Chapter Text
Nick had been acting odd all week.
Not that Charlie’s best friend wasn’t normally a weirdo, but he was usually a really cheerful weirdo. Tao had once commented disparagingly that Nick was the embodiment of a retriever, golden and cheerful and dumb as a box of rocks.
(Nick was in no way stupid, but otherwise the comparison was dead on.)
But the past week Nick had been acting… well, not down, exactly. Certainly nothing like the deep blue funks Charlie himself got into. But he hadn’t been quite as ebullient as he usually was, and Charlie had no idea why.
The day Nick came to his flat wearing a beanie, Charlie knew something was really up. It wasn't even cold, not by Nick standards. Nick was a human furnace, and he only needed hats when it was absolutely freezing. Even then, he put off wearing one as much as possible to avoid messing up his hair (not that Nick would ever admit that was why).
Nick collapsed next to him on the couch and buried his face in Charlie’s shoulder. Charlie brought his arm up around Nick automatically, feeling Nick sink against him even more.
Charlie’s crush on Nick was something that he was used to by now. With other boys he fancied, he usually couldn't touch them without blushing and stammering, but he’d been friends with Nick for over a year, and Charlie had never not been physically affectionate with his friends. Besides, he and Nick were both cuddly people, so they cuddled, and it wasn’t weird. Charlie was used to ignoring the brief flutter his heart gave every time they touched.
“You okay?” Charlie asked, and just got a groan in response. “I'll take that as a no.”
Nick made another unintelligible noise in response, but then lifted his head after a minute, pulling off the hat and rubbing a hand over his face. “No, I'm fine, I just needed to recharge.”
“I’m not an outlet, you know.”
Nick gave him a half smile. “Could’ve fooled me.”
Charlie ignored the way his heart clenched a bit at that and asked, “What’s going on? You've been out of it all week.”
“Have I?” Nick replied, in a way that wasn't so much surprised to hear he'd been acting oddly, but rather surprised that Charlie had noticed.
Idiot , he thought affectionately. I always notice .
“Yeah. Did something happen that you didn't tell me about?”
“No,” said Nick, like a lying liar who lies. Charlie raised his eyebrows, and Nick sighed. “I mean, not really? I just—” He sighed, and dragged his hand over his face again. “Imogen asked me out,” he said through his fingers before dropping them.
Least surprising thing to ever happen, ever. Even though Nick had clearly been worried Imogen wouldn’t reciprocate, Charlie had known it would only be a matter of time. Girls were always falling for him.
Despite the tiny sinking feeling in his gut, Charlie's face broke into a smile. “That’s awesome! You’ve been talking about her for ages.”
Nick held his gaze for a moment, then looked down at his lap. “I said no.”
That was surprising. “What? Why?”
Nick heaved another sigh, head lolling to the side as though he were going to drop it back on Charlie’s shoulder. Not that he’d have minded.
“I realized I don't like her like that, and it wouldn’t be fair to her. I mean, I love hanging out with her, but when she asked, I realized I didn’t want to. Like, once dating her was an option, I realized I didn’t like her like that.”
“You — what?”
“I mean — ” Nick hesitated, running a hand through his hair and glancing away. “I guess I'm a bit obsessed with her platonically? I think I got a bit…confused.”
“Confused,” Charlie repeated stupidly. Nick certainly wasn’t the only one.
Nick glanced at him in that way that made Charlie’s heart race, but only for a moment. “I think obsessing over her was a way of distracting myself from the fact that I like…boys,” he finished quietly.
What?
“You're gay?” Charlie regretted the words as soon as he said them.
“ No ,” Nick replied emphatically, which was fair, lifting his head and looking straight at Charlie, who pulled back his arm. “Sorry, not — not that being gay is a bad thing, obviously.” He took a deep breath and then said steadily, without breaking eye contact, “I still like girls. I’ve liked girls before, even if I don’t like Imogen. But, erm, I like boys too.”
Charlie felt like he was going to melt at the open, slightly panicked look on Nick's face.
Get it together, Spring. This isn't about you.
“I — thanks for telling me.” Charlie would do anything to make that scared look disappear. “Is this what’s been bothering you? Did you really think I, of all people, would have a problem with that?”
Nick finally looked away with a soft laugh. “No, of course not. That’s why you’re the first person I'm telling.” He shoved Charlie’s shoulder with his own. “But it still made me nervous, you know?”
Wordlessly, Charlie pulled him into a hug. “Yeah,” he mumbled into Nick’s hair. “Yeah, I know.”
Nick wrapped his arms around Charlie’s middle and just held on. When Nick sniffled, Charlie just held him tighter. Several minutes passed before Nick’s grip even started to loosen, and several more before Charlie even considered letting go.
“Do you want a cup of tea?”
“Yes please.” His voice was muffled in Charlie’s shoulder, and he masked a shudder by quickly dropping his arms.
Nick followed him into the tiny kitchen, hovering in the doorway like he always did because there wasn’t enough room for two people. It was normal, and Charlie knew they’d be okay.
As the kettle heated up, Charlie leaned against the counter, crossing one ankle over the other. “I can’t believe we could have been talking about boys this whole time.”
Nick’s chuckle was a bit strained, but he looked relieved to be joking about it. “Yes, that’s clearly the worst thing about this situation.”
“It is. The only person I can talk about boys with is Elle, but she won’t be any fun until she and Tao stop beating around the bush. Besides, she and I don’t have the same taste at all.”
“What makes you think I will?” Nick challenged, eyebrows raised.
Charlie thanked anyone who might have been listening that he was so used to Nick’s effect on him, because he was able to keep his voice steady. “Good point. Ideal guy, go.”
Charlie wondered if he imagined the way Nick looked him over before saying decidedly, “Colin Morgan.”
Suppressing another shiver, Charlie said, “Good work, you’ve passed.”
“That’s all it took? I thought this quiz was going to be significantly longer, with way more data points, you nerd.”
“Oh it will be, this was just the beginning. You won’t even know when the next one is coming, I’ll just be silently judging you.”
Nick groaned. “This is like when Tao suggested I pick a movie for film night, isn’t it?”
Charlie just grinned at him, and Nick grinned back. They stood like that until the kettle started whistling, and Charlie tried desperately not to read too much into it.
Nick was still smiling at him when he handed over his mug, milk but no sugar. Charlie needed to end this moment or he was going to explode into a thousand gay pieces. “Want to order pizza and analyze the homoerotic subtext of Merlin ?”
“God, yes.”
Several hours later found them draped over the couch, Charlie curled against one armrest with Nick leaning against the other with his legs stretched out between them, watching Lancelot valiantly save Merlin and debating Merlin/Lancelot vs. Merlin/Arthur.
“He’s way too nice,” Charlie argued. “He’s too perfect. He and Gwen deserve one another, but Merlin needs someone to be a snarky little asshole with.”
“Arthur isn’t even snarky at this point, he’s just plain rude,” Nick countered. “Lancelot is kind to Merlin in a way no one else is, and he knows about his magic, so Merlin can be himself around him. It lets them get closer than he is even to Arthur.”
“Oh come on, they’re destiny! And Merlin and Arthur have way more sexual tension than Merlin and Lancelot .”
“I’m not saying I don’t agree with you in the long run, but I think Lancelot would be good for Merlin. At least until Arthur starts pulling his head out of his arse.”
“You can’t just—”
The door to the flat crashes open and Tao pulls off his giant headphones when he sees them. “Oh. Hi. Hope I’m not interrupting.”
“Not at all. We’re watching BBC Merlin, wanna join?” Nick said, before Charlie could even open his mouth. He shot Nick a grateful look; it would make sense if Nick didn’t necessarily want to talk about boys around Tao, but Charlie was glad to not have a reason to exclude him all the same.
Tao rolled his eyes. “No thank you, once was enough for me. Blink twice if Charlie is forcing you to watch against your will.”
Charlie protested, but Nick just threw his head back and laughed. “Nah, my taste is way worse than yours, remember?”
“Clearly,” Tao said with a smirk. “I have a paper to write anyway. Hang later?” he asked Charlie.
“Yeah, someone needs to make sure you come up for air.”
“I can take care of myself, thank you,” Tao retorted over his shoulder, breezing into his room.
“That’s a lie and you know it!” Charlie shouted after him before the door closed. He settled back against the arm of the couch. “Thanks for asking him to join us,” he said quietly to Nick.
“No worries. You do realize he’s my friend, too?”
“Of course. I just wasn’t sure if you wanted him to know about…” He gestured vaguely at Nick, who chuckled. “Are you going to tell people?”
“I’ll tell my mum, definitely, next time I go home. But for everyone else, I think I’ll just stop filtering myself as much? I don’t know, I’m not that interested in throwing a party.”
The idea that Nick had been filtering himself sent Charlie’s brain for a loop. What hadn’t he been saying?
Taking a deep breath, he said, “Yeah, they’ll catch on. We’ll get you a pin or a t-shirt or something.” They were quiet for a few moments, just watching, then Charlie nudged Nick’s ankle with his foot. “You seem really relaxed about all this.”
Nick gave him a wry smile. “I already did my angsting about it. I’m not going to say I’m not nervous, but I know that everyone will be fine with it. With me.”
“Of course they will. I’m glad you’re doing okay, is all.”
Nick’s answering smile was soft. “Yeah, I’m okay.”