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April didn’t want to go home. Facing her dad was too much. How could she possibly explain what happened that night?
Oh hey, by the way, Dad, today, I got possessed by an alien crystal and evaporated my best friend against my will while I could only watch, trapped inside my own mind.
Not exactly something April wanted to talk about over dinner.
Donatello, the sweet guy he was, offered to let her take their spare room for the night, the same room she often stayed in. Normally, such an offer would receive an immediate answer, but she hesitated this time.
He’d let her stay after what she did to him?
But he and his brothers insisted, and even Casey encouraged her to stay with them so she wouldn’t feel lonely. So with a quick text to her father saying that it had been a rough patrol night and she couldn’t come home, she stayed.
She should’ve known she wouldn’t be able to sleep that night. Granted, she felt safe and comfortable in the lair, but her mind couldn’t rest.
Donatello. Her poor, sweet Donnie.
How could she have done that to him?
Every thought in her mind screamed that she was to blame. She let it happen. She chose Za-Naron over Donnie.
It wasn’t true, and she knew that, but the thoughts kept growing louder.
Was it painful, she wondered? Did he think she meant to hurt him? Was he scared of her?
No, she told herself, he had insisted he was fine. He didn’t blame her. It was okay.
No, it wasn’t, those thoughts repeated. He was hurt and he hated her now.
April sat up in the bed.
There was no way she was sleeping tonight.
She sighed, pulled her feet out of the covers, and hopped off the bed. She creaked the door open as quietly as she could and tiptoed toward the kitchen. Hopefully a snack could ease her thoughts.
She opened the fridge. Taking in the sight, she frowned.
No quick snacks, guys? Really?
Grumbling about their uncharacteristically short supply of food, she grabbed the milk carton, poured herself a glass of milk, and put the carton back.
She sat at the counter, trying not to make much noise. She took a sip of her drink as she stared off into space, her eyes glossy.
Don’t dwell on tonight, April. Clear your thoughts. Breathe.
She immediately started crying.
Tears fell before she could stop them. Sniffling, she dropped her head into her arms folded on the counter.
She shook and whimpered several moments before hearing a timid “April?” behind her.
She jolted up immediately and turned toward the voice.
Donatello stood at the entrance of the kitchen looking nervous and concerned. April’s eyebrows furrowed together, curving upward.
She should’ve known he’d be up too.
“D—Donnie! I was just,” she sniffed and wiped her eye, “um, just grabbing a drink.”
He pursed his lips for a moment. “Can’t sleep?”
April brushed her bangs behind her ear. “… No.”
“Do you … wanna talk about it?”
“I don’t know.” She swallowed. “But, um … Is it okay if you stay?”
He smiled softly. “Yeah.”
He took a seat beside her.
“How’s your head? Any migraines?” he asked.
She shrugged. “It’s died down a bit.”
“That’s good.”
“… Yeah.”
“No voices in your head? Y’know, other than yours. Heh.”
“Um. Well. It wasn’t like there was a foreign voice in my head before.”
Donnie eyebrow raised. She sighed.
“It’s weird. Before … that thing took full control … she was still there … but it was so gradual, I didn’t realize something was wrong. Sometimes I’d say something so cruel, and I knew it was cruel, but it felt so natural for me. Like that was just how I am. It felt so comfortable that I had no motivation to change.”
She felt another tear fall down her cheek. “In my head, her thoughts sounded like mine.”
Donatello nodded. “Makes sense. Maybe that’s why it was so hard to take control. If her thoughts felt as familiar as your own, it sounds like it’d be hard to navigate it all.”
April shivered. “If I’d have realized that crystal was affecting me so drastically, this never would’ve happened …”
“April,” he placed a hand on her shoulder, and she tensed in response, “You couldn’t have known. When you got the crystal, we were on a mission to save Earth, and we only had one chance at it. You missed your dad. We were risking our lives almost every day. You had lots of stuff on your mind. And things have just piled up since then—“
“Donnie,” she interrupted.
“Yeah?”
“How … How are you so …” She sniffled. “How can you forgive me after what happened?”
“… That wasn’t you, April. I know it wasn’t.” He grabbed her hand. “And you feeling so upset about it proves it.”
“… Did it hurt?”
“What?”
“When I tore you apart.”
“… I don’t remember,” he admitted. “It just … happened, and then I woke up and you were running to me. I mean, I was dizzy for a while and had a horrible headache, but otherwise I don’t remember any pain.”
April watched him silently. He was telling the truth. It could’ve been a lot worse, she thought. But … he was alright. He didn’t seem affected in the slightest. After a few long moments, she looked away.
“I still could have lost you forever.”
“Hey, don’t say that. We’re both here now, and that thing is gone.”
April only half-processed what he said before asking a burning question in her mind.
“Are you scared of me?”
He paused. Looking down at their hands, he smiled.
“Terrified.” He chuckled. “But in the same way I’ve always been.” He looked back at her. “You, April O’Neil, petrify me like no other.” His smiled dropped as he looked at her sternly. “But I’m absolutely certain that you have never wanted to hurt me.”
If her face was already pink from her crying, it was now burning red. She could feel his certainty and affection towards her. She felt her eyes fill with tears once more.
“I don’t deserve you, D.” She bit her lip. “It … hurt so much.”
“What did?”
April swallowed. “When I … What I saw … from inside my head … I mean, it …” She sighed and leaned her forehead against her free hand.
“Hey, it’s alright. Just breathe,” Donatello soothed. “Take your time.”
She inhaled slowly, squeezing Donatello’s hand tightly. She took a sip of her milk and swallowed.
“… I saw everything.” She looked back at him. “When I … When she tore you apart … I had to just watch … I couldn’t stop her. I was trying, but it was like she was … ripping my hands off the steering wheel, y’know?” She released a shakey breath. “Donnie … I had to watch my favorite person get ripped apart by my own hand …”
The last few words got quieter and quieter until her voice broke and she broke down into sobs. April ripped her hand out of Donatello’s grip and covered her face.
“April …” He stood from his seat and wrapped his arms around her. She buried her head into the crook of his neck, shaking. He tried to brush his finger through her hair soothingly. “Hey, shh, it’s okay. I’m here. I’m alright.”
“I don’t e—ever wanna lose … lose you again,” she sobbed, muffled against his neck.
“I’m staying right here, April.” He pushed her away slightly to meet her eyes. He placed his hands on either side of her face, wiping tears from her cheeks. “Just remember that you fixed everything. You put me back together. You defeated Za-Naron.”
“Donnie …”
“And y’know what? I am so proud of you.”
“D—Donnie, I …” Her lip quivered, and a single tear fell down her cheek.
Donatello watched it for a moment before a sudden strike of confidence hit him, and he leaned in and pressed a kiss on the stray tear. April sucked in a deep breath in surprise.
She stared at him with wide eyes. Donnie? Kissed her? Well, that was a first. Her heart beat faster. A strong feeling of care and admiration were seemingly glowing from him.
All of his confidence seemed to be draining from him. His hands started to drop from her face, and his expression became scared and unsure.
April felt her breath quicken. She lifted her hands and held Donatello’s against her face more firmly, then reached for his own face and pulled him to her.
She wasn’t exactly sure what was happening anymore. All she knew was that all the feelings she had that kept telling her ‘not yet!’ were suddenly gone.
They’d both waited long enough. They’d faced their obstacles. It was time.
She threw caution to the wind and pressed her lips to his. He was still at first, but with a spark of joy, he returned her kiss, tilting his head as his hands held her more firmly.
April pulled away first. They stared at each other, both unsure of what to say.
“… Donnie, um …” She cleared her throat. “I … Do you want to … I mean, it’s okay if you don’t, but, um …”
Donatello grabbed her hands and held them. “April?”
She swallowed. “… I think I’m ready to try this … us .”
She felt a sharp pang of emotion from him: excitement, followed by caution.
“Y—yeah?”
“Yeah.” She smiled. “I meant what I said. I don’t want to ever lose you again.” She let out a small laugh. “So … you okay with being stuck with me?” she joked.
Donatello now had what was possibly the biggest grin she had ever seen on his face. He suddenly hugged her, picking her up and spinning her around.
“Careful, D!” she giggled. “I’m still fighting a headache.”
He put her down. “April, I—I …” He took a breath. “C—can I kiss you again?”
April grinned. “Go for it.”
She smiled wider at his excitement as he leaned in, capturing her lips. She found herself melting into him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him closer. He broke the kiss and pecked her nose.
“There’s no one else I’d rather be stuck with,” he said.
“Uh …”
They both jumped out of each other’s arms at the sound of the voice. They turned to see a maskless Leonardo at the kitchen entrance looking very sheepish.
“Um, sorry. I was just … yeah,” he said.
“Uh, Leo … What are you doing up?” Donatello asked through gritted teeth.
Leonardo walked to the cabinet and grabbed a glass. “Just getting some water. Um, I didn’t mean to … walk in …” He poured himself some water.
Donatello and April glanced at each other.
Leonardo pursed his lips. “Um, hey, it’s not a big deal. I’ll just leave, and we can forget this happened. Um, don’t worry; I won’t tell anyone.” His eyes avoided the pair. “Right. Um. Hope you two are feeling better …” He mumbled, “Looks like you are …”
He shifted in place for a moment before nodding at them awkwardly. “Bye.” He left the room.
“… I guess Leo knows now,” April commented.
“… Yeah.” Donatello turned to her. “… So should we say anything to anyone else?”
“Right now? I don’t know …” She smiled. “I mean, not that I don’t want to, but after what we just went through … and everything with Shredder …”
“Makes sense,” he agreed. “Wouldn’t want too many questions right now.”
“Yeah.”
He crossed his arms, his fingers tapping against his arm. “… Actually, is it okay if we tell Splinter?”
“Sure, that sounds fair.” April brushed her hair behind her ear. “Should we tell my dad too?”
“Um … Will he be okay with …” he trailed off.
“Don’t worry. He has a lot of respect for you.” April grabbed his hand. “I mean, y’know, whatever makes you comfortable.”
He smiled. “It’s getting late. Do you want to talk about this more tomorrow?”
“… Yeah,” April said. She grimaced. “My headache is coming back. You still have the ibuprofen in … that one drawer, right?”
He pointed across the island. “That one, yeah.”
April fetched it and downed a pill with her milk. “There. Hopefully, it’ll go away.”
“Maybe you just need some sleep.”
April shrugged. “If I can sleep.”
“… Well … Are you feeling better now? Emotionally?”
April paused. “… Yeah. I think so. At least a little. Talking about it helped for sure.”
“And … maybe some other things?” Donatello teased.
She laughed. “Right. And some other things too.”
”Maybe now that you have other things on your mind, you’ll be able to sleep easier.” He offered his hand. “I’ll walk you to your room.”
“What a gentleman,” April said with a grin. “Here, lemme finish my drink real quick.”
She drank what was left of the milk and took Donatello’s hand.
“I’m kinda worried about my powers, honestly,” April said as they left the kitchen.
“Why?”
“I was practicing my abilities with the crystal’s help.” April adjusted her hand in Donatello’s, trying to find a comfortable way to hold his hand. “I don’t know what my progress is now that it’s destroyed.”
“It seems to be in a good place, at least,” Donatello assured her.
“Did your psychic machine thing-y get damaged today? Maybe a test would be helpful to better understand where I’m at.”
He stopped. “Are you sure? You always hated that thing.”
April shrugged. “I mean … I do hate it, but it’s worth a shot. I wanna know how much control I have over my powers. Cause if I don’t have much control …”
“April.” He grabbed her other hand and turned her to face him. “We can test it tomorrow if that makes you feel better, but I can assure you, if you lose any sort of control, it won’t be anywhere near as bad as it was tonight. I’m sure of it.”
“… If you say so.”
They resumed their walk toward her room. “Hey, if you’re so worried about it, maybe we could call Professor X to help,” he joked.
April snorted. “You saying I could be an X-Man? Or, uh, X-Woman?”
Donatello laughed. “There ya go. You are a mutant.”
April giggled along with him. Reaching the door to April’s temporary bedroom, she turned to him.
“Thanks for … everything,” April said. “Reassuring me and cheering me up and stuff.”
“No problem, April. I hope you feel better.” He blushed and looked away. “And, uh, thanks, also.”
“For what?”
“Um, well.” He chuckled nervously. “Y’know. Us. Together … And everything.”
She grinned. Reaching for his face, she pulled him down and pecked his lips.
“Goodnight, Donnie.”
Donatello smiled.
“Goodnight, April.”