mentally counted the minutes that passed.
And it was happening again. It was exhausting again.
Shouto walked through the doors with two paper bags and gave Izuku a warm smile from across the room. Izuku returned the smile and made half of a heart with his free hand.
"Even though shit was absolute chaos toward the end of the year, the first year at Yuuei was so fucking great," Katsuki said. Shouto raised an eyebrow, to which Izuku mouthed 'Kacchan' to him across the room. Izuku could see the mild irritation that bloomed in Shouto's expression from the mere mention of Katsuki.
"Yeah, it was," Izuku replied with a small laugh. He didn't know how many more laughs he could produce before his throat went on strike. "Hey, Shouto actu—"
"Oh my god, him. Do you remember how he used to get asked out by other people and he didn't even realize it? That was the funniest shit in the world," Katsuki interjected.
"Yeah," Izuku said quickly. Shouto set the bags on the counter as he made his way over to his boyfriend. He tried to get the conclusion of the call in effect, but Katsuki was always so good at getting words in before anyone else.
"I don't know if I ever told you, but when you asked him out our second year, I almost—"
"Izuku," Shouto said loud enough for the microphone to pick up. "I need to talk to you. It's about my mother's test results."
"Oh shit," Izuku said with concern. "So sorry, Kacchan, but I have to go. It was nice talking to you."
"Alright, go hang out with that IcyHot bastard," he laughed. Izuku knew Katsuki pretty well, considering they grew up together. The bitterness in the lighthearted comment wasn't hidden well at all. "I'll see you around."
"Yep, bye," Izuku said. He hung up before he was able to hear anything else on the other end of the line. He set his phone on the table and buried his face in his hands. He let out the groan he has been biting back for the past hour as Shouto kissed him on the top of his head and unpacked dinner. "Thanks."
"Of course, Love," Shouto replied.
"But also screw you," Izuku complained. "How did a takeout trip become an hour long?"
Shouto grimaced as he pulled out two pints of ice cream from the other bag. "I wanted to surprise you with chocolate ripple from that ice cream shop a few blocks down. Turns out in the ten extra minutes I took to get it, there was a wreck that resulted in getting stuck in traffic. So... surprise, I got you melted chocolate ripple."
Izuku chortled as he put the two pints in the freezer. "Thank you anyway," Izuku said. Shouto smiled as he planted a kiss or two on Izuku's lips.
"Had I known he was going to call, I would've just dragged you with me," Shouto said. Izuku shook his head as he rubbed his boyfriend's arms.
"It's over with," Izuku sighed.
"I hope he's not joining us for dinner tonight," Shouto said, his tone sharper than usual. "Because he'll starve."
"No, he's not," Izuku said. "It wasn't anything terrible this time. Just reconciliation disguised as catching up mainly. Just him trying to relive memories. Just... tiring."
Shouto set down the chopsticks he had gotten out for their dinner. He took the time to walk over to Izuku and caress his cheek while expressing his point. "Izuku," Shouto emphasized. "You're not obligated to answer his calls. You don't have to force yourself to have a conversation with him."
"I know, it's just..." Izuku sighed. He rubbed his face as he tried to gather his thoughts. "We grew up together. I've known him for years and just disappearing on him feels... mean."
"God, Izuku," Shouto scoffed with a smile. Izuku was pulled into a hug and he found comfort in the warmth of Shouto's left side. "You've always been the kindest soul. Too kind."
"He just keeps going," Izuku complained. "He just talks and talks and brings up the past and how things used to be. A few of the things I'm almost positive never happened, but he just keeps recalling high school and occasionally junior high. He keeps talking about how good life used to be when we were younger and around each other and I wasn't in a relationship. It's impossible to get out of."
"I know, Darling," Shouto whispered. "I know you don't want to be rude or cold, but Bakugou is miserable. Every time he calls or comes over, his misery makes you miserable. I know you care about him, but he has done nothing but harm since you've been in the top three ratings."
"It's not malicious," Izuku defended.
"It doesn't matter if he has the purest intent or if he knows exactly what he's doing," Shouto stressed. "At the end of the day, you still cry after some of those calls. And if I see you teary-eyed while on a call one more time, I'm going to go to jail."
Izuku laughed as he held Shouto a little tighter.
"I'm trying," Izuku reassured. "It's just hard."
"I know, Izuku," Shouto sighed. "And I'm proud of you."
Izuku mumbled his gratitude into the crook of Shouto's neck before letting go and heating up the room-temperature takeout that has been sitting in its box for an hour. He grabbed Shouto and him some water before settling down on the couch to continue their show.
"Oh, good news," Shouto said a few minutes in. "We got approved for that apartment in Tokyo. I already put in the downpayment."
"Really?" Izuku asked, brimming with excitement. "You mean we're finally going to have a bathroom sink that doesn't fight back?"
"That would be correct," Shouto said. "I think it'll be good for us. New city, new sink, new soba place right across the street."
"Wait, what?" Izuku said, putting down his chopsticks. "Don't tell me that you showed me apartments you liked based on whether or not they were close to a soba shop."
Shouto didn't respond for a second. He only shrugged his shoulder as he picked up some of his noodles. "You did say it was the perfect apartment, didn't you?"
Izuku glared at him while he took another bite of his food.
The bedroom, bathroom, and office were as packed as they could be, disregarding the day-to-day items the two of them used. The bathroom boxes ended up getting moved to a corner in the living room since cardboard and hot showers didn't mix well.
Shouto picked up a twelve-hour shift after someone called in sick. By the time Izuku got home from work at eight, Shouto wouldn't be home for another four hours.
Looking at the kitchen, it did look like something that could've gotten packed within a relatively short amount of time. But holy shit did Izuku not want to do that. It really seemed like a problem for when the sun was back up. In the meantime, Izuku would just catch up on hero news until he got tired or Shouto got home. That was the plan, at least.
But it was happening again.
His phone buzzed a couple of times before Izuku realized it was a call. Picking it up, he felt his stomach drop as Katsuki's name was on his screen. He scoured his mind for excuses or anything to make the call less than five minutes long. After a couple of ideas, he answered the call.
"Hey, Kacchan," Izuku said.
"Hey Deku," Katsuki answered. He could hear faint chatter in the background. "How are you?"
"I'm good, thank you," Izuku replied. "I'm filings repo—"
"Is Half-n-Half there?"
Izuku paused, unsure of the motive behind the question. "He's at work. Why?"
"I was just out," Katsuki explained. Izuku cringed, knowing what that meant when his words bumped into each other here and there. "And it's so fucking far from my apartment. I was thinking about coming over since it's just a few blocks from here."
Izuku wanted to smash his head into the wall. Usually, Shouto was around to mildly irritate Katsuki enough to make him leave after a while. But he was on his own this time.
"I'm like, ten minutes away," Katsuki said. "See you then."
The call ended before Izuku could even process everything that had happened. All was silent again as he stared at the paused TV screen. He could only sigh as he tidied up a bit and drank a glass of water to prepare himself.
A knock on his door caught his attention. It was overly violent to the point where Izuku didn't even need to use the peephole. He opened the door and put on his best face. "Hey, Kacchan."
"Hey, Deku," he said in return. He took off his shoes and got his jacket on the hook after missing the first time. The action told Izuku all that he needed to know.
"Do you want anything to drink?" Izuku asked.
"Just water," he replied. Izuku got Katsuki a bottle and grabbed one for himself. Izuku elected to sit in the chair perpendicular to the couch, forcing the two of them to be separated. "I feel like I haven't seen you in forever. How have you been?"
"I've been good," Izuku replied. "You?"
"Still kicking ass, so alright," he said. "But I've been thinking about you a lot these past few months."
"Ah," Izuku said. He took a sip of his water, having no clue how to divert the conversation. Every fear he had ever had about Katsuki was beginning to whirlwind together. He was in his apartment, he had been drinking, and he was making conversation about the two of them. Silence stole the room for a few moments as Katsuki looked around the apartment, trying to find his words. His eyes landed on a couple of boxes in the corner of the living room.
"You moving or something?" Katsuki asked with a laugh. It was said as a joke, but Izuku could see by the way he waited for an answer that it was a real question.
"Oh," Izuku said, looking at the boxes. Izuku was about to reply when he saw memories of his own in Katsuki's eyes. All the heartfelt moments they shared at Yuuei were constantly being brought up by him.
But those were still the same eyes that told him to take a swan dive off the roof. The same eyes that saw Izuku as inferior for years on end. The same eyes that made him passively suicidal in junior high. The same eyes that made him feel drained after every phone call.
And Izuku had an inkling that those would be the same eyes that would make him break down tonight.
"No," Izuku replied with a laugh. "Shouto cleaned out his closet yesterday. We're going to take it to a donation center soon, so it's out here to remind us."
"Gotcha," he said. "'Cause if you moved and you didn't tell me, I'd be fucking pissed." Katsuki laughed once more despite being serious. While Izuku took another sip of his water, Katsuki started up again.
"I'm glad we get to talk without IcyHot around," Katsuki commented. "I'm pretty sure he has it out for me, even if he says he doesn't."
"Yeah, someone called off so he's working late," Izuku said, dodging the topic.
"I was really surprised when you asked him out, you know," Katsuki admitted. "In high school, conversation with him was like talking to a damn wall."
Izuku hummed. He was running out of options.
"Speaking of relationships," Katsuki started. "Do you remember in our second year of junior high when we dated for a while?"
Izuku felt like he had just been shot. The water in his hand formed tiny ripples in the glass as a few memories that were long gone came rushing back.
It was his stupid hero analysis book.
Izuku made notes on every hero and aspiring hero in that notebook and Katsuki was no exception. His admiration for him was unnaturally high considering the shit he put Izuku through. Soon, Izuku came to the conclusion that he had a crush on Katsuki. The validity in that statement wasn't something that Izuku would ever be able to verify with confidence, but it was his best guess.
Of course, Katsuki's page had hearts in it and a note or two about his admiration of him. Once Katsuki found the page, the ball started its downward roll. Katsuki dragged him behind the school after class and Izuku was sure he was going to get beat up. Somehow, the punches never came.
"If you have a crush on me, I'll be your boyfriend," he said. Izuku looked up in shock, the situation going a route he never thought possible.
"Wait, really?" He asked. The hope was fluttering in his chest and he could feel the blush covering his face.
"Yeah, sure," he muttered. "Just don't tell anyone at school."
With that, their relationship began. Izuku would find himself staring lovingly at Katsuki during class and occasionally Katsuki would look back. After school, Izuku would follow him around and hang out together. Izuku gave Katsuki his constant attention and full loyalty and got some back in return.
At some point, Izuku began to realize how one-sided the relationship was.
"Kacchan, I feel like you don't really like me that much," Izuku admitted.
"The hell do you mean?"
"I mean... it's just I put in a lot of effort and I feel like you only put in effort when it's convenient for you."
"Oh my God, here we go again," Katsuki groaned. "Do you really think I have that sort of time to waste on you? I'm sorry that I actually have a life and friends and shit to do. You're so goddamn needy sometimes."
It stung at the time. It stung for a while. At some point, it dawned on Izuku that Katsuki didn't see him as a boyfriend, he saw him as a puppy that Katsuki could fuel his ego. Dating him only made him more loyal to Katsuki. He probably knew that would happen.
But Izuku kept dating him for a few more months because he didn't want to believe that. Katsuki wouldn't do something that cruel, right?
One day, a transfer student caught Katsuki's eye and it was back to being shoved in lockers like a light switch. His world around him had completely shattered once his most terrifying fears became a reality.
It took a while to be able to put that sort of trust back into people. It took even longer to be able to even fantasize about being in a relationship with someone. To tell the truth, Izuku had fallen for Shouto in their first year. But the fear of being used for attention or something more devastating kept him from telling a soul.
It took a year to confess to Shouto. Immediately, he saw differences in the two relationships that made him sleep easy knowing that he was valued by Shouto. Throughout their relationship, Shouto constantly complimented Izuku, did favors for him even if Izuku didn't ask, was vulnerable with him, listened avidly, and so many more incredible things. Katsuki managed to do the opposite in every regard.
Katsuki saw Izuku as lesser than him back then while Izuku saw him as superior in return. Knowing that, Katsuki said yes to a secret relationship.
"Yeah," Izuku said, his voice monotone. "I do, actually."
"Yeah, I remember how you were such a great boyfriend to me. Sometimes, I still get pissy with myself for ending the relationship."
"That's crazy," Izuku said with the flattest voice he has ever mustered.
"Man, I was such an idiot back then," Katsuki laughed. "I mean, letting you go was the stupidest I've ever done."
Izuku took a sip of his water from his shaky glass.
"Then IcyHot bastard pulled you before I could again," Katsuki laughed. It wasn't funny. "You know, what even is it about him?"
"Excuse me?" Izuku asked. It was barely 9:30. He wanted it to be midnight so goddamn badly.
"I mean, he's so boring," Katsuki 'joked'. "I mean, at least when we're together, there's some excitement. Whenever he's around, it's like both of you constantly go quiet and he just says some passive-aggressive shit. He sucks the life out of everything."
Izuku didn't know how Katsuki read the room so poorly when Shouto was around. It wasn't that he sucked the life out of him when the three of them were together, it was that it was so awkward and painful having Katsuki around and Shouto didn't try to hide it as Izuku did.
"I just can't understand what you see in him," he said. Izuku was at a loss for how to respond. He could never bring himself to hate Katsuki even if he tried, but it was getting pretty close. "I mean, I think I bring a fuck ton more to the table than he ever could."
"I don't think this conversation is appropriate," Izuku muttered.
"I'm just saying," Katsuki defended. "You know, when we were together, I took you for granted a lot. I loved having you around and I never really showed it. I had a lot of shit going on with how I saw myself. But I really did love you."
There was a pause as Katsuki looked up at him. Izuku felt his chest shake as his breathing became slightly uneven.
"I'm still in love with you, Deku."
The words that Izuku begged to never hear finally floated in the air between them. Izuku pursed his lips with his eyes to the floor.
"I fucked up big time when we were younger," Katsuki admitted. "I'm so fucking sorry for the shit I did to you. I was so fucked in the head. In all honesty, I wasn't ready for a relationship, I wasn't mature enough."
Izuku wasn't naive and trusting like a puppy anymore. He knew what Katsuki meant. It wasn't that he wasn't ready, it was that Izuku didn't have a quirk yet, was a useless and inferior Deku, and was nothing more than a toy that he got bored of.
"In all honesty, I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't know what the fuck I was doing in life and I sure as Hell didn't know what I wanted from a relationship."
Izuku should've known better back then. He should've known what he would have gotten from Katsuki.
"I've been in love with you since Yuuei. God, I was so stupid to let you get away. I'm just... sick of it. I'm sick of seeing you with that IcyHot bastard and just being in a relationship with someone like him. Someone who isn't offering shit. It's so frustrating when I think about how much better I could be. I've known you since we could talk and he just takes you away from me. It's so goddamn annoying to think about and I can't stop thinking about it. You loved me back then and if it wasn't for IcyHot, I'm sure you could now. Deku, I know that I am so much better for you than him."
The way his words spat out of his mouth like venom made Izuku want to cry. Katsuki was saying so much, too much. Izuku hated thinking about middle school and how he felt in those years. Every time he looked at Katsuki, all he could think about were those horrific days and agonizing memories. Yet at the time, he was so blind that he gave his unconditional love to Katsuki; something he was still doing to an extent. After Katsuki revealed that he was sick of it all, something snapped in Izuku's mind and he came to terms with how he felt.
Izuku was sick of it too.
"I'm not going to pretend I didn't like you in junior high. I'm almost positive I did, I don't know. Maybe I just got infatuation confused for romantic feelings. But I know that I looked forward to seeing you every day. I wanted to give you everything and you were my world."
Katsuki stared at Izuku, yearning for him to continue. Izuku took a deep breath, trying his hardest to keep it together. It physically hurt to relive those memories and pain and it was insulting to try to be coerced back into it.
"All of that," Izuku muttered. "That's how I feel about Shouto. That's how I've felt about him for years. I couldn't imagine a life without Shouto and he has my undivided love and loyalty. He's the love of my life, I apologize."
The room went silent for the hundredth time. Childhood friends found it hard to maintain eye contact. Katsuki looked as though he couldn't believe what he was hearing. Izuku set the glass down on the table, afraid of breaking it if he were to get worked up any more than he already was.
"I fucked up a lot when we were younger," Katsuki sighed. "I was terrible to you. But I've changed a lot since then and I have things to show for it. I'm sorry for how I treated you. But I'm not going to just give up like I did in high school. I'm not going to make the same mistake. I love you, Deku. I've known you forever and we'd be so fucking amazing together."
"Kacchan," Izuku whispered. He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. It was all too much. Izuku was getting more overwhelmed by the second as he was pushed headfirst into every fear and memory he had been avidly avoiding. "Please, I love Shouto so much. I don't want to have this conversation."
"Why the hell are you crying?" Katsuki asked. He could hear the concern and anxiety leaking from his voice.
"Because I don't like this conversation and I don't like thinking about junior high," Izuku answered as the tears began falling freely. "Kacchan, how could you do this? How could you just call me and invite yourself over just to throw all this at me?"
"I know, I know I did some fucked up shit," Katsuki stressed. "And I'm doing fucked up shit. Fuck, I've been drinking too much, but I'm gonna change that. I'm different from how I was then. I've changed and I'll do anything to make it up to you and make you happy."
"Anything?" Izuku asked.
"Anything."
Izuku nodded his head as he got up. He fished a spare pillow and blanket from their stash near the TV and handed it to Katsuki. "Start by ending this conversation. Just go to sleep, please."
Katsuki stared at the linens in Izuku's hands with his mouth slightly agape. After a while, he took the pillow and blanket from him in silence. Getting himself set to sleep on the couch, Katsuki glanced over to Izuku from time to time for approval. Izuku shut off the lights and gave him spare water in order to avoid him asking for some later.
"Goodnight, Deku," he muttered.
"Night," Izuku whispered in return.
Izuku took a seat on the chair and took deep breaths to prevent himself from crying. With his knees to his chest, he glanced at the clock every three minutes or so, waiting for Shouto to get back and save him.
Katsuki finally fell asleep around 10:30, leaving Izuku to recollect and get his thoughts straight. His gaze kept flickering to Katsuki, the dark room making it difficult to see him very well. On the coffee table, Katsuki's phone buzzed softly, catching his attention. As his eyes wandered to the phone, a thought flickered across Izuku's mind.
As quietly as he could, he snuck Katsuki's phone off the table, looking at the Lock Screen. Because Izuku knew Katsuki well, he took a stab at the password.
'0715'
He wanted to cry when the phone unlocked. He quickly went to the phone app and deleted every recent call that they had from his phone. After, he went to Katsuki's contacts and found himself.
'Are you sure you would like to delete 'Deku' from your contacts? This action cannot be undone.'
Izuku's finger hovered over the screen for a second. Every bad memory was flooding his head as he stared at his own contact.
'Yes'
With that, there was no evidence of Izuku on Katsuki's phone. He gingerly set it back on the table and went back to his chair. All that was left to do was wait for Shouto to get home.
When Shouto finally got home a little bit past midnight, he kicked off his shoes and met Izuku's eyes in the living room. He watched as Shouto's eyes drifted to the mass on the couch. After looking a little closer, Shouto's eyes locked onto his boyfriend with concern.
"Izuku—"
"Other room," Izuku whispered. The two of them snuck into the bedroom and closed the door behind them.
"Are you okay?" Shouto asked. Izuku nodded his head, looking down at the floor. "I want to hear you say it. Are you okay?"
Both of them knew that Izuku could never hide what he was feeling if he was forced to speak. The second he tried to say he was alright, his voice would betray him and the tears would fall from his eyes.
Izuku looked up at Shouto. His eyes stared back with concern and true love for Izuku. They were so comforting to see after looking at Katsuki's for so long.
His throat felt like it was ripping apart as the tears in his eyes threatened to overflow. Shouto quickly pulled Izuku to the bed and guided him to sit on the edge before pulling him into a loving embrace.
"Oh, Izuku," Shouto whispered.
"He told me he loved me," Izuku whispered through the tears. He felt Shouto tense up in the embrace before carding his fingers through his curls.
"How did you respond?" Shouto asked.
"I told him that I love you and that you make me happy. He brought up that we dated in junior high and said that I could love him if I wanted and if you weren't around. He just kept apologizing for everything and begging for me to give him a chance."
Shouto sighed, rubbing Izuku's head. Though Shouto didn't say a word, he could never hide when he got angry. His right side always got colder subconsciously.
"It all happened so suddenly," Izuku muttered. "He said that it was a long walk back to his apartment and he was coming over. I didn't even have the chance to reply. And he'd been drinking and he just started and wouldn't stop. He only stopped when I started crying."
"Why the hell is he still in our home?" Shouto said, some of his anger leaking out.
"It's almost below freezing," Izuku reasoned. "I couldn't bring myself to kick him out. It is far from his apartment. I grew up with him and it feels wrong doing that to someone I've known for so long. I just can't do it."
"Well, I can," Shouto said, standing up. Izuku quickly grabbed Shouto's wrist to stop him.
"No, hang on," Izuku begged. "Please. This is the last time."
Shouto didn't look convinced when he sat back down at Izuku's side. "What makes you so sure?" Shouto asked. Izuku looked to the floor as he took more deep breaths to calm himself.
"After he fell asleep," Izuku mumbled. "I got his phone and I was able to guess the password. Turns out it was my birthday, which was a really painful surprise. But I deleted my contact and call history. We'll be gone in a week and he doesn't even know it."
Izuku felt himself tear up at the realization of what he was doing. "I know it's childish," Izuku said, his voice cracking. "I know it's cowardly and selfish and immature to just run away without confronting it, but I know him. I know him and I know how tenacious he is and it won't go well. I'm so tired of it and I just want it to be over with."
Shouto held Izuku in a hug as he sobbed into his chest. "I don't think it's childish," Shouto countered. "I think you're thinking about yourself for once. You've done everything in accordance with how it would affect Bakugou for years. I think it's okay to be a little selfish for once."
Izuku nodded his head and sniffled. It was all so painful and he just wanted it to end. Shouto changed into pajamas, but Izuku couldn't even bring himself to feel comfortable changing; not with Katsuki in the other room. The two of them got into bed and Shouto put his arms around Izuku. Just eight more hours. That was all he had to endure.
Izuku had to make a conscious effort to not activate his quirk as he dragged Shouto to the bathroom.
"What is so urgent to look at?" Shouto asked. "Are there bugs somewhere?"
"No, you gotta see this," Izuku said as they burst through the door. Once in the bathroom, Izuku turned each handle of the bathroom sink. Water ran out of the sink and Shouto watched as it went down the drain. "It doesn't spray you!"
Shouto chucked while turning off the water. He pulled Izuku in for a kiss. "Yes, Darling," he said. "No more combative sinks."
"I can't express how happy I am," Izuku giggled.
"You'll be even happier to get the rest of the boxes off the truck I bet," Shouto said. "So we can get dinner and make the bed."
"Ugh, that sounds like so much work, though," Izuku complained. "The boxes are heavy."
"Hey, I don't wanna hear that shit from you," Shouto playfully scolded as he ran his hands along Izuku's biceps.
"Come on, I'm a weakling and I need you to help me carry those boxes," Izuku said. Before Shouto could get a word out, Izuku picked him up and threw him over his shoulder. Shouto yelled from the initial surprise and started laughing as Izuku carried him out of the bathroom and toward the door.
"You asshole," Shouto laughed as he tried to get out of Izuku's hold. Soon, he put Shouto down and held his hand as the two of them got into the elevator to grab more boxes from the truck.
It never happened again.