Work Text:
Dazai Osamu didn't have lots of hobbies, but the few he had he truly loved.
- Attempting suicide
- Reading complete guide to suicide
- Annoying either of his partners
That being said, Dazai Osamu was very, incredibly bored at the moment.
It wasn't that he's stopped enjoying his hobbies, gods no, rather he was unable to participate in any of them.
He didn't feel like going out at the moment since it was cold and he was quite bruised from recent fight with certain ginger.
His book has been taken away by the very same ginger after trying to kill himself by inhaling gas.
He ended up destroying Chuuya's stove since he saw a gas pipe behind one in a movie. Chuuya's stove, of course, didn't have any gas pipes behind it, and while being genius, Dazai still hasn't found where the book was hidden.
As for the last part, Kunikida was out of reach and blocked Dazai for some stupid reason that the brunet didn't really care about. He will unblock him, eventually.
The logical thing to do (from Dazai's perspective) would be to go annoy his other partner, ex-partner that is.
Dazai looked around Chuuya's living room where he was currently sitting after the chibi locked himself in the bedroom.
Now, he could simply pick the lock and get in, but Chuuya had warned him not to go in a tone lot harsher then usually and there were some things he didn't need to see.
Dazai looked down at his phone to check the time. 10 minutes. Surely if Chuuya has been doing that , he would be done cleaning, right? Conflicted, he moves towards the petite mafia's bedroom.
"Chuuya!" He whines loudly. The answer he gets is the sound of someone (Chuuya) spamming their head onto the table. All clear then , Dazai grins as he opens the door.
Chuuya Nakahara was sitting at his desk. He had a thick stock of paperwork waiting to be done. When he came home earlier that day only to find the stupid mackerel on searching for his stupid book, he wasn't even surprised. He beat up the stupid bastard and told him to not go into his bedroom which he then locked himself in.
Chuuya certainly wasn't naive enough to think he's gotten rid of the bastard.
He actually got kinda nervous when Dazai stayed out of his room for almost ten minutes.
"Chuuya!" Somebody (Dazai) whines at the other side of the door.
Hell no! Chuuya would gladly take any amount of nervousness, if it meant Dazai would leave him alone. He slams his head onto the table and the door opens.
Dazai strolls in as if he owned the place and Chuuya growls disapprovingly. "Ne, Chuuya? What are you doing?" Dazai asks, eyeing the papers on Chuuya's desk.
Instead of answering, Chuuya yells "One beating wasn't enough for you bastard?!!!!!" And tries to punch Dazai in the face rudely. Dazai easily dodges, patting Chuuya on the head tauntingly. "Down Chuuya, down."
"DON'T TREAT ME LIKE A DOG" A kick.
" Huh, but Chibi is a dog!" Dodge.
" HAH?!! AM NOT!" Punch.
" Oh, is that so?" Step aside and… got it.
Chuuya's eyes are filled with rage as he looks at the mackerel…
… that's holding his hat.
Chuuya immediately leaps at the lanky bastard, managing to tackle him to the ground. He stretches his hand and grabes his hat. When he tries to stand up though, Dazai quickly stops him. He swiftly puts his hands on Chuuya's hips and digs his fingers in.
Chuuya squeeks. He himself forgot how ticklish he is. Dazai, apparently, did not.
"Da-ha-zai, sto-ho-stoop it!" He yelps. Chuuya's hands are unable to hold him up anymore so he falls right onto the stinky mackerel. The taller didn't seem to mind the extra weight. He simply continues tickling Chuuya, smirking the whole time.
"I'll stop when you answer my question." He states simply. "wh- what que-ha guestion?" Dazai sighted. "Chibi really is dumb. I asked what were you doing." He reminds. " Fu-hu-ck y-you!" Dazai only shakes his head and moves his hand so they lay right under Chuuya's ribs. " Come again Slug?"
"I-I, haha, wa-ha, was- DA-HA-ZAI!!" Chuuya gaspes, rapidly losing breath. Dazai pouts and stops the tickling attack, but his fingers stay ready.
After a few greedy breaths the smaller finally answers "I was working. Doing paperwork, it's all there." He points towards the piles of papers taking up half of his desk.
Dazai's eye twitches as he takes in the sight. "All that?" He asks, hands leaving Chuuya's sides. Noticing this, Chuuya stands up and pulls the lazy bastard with him.
Dazai still looks fairly surprised and disgusted. "You wanted to do all that?"
"Well… yes…" Chuuya admits suddenly feeling nervous. Though his initial timidness was gone the moment Dazai approached the desk. "Wait, Oi Bastard don't touch that!" He yelled when the taller picked up some of the documents.
"Chibi?" Dazai asks and Chuuya stops at the questioning tone.
"Yes?"
"Did you know you can do this one tomorrow?"
"Yes?"
"And you planned on doing all of this tonight?"
"Yes."
"Why?!"
The mafioso shrugs. "I don't like unfinished work, it makes me nervous." He admits nonchalantly. "What are you- Oi Dazai! Stop going through my paperwork! That's classified mafia business!!!" His angry shouts go unnoticed as the detective continues doing just that.
Chuuya stays frozen in spot, half because of being too stunned by his ex-partner's insolence, half from resignation. He knows he can't stop Dazai when he's this determined.
Quite a while later the mackerel finally straightens up and steps from the desk, victorious look on his face.
"There. This pile is what you need todo today, this one tomorrow, this one Monday, Tuesday…" the mackerel goes on pointing to various piles he sorted the paperwork into. "Okay and what?" Chuuya growls, already knowing where this was going. The shitty mummy smirks again. He then takes all the piles except the one for the current day and puts them on top of Chuuya's,tall as fuck, closet.
"Now I'm staying the night and making sure chibi only does the work he needs to do. Can't have my dog overwork himself, can I?"
Said dog just Mumbles something that was probably an insult and goes over to Dazai. Clearly at his energy limit because any other time he'd kick Dazai out the window right at the start.
…
Chuuya put down the pen, having finished the paperwork. His ex-partner, just as ge promised, stayed by his side the whole time. And surprisingly, Chuuya was actually grateful. It took nearly two hours to finish just today's work and he was exhausted.
Dazai took the last paper and inspected it. "Hmmm..yes, good job chibi. Time to sleep now! Ofc I have to sleep with the slug to make sure he doesn't run off. What a sacrifice! You better be grateful hatrack."
"SACRIFICE???!!! I'm the one who has to sleep with smelly mackerel! Pfff." The redhead complained, but didn't stop Dazai from following him to bed nor from getting in with him.
When Chuuya finally felt himself drifting off to sleep, he remembered one more thing "Thanks shitty Dazai." he mumbled.
Dazai just smiled at him fondly before pulling him closer to his chest.