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joel should have known that their luck would run out. the last few weeks had been going far too well for his liking. his wound had been healing amazingly with little combat to tear his stitches again, and they'd come across a house that was fully stocked with cans of beans and vegetables. admittedly, ellie wasn't doing as well as him. she'd become more withdrawn than before and, despite the continuous back-and-forth banter between them, her smile never lasted for very long. he knew he should give her space, but all he wanted to do was wrap her in his arms the way he had when they'd arrived home from the david thing. however, he remained conscious of the fact that if she needed him she'd come to him as she'd done on several occasions before now.
the sickness came on fast. he worried that it was the virus, that she was suddenly no longer immune, that the bites decorating her body and spores thriving in her lungs were finally getting to her. but when she began complaining about headaches and a sore throat and how cold she was, he knew it was something else entirely. something incomparable to the virus in terms of deadliness. and yet, he still worried. the constant cold feeling of anxiety settled in his stomach the minute he had to hold her hair back as she threw up.
"it's okay, it's alright," he'd mumbled, rubbing her back as a few unwelcome tears dripped down her cheeks, "just get it all up."
she'd whimpered in pain after that, and joel had to hold back words of affection that he knew he should save for when her illness inevitably got worse.
and worse it got. in a matter of hours, ellie's condition took a complete one-eighty, and she could no longer stand on her own. joel felt extremely lucky that they'd found a suitable shelter to stay in; ellie wouldn't have survived if they'd had to stay outside. he worried about the lack of nutrition she was getting. she'd been smaller than she should've been for the entire time he'd known her, but after everything with david and her newfound sickness, he had no doubt she'd be incredibly weak in the coming months.
what made matters worse was their lack of knowledge and medicine. joel had no clue where ellie had contracted her illness, let alone what it was. maybe in the hospital? he doubted she ever had any immunisation shots like tetanus growing up in the qz, and it was highly likely that the hospital was disgustingly dirty after being home to nothing but infected and a few animals for almost twenty years. or maybe it happened after the hospital when she was with...
he suppressed a shudder. just the mere thought of that man made joel want to ram david's head through a wall and shoot him. a lot.
he turned back to ellie, who had fallen asleep on his lap. from far away she looked to be sleeping peacefully, but from up close he could see that her breaths were shallow and there was a thin sheen of sweat on her red cheeks. he carefully lifted her, making sure not to move her around so much, and walked over to the couch that they'd turned into a makeshift bed before ellie had succumbed to exhaustion. he wrapped both of their blankets around her tightly and hesitated for a second before ultimately deciding to lay down on the floor beside her, using his jacket as a blanket and his bag as a pillow.
he awoke what must have been a few hours later to whimpering. immediately, he sat up. whimpering meant something was wrong.
ellie was lying on the couch with the blankets kicked around her ankles, quietly crying. joel scrambled to his feet less than gracefully and tucked them back around her.
"shh-" he ran a hand through her hair and cleared the sweat from her face with his sleeve "-you're alright, baby girl."
"'m too hot, dad," ellie whispered in return.
joel froze.
did she just call him dad
"'s alright, you needa be all wrapped up. it'll help break ya fever."
she continued weeping. he tried shushing her gently, but she wouldn't stop. it broke his heart to hear her cries, wishing nothing more than to provide her with even an ounce of comfort. he kept stroking her hair, eventually placing a cold, wet sock on her head. it was all he could do - there hadn't been any washcloths that weren't mouldy for god knows how long, and he wasn't about to give her something that could damage her health even more. plus, the sock was one of the only clean items of clothing in his bag.
damn girl better be grateful.
after what felt like hours, ellie fell asleep again. joel made the choice not to. he didn't think he could handle being woken up by the girls' cries again. instead, he began raiding the shack where they'd set up camp. all he found was a tin of peaches and three tins of various soups. most of the labels were worn off, but he could barely make out the picture of a tomato on one of the cans.
it was no chicken noodle, but it would have to do.
he spent an achingly long time heating up the soup, not daring to let the fire get too big just in case people found them and he couldn't protect ellie. it was almost ready (or at least, he hoped it was) when he heard talking.
out of instinct, he reached for his gun, before realising that it wasn't just anyone talking.
it was ellie.
he extinguished the fire and wandered inside to check on her. her fever had reduced, albeit only slightly. she was still sweating through her sheets, and the vague mumbling he'd heard before had become far more coherent. through her painful, feverish sobs, he could make out two names: tess and riley.
for the second time that day, joel froze where he stood.
"riley, no. no, no, riley, don't. let's go back, 'm sorry"
"we- we can't leave her. tess, tess, please, tess. we can't - i won't leave her, no-"
joel's body was on autopilot. he gently woke ellie up, placing her head softly on his lap and allowing her to cry into him. his chest hurt. sure, he knew ellie had felt guilty about tess when it had first happened, but that was months ago. and he didn't even know who this riley person was. his girl was hurting an immense amount, and he hadn't even noticed. what kind of father figure was he if he couldn't even see that his ellie was in pain right in front of his eyes for such a long time?
"shh, baby, you're alright. I've got you," he said in his 'fatherly' voice.
ellie kept crying, almost in hysterics.
"joel, i- I'm sorry we couldn't save tess-" she hiccuped "-i'm sorry, it's all- all my fault" she sobbed, clutching onto his shirt even tighter than before.
he sighed, pulling her up a little before sliding down the couch so that she could cuddle against him. she protested at first, a couple "i'll get you sick"s being wheezed out through her cries, but eventually settled.
joel continued comforting ellie for a long time. he murmured loving words into her ears and reassured her that no, he did not blame her for tess, and, no, she would not get him sick.
it took ellie a total of four nerve-wracking days to get better. joel constantly worried that her condition would worsen the way it had on day two, but considered the two of them incredibly lucky that it didn't. she continued to have episodes throughout her fever, but they weren't nearly as bad as the first one nor were they worse than any of the nightmares he'd helped her through in the past. no more than five days after she'd gotten sick (he'd made her rest for an extra day after her fever was back to normal, much to her disdain), they were on the road again. she was back to her old, giggly self, or at least as close as she could get to it after david.
"by the way," she turned to him from where she'd been wandering ahead through a forest, "i didn't say anything... weird while i was sick, did i? apparently i have a habit of doing that, or at least that's what r- one of my friends in the qz said."
joel chuckled at her rambling. "nah, you didn't say anythin' weird. you cried a lot, though. i was pretty concerned. mentioned a few names too."
ellie's face fell. "oh, yeah, i remember that a bit. sorry you had to deal with it-"
"hey, what have i said about apologising? it's fine. 's my job to take care of ya, anyways." joel cut her off before she began to talk about herself in a more self-depreciative manner.
"i'm still sorry."
the pair carried on walking in a comfortable silence for a while, before ellie spoke up again.
"i'll tell you about riley, someday. not today though. i don't think i'm ready yet."
joel patted her head affectionately, "tha's alright, kiddo. you tell me when yer ready."