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One day, Pepper Potts was washing her hair for some reason.
"Hello! What are you doing?" Thor asked, sneaking up behind her.
"Oh! Hi, you big cutie! I'm just washing my hair!" Pepper said.
"Interesting!” Thor said. “Why are you doing that?"
"Well, it's so that my hair is clean and smells nice!" Pepper said.
"Hmmm..." Thor said. “My hair has never been clean or smelled nice!"
"Well, maybe that can all change today!" said Pepper. "Would you like me to wash your hair for you, Thor?"
"Oh, yes, please!” Thor said. “That would be so nice!"
"Okay! This will be so much fun!" Pepper said. "You have so much long, soft, silky, blonde hair!"
Pepper and Thor both giggled as she washed his hair.
Tony heard this and got mad. "Does Pepper have someone else in our bathroom with her?" he asked.
Ew! His hair is so full of sweat, dirt, and dandruff! But that doesn't matter, because he's so cute! Pepper thought.
"Ow!” Thor said. “You pulled my hair!"
"Oops!” Pepper said. “Sorry about that, Thor!"
"No, it's okay. I liked that. In fact, can you pull it even harder?" Thor said, grinning.
Iron Man got ready to barge in on them.
"Now, it's time to blow dry your hair!" Pepper said, giggling.
"Ahh… nice and warm…" Thor said.
Iron Man barged in.
"STAY AWAY FROM MY GIRLFRIEND, YOU MORON!"
"Girlfriend?” Thor said. “I thought she was your wife!"
"Whatever!” Iron Man said. “Just leave her alone!"
"Tony! Please! He wasn't doing anything wrong!" Pepper lied.
"DON'T LIE TO ME! YOU TWO WERE UP TO NO GOOD! YOU WERE PLOTTING AGAINST ME!" Iron Man shouted.
"She was just washing my hair!" Thor said.
"I WON'T TOLERATE THAT!" Iron Man said, powering up his laser.
"No! Please don't shoot! I am so sorry!" Thor said.
"Saying 'sorry' won't save you this time!" Iron Man said, shooting Thor.
"WAAH!" Thor fell and crashed into the sink, breaking it.
"Alright, Tony! That's enough! I've had it with your behavior!" Pepper said.
"I am Iron Man," said Iron Man.
"Tony, Iron Man, whatever. I don't care," said Pepper.
Thor cried out in pain.
"You're too violent, Tony. I'm leaving and taking the baby with me," said Pepper.
Later that day, Iron Man was moping. "I can't believe that Pepper left me. Now who will do all my cooking and cleaning?"
"I can help you with that, sir," said a smooth, disembodied male voice with a classy British accent.
"No, you can't,” Iron Man said. “You're just a disembodied voice.”
"Oh, well. I offered," the disembodied voice said.
"Well… there's nothing else that I can do," Iron Man said. "I guess I'll just sit in bed and mope for a few days… or weeks… or months..."
A few days later, Tony was crying.
"Why?! Why did she leave me for Thor? What does he have that I don't?"
"I don't know, Mr. Stark. Happiness?" said Peter Parker, who had long hair for some reason.
"Shut up! You're making me feel worse! And didn't I tell you to cut your hair? It's too long!" Tony snapped. "Wait a minute! Thor has long hair! That's what she likes about him!"
"Oh! Are you going to grow long hair, too, Mr. Stark? Peter asked. "That's sooo cool!"
"Maybe!" Tony said. "But it will take a long time. Pepper's old and might die before I get my hair long enough for her approval."
"Well, maybe you just need a little magic!” Peter said. “Or a hair doctor…"
"Or a magic hair doctor!” Tony said. “Wait… is that even a thing?"
That afternoon, Dr. Strange showed up randomly.
"The magic hair doctor is here," he said.
"Yay!” Tony said. “Can you make my hair grow really fast?"
"Yes,” Dr. Strange said. “Just use the special shampoo.”
"Hmmm. I need proof,” Tony said. “Can you give me a demonstration?"
"Sure," said Dr. Strange. "OH, LOYAL ASSISTANT! I NEED YOU TO COME IN HERE RIGHT NOW!"
Thor shuffled into the room, looking very odd. His long, blonde hair was gone. Instead, he had short, brown hair.
"What do you need from me, Doctor?" Thor asked.
Tony saw Thor and growled at him.
"Leave me alone, you big meanie," said Thor.
"Now, now," said Dr. Strange. "Stay calm, Thor. I'm about to shampoo your hair."
The bottle made a little farty noise as Dr. Strange squirted some shampoo onto Thor's ugly, short, brown hair.
"Teehee, the bottle made a farty noise," Thor giggled.
"Shush," Dr. Strange said, as he massaged the shampoo into Thor's hair.
Thor wiggled and got shampoo into his tiny, ugly eyes.
"OWWWWW! THAT HURTS!" Thor said.
"Shh… shh…" Dr. Strange said, quietly ushering Thor away.
"Ugh! These two are just here to waste my time!" Tony said.
A minute later, Dr. Strange and Thor came back!
"We're back!" Dr. Strange said.
Thor's long, golden hair was back!
"My hair grew back! Yay, yay, yay!" Thor said.
"Oh, wow! That stuff really does work! It just might save my life!" Tony said.
"It's yours my friend, as long as you have enough… ah, who am I kidding?" Dr. Strange said. "You're Tony Stark! You're rich!"
Tony used the shampoo at night before bed. When he woke up in the morning, his hair had grown all the way down to his shoulders!
"Woohoo! My hair is super long! Pepper will love me again for sure!" Tony said.
At that moment, Pepper nervously walked into the room.
"Uh… Tony?" she said. "I love you and I'm sorry for leaving."
"Oh! Hi, Pepper! I knew that you'd come crawling back!" Tony said.
Pepper saw his long hair and screamed.
"You like it?" Tony asked, stroking his long hair.
Pepper screamed again and fainted.
Tony laughed. "I think she does! I feel so much happier now! I think I'll go flying to celebrate! Go, go, Iron Man suit!"
The helmet of the Iron Man suit snapped down on Tony's hair, pulling on his scalp.
"OW!" Tony said, fainting and landing right next to Pepper.
Scott Lang came in, holding Thor's purse. "Uh… what in the hell happened here?" he asked.
The End.