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Xiao doesn’t know where he is.
One minute he was in his childhood home, watching as crimson painted the walls with every slap, every punch, and every kick that came from above. He was a kid again, gripping his head desperately, being a child who didn’t know any better and just wanted everything to stop.
Then the next minute…it did.
He was suddenly thrust back into his own body, and the bloody walls of his past faded away from sight, opening up into a cliff where he found himself standing at the edge. The cliff overlooked a vast, clear ocean, with a few scattered islands embedded in the middle of the blue with their yellow sandy beaches. The stars twinkled down at him, and the moon hung with them in the dark canvas up above.
The soft grass caressed his feet, and the leaves on the trees sang a calming song of rustles, guided by the wind that blew gently onto his face. Xiao stood there, heaving, still recovering from the ordeal that he just went through.
It was only a few minutes after that he started to realise that he wasn’t in his father’s house anymore. He was here, in this peaceful, calming environment, in a haven that he has never seen or been in before.
Where am I?
Xiao didn’t dare to move — he was afraid that if he did, his mind would force him back into the same nightmare that replayed in his mind almost every single night. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had a dreamless nap, let alone one with a happy dream.
Now that he has one, he was determined to enjoy this short reprieve before he had to wake up again. He may never have a dream as relaxing as this one in the future.
And so he continued to stand there, frozen, but he couldn’t get himself to enjoy his surroundings with the ever present anticipation and fear that stirred at the bottom of his heart. He was convinced that in any given moment, he would have to curl up in a corner of his old house yet again, and had to take the never ending beatings yet again.
Suddenly, a short, sharp note of a flute pierced his ears, making him startle out of his wary state. He looked ahead to find where the sound came from, and there it was.
A person sat on a huge rock that rested on the edge of one of the many beaches out in the sea, legs dangling just right above the water. Their hand held a long flute, and their braids of dark navy with its tips dipped in an azure blue fluttered with the wind. Xiao couldn’t see their face from this far away, but he could see that they had a cute green beret balanced right on the top of their head, accompanied with a green cape that draped over their thin frame.
Then their fingers started to play.
One after another, different notes poured out from the flute, stringing into one beautiful, melancholic tune. Xiao felt his tense muscles relax, the music sinking into him and taking all over his worries away.
He then subconsciously sat down, staring out at the person who played the flute without stopping for the rest of the night.
Xiao doesn’t remember when he had passed out to the sound of the flute, but when he woke up again, he was back in his bed, with the sun filtering into his room, welcoming him back to his reality.
As he shuffled out of bed, he couldn’t help but think back to the dream that he had last night.
Dream.
Huh. How foreign.
The only “dreams” he had were nightmares. Despite being separated from his abusive family for two years now, the past still clung onto him like a pest, revisiting him every time he fell into a slumber.
He never slept until he really needed the rest — it was unhealthy, he knew, but what could he do? The nightmares always left him drained after he woke up, there was no difference between sleep and no sleep.
In these two years, he avoided human interaction, despite the advice from his acquaintances. “Go make a friend,” they said. “See a therapist if you need to,” they said.
He never listened. He locked himself in his apartment and did jobs that allowed him to work from home as much as possible. He did not want to give anyone a chance to hurt him at all — or rather, he was afraid that he would do so to others.
When he left his family and was released into the outside world, close bonds and relationships never did well for him, and neither did they last long. Him lashing out at others was common, and by the time he realised that he was turning into the person he swore he wouldn’t be, it was already too late.
So he withdrew himself from society yet again, in fear of others hurting him and him hurting others.
But the dream that he had just now made him have hope. A stupid, foolish hope that made him think that maybe, maybe, he could break free from the demons that haunted him for so long.
But he stamped down on it almost immediately. It wasn’t the first time he had a dream. He has had them, but those were pretty much history. The nightmares were always the ones that stayed at the end of the day.
***
Maybe he had underestimated the flicker of hope that he had.
When night had fallen again, Xiao found himself returning to his bed. He was a little shocked, since he usually would avoid that place for days until he felt like he was on the verge of collapsing from fatigue.
But he let himself do it anyway, and he let his body lead him into lying down and shutting his eyes, waiting for the lulling sensations of sleep to come.
And sleep he did.
Then he was running. Angry screams stabbed into him as he dashed through the familiar layout of his past home, cheeks wet with tears from the pain and fear — and it was then did the devastating realisation strike into his heart.
He should have known.
He shouldn’t have hoped.
The dream he had was all but temporary.
A rough hand grabbed his arm, pulling him away from the front door that he wanted to escape from, and Xiao struggled against the grip of the man. He flinched when he raised his other arm, and he shut his eyes, tensing in wait for the slap—
The hard grip on his arm disappeared.
Xiao slowly opened his eyes, confused.
He was back in that haven of his again, but this time it was not grass he was standing on.
It was sand.
He looked up, to see the cliff that he was standing on the previous night towering over him.
Oh.
I’m down at the beaches now.
The figure decked out in green that had played the flute last night was here too — but now he was closer than ever. He sat on the same huge rock not too far away, fingers twirling his flute round and round.
Xiao felt himself move forward, silently approaching him with slight caution and curiosity.
He must have sensed his presence, because when he was just a few feet away, he turned around, and Xiao was greeted with bright green eyes, ones that brimmed with life and shone brighter than the stars above, and there was a small smile hung on his lips. The moonlight that reflected softly on his features gave him an ethereal, otherworldly look, even though he seemed human.
“Xiao?” He inquired, and there was a look of familiarity in his eyes, as if they had known each other for a very long time. His voice was blurry, in a way, like it would have been in a dream.
You know me? Xiao wanted to say, but the question never got past his mouth before the other spoke again.
“Don’t look so surprised, of course I know who you are!” He grinned, tucking the flute into one of the many pockets of his cape. “So, you’re here again huh? Did your karmic debt overflow again?”
Xiao frowned. Karmic debt? What was that?
Seeing that he didn’t reply, the other seemed to assume that his answer was no. He shrugged, “Then did you have a nightmare?”
This time Xiao swallowed. How did he know?
“Yes,” he finally answered.
The smile disappeared from his petite face, replaced with a small, worried frown.
“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked, patting the space that was beside him on the rock. Xiao wordlessly nodded and heaved himself up onto the stone.
He wasn’t one to trust strangers, but this was a stranger in his own dream. He could tell him.
He didn’t ask again for him to talk about it, and instead silently looked at him, waiting. Xiao sucked in a breath, and finally whispered, “I dreamt of my father.”
“I dreamt of him hitting me over and over again, like what he always did in the past.”
“I want it all to go away, but even though I don’t see him anymore, I still dream about him.”
“I’m scared.”
The last two words were quiet and shaky, and Xiao surprised himself by saying that. He has never said that before, not to himself or to anyone else. Who would he tell it to anyway? He did not have any friends.
The figure sitting beside him hummed. It was not one of half-heartedness, but instead it was one of understanding and comfort. “Your past master, huh?”
Master?
Before Xiao could correct him, he had already turned around, slowly opening his arms and then delicately wrapping them around Xiao, pulling him into a hug. Xiao jumped at first, flinching at the contact, but then relaxed into his hold.
He’s warm, he realised. Like a real person.
It was then Xiao realised how truly lonely he was, even though he had tried to convince himself otherwise over the past few years. He was afraid of human contact, yet this hug — even though it was only inside a dream — made him realise how much he had yearned for it.
No other words were exchanged as they sat under the quiet night sky, wrapped in each other’s comforting embrace.
***
Ever since the first time he dreamt of the beach, he had managed to enter his little haven many times to visit his…friend.
He was a friend to him at this point, right?
But even as he thought so, he still pathetically couldn’t get his name. So he named him “the bard” inside his head, since he had referred to himself as “the great bard” jokingly before.
The blissful dream that started weeks ago had already weaved into an entire story by now, with Xiao visiting the bard over and over again every night without fail.
Every single night Xiao felt himself opening up to the other bit by bit, telling the bard things that even Xiao wouldn’t admit to himself. The other was understanding, and tried to help him along the way. Granted, he had said some odd things he could never understand before, like karmic debt, but Xiao had brushed it all off. After all, it was just a dream.
He played music to calm him down or to cheer him up, or provided him comfort and advice, wanting to be a pillar of support for Xiao.
But all that is not without the start of his torturing nightmares coming for him, strangling him by the neck until the dream intervened.
But the nightmares were getting shorter. More “uneventful”, specifically speaking. Illusions of physical pain did not come as often as it did anymore.
The dreams were helping, Xiao knew. And the bard too.
He was much less lonely than before, and he felt himself getting lighter and lighter by the day. Joy was something that suddenly came much more easily to him ever since a few weeks ago.
“You’re here again,” the bard called out to him as he made his way across the sandy beach to where he always sat. “Bad dream?”
“...Not really,” Xiao answered. That was true. The nightmare he had today wasn’t so bad. All he remembered dreaming about was rushing his homework in the dim lighting of his old room. The only thing that startled him was the door bursting open halfway through his work. Then he got teleported here.
“Then why…” the bard toyed with his flute as he looked at Xiao up and down, then he grinned. “Ah, I know, you’re only here to see me! You missed me already, huh?”
Xiao thought it was incredulous, the way his face instantly heated up in embarrassment despite knowing that what the other said was not true. The bard giggled after seeing the expression on his face.
“No,” Xiao denied. It’s not like I can control whether I come here or not anyway.
Don’t get him wrong, while he couldn’t control whether he could meet the bard or not, he did like coming down to the unknown little beach that was slowly becoming familiar to him with each visit.
“Ehe, okay, okay, if you say so,” the bard held up his hands as if in surrender. Xiao didn’t buy it though. The playful glint in his eyes betrayed the words he spoke.
“Alright, even if you’re not here because of nightmares or your karmic debt, a song is in order, yes?” The bard raised the flute to his lips.
Xiao nodded silently.
His lips lifted ever so slightly into a soft, gentle smile, then he started to play.
***
“Hey Xiao, do you want to play the flute?” the bard offered one night, balancing the flute precariously in his palms as he held it out towards him. “I know that you don’t want to get near humans, but don’t you think that life would be a little bit too boring? Maybe you should pick up a new skill.”
“Um…no thanks,” Xiao politely rejected his offer and backed away. He was fine the way he was right now. The loneliness wasn’t too bad, not with the bard around. And how would he teach himself the flute anyway? This was his own dream, and he didn’t know how to play the flute in real life.
“Oh come on, Xiao,” the bard pouted.
“No,” Xiao stubbornly refused and crossed his arms over his chest.
…If he was to be honest, he did want the bard to teach him how to play the flute. But other than knowing that it wouldn’t work out since he himself didn’t possess the knowledge of how to play flute in his reality, there was something else that held him back.
He was terrified to break the flute upon his touch.
He didn’t want to lash out while playing, or accidentally destroy it in frustration when he couldn’t grasp the notes or techniques. He didn’t want his insecurities and violence to play out again. Not in front of the bard. Neither did he want to take it out on his precious flute.
The bard sighed, reached out, and grabbed his hand. Xiao let him, despite not knowing what the other wanted to do. The warmth from his hand that seeped into his cold skin…felt nice. Something in him didn’t want the bard to let go.
As Xiao stared blankly at the hand that clasped his own, the bard placed the flute into his hand, and slowly helped him curl his fingers around it. “Take it. Just entertain me this once, please?”
The bard’s hand was resting over his fingers, preventing him from dropping the flute or shoving it back into his arms, and Xiao glanced at the instrument a little reluctantly. But with the way the bard was looking at him with wide, pleading green eyes, he couldn’t possibly reject him, can he?
“Fine.” Whatever. It wasn’t like the flute was real, and he wouldn’t be able to learn anything out of this since his conscious mind didn’t know how to play the flute anyway.
Xiao watched as the bard leaned back with a satisfied twinkle in those jade green eyes, grinning widely. “Okay, just lift it to your lips, and imitate the position I usually take whenever I play the flute.”
He followed his instructions, albeit a little awkwardly. The bard squinted at him for a second, and then broke into giggles. Xiao made a face and was about to put the flute back down when the bard stopped his arm.
“You’re almost there, just…” The other shifted so that he was now sitting directly beside him, and gently encircled Xiao into his arms as he guided his hands into the right position. “There! And relax.”
Xiao couldn’t possibly relax with the bard so close to him.
“Remember this position, okay?” The bard said softly in his ear, in a way that made Xiao involuntarily shiver. Then he took back the flute, which made Xiao slightly sigh in relief that he wasn’t handling something so fragile anymore.
“Now, let me teach you the notes! There are seven notes in an octave, and to get a note you have to cover the holes with your fingers in different combinations. Might be a little complicated, but I’m sure you’ll get it sooner or later. So, this is C, and this would be D…”
Xiao couldn’t quite get everything that the bard was saying, with all the musical terms he was using, but he still listened on and tried to keep up.
Maybe if he wasn’t so focused on listening to the bard's voice and noticing the almost negligible distance between them, he would have realised that everything the bard had said — in his dream — were things he never knew before.
***
“Why are you here?” Instead of a “hello!” or “Xiao!” that the bard usually greets him with, this was the first time the bard seemed genuinely surprised by Xiao’s presence at the beach. Which doesn’t make sense. Because he has been coming here for the past few…weeks? Months? He hasn’t been keeping track.
“Why can’t I be here…?” Xiao asked slowly, not really understanding where the other was coming from. It was then he realised that the bard was holding something in his hand. A yellow paper lantern, and there was a wavering, flickering flame inside it.
A traditional Xiao Lantern was the thing that was laying in the bard’s hands.
Traditional Lantern Rite Lanterns were rarely common nowadays, with new upgrades and looks to the lanterns as Liyue progressed to the modern times. Xiao had never really physically seen a traditional Xiao Lantern before, but he definitely had heard of its description.
The lantern looked exactly like how it was described to him.
“You’re supposed to be with your friends and family on Lantern Rite, you know?” The bard twirled the lantern in his hand delicately. “Aren’t you not going to eat your reunion dinner with the adepti and Morax?”
The bard had mentioned these people before, although Xiao had no idea what he was talking about. He always assumed that they were characters of this world that he was building in his head, even though he wasn’t aware of it.
It was weird, honestly. Every time he went to sleep, it was as if he had been teleported into another life of his own.
“But you’re my friend too,” Xiao protested, and went to settle down beside the bard.
The bard stared at him unblinkingly for a few seconds, then laughed. “Okay, you win. You’re right. So you want to spend Lantern Rite with me?”
Xiao nodded. It was Lantern Rite in his reality too, but he didn’t respond to the reunion messages that had been sent to him. With no one to spend it with…he supposed he could spend it with the bard.
The bard smiled, then held out the lantern to let Xiao grip the other end. “Then release this lantern with me. Make a wish!”
With that, the other shut his eyes tightly, muttering words under his breath that Xiao couldn’t make out. Xiao followed suit and closed his eyes too.
Make a wish. What would he wish for?
A thought flashed past his mind.
“Done?” The bard asked after a while, and Xiao slowly opened his eyes to see the bard looking eagerly at him, beautiful eyes shining brightly.
“Mhm.”
“Okay, on three. Three, two, one,” The bard counted down, and on “one” they both released the lantern. Xiao watched as the yellow, fragile lantern floated gently up into the air, climbing higher and higher until it became a little yellow dot that joined the stars.
“What did you wish for?” The bard asked, still looking up ahead, as if he didn’t want to lose sight of the lantern.
“...It would be unlucky if it’s said out loud.”
“Aww, but I want to tell you my wish!” The bard groaned. “So you can fulfill it.”
Xiao turned to him with a raised eyebrow. “Me? Fulfil what?”
“I wished for Xiao to be happy everyday, to see more of the world instead of keeping to himself, and to find beauty in himself,” the bard said, lightly leaning onto Xiao. “Can you do that, Xiao?”
Xiao swallowed. He wanted to say no, because he didn’t know if he could fulfill it. But his mouth still replied, “Okay.”
“Now, tell me your wish! I’ll try to help fulfill it for you!”
The bard was sitting back up now, no longer looking at the stars but looking at him, eyes patiently waiting for his answer.
After a long pause, Xiao gave in.
“I wished for you to be by my side. Forever.”
Xiao had almost regretted saying that, even though it was the truth. It sounded a little bit too cheesy, too—
His thoughts stopped in its tracks the moment the bard gave him a blinding smile, then leaning forward and pressing his lips to his forehead, planting a soft kiss on his skin.
When Xiao woke up the next morning, he could still feel a ghost of the kiss imprinted there, warm and comforting.
***
Ever since Lantern Rite, he stuck to his promise and started doing something about his own life. The past two years were wasted with him hiding in his house, but now he listened to what the bard said and went out to see the world and whatnot. It was difficult for him to reach out, but he really tried his best — even went to see a therapist himself.
Things were getting so much better.
Today was no different than the past few nights. He had finished his shower, and it was time to sleep. Xiao looked forward to seeing the bard again, so he flipped the light switch and immediately went to bed.
But when he blinked his eyes open, he was not in his small haven. Neither was he in his old home. He was in his house, and the soft rays of the sun could be seen shining in from his small window.
I…didn’t dream?
Over the next few days, he kept going to bed on time again and again, but the dreams never returned. The nightmares did not surface either, which was a relief, but what about the dreams? Where did they go?
Dreamless after dreamless night did Xiao finally begin to lose hope. He just got his life together, but the very sole reason for it had disappeared.
It was the fifth day since the dreams stopped coming. He sat up in bed, disappointed, but not surprised anymore.
He was right then. Saying your wishes out loud was unlucky.
Loneliness and dejection had long set into his bones, but he was determined not to revert to the way he was before. He couldn’t let the efforts of the bard in his dreams go to waste, even if he may not be real.
He washed up and blindly went through the motions of his day, mind stuck on the appointment that he had with his therapist later.
As soon as the clock hit eleven, he left the house, not wanting to be late for his appointment.
He rushed out of the door, but then collided with someone passing by. He could hear a soft thud as something fell out of the other’s bag, rolling to his feet. A quick glance told him that it was a traditional flute, one that looked rather…familiar?
He heard the other make a small noise of surprise, and Xiao quickly apologised, backing away from him.
“Sorry, sorry-” He looked up at him, then froze, the word “sorry” stuck halfway up his throat.
In front of him were smiling, bright green eyes, and trailing down his shoulders were two braids of dark navy with tips dyed in cerulean. A small, apologetic smile hovered at the corner of his lips, and it was the sunlight that shone on his face this time, defining his petite features.
A part of Xiao ached at the familiar sight, and the gears his mind could not stop turning, trying to catch up to what was going on. He seemed to be saying something that he couldn’t catch, then he stuck out a hand for a shake.
Xiao clasped his hand absentmindedly, still in a daze. It was warm.
Then he beamed at him, the apologetic smile turning into a full, bright smile, exactly like the one that the bard would shoot at him from time to time.
“I’m Venti, what’s your name, new neighbour?”
It wasn’t wrong for Xiao to say that he finally found the person of his dreams.