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The glass dropped and shattered on the ground.
All Michel could do, was watch it, heart stopping in his chest as his breathing caught in his throat. His hands felt numb, his ears started to ring and all he could see, were the glass shards splayed out across the ground, all around his bare feet.
His fingers twitched.
He didn’t even remember what happened?
Did he knock it?
Lose his grip?
Did he throw it?
What did he do wrong? What could he have done to stop it from happening.
One moment, he was reaching for the cupboard for a glass of water, and the next, it was all on the floor.
Broken.
Spoiled.
He dropped to his knees, throat jerking as he swallowed hard. He reached, getting the strange and vague sense that he was on a dream. Hints of red started to pool in the fabric of his light-coloured pants, where he was kneeling on the glass.
His lips started to tremble, his eyes narrowed and his vision blurred.
And then it all came crashing down.
He collapsed forward, his hands, elbows and forehead pressed to the tile. Shoulders shaking and chest heaving, he scrunched himself up into a tight ball and stayed there, knowing that when Han Seok found him, he needed to be prepared.
Protect your head and inner organs, that was the most important part of all this.
No… not Han Seok.
Vincenzo.
Still… Vincenzo wouldn’t be happy that he broke a glass, right?
There was a sharp gasp that wasn’t his own, cutting through the frantic, panicked noise in his mind as he stilled. Gut wrenching dread, hopelessness, misery and guilt filled his body, as he waited for the yelling and grabbing.
His breathing hitched ever so slightly.
“Michel, what- “
He flinched when he felt someone drop down right next to him.
“I- Michel, what are you doing? You’re hurt, you’re bleeding… why are you sitting in the glass? Come on, let’s stand up and- “
He whined when he felt the first brush of fingers against him, tempted to fall limp as the hands were undeterred and helped him to his feet.
“Michel… Han Seo, what’s going on?”
Now the words came rushing out, jumbled up and running together in broken strings, messy and horrible and heavy. He couldn’t open his eyes, not willing the look of disgust, “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry, I-I-I, I, I broke, br-roke, I, m’sorry, m’so sorry, m’so sorry , please don’t, don-n’t, please don’t h- hur- m’sorry, please- “
A gentle hand was placed on his shoulder, making him tense even further. “Please d-don’t be-be angry! Please- “
“- Michel!”
Michel bit his lip immediately, tears slipping his cheeks.
“Michel…” Vincenzo pulled him closer, tucking Michel’s head under his chin, brushing a hand through his hair, “… We’re not angry. This was just an accident, okay? They happen?”
His voice was soft and gentle, but that was about all Michel registered about it, not the words.
Meanwhile, Vincenzo could see that his adoptive brother was still in his head.
“Michel… I’m not going to hurt you.”
He still didn’t answer, but clung to him stull, sniffing jerkily and trying to stifle the sobs. Trying desperately and failing to force it all back against.
“Come on… let’s get you cleaned up and then we can talk about it, yes?”
Luca appeared around Michel’s other side, looking just as worried as they helped him to his feet and helped him to the bathroom, feeling that he was still shaking. Vincenzo gestured for him to sit on the edge of the bath, which Michel did, eyes downcast and away from them.
The warmth of the towel washed over his hand first.
“Is it too hot?”
Michel shook his head.
There was a moment of silence, before Vincenzo sighed, “We might need to call the doctor. This is more than splinters and tweezers can manage.”
Michel winced, “I-I’m r-really okay, I-I don’t need… I’m sorry, I-I don’t want to- I-I didn’t to- “
“Shh.” Luca whispered, “It’s okay, it’s alright.” Carefully, he took Michel’s hand, sweeping his thumb over the backs of Michel’s fingers, “It’s not a problem. We know it was an accident. We’ll clean up the blood, the loose shards and you can go and lie down whilst we call the doctor, okay?”
Michel shut his eyes tight, biting at his lower lip slightly, letting out a shallow sigh, “Okay.”
“Okay.” The cloth washed over his other hand, and then his cheek, prompting him to lean into the gentle touch with a hard swallow. Luca left it there for a moment, “Do you… do you want to talk about it?”
Michel paused for a moment, before shaking his head, prompting Luca to bite back a weary sigh.
“Okay. How about something hot to drink then?”
“…Please.”
…………………………………………….
Lightning illuminated the figure in front of him.
Fear had a cold grip on his heart.
The taste of copper filled his mouth as his stomach continued to bleed.
His hands were wet and red with his own blood as the figure raised the gun again, finger tightening on the trigger before-
BANG!
…………………………..
Michel shrieked.
A high-pitched scream ripped from his throat as he rocketed upwards in his bed. Blood roared in his eyes as he tried to calm his ragged breathing. He could feel his heart beating hard in his chest, and his fingers were shaking so hard, it was like they were vibrating. He reached out for Luca, to jostle him awake so that it wouldn’t be so quiet anymore.
Cold.
Luca was gone.
His hands found his shoulders and gripped them tightly, fingers tugging at the fabric of his sleeping shirt. He looked around desperately, a constant feeling of someone watching him making him shake.
The house was eerily quiet, with not even a board creaking.
Luca was gone.
He tried to convince himself that Luca wouldn’t leave him without a reason.
No, he wouldn’t just leave.
Maybe he was in the bathroom?
Went to make a phone call?
He needed a drink.
He wanted to call out for him but couldn’t seem to make himself speak. His throat felt like a rock was jammed in the middle of it.
He glanced at the clock, seeing that it was very early in the morning.
The room felt too small without Luca.
He bolted from the bedroom, feeling pressure in his head as his vision suddenly darkened over. He tried to call for Luca, but his throat burned too much.
He slammed the closest door as loud as he could, hoping that someone would hear it, even as he stumbled out of the room, leaning against the wall as he did so until his vision finally cleared. He made his way to the patio door and headed out onto the back patio, nearly tripping down the stone steps as the gravel and rocks painfully dug into his feet.
He felt ready to break down, eyes brimming with unshed tears.
His nightmare was nearly forgotten as the loneliness started to weigh him down.
His throat felt like it was closing up as he covered his mouth with his hands to stop any noise from escaping, even though nobody was around. He crunched forward, one hand on his rolling stomach, the other on his mouth as his shoulders hunched up. A whimper slipped free, as the tears finally overflowed, sliding down his cheeks.
What was he supposed to do.
His legs seemed to have given up on their purpose and gave out, causing him to sink to the ground. His hands finally dropped from his mouth as he let out a broken sob, fingers digging into the ground.
He wanted Luca.
Or Vincenzo.
They fixed everything.
They were constants in his ever-changing life.
His chest felt tight, and he felt chilled to the bone.
Eventually, he fell quiet, still crying, but now only quietly snivelling as he tired himself out. “Luca…” He managed to choke out.
“Michel!”
It was like he’d heard the quiet cry.
He heard the footsteps behind him, prompting him to turn, hiccupping a little as he did so, shoulders still shaking a little as he got to unsteady feet.
Luca looked frantic, face upset as Michel ran into his open arms, full force. He stumbled back a step as Michel burrowed his face into the crevice between his neck and shoulder.
“Why are you all the way out here?” He asked softly, placing an affectionate kiss on his lover’s head.
“You-you weren’t there…” Michel hiccupped, “…You-you weren’t there.” His voice cracked and he broke down again, rubbing at his eyes to try and dry them.
“Oh, love.” Luca whispered, “That- I woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep, so I went to make a cup of tea. Vincenzo was wide awake, again, so we talked for a bit and by the time I got back to the bed, you were gone. I went looking for you and you were here.”
Michel muffled his sobs into Luca’s shirt, “You-you weren’t going to leave?”
"I'd never leave you."
They stayed there for a while, until Michel stopped crying, letting Luca pull him back towards the house, arms wrapped around him and supporting him the entire way there.
“We should go back to bed.” Luca whispered, “We don’t have to sleep if you don’t want to.”
Michel only just had the energy to nod, allowing Luca to tuck him into bed, another blanket brought out to cover them both as Michel pressed himself up against Luca as closely as he could.
‘Tomorrow’ Luca vowed to himself, ‘Tomorrow, they would talk about this.’
…..
“I want to have people touch me again without flinching…like they’re going to hurt.” Michel hadn’t moved from the comforts of the bed just yet, chewing on his thumbnail for the past five minutes or so, staring at a point just over Luca’s shoulder, “I-I don’t like being caught unawares. Maybe if I deal with that, I can deal with everything else, like the nightmares?”
“So… you want to work on people touching you from behind?”
“Hm… people I don’t really know.” Michel gave him a gentle smile, “When you or Vincenzo touch me, I know it’s you almost instinctively, so I don’t mind as much.”
Luca couldn’t ignore the warmth in his chest at the words, moving a little closer and wrapping his arms around the younger man.
“How do you want me to help?”
“… I don’t know.”
“Alright, we can think about it.” Luca pressed a kiss to the side of Michel’s head, “Whatever you want to have happen to help, we’ll do our best, okay?”
“Okay.” Michel gave him the best smile he could muster at the moment, “I love you.”
“And I love you.”