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sitting in the taxi cab on the road back to his family home, kaoru realises three things.
one is that he forgot to submit an assignment for a supplementary class, again. the thought should weigh heavier on his mind- really, it does hold some weight, he swears- but he’s taking his boyfriend to visit his mom’s grave today, and he’s still got a passing grade in the class despite never going to the actual lectures, so he considers that more than enough for now. he’ll turn it in when he gets home, probably.
(he knows he won’t. that he’ll probably forget on the way home while he reminisces about his mom. but it’s the thought that counts, right?)
the second (though not really a realization, but more so a reminder) is that chiaki is like summer. he’s warm, both physically and in his demeanor, blazing bright, and just this side of scorching when you first step into his warmth, but becomes a pleasant sort of overwhelming once you get through the initial burst of heat.
he thinks of this because that blaze is currently subdued in a way he rarely ever sees, even with that ever present heat that’s seeping into kaoru’s jeans where their thighs are touching. it's not so dissimilar to a storm clouding over a beautiful summer day.
chiaki is nervous.
the brunet is turned away from him, gazing out the window and watching the scenery pass by, chin resting in his hand. kaoru’s sure that if he were anyone else, he wouldn’t have noticed that anything was amiss, because at a glance, it doesn’t really seem like anything is wrong. if kaoru were anyone else, he probably would’ve pulled away in disgust at how moist chiaki’s palm is, given how uncomfortably warm it already is with the rapidly changing weather and his natural body heat.
but kaoru is kaoru, and he knows his boyfriend well- well enough that he notices chiaki’s leg is twitching in the way it does when he knows bouncing it is considered inappropriate, and he’s sure if he grabbed chiaki’s chin and turned his head, he would be chewing on his bottom lip, or biting the inside of his cheek. the sweat on the brunet's palm is also apart of another notable tell that chiaki is feeling anxious- his hands get clammy.
and kaoru is decidedly not anyone else, and he likes holding chiaki’s hand, sweaty or not, so instead of retracting his own hand like he probably would’ve a couple years ago, he gives it a gentle squeeze. the feeling seems to pull his boyfriend out of his reverie, because he startles and turns, wide-eyed, towards kaoru. it takes everything in the blond not to laugh at the downright terrified look on chiaki’s face. if kaoru looks closely, he can see the summer storm brewing in chiaki's pupils, the heat of it insistent, showcasing his intense worry, flashes of lightning streaking across his irises, though it dims slightly when their eyes meet.
(he was, in fact, biting the inside of his cheek, releasing it as soon as he meets kaoru’s eyes. something in kaoru’s chest warms at the notion that he knows chiaki well enough to guess his mannerisms without actually seeing him do them, and at the idea that chiaki feels less nervous with him, when he can see his eyes.)
kaoru barely has time to open his mouth before chiaki’s blurting out, “i think we’re moving too fast.”
they stare at each other for a few silent moments, both thankful that their taxi driver does not seem to be bothered by the outburst, before kaoru starts cackling. he throws his head back into the headrest as chiaki whines in protest, saying his name in that way when kaoru’s teasing him just a little too much.
“i’m sorry, moricchi-kun.” kaoru gasps, wiping imaginary tears away with his free hand. he cannot believe this. “i can’t help it. you think that going to my mom’s grave after a year and a half of being together, and three years as friends, is too fast?”
chiaki flushes, tongue tripping and stumbling over his words as he tries to defend himself. kaoru does not help him by making fun of every noise that comes out of his mouth, further flustering him until he snaps his mouth shut with a cute little hmph.
“you’re so cruel, hakaze.” chiaki murmurs under his breath, his lips twitching at their corners as kaoru leans in and bats his eyelashes cheekily, asking if he really means it. his leg is still now, and he’s let go of his cheek in favor of calling kaoru a cheeky brat and pushing his face away, and he smiles properly when kaoru squeals.
“thank you.” chiaki murmurs into his ear when kaoru pushes back and falls against him. his breath is hot against his skin as he welcomes kaoru’s weight easily, adjusting to it like it’s the natural thing to do, like he had been waiting for it. he presses a kiss to kaoru’s temple as he makes himself comfortable. “i love you.”
once comfortable, kaoru makes a noise of contentment, feeling the last of the lightning storm chiaki had been battling through zing across his skin as chiaki skims his fingertips up and down his forearm.
(the third thing kaoru realises is that he has fallen wholeheartedly, happily, irrevocably in love with his own little piece of summer, with that smile, with chiaki. he is happy like this; enjoys the feeling of being in love after being in denial for so long, being in love with the type of person he used to despise, the gender he used to avoid like the plague. he loves caring for another person, knowing them well enough to have all of their nervous habits memorized.
he realises that chiaki is the only person he wants to introduce his mom to as his partner, that he’s the person his mom would’ve adored the most out of anyone he could’ve brought to meet her, because kaoru adores him the most. kaoru realises that he wants chiaki to stay a while, maybe forever, if he’s willing. storm or no storm.
and with the way chiaki never once lets go of his hand throughout their whole exchange, even as he pouts and whines, he thinks-knows-believes that chiaki feels the same way.
kaoru thinks chiaki wouldn’t kiss him so sweetly if he didn’t.)
-
they’re meeting his sister this time.
though chiaki is not as deeply unnerved as he was when they went to visit kaoru’s mother’s resting place, he’s still just as sweaty. it’s just dinner this time, but kaoru understands how he feels. he was just as nervous formally meeting all of chiaki’s juniors as his boyfriend too.
(my little family, chiaki had called them fondly, and kaoru had felt the gentle breeze behind his words, warm and happy, and maybe a touch nostalgic, like the summers spent during childhood- filled with sticky hands and faces and playing with friends every day. kaoru had held his hand a little bit tighter on the way to their meeting spot.)
kaoru’s complaining to pass time on their walk to the restaurant, and to try and alleviate some of his boyfriend’s anxiety. he’s moaning overdramatically about someone at the aquarium he volunteers at that he absolutely can’t stand, for a reason he knows chiaki probably missed. their arms swing loosely between their bodies, the motion spurred on mostly by kaoru when he’s not throwing their connected hands up in the air in exaggerated exasperation. chiaki, to his credit, is trying his hardest to listen, offering half-smiles and nods to show acknowledgement. but the storm is still there, if weaker than the last, kicking up sand and water and making chiaki's teeth worry into his lip, making his eyes foggy and dauntingly boundless, his thoughts swept up in a riptide. it makes kaoru’s heart ache.
so he stops, in the middle of the thankfully empty sidewalk, and pulls chiaki into a gentle embrace.
“hakaze?” chiaki says into his shoulder, automatically shifting where his head is to lay it on kaoru’s shoulder, pressing his nose into its place in the junction between his shoulder and neck with an almost inaudible sigh. his arms slide under kaoru’s armpits gently, already rubbing calming circles into his back, like kaoru’s the one in need of a hug. “are you okay? what’s wrong?”
“my sister is going to love you, moricchi.” his voice startles the both of them- he doesn’t expect it to be so strong, echoing in the empty street. he clears his throat, aiming to soften his voice. “she will. you wanna know why?”
chiaki tenses, but nods hesitantly, fists gripping onto the back of kaoru’s beige overcoat. the blond leans down into his ear, to ensure that his words don’t echo.
“because i do, moricchi-kun. and because i love you, she will too.” he says it like a secret, his voice hushed and intimate. kaoru pulls back and gets a good look at chiaki’s startled face, eyes searching his own for any notion that he’s being untruthful, or playing coy. kaoru knows there is none, and merely flashes one of chiaki’s favorite smiles of his.
“and if she doesn’t,” kaoru continues, one hand playing with the short hair at the base of chiaki’s neck, “she’ll learn to. because you are so, so important to me. besides,” his smile turns a little more sly as he nuzzles his nose into the top of chiaki’s head. “what’s there not to love?”
chiaki pinches his side in embarrassment, face pressing back into the junction of his neck, but the smile kaoru feels against his collarbone dissipates any negative connotation the pinch may have held.
the sun is peeking through the quickly fading clouds in chiaki's eyes by the time they make it to the restaurant.
-
dinner… dinner is an affair, to say the least.
they’re walking home now, that same path back to their shared apartment, this time illuminated by street lights and starshine. both of them are quiet, and the ache in kaoru’s heart is back tenfold.
he was right, of course. his sister had loved chiaki immediately, excited that kaoru had finally found someone he genuinely was interested in, rather than someone to play with to take his mind off of things. however, she is still an older sister at her core, so some of the comments she made towards chiaki, while in jest, were not perceived quite as well they would have if they’d been directed at kaoru (chiaki is an only child, after all. he doesn’t truly understand the nuances of siblinghood). of course, chiaki had handled it well outwardly, having too much practice doing so- kaoru knows all too well; but now that it was just them, kaoru could tell it- the idea that he wasn’t enough for kaoru- was weighing heavily on his mind and on his heart, if his tiny sniffles were anything to go by.
“moricchi.” kaoru calls softly. chiaki shakes his head, rubbing at his eyes with his sleeve, pressing forward.
“‘m fine, hakaze.” he replies, just as soft, voice melancholy in a way that reminds kaoru of summer nights alone, dazed and drowning in heat, aching in a way that isn't easily fixed by the ac. “i should be used to stuff like that by now." he sniffs, heaving sigh. "i just want to go home.”
“no, no.” kaoru says firmly, stopping in his tracks. chiaki pauses a few steps ahead of him, standing just outside of the spotlight kaoru’s illuminated by. a quick glance tells kaoru that they’re underneath the same streetlamp they stopped under before, this time with its light shining down on them rather than the slow-sinking sun that had been behind them when they were walking to dinner. “she was out of line. she shouldn’t have been joking at your expense.”
chiaki says nothing, merely staring straight ahead at the skyline. “it’s fine, hakaze.” he repeats, though it’s mostly to himself, and just a little more unsure.
“moricchi.” kaoru says.
his boyfriend doesn’t turn around.
“moricchi-kun. morisawa.” kaoru tries again, and he sees chiaki twitch. kaoru rarely uses his last name properly, preferring to use the nickname, but it doesn’t have the impact kaoru needs.
“chiaki.” kaoru presses, equal parts fond and firm, and chiaki finally turns at that, rubbing at his red rimmed eyes. he lets himself be pulled into another hug by kaoru, nosing his way back to his rightful place in that little junction. kaoru lays his cheek on top of chiaki’s head, smoothing down his hair soothingly. chiaki is cold, shivering slightly against kaoru. it feels wrong.
“i told her to lay off, yknow.” kaoru says after a few moments of comforting indulgence, of letting chiaki take his deep breaths and sniffle through the exhales. chiaki makes a stuffy, questioning noise that tickles kaoru’s skin, and he bites back an involuntary giggle. “yeah. i asked her to stop teasing you so much, when you went to the bathroom. i think she was a little embarrassed that she upset you, which was why she was all respectful when we parted ways.” kaoru huffs a sigh, adding a little dramatic flair that gets an amused hum out of chiaki. ‘she is sorry though. i know she is.” he makes soft hum of thought. “i’m sure we’ll get flowers at our apartment soon or something. she’s not good with expressing her feelings with words, as you can probably tell.”
“seems to run in the family.” the brunet mutters, and kaoru tugs at his hair with a huff. chiaki bites his neck lightly in turn, and kaoru rolls his eyes.
“brat. when did you get so cheeky? where did my sweet moricchi-kun go?” he pulls away, teasing, waiting to hear chiaki’s huff of laughter before he cups chiaki’s face, eyes searching. “you know i love you, right? all of you, flaws and all, and that isn’t going to change. not now, or ever.” he smiles, leaning in and brushing his nose with chiaki’s. “i’ll be on your side forever. every year that we get older. even when we’re all gray and you’re all wrinkly and ugly.”
chiaki’s hands come up to grip is wrists lightly, lids lowering as he nuzzles into kaoru’s palm, tilting his head up to nuzzle back. “yeah.” he murmurs, nodding. “i do. i love you too, kaoru.” he presses a kiss to kaoru’s inner wrist, right on the pulse point, and kaoru feels it in his heart, dissolving the ache in seconds. “thank you.”
heart now light, kaoru grins at chiaki, sliding his hands down toned arms and taking chiaki’s slowly warming hands in his before twirling himself, his grin widening when he turns back around to see chiaki’s amused smile.
“dance with me in the streetlights?” kaoru asks. “we’ll walk in the dark parts and do a dance move or two in the light spots?”
it’s a familiar game, one normally played after a long karaoke session with drinking involved, but chiaki’s smile grows at the suggestion, and kaoru feels a rush of warmth flood him, the same kind he gets when he steps outside during the hottest days of the year. he nods excitedly before pulling the blond down the street towards the next light a few yards away.
they continue their game until they reach their apartment complex, spinning and swaying and sometimes even lifting each other in the circular spotlights, often dancing through the lights to the next one, lost in their own little world.
at the last streetlight before the entrance to their home, chiaki dips kaoru and kisses him with a hand tangled in his hair and a firm, confident hand around his waist. as he kisses back, his arms over chiaki’s shoulders keeping him close, kaoru thinks can feel the summer breeze brushing against his skin as chiaki’s fingertips graze the nape of his neck, that he can feel the heat of the summer sun radiating from the apples of chiaki’s flushed cheeks.
god, kaoru fucking loves summer. he falls in love with it every day, after all.