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Kita sighs wearily, her brows furrowing in exhaustion. She stares up at the ceiling in a daze. She's been tossing and turning all night.
She groaned, flicking her gaze at the digital clock beside her.
3.52 A.M.
Great.
The subject of her thoughts?
Her lingering guilt.
Kita knew she shouldn't worry about this. She doesn't have to. Everyone has forgiven her already. Even Nijika.
Nijika...
How could she treat Kita so well after all that fiasco of her running away from the band once? She expected to be rejected, shunned, and told that she didn't deserve a place in the band.
Even so, Nijika agreed and offered to let Kita join.
Kita's lips curled down. If Kessoku Band didn't desperately need a vocalist slash guitarist at that moment. There would be no place for her.
She would go back to her ideal happy life. Her friends would surround her, sharing laughs together, watching movies together and singing karaoke together.
She would continue living her 'perfect' life filled with happiness. Truly a life that many others would be envious of.
But... why was she feeling like this?
This heavy, almost dark feeling weighs on her chest like a stone she can't get rid of.
Occasionally, she gasped out in terror in the middle of the night — shaky fingers reaching out towards thin air, seeking something to hold on to.
Anything. Anything to make this feeling go away.
(it never does.)
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
She wasn't supposed to show her weakness to anyone.
Today's afternoon practice session was a no-go. Even a three-year-old kid could tell something was off with the usually energetic vocalist.
Countless mistakes made the rest grimace. Unstable beats of the drum, incorrectly fretted notes and the fluctuating bass.
And most of all, her pitchy vocals, shaking at the end of every line she sung.
It was wrong. All wrong.
"Alright, let's leave it like this for today!" Nijika's voice pierced through Kita's ears like a knife. Of course, it was just her imagination. Nijika is not the type to blame others. She's nice, too nice.
"A-ah, t-thank you everyone." Hitori breathes out, sweat dripping down the sides of her chin. She hastily wipes it off with the sleeves of her usual pink jersey.
"See you all tomorrow." Ryo nods, moving to pack her bass into the case. As usual, it's hard to know what she's thinking but the frown etched on her forehead tells Kita all she needs to know.
She messed it up. She caused this.
Kita can't cry. Not now.
"Yeah! We'll get it down tomorrow. I'm sure of it!" She forced a smile, switching back to her blinding aura that could rival the brightest star in the universe.
Kita watched Hitori wince at her brightness from the corner of her eye. At least Hitori was easy to fool. She doesn't want unnecessary worries to consume Hitori any further.
The best course of action would be to pretend everything is fine. Hopefully this feeling will come to pass. Soon.
Hidden away from the view of others, she looked down and clenched her fists.
As the others waved their goodbyes, Kita didn't notice the hidden wine-pooled gaze behind her, reading her every move and action.
Kita walked out of STARRY's entrance absent-mindedly, staring down at the pavement with every step. Her thoughts are heavy. They fill up with every second that passes.
She barely reached the intersection near the traffic lights, about to cross the road when—
The sound of approaching footsteps startles her.
"Kita-chan! Wait!"
"Eh?!" Turning around, she saw Nijika running towards her at high speed.
"Ijichi-senpai?! What's wrong?"
Nijika held up a hand, bending over to catch her breath. Kita waited patiently, albeit a little confused.
Nijika rarely called out to her like this, especially after practice. After a bit of thinking, Kita's heart dropped to her stomach as she latched onto a conclusion.
It may just be her overthinking but...
Was this about the mistakes she made in practice today?
Is she going to get kicked out?
Many thoughts swirl around in her mind.
Her fingers gripped onto her backpack strap tightly, an anxious look on her face as she watched Nijika look up.
Amber eyes met fiery crimson. Nijika gave a gentle but awkward smile, a gesture that sent a wave of reassurance through Kita's body. She slowly loosened her tight grip on her backpack.
"I just wanted to talk to you. It's nothing bad I promise!" Nijika's hands waved frantically from side-to-side.
That didn't really help ease her nervousness at all...
"W-what is it? Did something happen?" Kita grinned brightly, rubbing the back of her neck. She attempted to hide her worry with some semblance of normalcy, but her uneasiness was still evident in her voice.
Nijika's cheerful demeanor gradually grew more serious.
"I wanted to talk about today."
Well, that doesn't sound good...
"Go on..." Kita's grin faltered slightly, before returning back its original positive state.
"Um..." Nijika trailed off, seeming to psych herself up by taking a deep breath for a moment, before saying—
"Are you okay?" She asked, voice laced in genuine concern.
...
Huh?
Was she okay? She certainly felt off these past few weeks. Negative visions and nightmares weighed heavily on her mind. Her mistakes at band practice definitely played a part in that.
To think that someone would notice her troubles.
She felt overwhelmed with emotion.
When was the last time someone asked if she was alright?
From an outsider's perspective, Kita had everything. An abundant social life, good grades and an amazing singer with improving guitar skills.
No one ever tried to look beyond rose-tinted glasses.
Before she knew it, her vision became blurry.
The sensation of wetness on her cheeks felt foreign. She rarely cried. She couldn't remember the last time she felt so—
Helpless.
Kita shook her head as she stared at the floor. With gritted teeth, she shut her eyes. The darkness made the situation less embarrassing.
She didn't like exposing her weaknesses like this, out in the open.
Before her, Nijika reached out a hand, hovering near her shoulder. She hesitated a little, but watching Kita slowly break down solidified her decision.
Nijika shifted closer and pulled her into an embrace.
A hand came up to stroke the back of her head, the other gingerly patting her back and rubbing it soothingly.
"I-Ijichi-sen-pai..." Kita hoarsely uttered. The warmth was too much. She felt safe and cared for.
"You don't have to say anything," Nijika murmured. "We can just stay like this until you feel better."
Kita nodded, burying her face in the side of Nijika's neck. Her perfume smelled like lemons. The scent calmed her down. Nijika held Kita close, providing a sense of comfort.
They remained like this for a while. Nijika patiently waited for Kita's sobs to fade into sniffles.
"W-why did you let me back into the band?" Kita questions, still struggling to compose herself.
She heard Nijika suck in a breath. The embrace grew tighter.
"I shouldn't have run away... Why?"
"Don't blame yourself." Nijika responded firmly —a hard edge to her voice. She pulled slightly away from the hug and placed both hands on Kita's shoulders to make eye contact.
Nijika's unusually serious behavior was a rare sight to witness.
Kita widened her eyes in surprise. A few drops of tears slid out and dripped onto the pavement.
"I admit, it's true that I felt sad when you ran away. My dream is to perform and make our band something we can be proud of. But..."
Nijika tenderly smiled, "I believe everything happens for a reason. I can't imagine a band without you in it, Kita-chan."
The solemn feeling in Kita's chest dissipates, replaced by warmth. It was as if a heavy fog had been lifted, allowing the sunlight to shine through once again.
Nijika continued,
"I believe in fate and miracles. Without you running away, we wouldn't have met Bocchi-chan. Ryo and I wouldn't have met you again if we never met Bocchi-chan, who dragged you back here."
Nijika ruffled Kita's hair, happily beaming at her.
She really looked like an angel. Kita could almost see imaginary wings behind Nijika.
"So please, don't go blaming yourself for this. You are an important member of our band." Nijika's fingers reached out to hook a single scarlet strand of Kita's hair behind her ear.
Kita moved closer to hug Nijika again, hearing a muffled "Oof!" as she squeezed Nijika tightly.
"T-thank you Ijichi-sen-" Kita cut herself off, shaking her head and correcting herself. "Nijika-senpai, thank you."
Nijika cleared her throat at the sudden name-change. A vivid blush painted her cheeks.
"I-it's no problem at all. That's what bandmates are for right?" Nijika flushed, the tips of her ears turning red. "You're my precious friend, everyone in Kessoku band is. You can always count on me, Kita-chan."
Kita nodded, smiling gratefully. "You're my precious friend too!"
Nijika's face turned red again as she coughed into her fist. Kita giggled, relishing Nijika's cute reactions. Who knew that her senior would be this adorable?
As they broke into giggles once again, Kita tenderly whispered under her breath.
"I'm so glad."
Nijika tilted her head, a questioning look on her face. "Hm, what was that Kita-chan? I couldn't hear you properly."
Kita waved both of her hands, shaking her head. "It's nothing, Nijika-senpai! Then I'll see you tomorrow!"
After they bade each other their goodbyes, Kita headed for the train station.
She reflects on her conversation with Nijika. She's grateful for the time spent but also feeling a tinge of sadness that the heartfelt moment was over.
She fondly smiled. It was definitely unexpected, having Nijika run after her and comfort her.
She turned her head up to look at the setting sun over the horizon. The mix of scarlet hue and indigo blended together made the skyline look like a dreamy landscape. The picturesque sight calmed her down.
She inhaled deeply.
In...
Out...
Her chest felt lighter, blooming with affection.
...
She'll be fine.
After all—
Chasing away the shadows, the sun is quietly shining right behind her.