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what's left of us is gone now

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“Sanji.” Luffy replies, softly grinning and Sanji loves the way his name sounds on his captain’s tongue. “I’m hungry.”

It’s funny how Luffy never asks him for anything. It’s always Sanji, I’m hungry. Sanji, I’m tired. Sanji, help me with this thing. Luffy has never once said please and it’s terrifying to know that he never has to.

Sanji doesn't realize when he starts looking at Luffy differently.

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Sanji doesn’t realize when he starts looking at Luffy differently.

They’re on an unnamed island — at least Sanji didn’t bother to ask for its name when Nami was talking to them — and he’s in a bad mood. Lately, everything has been getting under Sanji’s skin. He snaps at Zoro a lot more often, he doesn’t even attempt to sweet-talk the ladies and then there’s Luffy. Luffy.

Something about Luffy has been driving Sanji up the wall. It doesn’t take a lot for Sanji to lose his temper with his captain — whether it be for eating food from the fridge before it’s ready or leaving the men’s room a mess or hogging the phone for too long when he’s talking to Ace.

Sanji knows it’s bad, it’s disrespectful. It may be Luffy but you never talk back to your captain. Never. No one else would’ve tolerated disrespect like that. Sanji would’ve been stabbed and thrown overboard three arguments ago.

But it’s Luffy — it’s Luffy and he accepts every last rageful, ugly thing that Sanji throws at him. Even Zoro stands up, hand on his swords before Nami puts a hand on his chest and merely shakes her head. This is between them, she seems to say. And she’s right.

Zoro is angry — even angrier than he had been with Usopp when he’d challenged Luffy to a duel — and Sanji understands it. If he were in Zoro’s place, he would’ve done worse. There’s that itch under Sanji’s skin, though, and it’s pushing him to his limits.

The same itch, that same ache in his chest that keeps reminding Sanji of the little things. The golden tan of Luffy’s skin. The top of his silky hair, hidden by the straw hat. The corner of Luffy’s mouth (pink, pink, pink).

Sanji hates them all.

The rest of the crew heads out to shop for food, clothes, tiny trinkets that glisten in the golden of the sun. Luffy stands in the middle of the hubbub, gummy smile stretched wide and Sanji tries to remember the last time Luffy smiled for him that way. Sanji fails to come up with anything.

Sanji chooses to climb off the ship and stand under its tall shadow. He’s watching the sea as it glitters like gold, his arms crossed over his chest. There’s sea salt wiped across his lip, the smell of fish and barbecued meat in the air and Sanji nearly misses the sound of flip flops slapping against the ground.

Luffy is loud. He’s loud wherever he goes. That itch runs rampant under Sanji’s skin again and he closes his eyes.

“Hey.” Luffy starts, and he comes to stand next to Sanji. Their elbows knock, sparks run all up Sanji’s arm and his eyes slide open. He glances at Luffy, soft golden Luffy and Sanji aches.

“Aren’t you hungry?” Luffy asks, relentless. He doesn’t sound angry. Not even a bit.

“Not really.” Sanji replies, his tone clipped. He’s starving but he’s not in the mood.

“Come on. I’ll buy you something.”

Sanji blinks. “You don’t have any money.”

Luffy shrugs. “I’ll borrow some from Nami.”

“Did you forget about 300% interest?”

“Meh.” Luffy shrugs again. “Worth it.”

Sanji looks back at Luffy, only to find him already looking. Sanji’s heart jumps into his mouth. “Fine.” is all Sanji says and Luffy’s face breaks out into a grin.

The street stalls on this island are insane. Sanji has never seen more variety in meat, in vegetables, in the bowls of sliced fruit and Luffy buys everything. He isn’t exaggerating when he says everything. Sanji watches Luffy down bowls and bowls of meat while he hands Sanji the fruit as per request, and Sanji barely manages to get one bite in before Luffy has downed three.

Sanji wants to laugh. He wants to throw his head back and laugh, loud and bright, and he wants to look at Luffy. Properly, instead of these sneaky little glances. But Sanji lost that privilege when he yelled at Luffy in front of his crew and insulted his stature. Sanji bites back his amusement and quietly eats his fruit.

It’s evening by the time they get back. Luffy hasn’t bothered to try and find the rest, content with just walking with Sanji as they make their way back to the ship. Sanji keeps looking around, focused on the distractions instead of the inevitable conversation that he’s going to have with Luffy.

“Sanji.”

Sanji stops dead in his tracks. He glances back at Luffy. Splices of dusk light that fall upon his captain, hands locked behind his back and his smile is gone. It’s the most serious Luffy has looked in days.

“I want you to come to me when you have a problem. Like before.” Luffy says, as if it’s that simple.

Sanji’s heart tumbles in his chest. Luffy waits, ever so patiently, for Sanji’s answer.

“I’m sorry.”

Luffy’s eyes soften and he reaches for Sanji’s hand. His grip is tight as his fingers interlace with Sanji’s. If Sanji were a weaker man, he would’ve dreamed about what it would feel like to have Luffy want him just as badly as Sanji wants him.

Luffy doesn’t tell him it’s okay because it isn’t, but he smiles wide and pulls Sanji in the direction of the ship. Sanji feels the rays of the setting sun seep into his skin, Luffy coming alight and Sanji lets himself revel in the peace of the moment.


*


It’s technically Zoro’s turn to keep watch, but Sanji has been taking over their shifts. It may be out of guilt and everyone around him may know it, but at least they’re kind enough not to mention it. Sanji doesn’t even have to fight Zoro for it. The mosshead just gives Sanji one knowing look and walks away without a word.

Sanji doesn’t like when people get into his head and he doesn’t like when the others know what he’s thinking, how he’s feeling. He’s so used to putting on the act of flirty cook, useless womanizer that it’s started to feel like a part of him. These past few weeks, he’s been proven completely wrong on those labels.

It’s a warm night, but Sanji is cold all over. He lights his cigarette and wraps the blanket around himself. It’s proving to be an uneventful night so far, at the very least. He spends his time watching the moonlight bounce off the undisturbed water from the crow’s nest, listening to Franky’s snoring and Chopper’s breathing, coming from the men’s dorms.

The fact that Sanji doesn’t hear the sound of Luffy’s loud snores is enough to tell Sanji everything. Luffy is awake.

It’s unusual. Luffy’s sleep schedule is the closest to normal among anyone on the crew and he certainly never takes over the night shift. Big feasts tend to make Luffy drowsy and Sanji has been feeding him especially well these past few days. Guilt, regret and what not. It doesn’t make sense for Luffy to be up right now.

Sanji toys with the lighter in his hand as he waits for Luffy’s inevitable entry. He hears the rattle of the lock on the fridge door, followed by a loud groan and the slap of flip-flops growing louder against the wooden floor. Luffy’s body stretches like elastic as he leaps up to the crow’s nest, looking wide awake.

“Hey.” Sanji says, unable to come up with anything else as he suddenly finds his face close to Luffy’s. He can count the freckles crowning Luffy’s cheekbones, but luckily, he snaps out of it and takes a quick step back. Luffy hangs off the side of the nest, legs suspended in midair and there isn’t a single trace of fear on his face.

“Sanji.” Luffy replies, softly grinning and Sanji loves the way his name sounds on his captain’s tongue. “I’m hungry.”

It’s funny how Sanji just knows. Luffy never asks him for anything. It’s always Sanji, I’m hungry. Sanji, I’m tired. Sanji, help me with this thing. Luffy has never once said please and it’s terrifying to know that he never has to.

It’s midnight and Sanji has rules. His kitchen only opens at five in the morning when he’s awake enough to make changes in the inventory. Under no circumstances is Sanji supposed to let Luffy into the kitchen post dinner. But it’s late and Luffy’s smile is soft and Sanji is a weakling. He’s always been weak.

So, Sanji stands up and stretches, feeling his back crack. Luffy watches him with that electric gaze and it feeds into Sanji’s delusions. “Let me get down first.” Sanji says and Luffy shakes his head.

Luffy extends his arm so it completely wraps around Sanji’s middle and Sanji doesn’t even get a moment to protest before he’s being pulled down and they fall, flopping onto Luffy’s rubber body. Sanji nearly bounces off him and hits his head on the side of the ship, but Luffy grabs him before that happens.

Like he does every time.

Sanji brushes off the feeling of Luffy’s arm around his waist and he heads for the kitchen, Luffy in tow. He gingerly unlocks the fridge and Luffy takes a seat on the counter in front of the stove, one leg crossed over the other as he eagerly kicks his free leg.

Sanji grabs the leftover rice and chopped garlic, tossing it into a pan. He enters into a trance-like state whenever he cooks, but this time it’s impossible to ignore Luffy’s watchful gaze. The silence stretches, moonlight streaming in through the open window and over the sound of sizzling garlic, Sanji manages to miss Luffy’s sharp intake of breath.

“Here,” Sanji puts the plate down in front of Luffy and before he can reach for a spoon and fork, Luffy wolfs the rice down. Sanji watches in mild fascination (and horror) as Luffy downs the food. He wipes the back of his mouth with his hand, smiling at Sanji innocently as he holds the plate up for more.

Sanji serves Luffy and then some. They don’t exchange a word. Once Luffy has gone through the entire pot of rice and Sanji can feel the exhaustion creeping into his bones, Luffy stands up — Sanji moving with him. Luffy is grinning and he reaches over the kitchen counter.

Sanji is frozen, feet stuck to the floor. Three marine ships could attack them at once and Sanji wouldn’t be able to move from his spot. When Luffy’s lips press against Sanji’s cheek, he momentarily forgets how to breathe. The man of his dreams, the man who took him over the Grand Line, the man who Sanji would give his life for — is kissing him.

When Luffy backs away, it’s almost too early. If Sanji was a braver man, he would’ve grabbed Luffy by the collar and kissed him there and there. But Sanji is weak — he was born weak, after all — and so he lets Luffy go. Luffy grins. “Thanks, Sanji,” He says, in that honeyed, honeyed way and leaves Sanji reeling.


*


Luffy took Sanji’s world by storm when they first met.

Sanji is taken back by the noise, the craziness, the whirlwind of chaos that is Monkey D. Luffy. Luffy tells him to be the cook on his pirate ship. He never asks, not even once and Sanji almost says yes. The entire time Luffy is fighting Don Krieg, Zeff calls him an idiot. Brave but an idiot.

Sanji sees the rage in his eyes, though. The unbridled power simmering away under Luffy’s skin. In that moment, as he watches Luffy’s fists break through Krieg’s armor, Sanji thinks this. This is a man who’ll fight for me.

Zeff tells him to go and so Sanji leaves. He meets Zoro and Nami and Usopp, and with every passing interaction, Sanji’s armor gets chipped. Little by little.

Zoro blocks Sanji’s kick with his sword. Little.

Usopp compliments Sanji’s food as Nami fervently nods. Little.

Luffy smiles at Sanji when he tells him about All Blue. The legendary sea. Sanji’s dream. Luffy doesn’t laugh, not even once. All gone.

 


*


It’s funny. The first time they met, Sanji knew exactly who Luffy was. A man who’ll fight for him. Luffy comes to save him at Whole Cake Island and no matter what Sanji does, Luffy doesn’t give up. He never turns back. Sanji overestimated Luffy’s ability to listen and he overestimated his own ability to stay away.

They’re on the Thousand Sunny and Luffy lays next to Sanji, completely exhausted. He’s on his front and Sanji thinks he’s asleep, but Sanji feels Luffy’s hand tightening around his wrist as he sits up. Sanji allows himself to look over Luffy, checking for any visible wounds.

“Are you okay?” Luffy asks, instead and Sanji wants to nod and say never better. But instead Sanji grabs Luffy by the back of his neck and kisses him hard enough to make him bruise. Luffy doesn’t push him away, instead he reaches for Sanji’s face and pulls him in closer, like he never wants to let go again.

Luffy has his own gravity and Sanji is caught in his orbit. They kiss, slow and languid, and Luffy tastes like chocolate and sea salt. “I love you. I love you.” Sanji mutters against Luffy’s lips. There’s so much Sanji wants to say, but Luffy tilts his head to give Sanji more access, licking at his teeth in eagerness. Sanji’s lungs scream for oxygen, body rife with anticipation as they part, Luffy’s forehead hitting his.

“I’m never gonna be Pirate King without you.” Luffy says, and it’s a confession of his own. Sanji doesn’t want to ask for more, he doesn’t need it. Luffy’s hand on his waist is answer enough.


*


Notes:

i haven't finished wci yet lmao

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