Work Text:
A day without the thought of you is not a day. It is just a fragment, a mere second out of tens of thousands that completes a whole 24 hours.
I went out to get coffee today, after days of just making it at home, which, by the way, reminds me too much of you, of us. I don’t know where the nostalgia comes from. Is it from the coffee we used to have or is it the memory we have shared over it? Is it coffee that we shared or is it a moment?
Perhaps it was the moment that woke me up more than the caffeine that we sipped in.
All our mornings and afternoons witnessed how a single 3in1 coffee pack can outdo even the grandest blend a coffee shop in town could offer. I think I used to be a coffee snob, but you stirred me.
“Seryoso ka Jaem? You barely drink 3in1 coffee? Or even instant ones?”
To tell you Jen, I'm serious. Always.
“If I can get it from the cafe downstairs, why would I bother to buy a dozen of 3-in-1 coffee?”
You laughed at me. You laughed and my heart bursts every time. Stupid Jaemin getting flustered at the grocery while being humiliated by you.
“Gastos mo naman pare-pareho lang naman kape yan.”
That’s what you said and so we bought a whole pack of 3-in-1 coffee. And to my surprise, I liked it the way I loved you.
Lee Jeno, you stirred my mind every goddamn time.
Ikaw at isang pakete ng nescafe red lang, gising na gising ‘di lang isip ko, pati na rin ang puso.
Even our nights are a spectator to this. The little breaks we take over a cup of cheap coffee got us through our pile of school and org works. As tired as we were of college, as tireless as our moment got.
“Kape tayo?”
A two-word question that can get you and me through what seems like a never-ending night of me doing scripts and you finishing your plates.
It was always you that asked, and my answer was never a ‘no’. I could never say no to you and your silly stories that we have wondered together, as if we starred on our own podcast show.
Was it the caffeine that kept me awake, or was it the thought of being with you that made me feel alive in the deadest hours of the night?
It was always you.
It was always the coffee that you made and the story we shared. All my mornings, afternoons, and nights that met the sunrise were all about you.
It was always you every time I sipped my coffee that turned it less bitter but also less sweet, and even less strong. It was you that outdid what used to be my favorite thing, coffee.
“Ayaw mo na ng coffee from the cafe downstairs?”
You asked as we got on the elevator one time on our way to our class.
“Hindi naman sa ayaw, iba na kasi paborito ko ngayon”
Ikaw. Ikaw na ang bagong paborito ko, Jeno. It’s not even the Nescafe that you introduced me to. It’s you, nothing else.
Ikaw ang paborito ko, kasi kahit anong kape hindi kayang patibukin ng ganito kabilis ang puso ko. My heartbeat runs in miles with the thought and presence of you.
A day without you is not a day, you are not just a part of my day, it’s you that makes my day even if I am not a part of yours anymore.
Ika nga ng Nescafe, para kanino ka bumabangon?
Ako para sayo.
I would never ask you if there was a time that I became the reason for you to get up to take on the day. But I hope I was, even just for once. I hope I did make you feel the warmth of life just like you did to me because every bright moment of mine was you.
Kinaya kong bumangon dahil sayo, tuwing nararamdaman ko ang bigat ng pagdilat ng mata para gumising at harapin ang araw.
Sa tuwing nagiging kasing-pait ng kapeng barako ang buhay ko, nandiyan ka para ipaalala sa akin na may dahilan pa para bumangon.
Jeno, I wish someone would make you feel the same right now, even if it is not me. I hope you encounter your most genuine moment in life the soonest. I hope you also know that it breaks me that I can’t give you that.
And once you finally get it, I’ll always be right here on the sidelines, celebrating you.
When I got in the coffee shop, I sat on my go-to-seat, and daydreamed of you, still, over a cup of coffee. But at least, not a Nescafe red anymore. I can not bear to drink it without being reminded of you.
Going to this cafe was a part of my routine, but you happened. The time I spent to grab a coffee here was replaced by being with you. The time I spent here to study was taken by you. But even so, coffee was never taken out of the circumstance because the blended nescafe red by you was always in the picture of our moment.
You messed me up everytime, and I am glad you did.
My daydreaming got cut off as I saw you entering the cafe.
I am taken aback.
Jen, I hope you are aware that up to this day, you disrupt my mind. You shatter every sanity I have left in me.
You looked good. I could see from my seat, as you ordered your coffee, how tired your eyes were. Why so? You still looked charming like you always do though.
Did you avoid me or did you not really notice me at all? But regardless, thank heavens for it because after a heartbreak from you, how am I to talk to you without tears?
Pare-pareho lang naman na kape yan ‘di ba? So why are you ordering one here?
Ako kasi Jeno, kailanman, hindi na naging pare-pareho muli ang kape simula nung dumating ka.
The moment I knew you, you shifted what a day for me is like.
A day without you nor a thought of you is like a day without a coffee.
A day without you is a 3in1 coffee missing one of its blends.
You happened, then a day without you became a coffee without its caffeine, one that could never wake my mind and heart.
Jeno, salamat sa pagmamahal na ‘di kayang ipaglaban kahit ng Nescafe red.
Lagi’t laging nagmamahal,
Na Jaemin