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Merlin didn’t realize they’d be visiting the damn ice caps, if he’d known he would have told Arthur a very creative lie to keep them from ever leaving Camelot. However, as it stood, they were both freezing their arses off in some place he didn’t remember the name of because his brain froze three hours ago.
“Will you stop looking so miserable, Merlin,” Arthur admonished from his horse that by some stroke of luck hadn’t turned into a solid block of ice.
“M’cold t-this i-isn’t normal,” he stuttered in response.
“We’ll be at their citadel within the hour, just try and smile when we get there,” Arthur ordered dismissively like cracking his dry aching lips in an attempt at being friendly looking would help or even be possible.
Merlin hugged his body as best he could without letting go of the reins and managed to do as Arthur instructed when they arrived, though; his smile was more of a tight lipped pathetic grin because his face felt frozen. Foolishly thinking the inside of the gods forsaken citadel in the northern most part of the kingdom would be warmer, he nearly cried in desperation when they entered the great hall and it was just as cold.
Deciding that he would die there, Merlin spent the next two hours trying and failing to hide his shivering as Arthur, and the lord of the ice talked trade agreements and peace treaties. Finally, when they had finished and their rooms had been prepared Merlin dutifully followed Arthur through the halls towards what he hoped was warmth.
The lingering cold had permanently set into his bones by the time Merlin fetched dinner for Arthur. The lord’s servants had helped direct him around the vast citadel, and despite running around for nearly an hour getting things ready for Arthur, his body still hadn’t warmed up one bit.
Once Arthur was done eating, Merlin threw another log onto the fire for good measure. He was about to ask if he should grab a bottle of wine to help them warm up when Arthur yawned and began peeling out of his clothes.
“Are you not staying up longer?” he asked, already knowing the answer.
“I’m beat, I’ll be alright for the rest of the night, go get some rest,” Arthur replied as he quickly changed into his night clothes and practically jumped into bed. “Did they show you where your quarters are?”
“Yes, I’ve seen the dormitories, well, not the inside but I know the room I’ve been assigned.”
“Good, I expect you here bright and early tomorrow, the sooner we can finish with this visit the sooner we can go home, where it’s warm.”
Too cold to actually tease Arthur about the weather bothering him, Merlin nodded in response and took the empty dinner tray with him before leaving. Walking back through the quiet corridors of the unfamiliar citadel was slightly unnerving, but the thought of being in front of a warm fire of his own spurred Merlin on. He was so close to being done and relaxing for the evening.
Thinking about how nice the fire would be Merlin couldn’t process what he was seeing when he arrived at his room a few moments later. Blinking stupidly at the sparsely furnished space he kept looking for, and kept failing at locating a fireplace. How the hell was one supposed to start a fire if there was no fireplace?
Wondering if he’d gone into the wrong room he went back out into the hallway to see. However, upon further inspection he discovered he was in the right spot. This was the wing for the servants. Retreating into his ice cold room he shut the door and sat on the bed, wringing his hands in worry.
Glancing around he noted that the bedding provided was only a few sheets and one blanket, not even a fur! Arthur’s room had piles of them by the bed and he’d been given at least four warming pans. Merlin knew this because he’d filled them earlier.
Looking up at the door he noted there was no lock, he’d have to be careful how he used his magic. He could conjure fire to keep warm, but there was no fuel to burn and even if there was, the smoke wouldn’t have anywhere to vent, his room had no window. Surely, leaving soot stains on the walls would be noticeable and people would question him the next morning.
Hunching in on himself he tried to contain what little warmth his body was generating. He needed to come up with a solution fast, otherwise he’d freeze to death. Debating about staying up and using his magic to create little bouts of fire sounded promising, but Merlin knew he’d fall asleep and if the fire damaged something he’d been in even bigger trouble.
Maybe he could go back upstairs and tell Arthur? He shouldn’t be so heartless that he wouldn’t spare a fur or one of the warming pans, but this was Arthur. He’d most likely laugh, thinking it was a joke, and tell him to go away. Sighing in defeat Merlin grabbed the one blanket that had been left and wrapped it around his shoulders.
Not bothering to undress Merlin huddled against the headboard and worked on not biting his tongue with chattering teeth. Time passed slowly watching the lone candle in the room burn down. When the shivering started he knew things were only going to get worse. Unable to stop his body from violently shaking Merlin realized he was at a crossroads. He had to go ask Arthur for help or risk bodily injury by staying in his room.
Sighing in defeat he clumsily got up and stumbled toward the door. Fumbling with the latch he was alarmed to note his fingers were totally numb. Panicking slightly at the thought of being trapped Merlin nearly blasted the door open with magic. Finally getting the latch open after a minute he whimpered pathetically at how much colder it was in the corridor.
Shuffling along Merlin barely remembered how to get to Arthur’s guest chamber. The citadel was dark and the cold was making him sluggish. When he arrived, he debated about knocking. Arthur would surely be asleep by now, but he wasn’t sure if barging in uninvited would make the king throw him out. Swearing quietly under his breath Merlin opted to risk it and entered the room.
Praying he’d found the right room, he let out a quick sigh of relief when he noticed Arthur’s boots in the corner. Wasting no time he rushed over to the fireplace and used his magic to stoke the fire. The warmth radiating from the blazing glow only drew him closer as he crumpled to the floor. Resigned to sleeping on the hearth simply to stay warm, Merlin didn’t bother checking on Arthur. There was no need to alert the king, he would survive the night.
--
Sleeping in an unfamiliar place made Arthur jumpy, so when he heard the door to his chambers creak open he instinctively grabbed the dagger under his pillow and waited. Expecting something far worse than his manservant bumbling in Arthur relaxed when he spied Merlin. However, after a moment it became apparent that things were not well. Merlin could hardly walk straight and instead of coming to see if he was awake he’d gone straight to the dying fireplace.
Arthur was about to ask what was going on when an unmistakable golden glow filled Merlin’s eyes, followed by the fire bursting to life. All the muscles in his body tensed as he stared at Merlin, the sorcerer. There was no confusing what he saw for a trick of the eye. Merlin had used magic.
Too shocked to process his next actions, Arthur slowly crept out from under the covers, only dimly aware of the icy stones beneath his socked feet. Merlin still had yet to notice him, and Arthur wasn’t sure what, exactly, he planned on doing next.
He felt numb, and not from the cold. Merlin had lied to him for years, and Arthur hadn’t bothered to see what was right in front of his face. He’d been duped again. Morgana had betrayed him because of magic, and now Merlin was going to do the same thing! His heart ached at the thought, but what other option was there, magic corrupted those that used it.
Arthur’s mind was racing. How could he have missed such an important detail? He knew Merlin, or at least he thought he did; now he wasn’t so sure. Stricken with the idea that things could never be the same moving forward, Arthur nearly cried out.
Unable to stop himself Arthur broke the silence with one loaded question, “Why, Merlin?”
His manservant snapped his head up instantly, “A-are y-you alr-right?” Merlin stuttered, ignoring the question. “I’ll p-prot-tect you,” he added pointing to Arthur’s hand.
Belatedly realizing he was still holding the dagger Arthur was momentarily lost for words. Was Merlin seriously offering to help? “You’ll protect me?” he asked incredulously. “Aren’t you meant to hurt me?” Arthur lamented, dropping to his knees to be eye level with Merlin.
“I-I’d n-never hu-rt y-you,” he defended vehemently, looking alarmed at the very thought.
“But the magic, it’s evil and it’s corrupted you,” Arthur found himself saying, though the words sounded muted in his head.
“M’not c-corrupted,” Merlin answered quickly, “I o-only use i-it for y-you,” smiling weakly through chattering teeth he seemed pleased by his excuse, and went back to staring longingly at the fire.
Seeing Merlin brush off something so important with a few words made Arthur re-examine the situation. Torn between concern, anger, and fear over everything that was happening, Arthur knew he had to come to a decision fast.
“Merlin, look at me,” he ordered, waiting with baited breath as his servant complied. “Would you ever hurt me?” he asked. It was a stupid question, really, but the old Merlin would have given him a truthful answer, and that’s all Arthur wanted right now.
Honesty.
Merlin seemed puzzled by the question but answered straight away, “N-never, I-I t-told you I’d p-protect y-you.”
Letting out a deep breath, Arthur finally released his hold on the dagger. The harsh sound of the metal clattering on the stone floor broke his stupor. Pushing aside the thousands of questions he still had, Arthur reached forward and grasped Merlin’s shoulders. The boy’s attention span was alarmingly short considering he’d just revealed his magic, and Arthur wasn’t done talking to him.
Pausing for a moment, Arthur felt his chest constrict when he figured out what was going on. Merlin wasn’t being thick on purpose he was freezing to death. The signs of hypothermia were staring him right in the face and Arthur hadn’t noticed. Seeing Merlin’s magic earlier had blindsided him.
Taking in all the details Arthur saw Merlin’s pale skin, and nearly blue lips. His shivering body and chattering teeth, combined with his sluggish actions were all bad signs. The immediate desire to help, instead of harm, bolstered Arthur’s resolve regarding his decision to momentarily trust Merlin’s word. Maybe he wouldn’t regret this? Merlin had told him he would never harm him.
Seeing how miserable Merlin looked spurred Arthur on, he needed to act fast in order to stave off any long lasting ill effects of the cold. “Come on; let’s get you up off the floor,” he insisted.
“N-no p-please let me s-stay,” he whimpered pathetically, curling into a ball to evade Arthur’s grasp.
“I’m not kicking you out, you need to warm up and the bed is nice and toasty.”
“But s’your b-bed,” Merlin slurred.
“Yes, always so astute you are Merlin, it is my bed, but for now we can share,” Arthur hoped his teasing would get Merlin moving. Thankfully, his manservant didn’t put up much of a fuss after that and allowed Arthur to take off his boots, and after a small tug of war he managed to remove Merlin’s coat. It was understandable, he was taking away what little warmth was available, but the bed was warmer. With four bloody warming pans still producing heat, and a pile of furs on top of the bed it was quiet pleasant.
Gently shoving Merlin under the covers, Arthur quickly covered him and ran around to the other side of the bed. Jumping in he let out a contented sigh at the change in temperature. This place was truly the coldest he’d ever visited. They’d only be here a few more days and then he’d be home. Suddenly re-remembering the magic, Arthur tried to ignore the niggling doubt in the back of his mind. Clinging to the idea that Merlin was his friend, and not the enemy, Arthur had little choice but to wait. This was not the time to interrogate poor Merlin.
Merlin was still shivering violently despite being in the bed, but Arthur knew that was a good thing. “Are you feeling any warmer?” he asked softly.
“Y-yeah,” Merlin managed.
“Good, you rest and we’ll talk in the morning.” Arthur wondered if Merlin had fallen asleep when no response was forthcoming.
After a minute he heard Merlin’s weak voice through the gloom, “M’sorry, please don’t let me b-burn.”
The implications of that simple statement made Arthur’s blood boil. He was angry at not having known, but the pyre was not a punishment he wished on anyone, let alone Merlin. “I’d never do that!” he hissed, “Don’t you ever think such things, I won’t hurt you, nor will I let anyone else hurt you.”
Even in the dark, Arthur could see Merlin’s shoulders loosen, “Get some sleep, you’re safe.” The ease with which he uttered the promise of safety gave Arthur pause, Merlin was his friend. Magic or not he should still be the same man.
Forced to wait until morning to press the issue, Arthur prayed he’d made the right choice. Perhaps magic wasn’t as evil as he’d been led to believe. Unwilling to sleep until he was sure Merlin had warmed up; Arthur stared at the canopy of the bed until the sound of chattering teeth faded. Only when he could make out small snuffles coming from the other side of the bed did Arthur finally fall back to sleep.
--
A warm hand on his forehead roused Merlin, making him turn towards the touch. Slowly becoming aware of his surroundings he remembered he was not in Camelot. Flinching slightly when the hand moved away, he opened his eyes to a total stranger.
“What’s going on?” he rasped, struggling to back away only to end up scooting further into the middle of a rather large bed.
“Please don’t overwork yourself, you were ill last night and King Arthur insisted I come to check on you,” the man answered.
“Who – I don’t understand,” Merlin mumbled tiredly. His brain felt like mush and with no clear memory of where he was or what had happened, nothing made sense.
“I’m the physician here at the citadel. You were suffering from a small fever earlier when the king called me.”
“Earlier? How long have I been in bed?” Merlin questioned in alarm.
The physician pursed his lips in thought, “When I arrived this morning the king mentioned that you had visited near on midnight, and now it’s nearly two in afternoon--.”
“Nearly two!” Merlin shouted, “I’ve got to go, Arthur will kill me if I – If I,” suddenly overcome with a feeling of dread Merlin couldn’t breathe. His memories of the previous night were fuzzy at best, but something major had occurred. The physician shaking his shoulders a moment later snapped Merlin out of his mini panic attack.
“Young man, you must rest, you are not well,” he urged holding Merlin down.
Merlin pushed the man aside in a flurry of long limbs, “I must find Arthur.” Evading the physician’s attempts to keep him in bed he burst out into the corridor. The change in temperature made him start shivering immediately. Barely having time to get his bearings before the physician came out after him, Merlin took off in the direction of the great hall.
Being chased through the halls in a foreign citadel was not how Merlin envisioned his day going, but he had to get to Arthur.
With the physician hot on his heels Merlin continued his pace, albeit his footing was terrible. He wasn’t wearing shoes; of course not, he’d been in bed. Ignoring the creeping cold that was steadily getting stronger, Merlin kept going. Each second he remained upright and in motion, his body sent rather blaring alarm signals to his brain telling him to stop. Merlin chose to turn a blind eye. He could deal with his health later, something important had transpired last night and Merlin needed to find out what it was.
Catching a lucky break as he turned a corner, Merlin spied Arthur walking with their host. Managing to run a little bit faster, he caught up. Panting like an idiot and holding his stomach Merlin fought to stay conscious. The little black spots clouding his vision were not a good sign, but he needed answers.
“Arthur, I --.”
“What in the devil are you doing?!” Arthur cursed cutting him off. “You can barely stand; and you’re missing your shoes. Merlin, you need to go back to bed and rest.”
“No, but I can’t, I need to – I need,” still confused by his missing memories of the night before Merlin had no idea what to say next. He had no specific question, only a bad feeling that something significant had occurred.
“You need to go back to bed, I can’t have you getting worse with us so far from home Merlin,” Arthur admonished.
“M’okay,” he lied.
“No he is not!” the physician raged coming up behind them. “Sirs,” he greeted, out of breath, “I must insist that this young man -- come back with me so he can rest properly.”
Merlin watched their host gave him a once over, “Our physician is a good man, I would do as he recommends. Besides, you do look pale,” he commented with worry.
“He’s practically translucent, “Arthur fumed. “Merlin, go back to my chambers and let the physician help you.”
“But --.”
“That’s an order Merlin,” he commanded, “No buts.”
Feeling completely out of sorts Merlin felt he had no choice but to follow Arthur’s orders. If he defied his king in front of their host, he’d make Arthur look bad. Knowing how hard Arthur worked during these diplomatic missions made Merlin reconsider his need to question Arthur right now.
“I’ll be up before dinner to check on you,” Arthur added with a frown.
Merlin nodded and remained silent. Something was off, and his mind was too muddled to understand why. Sagging in defeat, he allowed the physician to escort him back to Arthur’s rooms.
--
The image of Merlin half dead on his feet trying to get to him, wouldn’t leave Arthur’s mind. He wondered if Merlin remembered everything from the prior night considering how feverish he’d been that morning. Arthur had been struggling with his thoughts all day regarding the rather large secret Merlin had let spill.
Seeing his friend so unwell had prompted a slightly different response than Arthur had anticipated of himself. Uther’s teachings regarding magic were very clear, it was evil. However, every time Arthur tried to pin that word to Merlin, he failed. Judging by the fact that Merlin had literally run to him when he awoke meant he was still the same loyal fool.
His host broke the silence after a moment, “I am glad you requested the physician, your poor servant seems very ill.”
“Yes, he was nearly frozen when he arrived in my chambers, I had feared the worst but Merlin is stubborn about things like this. He’ll pull through,” Arthur mused.
“Perhaps you should go check on him now; it might be of some help to our physician in calming him down. He’s obviously very loyal to you, King Arthur.”
Arthur merely hummed in response; his emotions were starting to get the better of him, given all that had transpired.
“I’ll send a servant up to call you for dinner, go, check on your manservant.”
Not bothering to argue with his host for politeness sake, Arthur easily agreed. After a curt nod he was on his way back up to his chambers. Half way there he saw the physician coming, bearing the look of a tortured parent. “Did Merlin give you trouble again?” he sighed.
“My lord, I do hope you forgive my brashness, but yes, your manservant is simply a terrible patient,” the man lamented.
Unable to stop from laughing Arthur smiled, “That sounds like him.”
“Do make sure he stays in bed, he needs the rest.”
“I’ll do my best,” Arthur promised.
The physician bowed and they parted ways. Picking up his pace Arthur rushed back to his rooms. Worried about what he would find, still didn’t prepare him for what he saw when he opened the door. Merlin was there all right, but he wasn’t in bed. He was making it.
“What are you doing?!” Arthur nearly shouted.
Merlin flinched and braced himself on the bedside table to stay upright, “Getting the room tidy,” he replied hastily.
Arthur could feel a headache coming on, “Merlin, you need to be resting, not working. Get in the damn bed.”
“I’m meant to help you, not be a hindrance, if I can’t do this, then what good am I?”
Realizing Merlin’s stubbornness might be tied more to the reveal of his magic than actually being sick, Arthur decided to cut to the chase. “Merlin, do you remember what happened last night?”
Merlin paused and swayed slightly in place, “Um, bits and pieces.”
“Do you recall using magic in front of me?” Arthur had his answer right away when Merlin went deathly pale and crumpled to his knees. Rushing to his side he tried to think of what to say that would help dispel his friend’s obvious fear. “Hey, look at me,” Arthur urged gently grabbing Merlin’s shoulders and squeezing.
“How—how could I not remember that?” he stuttered in alarm.
“Because you are-- were suffering from hypothermia,” Arthur quickly added. “You stumbled in here and relit my fire with nothing but a nod of your head and a pair of glowing golden eyes. You didn’t even look at me Merlin, and you were shaking so badly I thought your teeth were going to rattle out of your head.”
“Goddess, I knew something was wrong when I woke up earlier. Aren’t you mad?”
“I was, but you were sort of dying of literal cold in front of me so I had to make a decision pretty fast about that.”
“I think I’m going to be sick,” Merlin mumbled weakly.
“Wha – no! Merlin, it’s alright, you’re safe, I won’t hurt you I promise,” Arthur exclaimed embracing Merlin tightly.
“It can’t be this easy, I’m dreaming or something,” he whispered into Arthur’s neck.
“You are very much awake, but you should be in bed resting. We can talk about this later, back home in Camelot.”
Merlin groaned and sagged slightly in his hold, “Will you share some of your warming pans and furs with me? My room has no fireplace. Please,” he added pitifully.
“You are out of your mind if you think I’m going to make you go back to your room when you almost froze to death last night. You’re staying here, with all the warming pans and furs.”
“Together? In the same bed?” he asked incredulously leaning away to catch Arthur’s full attention.
“Well, I’m not sleeping on the floor Merlin, and neither are you!” Arthur rapidly spit out in case his manservant tried to fight him.
The look hopeful look Merlin gave him, made Arthur’s heart clench. Thinking back he recalled another small detail that hadn’t made sense. “After you left my room last night, I didn’t see you again for at least another three hours. What were you doing?”
“Trying to stay warm,” he offered with a furrowed brow.
“Yes, I gathered that, but why did it take you so long to come back here? And why didn’t you wake me and ask for help?” Arthur wasn’t sure he wanted the answers, but there must have been a reason for Merlin to not seek his assistance. Forging ahead he asked one last question, “Were you planning on sleeping on the hearth?”
The guilty look on Merlin’s face said it all; Arthur was not someone Merlin trusted with his safety. Being kept in the dark about the magic made so much more sense, along with fear of death, Merlin didn’t trust him. “You didn’t believe I would help you, did you,” Arthur sighed, pulling away fully.
“No, no, it’s not that,” Merlin panicked, chasing him to hold his wrists tightly, “I was scared, I was cold, Arthur I didn’t know what to do and the last thing I wanted was to bother you. I know how important these missions are for you and I – I – m’sorry. I didn’t want to make things worse.”
Hearing Merlin practically beg was too much to bear, “You have to promise me Merlin, no more lies, even when it comes to something like this. Do you understand?” he asked sliding his hands into Merlin’s.
“No more...”
“--Lies, I want to know everything, all the things you’ve done, good and bad. We are going to have a fresh start. Can you do that for me?”
Merlin nodded and gave him a smile for the first time that day.
“Good, now, first things first, we need to get up off the floor and you need to rest.”
“But what about the magic? Are you sure you aren’t mad?”
“I’m technically furious Merlin, but given the circumstances I feel as though I can forgive you for not telling me, but you need to be honest with me going forward. If you need help you have to come to me.”
“I can do that,” he said softly.
Happy to hear him agree, he stood up and hauled Merlin with him, “Come on, into bed you go.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, you’ve gone even paler in the time we’ve talked, plus you can’t stand up properly. Running around the citadel in your socks didn’t help matters, but I’m mostly certain it had something to do with you believing I wouldn’t help you.”
Merlin shrugged, “You’ve helped me a lot Arthur, don’t think I don’t know that, I guess I was worried you’d get upset.”
“I’m going to blame that on your brain almost freezing, which I might add is partially my fault,” he tacked on sheepishly.
Merlin’s head snapped up to him, followed by a wince, clearly the movement caused him pain, “What do you mean partially your fault?”
“Yes, well, I’ve um been informed that I was supposed to have given you two warming pans and two furs to take with you back to your room.”
“I knew the two with the funny chains attached were odd!” Merlin exclaimed. “It was meant for carrying. If it makes you feel any better, no one told me about it either. I simply assumed I’d have one waiting for me in my room, but there was no fireplace. Just a blanket and a candle.” He sighed.
“Now we get to share four, even better,” Arthur pointedly replied. “So, what are you waiting for Merlin, get into the bed.”
Merlin hesitated slightly but after a second he gingerly crawled back into the bed and surprisingly didn’t put up a fuss when Arthur covered him with the furs. “You’ll get mad at me when I tell you all that I’ve done,” he murmured drowsily.
Assuming Merlin was referring to his magic, Arthur debated about the best way to respond, “It’s a possibility, but honestly Merlin, I’d rather hear the truth going forward, even if it pains me.”
“But what if – you decide to banish me?”
“Did you ever try to intentionally murder me?” he asked nonchalantly praying the answer was no.
“No, not intentionally, I mean Morgana tried to make me once but it didn’t work out –,” Merlin stopped rambling and looked horrified. “Oh, um, maybe we can talk about that later.”
Arthur was lost for words, he knew Morgana hated him but using Merlin against him was particularly evil. “Since I’m still alive, I’ll go ahead and wager a guess that you failed.” Merlin merely hummed and began fiddling with the edge of the fur. Remembering his initial question Arthur answered Merlin honestly, “I won’t banish you, I might shout and stop talking to you for a few days but I’d never abandon you.”
Merlin let out a breath and closed his eyes briefly, “Will everything be okay, between us?” he asked a moment later, looking up at Arthur.
Nodding he reached out to squeeze Merlin’s shoulder again, “Yes, everything will be okay, we’ll get through this. If I can come to terms with your magic in one day then I think we can handle whatever comes next.”
“I only ever used it for you-- I mean -- to help you,” Merlin clarified.
“I’m not surprised; you’re a loyal friend Merlin.”
This got a smile out his manservant. Relieved that they’d have no more lies between them, Arthur knew things would work out. “I’m going back down for dinner, I’ll make sure the physician checks on you and gets you some food later, but for now can you please, stay in bed and rest. I’d like to stay on schedule and that means we’re due to go home in two days. I need my friend in good health before we can travel,” he offered. “Do you think you can handle that?”
“M’not an idiot, I can do that, easy,” Merlin huffed.
“Good, I’ll leave you to it then; we can talk later, yeah?”
“It’ll be hard for me to tell you everything but I feel so much better knowing I won’t have to carry this burden alone anymore.”
“I’ll always be there to help, don’t ever doubt that,” Arthur added with conviction. Merlin grinned and let his eyes slip closed again. Making sure the covers were snuggly fitted around his friend Arthur couldn’t resist smoothing Merlin’s hair down gently before he left to continue with his duties. They’d get through this, no matter how difficult the times ahead would be.
Merlin was his best friend; they had a legacy to create!