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“I’ve made my decision.”
Tech looked at his brother and it occurred to him that it may be the last time he would do so. He held that thought in his mind and felt every emotion that came with it. Betrayal, disappointment, loneliness, anger, fear. He wanted to throw Crosshair to the ground and knock some sense into him. He wanted to hug him and tell him he loved him, he wanted to get on his knees and beg for him to come with them. Tears began building in his eyes and he was grateful for his goggles for hiding this from his brothers.
“We want different things, Crosshair. That doesn’t mean we have to be enemies.” Hunter tried to reason with him. Crosshair turned his back.
“Fuck this,” Tech thought. He turned on his heel and began walking toward the Marauder, Echo and Wrecker in tow. Tech didn’t know what to feel. He didn’t care. He wanted to be done here. He wanted to forget about this mission, about everything since Kaller. He stared at his boots as he made his way up the ramp.
Dropping his helmet, Tech claimed the pilot’s seat and fired up the ship. He stared out of the viewport at the Kaminoan sea, like he had done so many times before. Like he had done with Crosshair when they were just cadets. He pushed the thought out of his mind. He never wanted to think about Crosshair ever again. Not after this. He tapped his fingers on the console impatiently.
Hunter and Omega finally boarded and Tech began the takeoff sequence. His mind went on autopilot as he engaged the thrusters, trying not to think about what they were leaving behind. Angry tears burned his cheeks and he gripped the accelerator hard.
He couldn’t believe this. Was this really how it ended? Crosshair abandons his brothers so that he can work for the fucking Empire? The very system that wanted to eliminate all clones? Surely Crosshair was smarter than that. Surely he wouldn’t forsake his brothers like this. The Marauder reached the edge of the atmosphere and it was silent in the cockpit. “So,” Echo finally broke the silence from the copilot’s seat, “Where to?”
“Back to Ord Mantell?” Wrecker offered, his voice small.
“I dunno. Might be best to lay low for a while.” Hunter suggested. “Tech? What'd you think?”
Tech heard his name. He knew that Hunter was talking to him, and that he was expected to reply. He felt his brothers’ eyes on him. There was just… nothing he could say.
“Tech?” Echo offered after a moment, “You alright?”
Tech kept staring forward. Tears kept falling and his breaths quickened. If someone was talking, he couldn’t hear it. He couldn’t move, couldn’t think of anything other than the way Crosshair looked at him on that platform. As if he didn’t even know who he was. Tech’s vision went red and he felt a hand on his arm. He instinctively jerked away and scrunched his face into a furious expression, turning to see who the hell had touched him.
It was Omega.
She pulled her small hand back, fresh tears falling from her wide eyes. She looked terrified. She stumbled back to Hunter, buried her face in his chest and sobbed. “Oh, god.” Tech thought, “What did I do?” He looked to his brothers, each of their faces saying something along the lines of shock or pity or confusion. He felt like a monster. He looked down, tried to pull his expression into something more neutral. “Say something, you idiot!” Tech’s thoughts grew louder and louder until he could barely hear Omega’s sobs. His mind raced and his stomach turned. He was gonna be sick.
Tech threw himself from his seat and into the hall, barely making it around the corner to the fresher before throwing up. Most of it was contained, though a good amount managed to get on his chestplate. He gripped the toilet seat and the room spun around him. He focused on his breathing. In, out. In, out. In… out... When he had calmed his nerves a bit, he unclipped his chestplate and tossed it in the sonic. He’d deal with that later. He scooted back, leaned against the fresher wall and pulled his knees up to his chest. He ripped off his goggles and let the tears fall freely.
Tech felt weak and alone. Of course he had Echo and Wrecker and Hunter and Omega, but Crosshair was his other half. His brothers joked that they were twins, often sharing similar opinions and perspectives. As cadets, the two shared an unexplainable bond. During squad cuddle piles, Crosshair stayed close to Tech- neither of them too fond of excessive physical contact. Oftentimes, the brothers would sit side by side, each working on their own projects in silence. Nothing needed to be said. Tech missed that. He never had to explain himself to Crosshair, he just understood him.
A knock on the open door startled Tech out of his thoughts. It was Echo. “Hey, Tech... Can I come in?” Tech closed his eyes and gave a small nod. Echo closed the door behind him and took a seat across the floor. For a while, neither of them said anything. Tech wondered if he was about to get another you need to learn how to control your facial expressions talk.
“Are you ok?” Tech shrugged.
“Can you talk?” Tech furrowed his brow and took a few breaths. His lip quivered.
“Hey, it’s ok- you don’t have to say anything.” The silence resumed, a little less awkward this time. After a while, Echo spoke up again. “You know, it’s… hard… to lose someone. No matter the context, it’s always hard.” The brothers looked at each other with a mutual understanding. Though Echo was not nearly as close with Crosshair as the rest of them, he had lost plenty of people during his time as an ARC trooper. “And there’s no right way to deal with that loss. Sometimes it makes you sad, sometimes it just comes out as anger, or regret. It’s all normal. It just happens, ya know?” Tech understood what Echo was getting at. He closed his eyes and nodded. “You just have to listen to yourself. Make sure you’re not ignoring those feelings.” The room was silent again until Echo sniffled. He did it again and Tech looked up to see that his brother was crying now as well. “You know… I didn’t get to know him all that well but… he just…” Echo wiped a tear and tried hard to keep his composure. “He loved you a lot, Tech.”
-
After some sobbing and hugging and laughing and more sobbing, the brothers made their way to the main console room where they found Hunter and Wrecker lying on the floor, surrounded in pillows and blankets. Wrecker had procured a few cartons of mantell mix and popped in a holo. Hunter had tucked Omega in for a nap, though she insisted she wasn’t tired. She was sound asleep now, and Tech decided he would apologize to her when she awoke. Echo ensured him that she would understand.
Tech and Echo joined their brothers in the makeshift pillow fort, eager to get some rest after the draining events of the last few cycles. Tech settled in, perpendicular to Hunter and laid his head on his brother’s chest. He missed Crosshair deeply. Hunter’s hand rested on his arm.
“We love you, vod,” Hunter all but whispered. Tech took a deep breath.
“I love you as well.”
He closed his eyes and let the subtle rise and fall of Hunter’s breaths lull him to sleep. He was home, surrounded by the people he loved most. Most of them, anyway.