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Berdly pokes Kris’s shoulder. “Kris. Kris. Kris wake up. Kris. Kris please. Kris.”
Kris stirs wearily, their red eyes practically glowing in the dark, like a cat’s. “Berdly. It is-“ Kris checks the clock. “2:38 a.m. Why are you waking me up. At 2:38 a.m.”
“I’m thirsty.”
“Then get water, dumbass. There’s cups in the kitchen downstairs.”
“But. What if. Five Nights At Freddy’s is down there. Or Susie.”
“Oh my god. You’re so stupid.”
Kris rolls out of their bed, bringing most of the blankets and a pillow with them. “Come on then, if you want water. I need to feed Spamton anyway, I guess.”
Berdly also rolls out of bed, trying to land on the blankets, and instead faceplants on the floor. Kris laughs at him.
“I-I meant to do that! That was me. Having an epic gamer moment. Idiot.”
“Clearly. And what about how I beat you in Super Smashing Fighters earlier?”
“Didn’t Sans Undertale fuck your mom?”
“Touché, bird boy. Hand me that baggie on Asriel’s desk.”
Berdly fumbles for his glasses on Kris’s bedside table before getting up and grabbing the baggie. Kris opens their closet, pulling out a hamster cage with a cloth over it. They set it in the middle of the floor and take the baggie from Berdly.
“Ok, be very quiet when you talk, and don’t mention clowns or money.”
“I- what?”
“Just watch.”
Kris takes the blanket off of the cage, revealing Spamton sleeping in a small bowl. There’s a hamster wheel and a broken hair tie in the cage.
Spamton opens his eyes and stares directly into Berdly’s soul.
“HELLO [[WORLD’S BEST CHICKEN!]] BOY! DO YOU HAVE ANY [[kromer]]???”
“Kris??”
Kris opens the baggie and pulls out one of those silica gel bags you find in shoes and stuff. They place it in the cage, and Spamton runs over to it like a small animal. He sniffs it before swallowing it whole, then walks back to his bowl.
“Is that one of those silica gel things? I thought you weren’t supposed to eat those.”
“You’re not. I’m trying to kill him.”
“I can see why.”
Kris stands up, pulling Berdly with them. They start to leave the room.
”KRIS! KRIS THERE IS [[DISCOMFORT AND ABDOMINAL PAIN]] IN MY [[GUTS]]. KRIS HELP A HONEST SALESMAN OUT!! KRIS I’LL MAKE YOU A SPECIL DEAL KRIS!! THIS [[FIX YOUR BROKEN LIFE]] HAIR TIE FOR SOME PEPTO BISMOL!! KRIS!!”
“Let’s go get that water now.”
Kris digs their fingers into their chest and rips out the SOUL, tossing it into their birdcage nonchalantly.
“So how does that thing work? It just like… controls you?” Berdly says, walking towards the stairs.
“Yeah. It keeps warning me about Sans and telling me to gaslight my friends and commit atrocities.”
“Have you listened?”
Kris doesn’t answer for a moment.
“What happens in the Dark World stays in the Dark World, Berdly.”
“Don’t like that.”
“Yeah, well I didn’t like it when Sans fucked my mom but we all have to experience things we don’t like. Now shut up.”
They reach the bottom of the stairs, and Kris walks to the cabinet to grab some cups. They get Berdly the red among us cup they got just for him. Kris gets the matching blue among us cup.
Kris turns on the sink and pours Berdly some tap water. They get water from the fridge for themself. Berdly grabs his cup and glares at Kris.
“Why the hell’d you give me tap water??”
“You woke me up at 2:30 in the morning.” Kris replies, holding their amongus cup like a wine glass, their pinky out.
“WHAT IF FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDYS WAS DOWN HERE??”
“Sounds like a skill issue.”
“Kris, no.”
“Kris, yes.”
“Susie, yes.”
Berdly chokes on his tap water as Susie walks into the kitchen, rubbing her eyes. “Hey, Kris. And Nerdly, I guess.”
Berdly looks at Kris, then looks at Susie.
“Kris. Why is she in your house.”
“Dunno. She’s like a feral cat. She does this a lot.” Kris replies.
“Yeah, cause your goddamn windows are always unlocked. Got anymore cups?” Susie says, getting a cup anyway. “Are all your cups Among Us cups?”
“All the clean ones are.”
“What the fuck.”
Kris grins. “How else am I supposed to drink the Among Us potion?”
“From the dark web.” Berdly finishes, also smiling menacingly.
“Y’all need to kiss already or something. Goddamn.” Susie says, taking a sip from her suitably colored purple Among Us cup.
Berdly’s face goes bright red, like an amongus. Kris shakes their hair over their eyes, their face turning a similar color.
“Hah. Gay people.” Susie smiles back at them. “Y’all are pathetic.”
“Susan, need I remind you of a certain Christmas obsessed deer?” Berdly says, his face still red.
Susie takes another sip of her water. “All I’m hearing is that I get bitches and you don’t, Nerdly.”
“Shut the fuck up, Susie.” Kris and Berdly say simultaneously.
Susie laughs.