Chapter Text
Izuku Midoriya was not having a bad day.
(He was also lying to himself.)
Yes, he had a hard time sleeping last night. And yes, when he eventually fell asleep, he’d slept through his alarm.
The only reason he wasn’t late entirely was because his friends had woken him up. He still wasn’t able to have breakfast before they headed out.
The twisting in his stomach was just him being hungry, that’s all. He’d eat lunch and it would be fine. So really, his day was a small break from the routine, but not bad or anything.
He was just in time for the bell, and had only just settled in his seat when BOOM!
His entire body jerked, and One for All flared to life, crackling under his skin. He froze, staring at Kacchan.
Kacchan, who turned around and gave him a look he didn’t understand. Which, actually, was odd in and of itself. Izuku was an expert at deciphering him. The thought should scare him.
Why didn’t it scare him?
But Aizawa-sensei called for quiet, and after a moment that felt too long, Kaccan turned back around.
Idly, he noted that his ears were ringing. Kacchan hadn’t done it nearly close enough to his ears to make them ring. If it didn’t go away soon, maybe he should check-in with Recovery-
Ah. Right. Nevermind, then. It would be fine.
He glanced down at his hands, gnarled and broken. The twisting in his stomach twisted harder, even as what felt like a lead ball dropped inside it.
Hero work was dangerous. How long until he broke his arms? Or a villain broke his arms? Or even an accident broke them?
How would he be a hero then?
He stared, and for once the constant stream of thought and information was absent from his mind. It was almost lonely, without his thoughts. He swallowed, and forced his gaze up at the blackboard.
Ah. Aizawa-sensei had already finished speaking, and laid down for a nap. That was okay! He’d just ask one of his friends later what he had said. The sounds of his classmates was a nicer sound to focus on than the ringing, so that was what he did. Try to listen in. Not to eavesdrop! He just…Didn’t feel like talking much right now.
He couldn’t really hear the ticking of the clock. That was kind of a shame, actually. The soft sound of the second hand clicking it’s way along was comforting.
He pulled out one of his notebooks, and put pencil to paper.
Then stopped.
He…wasn’t actually sure what to write about. Nothing came to mind. That was odd, but hey, he was still a bit tired from this morning, right? No problem. He’d just sketch something instead. Yet again, his mind offered nothing. Sighing, he put the notebook down on his desk, and looked out the window.
He kind of missed Aldera. Well, no, not in most ways. But he missed the windows. He’d been two seats over from them, but they took up enough of the wall that when he wasn’t keeping his head down, he could look outside.
He’d spent a long, long time looking outside in Aldera. There was something soothing about watching the wind shift the trees, and see the city living its life. Even on the most chaotic of days, there was always outside.
He’d loved the windows in the hallway. The ceilings were absurdly high in this school, maybe because of mutant quirks or something. It still seemed a little extreme, but U.A’s entire motto was Plus Ultra for a reason, right?
Still, it meant that despite sitting against the far wall, there were no windows to look out of beside him. He’d have loved to have this kind of seat in Aldera. Sure, he’d be easily cornered, but at least during class he could look outside.
Now the window was on the opposite wall, and it just looked out into the hallway. He could see a sliver of the outside world through the windows by the door. It would have to be enough. Izuku was very good at making do with what he had, after all.
It was kind of funny to miss Aldera though, even if it was for something as simple as windows. He’d liked the color of the bricks they’d used for the outer wall. The courtyard had really beautiful trees, even if they weren’t always taken care of. The view from the roof was amazing. Oh! And the cafeteria sometimes served these little ice cream cups. That was great. He definitely missed those actually. The hallways didn’t have high ceilings. They were pretty cozy, actually.
Sometimes, U.A just felt too big, he guessed. The door was a little over twice All Might’s height in his powered up form. That was pretty big, even for accommodating mutant quirks. Maybe it was to give them a door they could feel comfortable in? Even if they had other doors that accommodated them, they were probably pretty close fits. Or maybe it really was the Plus Ultra attitude after all?
Maybe he’d find out, maybe he wouldn’t. He could always ask someone about it.
Then, he actually thought about asking a teacher, and cringed. No, nevermind. He’d just see if anyone online knew about it.
Turning to his notebook, he sketched a rough image of 1-A’s door. Then, a height comparison between himself, and it. He added in All Might and Aizawa-Sensei for reference, then jotted down his questions about the door. It was a stupid thing to be curious about, but it was better than staring at a blank page.
He set his pencil down and massaged the hand he wrote with. He’d found some guides online to soothing muscle cramps, and the motions were already almost automatic. And hey! His ears weren’t ringing as much anymore. It was still weird they were ringing this long after such a small explosion, but he’d take it.
He glanced at the clock. Oh, wow.
It had hardly been any time at all. It felt like it had been much longer with how slow his thoughts were. He was kind of disappointed, really. Not that he didn’t like his classmates or Aizawa-Sensei, but, well. He was a bit tired today.
He switched hands. Most kids his age didn’t have surgeries. That was fine. He was different, so it shouldn’t feel as weird as it did.
He wanted to go home.
Izuku blinked at the thought. Maybe he was just a little homesick. He thought of the apartment he shared with his mom, and with a feeling of guilt, he realized that wasn’t what he meant.
Well, it made sense that he thought of the dorms as his home. It was where his first friend group was, the first time he’d been independent from his mom.
But with another twist of his gut, he realized that wasn’t right either.
Not even the guest room in his dad’s apartment felt like home.
Maybe…Maybe people were his home. That was fine. He loved his mom, and he cared about his dad, and he liked his friends. Home could be a bunch of places.
He glanced at the clock again.
Not much time had passed.
He flexed his hands, ignoring the twinge of pain. Even breaths. He didn’t. He didn’t feel right. Why?
Gently, he shut his notebook and pushed it away. Same with his pencil.
Closed his eyes. Deep, even breaths. In.
Hold.
Out.
Hold.
Slowly,he opened his eyes. He could smell caramel. It was as comforting as it was distressing, because it was Kacchan’s nitroglycerin. It was familiar, and sweet, and he felt even worse.
Aizawa-Sensei had gotten up, answering his phone. It didn’t seem to be important, which annoyed him. Izuku thought of asking him to step out while he was annoyed.
His breath hitched. No. No, okay, it was fine. He covered the lower half of his face with his hand. There, the caramel scent wasn’t so bad like this! It was fine. He did this when he muttered anyway, so it wasn’t weird.
With his free, shaking hand, he flipped through his notebook, and tried to reread one of his earlier pages.
The words swam.
The faces sketched onto the page stared back at him.
He swallowed.
He didn’t know how long he spent frozen, shaking slightly, staring at the picture of All Might. It was just his notes about the hero’s costume. Nothing secretive there. But the notebook felt heavier than ever, and he just…Didn’t know what to do.
His finger twitched. He didn’t blink, or if he did, he didn’t remember.
Slowly, the feeling ebbed away. Not entirely. But it wasn’t threatening to break through.
He looked at the clock.
A decent amount of time had passed.
He was just hungry.
Just tired.
He just needed to eat something, that was all.
Oh, no. No, Deku. Don’t do this to yourself, he thought.
The feeling bubbled back up, and he wanted to laugh. That wasn’t good. None of that was…ideal.
But he’d be fine.
Swallowing, he took a deep breath, and after seeing Aizawa-sensei go back to sleep, Izuku decided to join him.
He’d just put his head down for a while.
With his head tucked into his arms, the caramel wasn’t nearly as strong. The open notebook had been flipped to a different page. Just sketches of U.A grounds. The trees outside his dorm window.
Oh, that was a nice thought. When he got back to the dorms he’d look out the window. The thought soothed something sharp in his chest.
There was an empty dorm on the fifth floor. Maybe he’d go upstairs, and look out that window. He bet he’d see a lot more from there, and it would be quiet. Todoroki and Satou didn’t make much noise on their own, and Sero usually went to other people’s rooms to hangout instead of inviting them up. Less stairs.
Izuku thought the quiet would be nice. Relaxing. He almost couldn’t wait.
He wasn’t sure how much time was passing. All he thought about was how the trees would look. He could almost imagine it. Maybe after classes, he could go sit in the woods. Take a nap under the trees, where no one would find him.
The shrill sound of a bell made him sit ramrod straight. His hands twitched painfully. But it was only the sound of their homeroom ending.
…Had he really had his head down that long?
Maybe it was just…a watched clock moves slower. Like how water never boils when you look at it.
Maybe.
He picked up his things, and made his way out after Kacchan. His ears were ringing a bit from the bell.
He hoped it would go away.
(It didn’t. Not until the end of the next class.)
Uraraka and Iida were discussing something. It seemed like she was telling a story, or talking about an assignment or something.
He just looked out the window and followed along.
Their next period was math. He’d never been more grateful for math, honestly.
Just simple equations. And some advanced ones, too. The quiet sound of his pencil against the worksheet he was doing eased something in him a bit more. No need to think about anything but the numbers.
He blinked, and class was over. He handed his paper in, and he knew he did well.
His next class was with Present Mic. They were learning English.
He knew a lot of it from staying with his father when he was a lot younger. It had only been for a single summer.
He hadn’t gone back.
The words swam across the page again. They weren’t moving, he knew that, but he couldn’t read them. He knew what they were, but he just…Couldn’t.
The bell rang again. Looking up from his blank worksheet, something curled in his gut at the clock.
How was it already over? It had just started.
He left his worksheet face down on his desk, and shrunk down, leaving with the crowd.
Mic-sensei would be so disappointed in him.
He squeezed his eyes shut. What was wrong with him?
Well, beside the usual.
It didn’t matter. It wasn't that bad. He’d just make it through. Heroics was in the classroom for today. All Might was at a doctor’s appointment, so Snipe-sensei was assigning them an essay about a documentary.
Izuku absorbed nothing from the video. He raised his hand.
“Sensei? May I use the bathroom?”
With a nod, he was excused.
Standing outside the bathrooms, he looked outside the windows.
Took a few deep breaths. Once in the bathrooms, he didn’t go in any stalls. He splashed some cold water on his face to try and get his head on right.
It was weird looking in his reflection. He didn’t recognize himself most days.
It felt like the last thing he really remembered was being scrawny, and weak. The muscles didn’t fit him. Neither did the empty look in his eyes, or the bags beneath them.
What was wrong with him? He rubbed at his eyes, and when he looked again, he caught sight of the scars in the mirror.
Slowly, he took a few steps back until he could see most of himself.
This wasn’t him. It couldn’t be.
Deku was weak. But All Might’s successor was strong.
So what was he? What was the person looking back at him? Weak, or strong?
Broken.
He startled at the thought, the sharp feeling of tears gathering, the feeling in his throat.
He was broken . How long until he couldn’t keep going? What was he going to do when his arm’s didn’t work anymore?
His mother wouldn’t be able to afford the hospital bills. She’d have to take care of him. She deserved better.
Maybe if he broke them at school, U.A would help pay the bills. But he couldn’t do that to All-Might.
Okay. He’d be fine. It was just him being a cry baby, like usual.
That was all. He was fine.
Izuku sobbed. He’d be fine. He was broken, but he would be fine.