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Stiles absentmindedly fiddles with the sleek tablet in his hand as he watches Scott sleep peacefully next to Louisa Smith's husband in the year 2003.
It's not the first time that Scott has leaped into, and taken the role of, someone's wife, and it won't be the last. However, it is the first time Scott has done so without hesitance or resistance. He feels some form of kinship with Louisa's husband, Michael.
Stiles doesn't blame him. He too is charmed by Michael's quiet yet strong presence. From what Stiles has seen, he lets Louisa take control as he fades into the background, but he is a pillar of strength for the family. He's a man of few words, but every word is impactful and carefully considered when he speaks in a gruff yet warm tone to his wife and two grown daughters.
Michael reminds Stiles of someone in a way that is making this particular leap difficult for him to handle.
But then, everything is a little difficult for Stiles to handle right now.
Stiles has Michael's entire life detailed on the screen of his tablet. He knows when he was born and when he is currently estimated to die. However, getting to watch him interact with his family is a much different experience than reading a hastily put-together biography and some statistics. It adds a level of intimacy that makes Stiles feel almost uncomfortable.
What the project does affects real people. It's something that Stiles often forgets, as he is so focused on helping Scott.
They haven't quite worked out why Scott has taken the role of Louisa and what he has to fix in the lives of this family.
Right now, Lydia is most likely speaking to a very confused Louisa in the year 2022. Trying to get some extra insight that Roscoe, their beloved parallel hybrid computer, may have missed. Stiles thinks that Lydia has the more difficult job out of the pair of them. He doesn't know how he would explain to the people that arrive at the project that they have time-travelled to the future while a stranger masquerades around in their body in their present.
More to the point, he isn't sure how Lydia manages to make them keep quiet about it all when they switch back. After the first couple of times, he had expected the military at the door demanding to know what they were doing. He gradually relaxed over time as it became apparent that no one the project had helped was going to out them.
Either Lydia Martin is a persuasive woman, or the people they help are genuinely grateful. Or perhaps it's a mixture of the two.
Either way, right now Lydia is getting the answers they need to help the family and trigger Scott to leap into someone else's body. Most people in the project live in the eternal hope that the next leap for Scott is to 2022 in his own body. Mostly so they can have lives outside of Project Spark headquarters again.
It's been three years, and they all live in hope.
He, Lydia, Isaac, and Boyd have been trying in vain to get the retrieval program to work, but it's like some higher being wants Stiles to suffer and live a life of being stuck in the imaging chamber. He's doomed to just watching his friend get into dangerous situations in the hopes of helping others, without being able to do anything but frantically pass on what information they can find to help him.
If he's honest with himself, he is resentful.
He has lost so much because of the project and Scott's reckless decision to use an unfinished time machine. The latest loss is one that Stiles can't handle, and therefore unwilling to think about. If he does, he'll just end up bursting into tears and waking up Scott.
He doesn't want to lose his dignity on top of everything else.
Stiles startles as the scene of Scott in bed in the Smith home in 2003 flickers as the door to the imaging chamber opens. It quickly rights itself again when Stiles hears the door close behind Lydia. He knows it's her, without even looking. Not only because of the familiar sound of Lydia's heels clacking against the metal floor but because only two people ever enter the imaging chamber aside from Stiles.
Despite the noise that Stiles can hear, Scott stays peacefully nestled in sleep in Michael's arms.
While Lydia and the rest of the team can see Scott while they are in the imaging chamber, Stiles has been the only person from the project that Scott has seen in three years. Stiles is just grateful that they had managed to get the mental link between them established. Otherwise, Stiles would be unable to appear to Scott as a hologram, and the team would have all watched on helplessly with no way to pass on important information to him.
However, this link has come at a price. Being the only point of contact has caused a lot of strain on Stiles.
Scott gets to sleep, but Stiles has to be available at all times in case Scott needs him.
He is snapped out of his thoughts as Lydia sighs and takes the tablet from him, "You need to get out of here, Stiles. It's not healthy to fixate like this."
Stiles doesn't turn to look at her, but he lightly leans into her as they watch as Michael pulls Scott closer to him in his sleep.
The relationship between Michael and Louisa really is quite sweet. Stiles kind of hates them both for it.
"I know, but there's not much outside of all of this anymore," Stiles says, knowing he sounds like a whiny teenager but not particularly caring.
"Well, that's offensive. You still have me and the rest of the team," Lydia huffs, but the sympathetic rub of his arm lets him know she's not actually mad. "I know what happened is hard, but really Stiles. What did you expect? The way that you're working right now isn't compatible with life, never mind a healthy relationship."
She's not wrong.
All of Stiles' time is sucked into this nightmare of his creation. Ever since Scott had decided to try and save Project Spark by using the time machine, and consequently ruining Stiles' life, he had pretty much lived at the project headquarters. He doesn't think he's slept in his own bed in months. He's not even really sure what month it is in his own time, as he is so focused on keeping track of where Scott is.
He wouldn't want to be in a relationship with himself either.
"Do you ever wish that we'd never started this whole thing?" Stiles asks.
He often feels regret that he has dragged down a whole team of people with him. He even feels bad for Jackson who is in a constant battle to keep their funding going under impossible conditions. Giving Jackson credit isn't something Stiles particularly likes doing, despite them being friends, but he's got to hand it to the man. He is performing miracles.
"No," Lydia states firmly, not needing to think about her answer. "From a scientific point of view, we've done something ground-breaking. The advancements we've made in physics are a huge, worthwhile achievement. That alone makes it worth it for me."
Stiles really should have known, Lydia had always been about challenging the limits and what greater challenge was there than achieving time travel? While Stiles had designed Roscoe and the basic idea for the project, it had been Lydia who had really fine-tuned the details and the science and made time travel possible. For the most part, he does agree with her, but he just wishes it hadn't ended up this way.
Lydia seems to read his mind as she continues, "Now, do I regret that Scott decided to make a rash decision and jump into the accelerator before we had tested the retrieval program? I think we both know the answer to that."
Scott snuffles on the pillow, blissfully unaware of his audience. Stiles simultaneously wants to strangle him and pull him into a hug and never let go. He misses Scott's hugs.
"He did it for us and it did keep the project going," Stiles argues, unsure why he is bothering. He can feel Lydia tense in anger next to him. While they all love and miss Scott, not many people on the project were impressed with Scott's choice. Stiles doesn't even really try to defend him anymore, as people get more tired as the months drag by.
He agrees with them anyway, misguided loyalty to his best friend aside.
"Jackson would have sorted out the funding without Scott McCall risking our work. He just wanted the glory of being the hero. He now gets to live out that dream, while we're all stuck here picking up the pieces; especially you, Stiles."
Stiles doesn't entirely agree that Scott was motivated by delusions of grandeur and heroism when he stepped into the accelerator. He had, after all, been the one with Stiles when he found out that the funding to Project Spark was being pulled. The breakdown had been intense. It couldn't be easy, watching your best friend lose everything he had worked his entire life to achieve. Stiles likes to think he'd do something similar if the positions were reversed.
Well, okay. Maybe he wouldn't be ridiculous enough to try and use a half-finished piece of technology to prove it worked.
Stiles has a brain after all.
Whatever, the point is, he thinks Scott's intentions were mostly good. Probably.
However, he knows that his opinion isn't a popular one.
He supposes that the rest of the team doesn't have the context that comes with watching someone grow up. They never met the child who decided to befriend the elementary school outcast. Or the preteen who split all his time between comforting his mom after a nasty divorce, and his best friend who was reeling after the death of his own mother.
However, they did meet the young man who rode on his best friend's coattails to a good position in a lucrative and exciting project. The guy was friendly and personable, but a little bit flaky and maybe not entirely deserving of his position.
It's all about perspective.
Also, everyone is so incredibly tired after having to work non-stop for three years because of what Scott did. So, he can see why they'd not favorably consider Scott's motives.
Besides, Scott has his own chaos to deal with when he comes home. Scott's fiancé, Kira, isn't exactly delighted that he decided to risk his life by using the unfinished time machine and ending up trapped leaping through time.
Which yeah, it would suck to have your partner so distant from you for three years.
Maybe she and Derek could form a club.
"I'm worried about you, Stiles. You're not taking care of yourself, and you haven't done for a long while now. It's not just Derek who cares about you and wants you to be healthy, you know?" Lydia states firmly.
Stiles does know, and he feels the same. He couldn't imagine his life without his team and his friends.
They're the only reason he hasn't given up since Derek broke up with him two months ago.
Even though Derek also worked on the project, and shared the same friend group, they've been really good about not taking sides. They've all been kind to him in a way that they weren't when he and Derek were together; like Stiles is fragile now. He both hates and appreciates it.
Stiles had always thought that he'd be left alone, with maybe just Lydia taking his side in the event of a breakup. He was proven wrong when Isaac, Boyd, Kira, and Erica continued to join him for the occasional lunch when he made his rare appearances in the cafeteria.
Derek's sister Cora, one of the lead engineers, continued to give him light playful punches to the shoulder when she crossed him through the hallways of Project Spark.
He has only seen brief glimpses of Derek, but every glance brings about feelings of such sadness and longing that he just tries to avoid the man altogether.
Derek has tried to speak with him, knocking on Stiles' office door and calling his name, but Stiles is a coward.
Eventually, Derek just gave up.
The break-up hadn't been the dramatic explosion that Stiles had gone through with previous partners.
Which wasn't surprising because that's indicative of what the relationship had been like from beginning to end. Being with Derek had been easy. Despite how he came across when he joined the project five years ago, Derek was a remarkably patient man. He endured Stiles' more annoying quirks with fond tolerance and unending support.
He is so mad at himself for letting go of such a good thing.
Men like Derek Hale are rare.
"You know, Stiles, he hasn't moved out of the apartment yet," Lydia says, snapping him out of his thoughts. "But I guess you wouldn't know that, seeing as you've spent the past couple of months sleeping at the project."
"Oh," is all Stiles can think to say.
That's news to him. He had assumed that Derek had immediately gone home to pack his things following their separation. They hadn't quite gotten around to putting Derek's name on the lease, so he figured Derek wouldn't want to hang around.
He's glad he hasn't moved.
Truth be told, he had been avoiding going home partially because he couldn't bear the thought of seeing empty shelves and a half-filled closet. He'd even miss tripping over the shoes that Derek had a habit of kicking off in front of the kitchen.
Well, that and he is genuinely obsessed with Project Spark and now he doesn't have someone to reel him back.
Derek is the only person who can pull Stiles away from his work, but he's also the reason that Stiles is more invested in the project than ever before.
"How do you and Jordan do it?" Stiles asks. "How do you find enough time for him while you're doing all of this? You're at the project almost as much as me and he doesn't even work here."
"No one is here as much as you," Lydia responds. "It's easy really. I just make sure to go home occasionally and I make sure not to miss the big stuff. You know, like tonight."
He turns to Lydia for the first time since she entered and startles when he realizes that she is wearing a sleek black cocktail dress. Her hair is pinned up in a stylish bun and she is wearing a lot more makeup than she would normally. She looks gorgeous, as always, but while Lydia usually dresses well; this is a bit much for a day at the project.
"Am I missing something?" Stiles asks, completely baffled.
"Just the entirety of the holiday season," Lydia rolls her eyes fondly, but with a hint of worry. "It's new years eve, Stiles."
Oh.
He's missed Christmas.
Well shit.
"You guys let me miss Christmas?!" Stiles squawks, "Oh man, my dad is going to kill me."
He is suddenly struck with a horror-filled thought. "Lydia, please tell me you celebrated Der-"
"Don't worry," Lydia smirks, "We made sure to celebrate lover boy's birthday."
Well, that's something at least. He still can't believe he slept-walked his way through November and December.
To be fair, Scott had gone through an unusually high amount of leaps as of late. So it wasn't all just Stiles moping around in his office, lying on the small cot, and contemplating all his life choices. There was a lot of work he had to do as well.
"We decided as a team to do a Christmas in January," Lydia shrugs. "Everyone was busy and we kind of like you sometimes."
Stiles can't look at Lydia anymore, as he fears he might burst into tears.
He loves his team.
He doesn't deserve them. He hasn't taken the time to appreciate them in a long while.
"Also, someone arranged for your dad to fly to Nevada so we can do it at the project, or maybe even your apartment if you manage to ever leave this place," Lydia continues.
It's like she wants Stiles to ugly cry. He's been so busy with the project, that he hasn't even let himself think about how much he's missed his dad. Despite his team rallying around him in their own quiet ways, he has been so incredibly lonely.
"You guys shouldn't have put your Christmas on hold for me."
"It wasn't just for you," Lydia tuts. "You need to check your ego, Stilinski."
"Seriously, Lydia. I know I haven't been great to be around," Stiles says and looks up from his shoes.
Lydia scans his face with a light frown. "You've been put in an impossible position, even Derek understands," she says. "But you do need to try harder. You could still fix things with him, but you haven't. I just don't understand why you aren't fighting harder for him."
That's the thing that no one understands.
Stiles hasn't been honest with the rest of the team.
The leaps have been fairly consistent for the past couple of months. Not in terms of frequency or length, but in the period Scott is leaping into. Each one has been slowly inching towards 2005. The closer Scott has been to leaping into 2005, the tenser and more focused Stiles has become.
It's probably the straw that broke the camel's back for him and Derek. Which is a little ironic, because this has all been for Derek.
When Scott had stopped leaping back and forth between the 90s and 2010s, and instead consistently moved his way up through the early 2000s, Lydia and Boyd had seen it as an indication that maybe the retrieval program was close to working.
That isn't necessarily true.
As Stiles watches Scott sleep, with his second in command by his side, he does feel a tinge of guilt. He could be working harder towards getting his best friend home and liberating his other best friends from a life of perpetual overtime.
Instead, he's been desperately trying to direct Roscoe toward sending Scott to the one thing Stiles needs to fix.
He wants to prevent the fire killed the majority of Derek's family.
He is willing to risk the project and the time continuum just to give Derek his family back.
"Lydia, I just don't have the time. I'm needed here, and it isn't fair to keep Derek waiting," Stiles says but he knows that's not the only reason.
If Derek's family never dies, maybe he never goes to Columbia University to study psychology. Then he'd never join Project Spark and he'd never meet Stiles. In many ways, it's easier to get used to the loss now before he one day leaves the imaging chamber to reality without Derek in it.
It's happened a few times before that Scott has made changes in time that have affected the project staffing. Only Stiles and Lydia ever remember the original timeline because of their connection to Roscoe.
Stiles misses Danny.
He's sure if the rest of the team remembered he existed, they would too.
Lydia scoffs, "Stiles, we invented time travel. You can make time for your partner."
"My ex-partner. He doesn't want to deal with this anymore," Stiles argues.
"You didn't give him the choice," Lydia says. "You've not given him the chance to talk to you as you've been locked up in here, but no more."
Lydia pulls Stiles towards the door, and Stiles is helpless but to follow as they leave the Smith's bedroom. She is a lot stronger than she looks.
As they walk briskly down the sterile white corridors of the project, Stiles expects them to turn left towards his office so he can be put to bed. He is surprised, however, when she drags him toward the elevator instead.
"Lydia, where are we going?"
"It's the new years eve party and a man who is sickeningly in love with you is going to be there, hoping that you show up," Lydia looks angry at him for the first time since she came to him. "You will not let him down, Stiles. Not this time."
He adores Lydia for looking out for Derek, but he doesn't think this is a good idea. Not only is it unfair to Derek, but selfishly, he knows this will only lead to more heartache down the line.
Stiles doesn't think he can bear losing him twice.
Lydia doesn't give Stiles the chance to break free from her grasp, not even to change out of the clothes he has been wearing for an embarrassingly long time. She escorts him out of the elevator and towards the scarcely used function room, that she had insisted on when the headquarters were being built.
Despite their eternal funding issues, the team at Project Spark knows how to throw a party.
Everyone who works on the project and their families fill the large room. The tasteful black and gold decorations scream that this was a Martin-Whitmore collaboration, instead of the usual half-hearted Greenberg effort. Stiles doesn't mind his tacky yet charming birthday decorations, but this is a step up.
He sees a buffet table and his stomach is suddenly reminded that he hasn't eaten for a long while.
Before he gets a chance to head toward it to remedy the situation, he spots him .
Derek is gazing around the room with hopefulness quickly fading to a disappointed resignation.
It feels like a dagger to the chest to realize that he is the reason for that.
He's never wanted to make Derek feel like that.
Disappointment aside, Derek looks gorgeous. He is wearing the dark green shirt that he knows Stiles loves and a tight pair of slacks that makes his ass look edible.
Meanwhile, Stiles is wearing sweatpants and an old Beacon Hill Police Department shirt with a very old pizza stain on the collar.
Stiles finds himself frozen, not even Lydia's prodding able to make him move.
Derek finally looks toward where Lydia and Stiles are standing and the look of shock that appears on Derek's features only makes Stiles feel worse. The shock quickly fades to a carefully blank expression Stiles hasn't seen since the project's early days.
It doesn't bode well.
Lydia gently shoves him and he stumbles forward a few steps.
Derek strides to meet them, and if that isn't a metaphor for their whole relationship, Stiles doesn't know what is.
He seems to lose confidence as he gets closer. Derek's confident stride slows to something more nervous and his blank expression shifts slightly to something more vulnerable.
It's then that Stiles decides that Derek shouldn't have to do all the work.
This is his mess.
Stiles leaves Lydia behind to meet Derek, only to pause when they meet because he has no idea what he's meant to say. He struggles to meet Derek's searching gaze, instead staring at his chin as he brings up an arm to rub awkwardly at the back of his neck.
"Derek, long time no see," Stiles starts, but immediately regrets it as Derek's stoic expression drops into a frown.
"Stiles."
Stiles swallows, "Yeah, I guess that one was on me."
Around them, the party seems to vibrate with excitement. It is probably because they're inching closer to midnight, but Stiles feels that same excitement in his bones from just being in Derek's presence. Despite the awkwardness, he feels more alive than he has in months.
Derek sighs, "I don't understand why you've been avoiding me. What did I do wrong?"
O h God , Stiles is the worst person ever.
"God, no. Derek, you didn't do anything wrong. You were perfect."
Derek crosses his arms in a way that looks angry, but Stiles knows it's how he self-soothes. He hates that he has made Derek feel like this. No matter how noble the intentions were, the reality is that he has hurt this man who has already spent so much of his life suffering.
"If I was so perfect, why did you leave?" Derek asks, not bothering to hide the hurt in his voice.
"I didn't leave," Stiles argues. "You broke up with me, remember?"
Derek rolls his eyes, "I may have pulled the plug, but you left me months before that Stiles."
Derek isn't wrong. It's just that Derek doesn't understand that Stiles is doing this for him.
In the end, all he wants is for Derek to be happy. However, that's backfired.
The room is too packed, and Lydia is too close to them, so Stiles quickly scans the room for an emptier space.
There isn't one.
If anything, the party is getting busier the closer they get to midnight.
"Look, I can explain, but not right here. Just come with me an-" Stiles begins, but is interrupted.
"I've followed your lead for years and then you left me behind. I'm not doing it anymore," Derek says and Stiles feels himself shatter. "Enough secrecy, explain."
He looks around, but no one seems to be paying attention to them. He doesn't really want to risk outing his plan. The last thing he needs is a mutiny when the team finds out he's been lying and wasting thousands of dollars and their time just for Derek. However, this does seem to be his last chance to give Derek closure.
"Well, the truth is. I've been lying to everyone," Stiles quickly realizes that sounds like he's been cheating, so he rushes to continue. "I've not really been trying to get the retrieval program working. I've been trying to direct Roscoe to take Scott to a specific event so I can change it."
Stiles pauses to give Derek time to take that in, expecting it to be a shock.
However, he is surprised to see that rather than an expression of shock and betrayal, Derek looks almost bored.
"Yeah, Lydia and Boyd think you're trying to get Scott to leap to the fire," Derek says steadily.
What?
Stiles' jaw hangs open and he whirls around wildly to look behind him. Lydia is standing next to Jordan, watching them while sipping elegantly from a glass of champagne. She raises a brow and Stiles can't believe it.
They know? How do they know? Why have they let him get away with this?
What is even happening right now?
He spins back to Derek. "But how?" Stiles asks.
Derek looks reluctantly fond. "You hired a bunch of geniuses and you've never been subtle."
"And you're okay with this?" Stiles asks, incredulously.
"Not exactly." Derek plucks them both a glass of champagne from a passing waiter. "I'm angry that you've decided to do that without talking to me, but it's amazing that you would do something like that for me. Which makes the fact that you left me even more confusing. Was giving me my family back some kind of parting gift?"
Jesus, Stiles can't believe he's let Derek think like that for so long. He still can't believe they knew, and he is definitely going to have words with Lydia and Boyd. It explains why he's been so successful with moving forward in his plans, they've obviously been helping.
He should have gone to them to start with, he never should have doubted them.
He wonders if they didn't tell him they knew the truth as some form of punishment; it would fit Lydia's style of pettiness.
"Derek, I didn't want to face losing you," Stiles admits.
Derek looks confused. "You abandoned me so that you wouldn't lose me?"
"I didn't actually mean to abandon you, I did get wrapped up in work. I just thought it would be better to go with it, rather than fight for us."
"Why?"
"I thought it would be easier to get used to you not being around if I wasn't with you anymore."
Derek tilts his head in such an endearingly childlike way, that it makes Stiles' chest hurt. "Why wouldn't I be around?"
"If I get Scott to change the timeline, you'd have your family and you'd have no reason to join the project," Stiles explains. "I'm going to lose you if this works out, and I want this so badly for you."
They stand in silence, staring at each other, until Derek breaks it, "That is the stupidest thing you ever said. You decided that my having my family back would mean I don't get to have you? You didn't even try to think of solutions? You just let me go?"
"Derek, it would change everything!" Stiles argues.
"The project has changed everything tons of times, so I'm not buying it. Why did you have such little faith in us? Why didn't you try?"
Stiles doesn't know how to answer that. He supposes that there are ways in which Derek could still end up at the project. He just hadn't considered that there was a way to have it all. Stiles' dad always said he was a drama queen, and he guesses that he was right.
"I guess I didn't think-"
"No," Derek says angrily. "You didn't think. You just assumed you knew what was best as always. Just because you have a high IQ, doesn't mean you have the right to make decisions that affect us."
Stiles blinks back tears in the face of Derek's anger and hurt. He can see out of the corner of his eye, the large clock above the door counting down the last minute of 2022. This isn't how he imagined his year would end, but he's glad it's with Derek anyway.
Derek deflates when he sees Stiles' expression, "I've spent months wondering what I'd done wrong, Stiles."
"You did nothing, it was all me. I'm so sorry Derek. I just didn't want to hurt so much when I lost you permanently, and I did anyways. I fucked it all up and I'm so sorry. I didn't think I would be able to keep you and I love you so much," Stiles babbles as the tears finally break free from his eyes. He curls into himself, releasing months' worth of pain and anguish.
Maybe Scott wasn't the only one with a hero complex. He feels absolutely ridiculous.
Of course, Lydia and Boyd would have helped him. Obviously, Derek would do everything in his power to ensure that they stayed together in the end.
He's hurt himself and Derek for nothing, for a plan that might not even work anyways.
The rest of the room starts counting down from ten, and Stiles is pulled into a warm chest. He immediately buries his head into the familiar comfort of Derek's shoulder.
"I'm so sorry, I was wrong," Stiles mumbles.
Derek shushes him and rubs a hand down his back, "I know."
The count hits one and Stiles would love nothing more than to kiss Derek. He's worth the pain even if they do end up breaking up in the future.
However, he knows he doesn't have the right.
He's shocked, then, when Derek pulls back from their embrace to lightly brush their mouths together.
"You're going to spend most of 2023 making it up to me," Derek jokes lightly as he pulls back.
Stiles promises himself that he will.
They might not end up together if all goes to plan, but that's a problem for the future.
For now, he's happy in Derek's arms.