Chapter Text
[In an endless blanket of stars and nebulae, a white hand named Master Hand and his robot assistant R.O.B. are surrounded by glowing orbs, filled with the lives of other people. Master Hand watches them with awe.]
Master Hand: Look at them, R.O.B. Each of these heroes has a story full of adventure, and I can’t help but lose myself in their world. I could watch them for as long as…
[Beat.]
Master Hand: ...how much time have I spent watching these people?
R.O.B.: [Time is an illusionary framework constructed to–]
Master Hand: Right, but like, if we pretended this was in a mortal context?
R.O.B.: [Then you have spent 3 weeks, 2 days, and 14 hours watching these people. Please consider a different activity.]
Master Hand: I need to do something. As engrossing as this is, I’m not doing anything meaningful. I just need an idea...
[Beat.]
Master Hand: Maybe if I watch them some more an idea will pop up!
R.O.B.: [You have been watching them for too long. They are a distraction. You need to create your own universe.]
Master Hand: Ugh, quit pestering me about that, it’s annoying.
R.O.B.: [But you programmed me to remind you...]
[R.O.B. walks away, making sad robot noises. Master Hand returns to gazing at the orb in front of him, which contains a plumber flying in the sky. A melancholic longingness fills his voice as he speaks to himself.]
Master Hand: If I met one of you...what would I do? What words would I say?
[Some time passes. Master Hand’s position hasn’t changed much, continuing to watch the heroes in the orbs. Far away, a pink, round creature named Kirby is on a shooting star, rapidly approaching. The star plummets faster and faster until it collides into R.O.B., sending both of them flying from impact. Kirby lands on the ground face-first. He speaks in a muffled but still bubbly voice.]
Kirby: My face.
[Master Hand recoils in shock.]
Master Hand: Augh! What are you doing here–
[He gasps.]
Master Hand: You’re...you’re Kirby!
[Kirby responds in the voice of a happy and carefree child who eats crayons.]
Kirby: Hey, you know my name! And who are you? I’m Kirby! Oh you already knew that.
Master Hand: I’m Master Hand, and...how did you manage to get here? This plane of existence is separate from reality.
Kirby: It is? Oh gosh, it looks like I leapt through space and time again!
Master Hand: Honestly though, I shouldn’t be surprised or even try questioning it. I know what you’re capable of, Kirby. I’ve been watching you for a while now.
Kirby: You have?
Master Hand: Absolutely! Come here, take a look at this.
[Master Hand shows Kirby the glowing orbs containing the other universes. In one orb, a giant monkey is rolling on a barrel, knocking over enemies. In another, a young man in green is battling a large pig-like monster. They all contain some sort of valorous feat.]
Kirby: Wow, look at all the people! Is this how you spy on me and invade my privacy? It’s so pretty!
Master Hand: Yes...this is how I came to learn about you, watch everything you’ve ever done. Don’t think of me rude, but I’ve been observing you and several others for a while. You are all so interesting and fun, so full of adventure.
Kirby: I don’t blame you. I’m really adorable! But you don’t need to butter me up; someone like you surely has your fair share of exciting stories as well.
Master Hand: *sigh* I don’t, though. Most of my existence has been observing the lives of others. Sad, isn’t it? I’m a god capable of creating anything, yet here I am, doing nothing meaningful.
[Master Hand deflates a little, embarrassed that his life doesn’t reflect his capabilities.]
Kirby: Don’t be ashamed! Being a powerful deity who gets to just sit and watch other more interesting people live lives far more interesting than yours sounds fun!
[Master Hand recoils in disgust.]
Master Hand: Stop! It sounds more pathetic when you say it like that!
Kirby: If you’re dissatisfied, maybe you should try having a project or hobby! Recently I started knitting yarn. This is a scarf for my best friend Meta Knight!
[Out of nowhere, Kirby pulls out a scarf he is knitting.]
Master Hand: Eh, you need two hands to do that kind of thing. Also you need thumbs, so I don’t know how you’re so successful at it.
Kirby: It’s all in the wrists!
Master Hand: That makes even less sense. Regardless, I don’t need a hobby anyway. I already have the task of creating a universe of my own to rule.
Kirby: Wow...the task to create a universe. Did you know there’s a black hole in my stomach that makes everything I eat disappear? That’s like the opposite of your task.
Master Hand: The problem is that I’ve been stalling since I don’t know what kind of universe I want to create, and I’ve kind of distracted myself by watching heroes like you all the time. It got so bad that I created R.O.B. to remind me to stay on task, but all he’s done so far is be a buzzkill.
[Quick cut back to R.O.B., who is still on the ground knocked out.]
Kirby: Are we that big of a distraction? We’re not that interesting, are we?
Master Hand: Of course you are! There’s a poetic beauty to the stories you wrote for yourselves, living these lives filled with adversity and hardship, but choosing to rise when others have fallen, and at your lowest point you transform into the greatest version of yourself more powerful than anyone could have imagined.
[As Master Hand describes the heroes, a magnificent shot of Link in the orb shows him fighting Ganon. Kirby isn’t paying attention, looking instead at a different orb that’s of him fighting a Squeak.]
Kirby: Wow, that’s a spot-on description of my adventure! It wasn’t easy getting back that stolen strawberry cake slice from the Squeaks, but it was well worth it in the end!
Master Hand: I can’t tell if you’re always this optimistically happy or if you’re trying to subtly mess with me.
Kirby: Dedede said the same thing the other day.
Master Hand: It doesn’t matter anyway, just tell me what you would do if you were in my position, Kirby.
Kirby: Well, I don’t know, to be honest. Thinking is optional for someone like me. But I must admit, I can’t blame you for stalling on your universe. The people you’re watching seem really cool and exciting. I would get distracted, too!
[Kirby is watching Link attack Ganondorf. Link stabs Ganondorf in a final blow, shooting out blood. Kirby gasps in horror.]
Kirby: Oh no, blood!
[Master Hand speaks in a melancholic voice...]
Master Hand: Yeah...when I watch you all, I get so engrossed and lose track of time…
[...before turning into fast nonchalance.]
Master Hand: Which given my omnipotence and transcendence of space and time seems impossible, but you know.
Kirby: I completely understand! We all have untold stories! I bet if others learned about our adventures, they’d be captivated too.
Master Hand: They would, wouldn’t they?
Kirby: In any case, I’m sorry I don’t have the answer for you regarding your universe building thing. Goodbye, Master Hand!
[Kirby boards his warp star.]
Master Hand: Wait, you’re gonna go? Are you sure?
Kirby: It’s okay, I’m doing you a favor! Building a universe is important, and it sounds like you need some soul searching. Also I’m hungry and I don’t see any cake here.
Master Hand: Well...it was nice to meet you, Kirby. Thank you.
Kirby: It was nice to meet you too, Master Hand! Don’t feel discouraged; the answer will come to you soon I’m sure!
[Kirby leaves. Master Hand is left alone. He stares at the orbs, letting Kirby’s voice echo in his mind.]
“We all have untold stories. I bet if others learned about our adventures, they would be captivated too.”