Chapter Text

VOICE-OVER: A single choice can separate Paradise and Inferno.

[A montage of the island plays, ending with a shot of a roaring campfire.]

VOICE-OVER: This is Inferno… Singles who haven’t become couples will spend painful nights here.

[A series of scenes play in rapid succession.  The camera is focused on a pair of sandals as someone says “But I won’t wait for you.”  A figure stands with their back to the camera in the kitchen.  They flip a pot over and scream “WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!” Someone runs across the screen as a quiet voice says “I want to go home. This is such a pain.” The final shot shows two people talking in a tent, their faces cut off by the angle.  “I’LL MAKE HIM SAY HE NEEDS ME!” one of them screams while the other one puts a hand on their arm.]

VOICE-OVER: This is Paradise… Singles who have become couples will spend the most amazing night that they can imagine here.

[A montage of scenes in Paradise flash quickly across the screen.  “It was love at first sight!” someone says cheerfully as two glasses clink together.  “What are you doing?” a person asks as a towel falls on the floor.  “Can you make my cells sing?” a voice sing-songs as two silhouettes crash into a pool.  “You’re my treasure,” someone mumbles quietly as the screen flashes to a bedroom with the lights off.]

VOICE-OVER: Charming singles have just arrived here.

[12 faces flash across the screen quickly.]

VOICE-OVER: In this moment, when the hot summer sun ignites the fire in your heart, what choice do you think you would make?  

[A montage of people at the beach plays.  There is also an unnecessary amount of ab shots while DNCE’s Cake by the Ocean plays in the background.]

VOICE-OVER: This is the hottest Inferno in the world.  Striker’s Inferno.

[The commentators comprised of Teieri Anri, Ego Jinpachi, Noel Noa and Chris Prince enter the room.  Each of them holds a paper notecard with the words STRIKER’S INFERNO stamped onto the back of it .]

ANRI: Wow, it looks like an exciting season!

EGO (ignoring her completely): What are you doing here? 

NOEL: I could say the same for you.

[Both of them stare at each other before taking the two chairs that are the farthest apart.]

ANRI: Do you two know each other?

EGO: Shut up-

NOEL: We used to work for the same company.

[A tense moment of silence passes before Chris bursts out laughing.]

CHRIS: I thought the drama was supposed to be happening on-screen, not off of it!

NOEL & EGO: Shut up, Chris.

[Noel and Ego glare at each other again.]

DAY 1 - INFERNO

Reo takes the final seat in the ring dug out in the sand.  The guy next to him is slouching into the seat, practically doubled over on himself, but Reo’s pretty sure that if he stood up straight he’d be over 6 feet tall.

Reo’s first thought is that the guy looks like he would rather be anywhere else in the world but here.  He’s squinting at the sun and he’s wearing all black.  

Reo’s second thought is that he’s really fucking cute.

“Here, take this,” Reo says, passing the pillow on his seat.  The guy holds it up in the air to try and create some shade before deciding that holding his arm up is too much effort and giving up.  Reo picks up the pillow himself and holds it up to block the sun.  “I’m Reo.”

The guy blinks at him, slow and lazy.  He’s still frowning but when he lifts his face to meet Reo’s gaze, he sees gray-gold.

“Nagi.”

Across the ring, some guy with blonde bangs starts laughing at them.

“Don’t you think it’s fate that we’re going together?” Bachira asks him.  Or at least Isagi thinks it’s Bachira.  They had about five minutes to introduce themselves before the intercom buzzed and sent them running off to explore the island with little hand-drawn paper maps.

They were organized into groups based on their seating but from the way Bachira’s smiling up at him and leaning very, very close, Isagi just doesn’t think that’s a good thing to say.

“Sure,” he says and Bachira laughs and throws himself onto Isagi’s back without warning.  

Didn’t we just meet ten seconds ago? Bachira doesn’t show any signs of letting go though so Isagi curls his arms around Bachira’s legs in some sort of make-shift piggyback ride.

Somehow, he ends up carrying Bachira all the way to the little table marked on their map with a bright red heart.

“I’M LITERALLY RIGHT HERE!” Raichi screams from the side.

NOEL: Bachira’s very… forward.

EGO: I’m surprised you know what that word means.

Everyone on this island is shit.  Barou came on this show because it was supposed to be the “hottest inferno” in the world, the place where the best of Japan comes to gather.

So far, everyone here has been shit.  Case in point–the white-haired guy who looks bored out of his mind and the purpled-haired person practically leaning off his arm.

The place marked with a little water bucket is predictably a well off the side of the island.  There’s two empty metal buckets and what looks like a wooden pole and straps to carry them like a backpack.  

The well is shit and covered with sand.  

“We should fill the buckets and bring them back,” Purple-Simp says and finally takes a break from making heart-eyes at Lazy-Ass to draw water up from the well.  (Barou’s made a point not to memorize any of their names.  There’s no point in learning what trash is called.)

Purple-Simp finishes filling both buckets and Barou immediately starts walking back to camp.  Fuck them if they can’t keep pace.

“Hey, who’s going to carry this?” Purple-Simp shouts and yeah, Barou easily has the biggest build out of the three of them but there’s no way he’s doing peasant labor.  He keeps walking, ignoring the way Purple-Simp keeps shouting at his back.

“Can you carry it, Reo?  I’m tired,” Lazy-Ass finally says and that shuts Purple-Simp up immediately.  He finally stops barking and carries the water the rest of the way without complaining.

“Is your hair natural?” Kunigami asks the third person with them.  Niko forgets his name.  

“Is your hair natural?” the guy spits back, which… is a fair point.  Kunigami has neon-orange hair and oh, Chigiri –that’s his name–has bright pink hair.  They both glare at each other as Niko fills a cup at the ice water station for himself.

Niko takes a sip and enjoys the amazing view of sexual tension.

“We have to cook for ourselves?” Bachira laughs but he says it like he’s more thrilled than shocked.  “This is just like a sleepover!”

Sure… a sleepover where you also have 8 days to pair up as fast as fucking possible.  Chigiri forgot how hellish it is without AC and his leg is starting to cramp up from walking all around the island.

At least Isagi offered him some ibuprofen and told him he liked his hair.  (Unlike some sorta-muscular idiot who asked him if it was natural.  Of course it’s fucking natural!  Why would he want to dye his hair and his eyebrows bright pink?)

But now… after Hellish Day One of Eight , they have to cook their own food with some sort of cauldron and stone-age stove?  Chigiri’s ready to pack it in and go back to dating apps.  They at least don’t require him to travel to some remote island in Japan and live a week in front of cameras.  (He also swears that the camera guys get way closer than they need to be.  He’s nearly bumped into a lens twice already.)

There’s rice, eggs and an assortment of vegetables on the counter.  Of course.  They’re gate-keeping the meat to give them even more incentive to go to Paradise.

Chigiri promptly takes a seat and puts his face on the table.

Raichi’s been on this damn island for less than 24 hours and he’s already going to lose his shit.

The fucking pink-haired princess is sitting at the table, refusing to help and citing some sort of leg cramp.  One of the other guys is trying to make him get up but now they’re arguing and Raichi can’t tell if they’re flirting or fighting.

Half the people here clearly can’t cook.  Barou keeps grumbling about “peasants” and “manual labor” and refuses to even step in the kitchen.  Raichi’s flipped him off at least four times now but Barou’s got a couple of centimeters on him and he’s clearly… bigger so there’s not much he can do.

He asks Nagi to chop the onions and Nagi picks up the nearest knife and starts hacking away at it like he’s trying to kill it.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!” Raichi snaps and yanks the blade out of his hands before he accidentally cuts himself.  “DON’T YOU KNOW HOW TO FUCKING CHOP VEGETABLES?”

“I only ever eat instant ramen,” he replies and the lifeless look in his eye lets Raichi knows that he’s dead fucking serious.  

“Just get out of the kitchen,” Raichi says and points towards the table.  Nagi thankfully obliges.

He asks Reo to cut the onions next which is a big fucking mistake.

“Um…” Reo trails off, twisting his hands in his sweater like he’s some fucking high school girl trying to make a confession.  “How?”

“HAVE YOU NEVER COOKED FOR YOURSELF BEFORE?!” he yells and Reo flinches backwards, pulling at his damn clothes again.

“Someone always cooks for me,” he replies and Raichi squints closer at his sweater.  Holy shit, is that actual Gucci?

“How fucking rich are you,” Raichi spits out, before deciding that he doesn’t want to know and banishing the stupid trust-fund kid to the table with Nagi.

Thankfully, Isagi knows how to cut an onion and he takes the proper knife without complaining.  He immediately shoots up to the top of Raichi’s ranking–meaning that he moves up from “absolute shit” to “slightly less repulsive shit”.

For the sake of his sanity, Raichi chooses not to think about why Bachira’s method of washing the rice involves him tossing the pot a whole fucking three feet in the air.  As long as the rice ends up clean, he doesn’t need to know how.

To think that he left his kitchen for… this.  It’s enough to make a grown man weep.

(Raichi’s the grown man in this situation.  He’s fucking weeping.)

Nagi squints down at his food.  This whole day has been awful.  The sun is way too hot, there’s no WiFi and now they don’t even get meat for dinner.

There’s also green on his plate.  Nagi doesn’t eat green things.  They taste awful, no matter what his manager says about them being good for his health or something.  

Someone reaches onto his plate and picks up one of the scallions with their chopsticks.  Nagi stares as Reo fishes for each of the vegetables and dumps them on his own plate.

Reo suddenly flushes bright red and drops his chopsticks.

“Sorry for assuming!  I just… I just figured that you didn’t want to eat your scallions so I took them,” he sputters.  Nagi squints because he’s sleepy and it takes too much energy to make conversations.

“Thanks,” he says abruptly to kill any discussions before they start.  The green is gone from his plate now though so Nagi picks up a spoonful of fried rice and reluctantly puts it in his mouth.

It tastes like shit.

Kunigami steps in to make sure that Raichi doesn’t end up committing a murder.

“This tastes like garbage,” Barou says again and Kunigami barely manages to keep Raichi from leaping across the table at him with a fork.

He volunteers to wash the dishes before any further violence ensues.  Isagi offers to help him and that cements his place in Kunigami’s mind as an okay guy.

The intercom buzzes when they’re nearly finished.  

“Participants, please return to your tents,” the voice blasts through the speakers.  “You’ll now get the chance to write one anonymous message to the person that left the strongest first impression.”

Kunigami hangs the towel back up on the rack and angles his head back towards the camp.

“Let’s go,” he says and Isagi nods.

ANRI: Who do you think’s going to get the most votes?

CHRIS: I can tell you who’s definitely going to get one.

ANRI: Who?

CHRIS: Nagi with the way Reo keeps looking at him.  I can’t believe he actually picked out the individual scallions…

ANRI: Right, that was pretty cute!

EGO: It was pretty disgusting.  

ANRI: …

CHRIS: … You do realize this is a dating show, right?

ANRI: Who do you think is going to get the most votes, Ego-san?  Chigiri-kun?

EGO: Isagi, obviously.

ANRI: Isagi-kun?  He’s so… normal though.

[Ego ignores her and presses the play button.]

“I hope I get a letter!” Bachira calls out happily.  He’s looking straight at Isagi and Isagi flushes, looking up at the ceiling of their tent in response.

Bachira thinks it’s cute.  Isagi also seems like the type who wouldn’t be able to lie to save his life and so Bachira’s not too surprised when he opens his mailbox and finds a little folded-up paper there.  (He’s not too surprised but he’s still thrilled.  His heart sprouts wings and soars and Bachira swears it’s the happiest he’s been in years.)

Touring the island with you was fun, he reads.  Let’s hang out more tomorrow!  Bachira looks straight at the camera and smiles.

The monster was right.  Isagi is interesting.

Nagi walks up to the mailbox because he’s required to, but he opens and closes it without looking.  He doesn’t need to see it to know that it’ll be empty.

“Hey!” one of the camera guys yells at him.  Nagi squints because he’s pretty sure they’re not supposed to be really interacting with them.  Just pretend they’re not even there, the guy with the greasy smile had said at the beginning.  “Check it again!”

Nagi backpedals back to the mailbox and reluctantly opens it again.  Tucked into the corner is a little paper folded in half.

He opens it and is met with nearly a paragraph of text.  The handwriting is super small to accommodate the paper’s size and he has to practically squint it to read it.  Who the hell writes this much?

I think you’re really cool and… Nagi reads and then turns his brain off as the author keeps rambling.  P.S. you should probably eat some of your vegetables is written at the bottom and Nagi scowls reflexively.  It’s definitely Reo then.

He closes the mailbox and hurries back to his tent.  It’s very cold outside, after all.

Reo takes three tries to open his mailbox.  Every time he’s about to open it, he does a full 360 and spins around in a circle.  One of the cameramen finally yells at him to hurry up and he yanks open the door with his eyes closed like he’s ripping off a band-aid.

There’s a little paper in the center of the mailbox and Reo nearly falls over from relief.  He opens it–there’s no need to guess the sender–and smiles when he reads it.

NOEL: Does that say “You missed two of the scallions”?

EGO: Yes.  Did you forget how to read?

CHRIS: Why is Reo smiling…

[The camera cuts to the inside shot of a mailbox.  There are 6 letters inside.]

ANRI: Six?  Isn’t that the rest of the letters?  

EGO: Obviously.

ANRI: Who could have gotten the other six notes?

EGO & NOEL: Isagi.

[The camera cuts to a close-up of each of their faces as they both “tch” at each other and look away.]

Isagi opens his mailbox with a heavy heart.  He’s not the most social person and he’s had a bit of trouble trying to adjust to the environment and talk to the other eight people.

Six letters tumble out and he struggles to grab them as they fall.  One of the cameramen points out another by his shoe and he waves his thanks.

ISAGI~!! (✿◕‿◕) Exploring the island with you was so much fun!  Let’s go to the beach together tomorrow and Paradise after (´・ω・｀ )  Isagi smiles to himself.  Definitely Bachira.

the ibuprofen was really helpful, the second one reads.   If the note itself wasn’t a dead giveaway, the handwriting is immaculate.  Chigiri, then.

Thank you for washing the dishes with me.  The capitalization and proper punctuation is definitely Kunigami.

at least u know how to peel a fucking onion.  Raichi actually gets him to laugh aloud.

You suck, PEASANT , Barou’s note reads and the paper is actually ripped at the last word, like he traced it over so many times the pencil broke through.

You seem intelligent.  I think we could be a good match, the last one reads, which by process of elimination leaves… Niko?  They’ve barely even spoken though.  The only interaction they’ve had is when Isagi beat him at cards earlier this evening.

Isagi places the six papers back into the mailbox and closes the door with a smile.

Chapter Text

DAY 2 - INFERNO

Chigiri’s re-tying his shoe when the sound of a zipper alerts him to someone’s exit from their tent.  He’s surprised someone else woke up this early, but when he turns and finds Kunigami, he immediately revises his thought.

Obviously, Kunigami’s… unique physique isn’t something that he was born with and it requires careful attention to be maintained.  Whatever.  Chigiri turns his attention back to his shoes and finishes up with a double knot.

“Can I join you?” Kunigami asks and when he looks up, Kunigami’s squatting beside him.  “You’re gonna go for a run, right?”

Chigiri stares back at him.  Behind him, the sun breaks just over the horizon and outlines his profile in orange and pink.

“Don’t slow me down.”

Niko misses him by a second.  Again.  First, it had been Bachira dragging Isagi off on a beach date the second they all woke up.  (The rest of them had to wait for them to come back before they could eat breakfast together.  Isagi was soaking wet and Bachira was laughing.)

The moment breakfast ended, Chigiri had asked Isagi if they could talk and they’d walked off to one of those little tables marked with a giant red heart on the paper maps from the first day.  Raichi had commandeered Isagi for lunch preparations–citing that he was the only “normal” one among them–and then he and Kunigami had stayed behind at the table to talk afterwards.

And then now when Niko had gone to Isagi’s tent later to try and ask him if he had time to talk, he’d run into Barou carrying Isagi above his head as they walked out.  He doesn’t really know if it’s a date or a shake-down but regardless Isagi is occupied and so Niko has to wait.  Again.

It’s somehow even hotter than yesterday and Nagi looks like he’s wilting from the lack of AC.

Nagi’s inside to avoid the sun and so Reo’s inside as well.  They’re playing some sort of card game the staff left in the tent for them and Nagi keeps mumbling about how he misses his phone.

“Reo,” Nagi says and maybe his heart jumps a little in his chest.  It’s just his name.  Why is he getting so worked up at the sound of his own name?  “Is there a TV in Paradise?”

“Probably,” Reo replies when his heartbeat has returned to a normal level.  “It’s a hotel so probably yeah.”

“Okay,” Nagi says, rolling over onto his stomach.  “Let’s leave the island together then.”

Reo drops his whole deck of cards.

The intercom buzzes just as Barou’s getting to the good part of his manga.

“Participants, please return to your tents.  The couple matching for the first night in Paradise will now commence.”  There’s footsteps out on the porch so Barou closes Best Girl Heartthrob and shoves it under his pillow right before Raichi walks in.

Bachira slings his duffle bag around one shoulder and makes his way to the campfire.  It’s even hotter here and the sweat is making his clothes stick to his skin.

Bachira frowns up at the sun.  He doesn’t want to be sweaty on his first date with Isagi.  Or second, maybe, if you count this morning.  (Or third if you count them exploring yesterday.)

He stares straight ahead and drops his bag onto the floor.

“The person I would like to go Paradise with is-”

ANRI: Did the scene just cut off?

CHRIS: Ooh what’s this, Chigiri?  

[The camera cuts to a shot of Chigiri picking up his pink duffle bag and walking out of the tent.  A shot of Kunigami picking up a giant backpack follows after.]

CHRIS: And Kunigami?  And Raichi, Niko and Barou?  How many guys is Isagi getting?

[Shots of each of them walking out to the campfire with their luggages play.  Each of them says “The person I want to go with is…” and then the camera cuts to each of them saying “Isagi Yoichi.”]

ANRI: I wonder who Isagi will pick.  Raichi maybe?

EGO: As per usual, you’ve completely missed the point, Anri-chan.  He’ll go with–

NOEL: Bachira, probably.

ANRI: Ah, Bachira-kun!  He’s very… interesting!

[The scene cuts to Isagi smiling and stepping out of his tent.  He carries his rolling luggage down the steps from his tent and waves to somebody off-screen.]

ANRI: This is so nerve-wracking!

[The lens expands so that Bachira becomes visible in the frame.  He waves back to Isagi.]

“You came out!” Bachira calls.  His laugh sounds like chimes tinkling.

“Did you think I wouldn’t?” he asks.  Bachira takes his luggage unprompted and lifts it with one arm as they go up the stairs which is… wow.  Bachira smiles at him like he can read his thoughts.  (Isagi honestly wouldn’t be surprised at this point.  He’s definitely not normal.)

(But it’s not like that’s a problem.)

“I knew you’d come!” Bachira says happily and reaches for his hand.  Isagi smiles back and takes it.

[The scene cuts to Reo standing outside the campfire.  There’s a Gucci bag sitting by his feet.  “The person I would like to go to Paradise with is Nagi Seishiro,” he says as he bites his lip and stares at the tents.]

ANRI: Please come out, Nagi!

NOEL: He’ll come out for the TV and free AC.

EGO: You forgot the free food, idiot.

NOEL: The food is free either way.  

ANRI: And the promise they made in the tent earlier!  That was really cute!

EGO: Promises are just words people use to create an illusion of accountability.

CHRIS: Someone’s bitter… 

[Suspenseful music plays as the camera cuts between the tent flap and Reo standing at the campfire.  A hand finally pokes out as Nagi steps outside the tent and The Chainsmokers’ Something Just Like This starts playing.  Reo laughs and waves at him.  There may or may not be tears in his eyes.]

“You came!” Reo calls.  Nagi doesn’t know why he sounds so surprised.  Who else would he have chosen anyways?

He sticks out his luggage and Reo takes it without complaining.  Even without it, Nagi still feels tired and the long flight of stairs to the helicopter on top looks less and less appealing.  Maybe he should just stay in Inferno.

“Want a piggyback ride?” Reo asks him, following his gaze.  “You’ll have to carry the bags though.”

Nagi nods and lets Reo hoist him onto his back.  His hair smells like lemons and it’s crazy soft as Nagi leans his face into it.

ANRI: That’s… nice?

EGO: Where’s the power button on the TV?

Raichi’s not pissed but well… he’s pissed.  He doesn’t even really like Isagi–he’s just the most likable in a sea of floating trash–but rejection is still a bitter pill to swallow regardless of its form.

He ends up showing up to dinner late which in hindsight, he should have known was disastrous.  (The kitchen barely held together when he was exercising full control over it last night.  Obviously, these idiots wouldn’t be able to manage one meal without adult supervision.)

He spots half of a tomato lying on the counter.  Red leaks out of it like a murder scene.  It gets worse as he gets closer.

Chigiri’s doing a very good job of looking completely unbothered as he inspects his nails at the table.  Kunigami at least has the decency to look guilty but he’s sitting with his back clearly turned towards the counter.  Niko’s eating an apple that he’s somehow produced from thin air and Barou’s not even in sight.

There’s a pot on the counter.  It has raw egg and uncooked rice mixed with some water.  There’s something white floating on the surface and Raichi’s pretty sure that someone tried to sprinkle salt on top of it.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!” he roars and flips the pot over one shoulder.

They end up in one of the tents after dinner, except for Barou, who stalked off to the other tent and told them all that he was promptly going to bed.

“Good riddance,” Niko mutters as they watch him go.  The rest of them pile on the mats laid on the floor, forming a little circle to ask each other questions.  It makes Kunigami feel like he’s in high school again, exchanging gossip on the floor of his bedroom.  Bachira’s comment that it’s like a sleepover rings out in his head again.

“Nice clothes,” Chigiri snorts and Kunigami looks down to see that he’s wearing one of his ratty high school soccer sweatshirts.  He’s suddenly increasingly aware of the suspicious orange stain by the hood that’s from a late-night ramen incident.  At least it fits the vibe of the whole night.

Chigiri somehow looks just as put-together as usual, despite the fact that he’s wearing sweatpants and an oversized navy sweatshirt.  At least his doesn’t have an embarrassing school logo or suspicious food stains though.

“I have a question,” Niko cuts in.  Raichi bares his teeth, hesitating between wanting to not be left out and leaving because he thinks they’re all beneath him.  There’s nowhere for him to go though since he sleeps in the tent they’re currently in and so he decides to stay.  “Who did you pick for the couple matching earlier today?”

“Isagi,” they all say at the same time and Chigiri blinks at him.  Kunigami suddenly feels like he’s being scrutinized.

“Why’d you pick him?” Niko asks and when neither Raichi or Chigiri replies, Kunigami supposes that the burden of the conversation falls on him.

“He was the nicest to me,” he says honestly and Niko raises one eyebrow at him.  (Or at least Kunigami thinks he is.  He can’t see his eyes through his hair.)

“You pick people based on how nice they are?” Niko almost sounds like he’s mocking him.

“Not… always,” Kunigami shrugs.  “But we’ve been here for barely 48 hours and I had to pick someone.”

“Do you think that he’s the most attractive person on the island?” Chigiri asks, abruptly cutting in.  He’s leaning forward slightly, like he’s curious about the answer.  Kunigami feels like a mouse pinned under a cat’s gaze.

He stares straight into Chigiri’s eyes as he speaks.  His mouth suddenly feels dry.

“Pass,” he says but the way Chigiri tips his head and smiles at him lets him know that it’s as good as an answer.

DAY 2 - PARADISE (BACHIRA & ISAGI)

“Isagi, look at all this food!” Bachira calls out, flipping through a black book that’s lying on the table.  There’s meals numbered from 1-80 and then desserts numbered from 81-100.  The picture of a steak that Bachira flips to leaves his mouth watering.

Isagi finds an empty glass and fills it up at the sink.  (He’s missed cold water being at the end of his fingertips.  And air-conditioning.  The wind blasting through the vents feels like heaven.)

“What should we get?” Bachira asks, carrying the book over to him.  Part of it leans into the counter, dangling dangerously close to the soap, but when Isagi grabs the corner to push it back, Bachira treats it like a game and pulls hard on the other end.

Isagi falls and Bachira catches him with one arm on each side.  He feels his face flush as Bachira laughs and eventually lets him go after making sure that he’s upright.  What the fuck was that?

“So…” Isagi says when his head stops spinning.  He makes sure not to touch the book this time.  “We can order anything we want.  What do you like, Bachira?”

“You!” Bachira calls happily and Isagi loses his footing for the second time that day.

Bachira pours himself another glass of champagne (he loves the fizziness, it bubbles as it goes down) and forks a piece of steak.

“Say ahhhhh,” he says and Isagi stares blankly at him in disbelief.  He’s cute when he’s flustered.  “Come on, Isagi, open up!”

“I’m okay I can–” Isagi starts but then Bachira leans halfway across the table with his fork and Isagi opens his mouth out of shock more than anything else.  

“Isn’t it good?” Bachira asks and Isagi nods, still chewing.  “Let me guess your age now… hm, 23?”

Isagi chokes and Bachira’s halfway to vaulting himself across the table when he puts up one hand to stop him and swallows.

“I-I’m okay,” he wheezes and drinks half his glass of water.  “I am 23, but how’d you know?”

“I just did!” Bachira calls happily and Isagi squints at him like he’s not sure what that means, but knows he won’t get a clearer answer than that.  “Guess my age now!”

“22?” Isagi asks and Bachira crosses his fingers in an “X” and makes a bzzt! sound.

“24,” he replies and Isagi nods.  “I work at a local cafe near my apartment and my current record for drinks that I can make at the same time is 5!  You should come stop by when all this is over.”

“Right,” Isagi says.  He still sounds dazed and when he sticks his hand out, Bachira passes him the bottle of champagne.  “I’m a professional soccer player and I’m supposed to debut on Japan’s National Team at the upcoming World Cup.”

EGO & NOEL: Soccer?

[They stare at each other like they’re disgusted by the idea of sharing a thought.]

ANRI: Wow, the national team?  That’s really impressive!

“So why did you choose me?” Isagi asks him because Bachira clearly has some sort of fixation with him but he still doesn’t know why.  

Bachira tips his head and smiles at him, like it’s a silly question.

“I have a monster inside of me that speaks to me sometimes.”  Isagi almost drops his glass because… that was not what he was expecting.  (He didn’t know what he was expecting but personal demons on his shoulder definitely never crossed his mind.)  “It told me that you would be fun.  I guess you could say it was love at first sight!”

Isagi’s glass is on the table because he doesn’t have enough of his senses to pick it up.  Bachira clinks his own drink against it regardless.

DAY 2 - PARADISE (REO & NAGI)

Nagi tells him to order so Reo gets an assortment of pasta, meat, rice, bread and dessert.  It’s still a cut under what he’s used to but it beats whatever crap Raichi was cooking up in Inferno.

Nagi’s too tired to cut his own steak so Reo does it for him and passes them onto his plate in little bite-sized pieces.  (Reo doesn’t do things for other people.  He’s a Mikage.  Other people do things for him.  And then in waltzes this guy who doesn’t even bother giving him the time of day and does whatever he pleases.  If he wants to lie down in his tent all day and do nothing, he does.  

It might also help that he’s the cutest guy Reo’s ever seen.  It feels like he’s found a diamond in a dumpster.)

“So what do you do for a living?” Reo asks him.  He truly is curious but Nagi could also say “professional couch potato” and Reo would be infatuated.

“I play video games,” Nagi says.  He peels off a broccoli spore stuck to the bottom of his steak and sends it to the farthest corner of his plate.  “I’m on Japan’s E-Sport Team for Valorant.”

“That’s cool!” Reo replies.  That explains why he keeps looking for his phone.  He’s a chronic gamer.  “My full name is Reo Mikage.  My dad owns the Mikage Corporation.”

ANRI: Did he just say the Mikage Corporation?  The largest business in America?

NOEL: That explains why his Japanese is a little awkward.

CHRIS: Aren’t they billionaires?  How did the producers get him to even come onto the show?  I should have joined the show as a contestant…

NOEL: You would be left on Inferno for 8 days straight.

CHRIS: Hey!  

“I’m on the executive board of the Mikage Corporation,” Reo tries again.  Nagi looks just as disinterested in his meal as he was before and Reo feels a muscle in his face jump a little.

“Don’t know what that is,” Nagi says.  “But you sound rich.  Can I have some money?”

Reo blinks, fork frozen halfway to his mouth.  This isn’t the first time that someone’s asked him for money–people have been trying to leech off him since he was born–but he’s never seen someone do it so… bluntly.  And so shamelessly.

Reo smiles and picks the chocolate pearls off a slice of cake.  (Nagi had told him earlier that he didn’t like them because they were too hard to chew.)

“You can have whatever you want, Nagi.”

Chapter Text

DAY 3 - INFERNO

Barou’s sitting on a chair by the entrance, trying to look as uninterested as possible as he reads from a book about economics.

“They’re back!” Chigiri calls out about the same time that Barou realizes his book is upside-down.  He quickly flips it right-side up and waits a full ten seconds before peering around the corner to confirm Chigiri’s statement.

The four of them are indeed coming back down the stairs.  Lazy-Ass is on Purple-Simp’s back (surprise surprise) and he’s carrying both of their luggage in his hands, though he looks dangerously close to dropping them.

“What were the hotels like?” Barou asks Isagi as soon as he hits the landing and he’s halfway to answering when Bachira flies in front of him and clamps one hand over his mouth.

“No spoilers!” he calls out and that’s just fucking dumb because the hotels are about to be broadcasted on television in front of thousands of people when they’re done editing.  Barou just really needs to know what the rooms look like before they’re aired.

“Sorry,” Isagi says when Bachira finally removes his hand.  He at least has the decency to sound regretful.  “I probably shouldn’t spoil it.  You should go to Paradise and see for yourself!”

“I don’t want to go to Paradise with any of the idiots here,” Barou scoffs and Isagi stares blankly at him before Bachira eventually drags him along.

Lazy-Ass looks like he’s died from the heat and Purple-Simp doesn’t have eyes for anyone else besides Lazy-Ass so Barou knows that they won’t be of any use.

That settles it then.  He’ll just have to find a way to Paradise himself.

The intercom buzzes again with an announcement.  Nagi lifts his head and then tries to bury it in the table so he doesn’t have to listen.  Reo went to get aloe ten minutes ago and Nagi doesn’t know what’s taking him so long.  His skin is starting to burn again.

“Couple matching will begin soon for another night in Paradise.  But you are not allowed to go to Paradise with the same person that you went with yesterday,” the voice says and then the chime sounds, signaling the end.

Oh.  No Reo then.  He hears footsteps suddenly and channels his remaining energy into lifting his head off the table.

“What took you so long-”  

He stops short when he realizes who’s standing in front of him.  It’s not Reo.  It’s Isagi.

“Are you okay?” Isagi asks him.  He looks genuinely concerned and Nagi doesn’t know why everyone on this island has such an abnormal amount of selflessness.  

Wait.  Isagi.  Why does that name sound familiar?

“What’s your first name?” Nagi says instead.  Isagi looks bewildered but complies regardless.  (He must be used to blindly following absurd orders thanks to Bachira.)

“Yoichi,” Isagi replies, rubbing the back of his neck.  His face is red from sunburn.

“Let’s go to Paradise together today,” Nagi says and Isagi stares blankly at him in reply.

CHRIS: Things are definitely heating up!  This next pairing will be crucial.

[The camera cuts to Raichi, Niko, Kunigami, Chigiri and Nagi walking out of their tents.  Each of them goes to the campfire and shots of them each saying “The person I want to go paradise with is…” play after each other.]

NOEL: Oh, here comes the Isagi harem.

[Each of them says “Isagi Yoichi”.  The camera cuts to a shot of Isagi coming out of the tent, laughing as he picks up his bag from the pile in front of the tent.]

ANRI: I wonder who it is!  Kunigami-kun, maybe?  They did wash dishes together on the first night.

EGO: Obviously not.

[The scene cuts back to Isagi at the campfire.  He rolls his luggage out and waves to meet Nagi.  Nagi does not wave back.]

“Can you carry this for me?” Nagi asks him.  Isagi’s already lugging his gigantic suitcase and Nagi’s looks like it’s about to burst at the seams.

“Sorry, my hands are full,” he says, trying his best to sound apologetic.  Nagi also practically towers above him so in any case, Isagi should be asking him to carry his bag.

Nagi frowns but picks up his bag and follows Isagi up the staircase.

“Reo would’ve carried my bag for me.”

[The scene cuts to Reo standing at the campfire.  He says his sentence so fast the words blur together and picks up his luggage as soon as he’s done.

“The person I would like to go to Paradise with is Bachira Meguru.”]

ANRI: Bachira-kun?  Why would Reo-kun want to go to Paradise with Bachira-kun?

CHRIS: I think he knows Bachira won’t pick him so he’s purposely throwing away his chance to go to Paradise since he can’t go with Nagi.

ANRI: Wow, that’s so romantic!

EGO: It’s dumb, that’s what it is.

[“Bachira Meguru did not choose Reo.  Please go back to your tent.”  The camera cuts to a shot of Bachira dragging his bag to the campfire.

“The person I would like to go to Paradise with is… Barou Shouei.”  He spins in a circle while he waits for the intercom to speak again.]

ANRI: Oh!  Is he doing the same thing as Reo-kun?

CHRIS: Looks like it!  But oh–wait, what’s this?  Is Barou actually coming out?

[Barou stomps out of the tent and picks up his luggage.  Bachira looks shocked as Barou completely breezes past him and starts walking up the staircase.]

NOEL: That backfired on him.

ANRI: This should be interesting!

Isagi and Nagi are already in the helicopter when Bachira and Barou climb in.  Isagi looks stunned to see him.

“Two-timing?” Bachira asks and Isagi sputters uselessly while he turns as red as a fire engine.  (It’s a good look on him.  Although Bachira thinks that any look is a good look on him.)

“Nagi said he wanted to go to Paradise!” he protests as Bachira buckles himself in.  

“Don’t have too much fun without me!” he says with a wink and relishes in the way that Nagi looks like he wants to die.

“Can we come in?” someone asks and Niko looks up to see a silhouette appear against the tent flap.  

“Sure,” he replies because Reo’s still catatonic from the earlier incident.  “Bye Reo,” Nagi had said and then left without a second look backwards.  Niko thought it was pretty cold and he was only a bystander.  He’d thought that with all the time they spent together, those two were a sure thing–a couple to grace the front page of every single instagram fan account that’s dedicated to this show.

Chigiri and Kunigami come in and sit on one of the empty beds.  Raichi looks like he’s considering entering but then turns around at the look on Reo’s face.

“H-He left me,” Reo chokes out.  He’s curled up with his knees to his chin and Niko’s patting his arm is what he hopes is a reassuring manner.  He thought he signed up for a dating show, not a daycare.  “He just left.  A-And with Isagi!”

“We don’t know that he left with Isagi,” Kunigami says, trying to do damage control.  He’s tearing frantically through everyone’s stuff to find a tissue box but the closest thing he gets is a package of wet wipes.

“Actually, I saw Isagi and Nagi talking earlier,” Chigiri adds unhelpfully and Kunigami glares at him as Reo bursts into another bout of tears.  Niko hands him a wet wipe and he blows his nose into it.  

“I’m sure Isagi and Nagi won’t get together,” Kunigami says but he sounds skeptical at best.  “Nagi’s… too tall for him.”

“HE WAS STAYING WITH ME FOR MY HEIGHT? ” Reo screams and Chigiri shoots him a “look what you did” glare.  Kunigami gives up and shrugs his shoulders in response.

Chigiri’s babysitting shift ended 15 minutes ago but Reo has a claw-like grip on his arm and he isn’t letting go anytime soon so now he and Kunigami are sitting in some sort of weird huddle around him.

“He was just using me for the free AC,” Reo says, sniffling.  They ran out of wet wipes two hours ago and when they had signaled the cameramen for tissues, they just got a confused shrug in reply.  “He didn’t care about me.  He just wanted food and electricity.”

“There, there,” Kunigami says, handing him a cup of water.  (Reo’s probably cried out all his bodily fluids and then some across the course of the afternoon).  “I’m sure you can do something when he comes back from Paradise.”

Like move on, Chigiri wants to say but Kunigami’s shooting him a look that says don’t you dare.  It’s thrilling so he smiles and keeps his mouth shut.

“You’re right,” Reo says, slamming the cup onto the floor.  “I’LL MAKE HIM SAY HE NEEDS ME!”

Oh god, he’s finally lost it.  Chigiri’s sure this is not what Kunigami meant, but Reo seems to have taken his words as the go-ahead to dive headfirst into pining hell.  Kunigami puts one hand on Reo’s arm but his mouth flaps open and closed wordlessly, clearly at a loss for words.  He stares at Chigiri for help like a puppy abandoned on the side of the road.

“Good luck,” Chigiri says because it’s the best he can offer.

[Joji’s SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK plays in the background as the camera zooms in on Reo curled up on his mat, staring blankly into the air.  A mountain of crumpled wet wipes surrounds him.]

ANRI: Oh my gosh… this is so sad… I can’t watch.

EGO: Where’s the fast forward button.

DAY 3 - PARADISE (ISAGI & NAGI)

Isagi quickly learns that Nagi doesn’t bother with things like formalities.  He also seems to have zero self-preservation and relies upon someone else to do even the most basic things for him.

When Isagi asks Nagi what he likes and Nagi replies with “food”, Isagi just orders one of everything and hopes for the best.  

“Are you IsagiYoichi041 on FIFA?” Nagi asks him the second he hangs up the phone.

“Y-Yeah,” he stammers, not sure where the conversation is going.  They haven’t even discussed ages and professions yet.  Bachira would have thrown a fit.  “Why?”

“Teach me how to play better,” Nagi says and Isagi deflates like a week-old balloon.  That’s why Nagi asked him to go to Paradise?

Well, either way, it never would have worked between them.  Isagi has no desire in becoming someone’s personal butler 24/7 and Nagi is an absolute brat a good 90% of the time.

“Sure,” he says and glances back at the XBox that’s hooked up to the TV in the living room.  “Won’t Reo be mad about you ditching him in Inferno though?”

“I did it for him,” Nagi says plainly.  He’s staring down at his steak like he’s trying to cut it with laser vision.  “I want to become a better player so that things will be better when we get out of here.”

“Wow, that’s thinking pretty far ahead,” Isagi says as he bites into a chicken wing.  He’s never going to take meat for granted ever again after this show ends.

“Aren’t you thinking the same for Bachira?” Nagi asks and Isagi nearly chokes on his food.

DAY 3 - PARADISE (BACHIRA & BAROU)

“Shouldn’t we at least say our professions?” Bachira asks.  Barou ignores him because he’s on a more important mission–namely, casing the whole joint and committing it to memory.

“I don’t give a fuck what you do for a living,” Barou says as he pokes he behind a TV.  It’s a standard Samsung 32’’, which he should be able to procure easily enough.  The walls are painted this ugly ass pastel yellow that people (read: Americans, just look at their McDonalds) would probably die for.

“I know,” Bachira replies in a surprising bout of self-awareness.  “But it makes for a good transition for the B-roll!”  Barou pauses in his inspection to stare at him from across the room.

“What fucking B-roll?”

[The camera cuts to a B-roll of Barou in an office wearing a suit.  “I’m Barou Shouei, owner of the X-Hotel Chain in Japan.  I’m 25 years old and I’m here because… I love people… so much… yes.” ]

ANRI: A hotel!  How interesting!

CHRIS: It’s very clear what on this show he’s actually interested in…

Chapter Text

DAY 4 - PARADISE (BACHIRA & BAROU)

Bachira feels Barou before he sees him.  He’s sitting on his bed, stretching, when he feels someone suddenly glare at the back of his neck like they’re trying to bore a hole in it.

“Your bed’s unmade,” Barou says, his eye twitching.  Bachira just woke up ten minutes ago but he also hasn’t made a bed since he was six years old and his mom told him to because his grandparents were coming over.

“Yeah!” he calls out cheerfully and launches himself off the covers with his hands.

“Make your bed,” Barou snaps.  If Bachira could see auras, he’s sure there would be a smoky black one emanating from Barou right now.

Bachira’s never been one to shirk in the face of danger though.  He crosses his eyes and sticks his tongue out.

“Don’t wanna!”

DAY 4 - INFERNO

When everyone returns from Paradise, the intercom says that they’ll be playing a game to win a ticket to Paradise.  There will be one winner and they can take whoever they want with them.

Raichi’s nearly dizzy with anticipation by the time they finally make it to the beach.  He needs to get to Paradise.  If he isn’t around a competent chef (other than himself, of course) within the next 24 hours, he’s going to fucking combust.

The intercom tells them that they’ll be playing human-body tug-of-war.  Participants are harnessed in and connected through a rope.  Whoever can reach the flag planted nearby first is the winner.  

Easy.  Or at least it’s easy, as long as Raichi keeps his gaze averted from Barou’s direction.  The voice tells them their pairings and they line up.

Raichi’s opponent is Nagi, who lies down and lets himself be dragged across the beach the second the whistle blows.  Isagi yells something about effort at him and then gets promptly wiped by Kunigami.  

It’s tough but in the semi-finals, Raichi manages to pull through and reach his flag first.  (He might have used slightly underhanded-tactics.  He might have shouted “Chigiri, be careful!” and Kunigami’s rope had loosened enough for him to grab the flag.)

Regardless, he’s now one match away from a free ticket to Paradise and more importantly, to decent food.  He deserves it after being in this hell for four days straight.

The only issue is that his opponent is Bachira .  Bachira, who doesn’t look like all that much but had somehow managed to drag Barou in a loop around his flag before finally putting him out of his misery and plucking the pole.  Mind over matter, Raichi repeats to himself as he gets harnessed in.

“The winner of this three-way game will get a free ticket to Paradise,” the voice says and Raichi freezes.

Three-way?  He might not be the best at math but he’s fairly confident in his counting skills.

“There’s someone coming,” Niko says, pointing at the walkway.  He can’t see shit with the sun glare but he trusts Niko and his 20/20 vision.

“New participant!” Bachira cheers happily as the guy finally makes it onto the beach.

He’s dressed in a designer suit that screams “MONEY” and his underlashes are a mile wide.  

“Let’s have a good match!” Bachira says and sticks out his hand.  The guy stares at it like he’s been offered a stick of poison.

“Whatever,” he scoffs and tugs the harness over his head.  Isagi offers to help him with the straps but the new guy glares at him like his existence is offensive and Isagi quickly does a 360 and goes back to standing in line.

New variables or not, regardless, Raichi is still going to win.

“Participants, get ready,” the overhead voice buzzes and he grits his teeth, digging his toes into the ground.

The whistle blows and the last thing Raichi sees before being violently yanked backwards is a close-up of the beach.

Rin pulls the flag out of the ground easily as the rest of the idiots on the beach gasp in surprise.  He throws it to the side and stares at the speakers as he waits for the overhead voice to return.

Rin’s only on this damn show to beat his brother’s record from the previous season.  Sae had managed to capture the hearts of a third of the island by the time the show ended and fans had jumped on him like he was the newest hot commodity.  

Rin can do it too.  In fact, he can do it even better.  Fuck his tardy entrance, he’ll end the show with the whole island in his palm.

“Itoshi Rin has won the ticket to Paradise.  Please select the person you would like to go with,” the intercom finally buzzes.  Rin squints at the pathetic line-up, trying to judge between trash and slightly-more-appealing trash.

“You,” he says, pointing at the guy with blonde bangs.  (He’s much stronger than his size suggests.  He might have been able to hold his own in the competition if that other idiot hadn’t tripped and thrown him off-balance.)

“Me?” the guy echoes incredulously, pointing one finger at himself as he looks around.  There’s no one within a five foot radius of him.  Rin’s beginning to question his own choices.

“Yes, you,” Rin snaps and one of the other guys on the beach frowns at him.  He’s the idiot who had tried to fix his straps earlier.

“Itoshi Rin has chosen Bachira Meguru,” the intercom says.  “Please pick up your luggages and proceed to the helicopter to head to Paradise.”

Blonde bangs– Bachira’s –face has suddenly turned downcast, the mood abruptly somber as he stares down at the ground.

“I’m only going because it’s the rules,” he says, taking a few steps across the beach.  He freezes halfway to turn around and stare directly at the guy who frowned earlier.  “But I won’t wait for you, Isagi.  If you want me, come and steal me back.”

Rin blinks.  The rest of the cast is at least similarly paralyzed with confusion.

What the fuck did he just walk into.

ANRI: Ah, Rin-kun’s choice was so unexpected!  Bachira-kun’s loyal though, he won’t be swayed so easily!

CHRIS: I don’t think that loyal is the right word.  I think he’s just down bad.

NOEL: Not as bad as Reo though.

CHRIS: Nobody can be as bad as Reo.  He’d need a ten foot tall ladder and then maybe a 20-foot-long rope to get out of the hole he dug himself into.

For the first time since coming to this island, Reo is hard to find.  It isn’t until dinner has come and gone that Nagi finally manages to corner him in the bathroom.

“Reo!” he calls out and Reo turns at the sound of his own name but then freezes.  He keeps glancing around like he’s looking for something.

Nagi follows his gaze.  There’s nothing there.  

Whatever.  He wants to tell Reo about some of the tricks Isagi taught him in FIFA last night.  There’s also a cheat code the game devs put in and only leaked to some of the professional players as a tribute.

“When Isagi and I were in Paradise, he showed me-”

“Don’t,” Reo cuts him off.  His voice is cold and the light has drained out of his eyes.  Nagi blinks because it’s the first time he’s ever seen Reo like this.  He moves and acts like a puppet on a taut string.

“You left me,” he spits out.  Which… yeah, Nagi did but he did it for the sake of their promise.  He did it to make himself a better player.

“We’re rivals now,” Reo mutters and then shoulders him out of the way as he leaves.  (Nagi’s taller but he lets himself crash into the wall and it fucking hurts.)

The door swings shut behind him and Nagi stares at the wood carving.  The tent is so far away and he’s had a long day.

His feet really, really hurt.

Isagi pokes his head into the tent as Chigiri, Kunigami and Niko stare back at him.  One of them waves him in and he kicks his shoes off at the entrance.

There’s a couple of bundled up… wipes(?) thrown haphazardly across the floor and Isagi is careful to side-step them as he picks his way over to them.  Niko pats the mat beside him and so Isagi sits down on it.

“What happened to Reo?” he asks because Reo’s eyes have been red, puffy and swollen half-closed the entire day.  At first he thought it was a severe allergic reaction but when he asked him if he needed an epi-pen, the guy glared at him like he was trying to burn him alive with his vision and sheer willpower.

“Nagi dumped him,” Kunigami replies, not quite meeting his eyes.

“For you ,” Chigiri adds.  Oh.  “Didn’t take you for a homewrecker, Isagi.”  Niko snorts and Isagi flushes bright red as he waves his hands frantically in front of his face.

“That’s not what Nagi was saying last night-”

“Stop there,” Chigiri says, holding up one hand.  “We really don’t need to hear about your night in Paradise.”

Paradise.  The place where Bachira and Rin are right now.  Isagi imagines the two of them clinking champagne at a long table with lace napkins and the image tastes bitter on his tongue.

“So what are you going to do about Bachira?” Kunigami asks him and Isagi gapes back at him in response.  “Your expressions aren’t very subtle.”

He closes his mouth and picks at a loose thread in the blanket.  Bachira has shown his affection time and time again, giving and giving without ever really asking for anything in return.  Isagi had dawdled on the brink of uncertainty and it had cost him.  Bachira had been stolen from right under his nose.

There’s no more room for confusion though.  The thought of Bachira in Paradise with someone else tastes like metal in his mouth and feels like a dagger piercing his gut.  

“I’m gonna fight,” he says and Chigiri smiles and nods.  “I lost something precious and from now on, I’m gonna fight to recover what I’ve lost.”

DAY 4 - PARADISE (BACHIRA & RIN)

Bachira Meguru is really, really fucking weird.  There’s a number of words Rin could use to describe the antics he’s witnessed this night alone –from cartwheeling with the TV remote, balancing the book of food on his head, and kicking a glass of champagne to see if he can catch it with his hand before it spills (he can)--but the word that really captures the spirit of the whole evening is weird.  

Case in point–Bachira’s currently cutting his steak with way more force than a piece of meat calls for.  He spears a piece with his fork, holds it halfway across the table and then startles, pulling it back close to his chest.

“We should share our ages and jobs,” Rin finally says because he might be a little bit curious about what Bachira’s doing in the daytime to end up with a strength that just might be able to rival his own.  (Personal fitness worker, maybe?  Dojo owner?)

“Ooh!” Bachira perks up at the suggestion.  “Lemme guess!  Are you… a model?”

Rin chokes on his champagne so hard it almost comes out his nose.  Bachira laughs as he smothers his face with a napkin.

“I am a model,” Rin says carefully when he’s finished coughing up half a lung.  “How’d you know?”  Bachira seems observant, perceptive even.  Maybe there’s something worth looking into here.  And if Rin closes one eye and squints, he might even be cute.

“There’s a monster inside of me and the monster told me!” Bachira calls out happily and Rin scratches out “possibly potential partner” in big, fat sharpie in his mind.  Lunacy just happens to be one of his deal breakers.

Bachira guzzles down the rest of his champagne like it’s juice, wiping his bare hand across his mouth when he’s done.  

“What are you looking for in a partner, Rin-chan?” Bachira asks him and when the fuck did they start changing honorifics.

“I’m only here to beat my brother’s record,” he snaps.  “He was on the show last season.”  

Bachira frowns at him but then his eyes spark with realization and he flicks one finger at him.

“Itoshi Sae?  He’s also a model, right?” Bachira asks and Rin feels something ugly twist in his stomach.

“Yeah,” he mutters.  (His heart isn’t on the floor.  That pain tearing away at him is just indigestion.)

Bachira stabs the rest of his steak and does that thing where he almost-extends it out to Rin but pulls back at the last moment.  He settles for eating it straight off the blade instead.  (It’s whatever the polar opposite of table etiquette is.  It’s barbarism in its crudest form.)

“That sounds lonely,” Bachira says and Rin jerks instinctively in his seat.  The words feel like a cold slap across the face but when he glances across the table, there’s nothing but genuine… Bachira in his eyes.

His sincerity is disarming.  It’s been a long time since Rin’s had a conversation that’s left him feeling bare, picked apart at the bones.  Maybe, just maybe, Bachira’s number is worth saving when all of this blows over.

“You’re lonely too,” he says.  “You’ve been looking for someone all night.”

Bachira chokes on his steak but he recovers quickly, swallowing it down in one gulp and offering Rin a wink.

“You’re fun, too,” he says happily and Rin rolls his eyes.

Chapter Text

DAY 5 - INFERNO

Bachira, predictably, jumps on Isagi the second he comes back from Paradise.  It’s the middle of the day so they’re probably both drenched in sweat but Isagi doesn’t seem to mind and lets Bachira practically drape himself over his back.  Chigiri watches them walk off towards the beach.  (Rin doesn’t waste a single glance backwards as he throws his luggage at the tent and then disappears inside, shooting daggers at anyone that dares to try and follow him.)

“Glad to see Isagi taking initiative,” Kunigami says, crossing his arms over his chest.  With that stance and that voice, he’s practically like a proud father and the idea makes Chigiri snort.

“I’m surprised you know what that word means,” he says, rolling his eyes.  Kunigami sputters like a dying engine, faced flushed red as his mind cycles through possible comebacks.  (It really is too easy to mess with him.)

“I know what initiative is,” Kunigami finally settles on.  His jaw is set and his shoulders are squared like his body’s defensive system has been flipped on.

Chigiri takes another step closer and looks him in the eyes.  There’s still a couple centimeters between them but he could fix that easily if he just grabbed the collar of Kunigami’s shirt and pulled -

“IT’S LUNCHTIME, FUCKERS!” Raichi yells suddenly and Chigiri stumbles backwards in surprise.  Raichi’s banging a wooden spoon against one of the pots and he points it straight at Chigiri now.  “PEOPLE WHO DON’T HELP DON’T GET TO EAT!”

“We should probably go,” Kunigami mutters as Raichi stomps down the path to terrorize the next unfortunate set of people.  Chigiri glances back at him and Kunigami meets his gaze head-on.  (His cheeks are flushed pink though.  It’s enough to make Chigiri smile again.)

“Alright.  Let’s go.”

CHRIS: What the fuck was that.

ANRI: That felt like a scene out of one of those teenage movies… like a B-rated romcom where the camera zooms in really close on each of their faces and then lingers for way too–

“Participants, please come to the campfire,” the intercom buzzes and Niko puts down the report he’d been reading.  He finds a pair of socks buried at the bottom of his (unused) luggage and stumbles out of the tent.

Isagi’s there when he comes out and he gives him a look that clearly says Are you thinking what I’m thinking?  

Niko nods once.  They’d been talking earlier about the producers throwing in new people.  They’re nearly halfway through the show and things are starting to settle down.  They need fresh blood to spice things up again.

Niko’s theory is proven true when a figure comes walking down the stairs the second they’re seated.  He’s tall–maybe even as tall as Nagi–and he’s wearing a square set of glasses and a black suit.

He looks like he could be a businessman.  Maybe he’s smart then… they could use another brain on this island.  (Reo and Nagi’s gay pining mess sucks the rationality out of the place like a fire consuming oxygen.)

“I’m Zantetsu Tsurugi,” the guy says, pushing up his glasses with one finger.  “Pleasure to make your acquiescence.”

Niko takes his earlier thought and chucks it out the nearest window.

Barou thought that there was nobody more idiotic than the idiots already on the island.  But then he had been proven completely wrong when Shidou fucking Ryuusei shows up at the campfire, half of his tongue lolling out of his mouth.

It’s disgusting.  Barou can’t wait to return to a place with actual civilized people when this show finally ends.

“Today, Zantetsu Tsurugi and Shidou Ryuusei will each pick a person to go to Paradise with them.  Please take the rest of today to get to know the other members of the island so you can make your decision,” the intercom says and then clicks off.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Barou roars at the nearest speaker.  He’d forgotten to check the brand of the shampoo and that shit had smelled really nice, like lemons.  (It also seemed like the perfect pitfall for tourists.)

Across the way, Shidou catches his eye and starts laughing hysterically, like this is the funniest thing he’s ever seen in his life.  Barou wastes no time in flipping him off.

ANRI: New people!  How exciting!

[The camera cuts to Zantetsu’s interview on the beach.  “None of the people here give me heartburn,” he says and pushes his glasses further up his nose.  He tries to catch the sunlight to make them glint but he fails.]

CHRIS: … Does he mean heartthrob?

NOEL: Probably.

[The camera switches to Shidou’s interview on the beach.  The top three buttons of his Hawaiian shirt are open.  “I’m looking for someone who can make my love cells sing,” he says, looking straight into the camera.]

EGO: Who is vetting these candidates?

Kunigami stares across the table at Shidou, trying his best to restrain himself from screaming aloud.  He’s been telling his life story for the past five minutes and the guy looks about as interested as a sleeping bear.

Which is fine , considering Kunigami couldn’t care less about him, but he’s the one who’d asked in the first place.  Shidou knocks back his cup of tea like a shot and then spends an eternity swishing it around in his mouth before swallowing.

“You’re fucking basic, wannabe hero,” he finally spits out and that’s Kunigami’s cue to stand up and leave.

“So we’re done here?” he says but he’s already pushing his chair in.  Shidou slams his cup back down on the table and meets his gaze.  (It’s like staring into a vortex.)

“We’re done.”

Reo has dealt with a lot of people as a businessman.  He’s dealt with shady old men, practically rolling in the fat of their wealth as they try and strike some sort of half-assed deal with him, he’s met con men who try to trick him out of his own fortune, he’s met girls who batted their eyelashes at him because he’s Reo Mikage , heir to the biggest corporation in America.

Point is–he’s met a whole truckload of people but he’s never met someone like Zantetsu Tsurugi.

“So we do everything for ourselves while we’re on the island.  We’re self-conscious,” he says, pushing his stupid glasses up again.  (Reo found out they were fake ten minutes ago.  Who the hell brings fake glasses to a deserted island? )

“Self-sufficient,” he corrects instinctively.  It’s like a reflex and it also makes Reo want to bury himself in a hole.  If he has to listen to another hour of this conversation, there will be a second death on this island.  The first casualty was his self-esteem when Nagi took a catapult and launched a giant boulder named Isagi through it. 

“I see,” Zantetsu says.  He picks up his tea and sips it like it’s ambrosia.  (It’s not.  It’s stuff from a box and it tastes like watered-down juice.)  “What do you think of this combustion, Reo?”

“Concoction,” Reo corrects and mentally resigns himself to his fate.

“Shidou Ryuusei, you will select first since you arrived last.  Please say the name of the person you would like to go to Paradise with,” the stupid intercom with its tinny little voice buzzes.

All the people on this island are frankly disappointing.  This is supposed to be Japan’s best but so far all Shidou’s felt through this dumb day of conversations is static.  

It feels like he’s suffocating under a blanket of white noise, boredom creeping into his system.  Well, it had felt like that for most of the day.  There had been one date, one conversation that had maybe seemed promising.

It wasn’t a roaring fire in his cells but it was a spark.  The opening line in a play that he hopes will end in flames.

“The person I wanna go to Paradise with is Itoshi Rin.”

ANRI: Rin-kun?  Didn’t they almost start wrestling over lunch?

CHRIS: I think that’s why he picked him.

ANRI: People express interest through… insults?

NOEL: Emotionally constipated people do.

EGO: You would know.

Zantetsu makes his decision the second he hits the campfire.  It doesn’t take much thought–there’s only one real choice, after all.

“The person I would like to go to Paradise with is Reo,” he says.  Reo is smart and his vocabulary could use… practice.

Reo takes an eternity coming out of his tent.  His bag looks empty as he picks it up, his mouth still open.

“You look appealed,” he says when Reo finally reaches him.  Reo gapes at him like he’s not sure if he’s doing this on purpose.

“I’m appalled, ” he finally spits back.

Nagi pokes his head in the other tent but doesn’t find what he’s looking for.

“Where’s Reo?” he asks and Bachira tips his head at him.

“He’s in Paradise,” he says.  “Didn’t you hear it get announced?”

“I was asleep,” Nagi mutters.  His feet are starting to cramp from all this walking so he kicks his shoes off and lies down on the nearest mat.  From the cheesy little message propped up by the head, it’s probably Isagi’s.  He doesn’t care.

Bachira doesn’t say anymore and Nagi’s curiosity starts to ebb away at him.

“Who’d he go with?” he asks and Bachira blinks back with an expression that says you really don’t know?  

“Zantetsu,” Bachira finally says.  “Are you going to do anything about it, Nagicchi?”

Nagi doesn’t know.  He thought that him and Reo were a sure thing.  They’d made a promise and for the first time Nagi had something stable in his life, something to lean on.  He’d started to get used to free piggyback rides and a human ice pack that followed him wherever he went.

And then Nagi and Isagi had gone to paradise and the whole bridge had crumbled underneath his feet and now Reo won’t talk to him and he had said something about rivals and leaving him behind and other stuff that made Nagi’s head hurt and he won’t even meet Nagi’s gaze when they’re in the same room.  

Bachira seems to read that in his expression and pats his leg.  (His hands are too warm.  Reo’s are always cold.)

“You should try talking to him,” Bachira says.

Talk?  Nagi’s nose wrinkles at the thought.  That sounds like… effort.

He hates effort.  He’s practically allergic to it.

“I want to go home.  This is such a pain.”

DAY 5 - PARADISE (SHIDOU & RIN)

“Model,” Rin spits out as he stabs a piece of chicken.  This is more like an interrogation than a civil conversation but that somehow seems to fit the mood perfectly.

“Fashion designer,” Shidou sneers back and why the fuck does that actually kind of match.  No, that’s the last thing he should be thinking of right now.  Rin quickly cleanses the thought from his mind.

“How can a fashion designer have this shit taste in clothes?” Rin says, gesturing towards his whole… being.  His neon-orange-and-blue shirt has the top three buttons popped open and Rin has definitely not been staring at the skin there over dinner.

“Is the model wearing black-on-black talking?” Shidou spits back.  There’s food in his mouth and of course he doesn’t bother to chew before speaking so Rin gets a front-row seat to his digestive process.  Lovely.

And well, Rin’s wearing black-on-black but he’s also been on this hellish show for an extra 24 hours so he should get some leeway.  The people on this stupid island are enough to drive any sane person crazy.  Their insanity seeps into your brain through osmosis and there’s no one else on this island that’s even remotely fucking normal.

Exhibit A: the hooligan sitting across the table from him, currently tearing his steak apart with his bare hands.  (Utensils?  What are those?)

Rin needs hard liquor to get through this night.  He reaches for the wine bottle but remembers that the lid’s clamped on tight.

“Where’s the bottle opener?” he snaps, rooting around the table.

“Right here,” Shidou says and grabs the bottle.  He rips the cap off with his fucking teeth and spits it out onto the ground.

And then for the final cherry on top, Shidou grabs the whole thing and starts guzzling it straight from the bottle.  

“I was going to drink that,” Rin snaps after Shidou’s swallowed half the alcohol with no sign of stopping.

Shidou finally pauses, wrenching the bottle out of his mouth.  The spout is still wet with saliva as he tilts it towards Rin.  No fucking way.  

“You still can,” he says.  There’s a glint in his eye that Rin can only describe as positively insane.

“Ew,” he replies instead and shoves Shidou’s outstretched hand back.  (Or at least he tries to.  He’s met with resistance and instead their arms end up crashing together in a position that's too close to handholding for comfort.)

“What, are you afraid of cooties?” Shidou sneers.  He wiggles the bottle enticingly and Rin stares at his stupid shirt and his stupid exposed chest and his stupid grin and his stupid eyes that make alarm bells go off in his head.  (It’s something though.  It’s more than what anyone else has gotten out of him.)

Rin decides that he’s already made so many bad decisions today, so what the fuck is one more going to do.  He takes the outstretched bottle and downs the rest in one go.

CHRIS: I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be swooning or vomiting.

ANRI: Wasn’t that an indirect kiss?

EGO: That was more saliva exchanged than I ever wanted to see in my life.

DAY 5 - PARADISE (ZANTETSU & REO)

“I’m an actor,” Zantetsu says proudly, puffing up his chest like he’s some sort of peacock.  Great.  

“I’m Reo Mikage,” Reo says, stretching out the syllables though he doesn’t even know why he bothers.  Clearly, nobody here has heard of the biggest company in America , because why would they?  “Heir to the Mikage corporation.”

“Mikage?” Zantetsu echoes, squinting.  For a second, Reo thinks there’s hope as something like recognition flickers across his face.  “Is that a motorcycle company?”

The hope dies before it’s even born.

“No,” Reo says flatly.  He pours himself another glass of champagne.  This is going to be a long fucking night.  “We are not a motorcycle company.”

Chapter Text

DAY 6 - INFERNO

“How was Paradise?” Bachira asks Reo, looking way too cheery for someone who’s been stranded on an island for six days straight.  (Has it only been six days?  It feels like so much longer.)

Paradise.  Reo balks at the assumption.

“That wasn’t Paradise,” he spits back.  That was glorified grammar school except he wasn’t even being paid for his services.  It was free manual labor.  (Reo would know.  He manages a company when he’s not losing his mind in random secluded corners of Japan.)  “ That was Inferno.”

Fate is a balance and life is a game where you try to tip the scales in your favor.  In other words, Niko knows that redemption is right around the corner and fortune favors the prepared.

His prayers are answered when the intercom buzzes a couple hours after the Paradise groups return to Inferno and calls all the participants to the beach.

“Half of the participants will be competing in a game to win a ticket to Paradise,” the voice says.  “Participants will play a game in the pit dug out into the beach.  If both of your legs are taken out of the pit, you will be eliminated.  The top three winners will get to choose their partners for Paradise in the order of first, second, and then third.”

“Kunigami Rensuke, Shidou Ryuusei, Niko Ikki, Reo, Zantetsu Tsurugi, and Raichi Jingo will be playing in today’s game.  Please step into the ring.”  

Well… Niko supposes his odds could be better.  It would be nice if Nagi was competing because he’d probably crawl out of the pit himself or more likely, let himself be airlifted out without resistance.

But it’s fine.  Niko’s whole life has centered around calculating statistics.  If he can stick to the sidelines and dodge the larger conflicts, the rest of the people should take each other out and he can snag a top three spot.

“Ready,” the overhead voice drones and Niko plants his feet in the sand.  

A whistle blows and no amount of calculations can prepare Niko for the way Shidou immediately charges across the pit and flips Raichi over his shoulder.

“Raichi Jingo has been eliminated.”

Isagi can only watch in horror as Raichi lands on one arm, sputtering curses as he eats sand.  Shidou laughs and splashes the water around his feet like some feral creature from the Black Lagoon.

“This is fun!” he shouts and then points one finger across the way at Zantetsu.  “You look weak.”  (Isagi notices how Niko has carefully positioned himself outside of Shidou’s line of vision, hovering in his blind spot.  Kunigami’s frowning with his arms crossed like this whole situation displeases him.)

Zantetsu, for whatever reason, is still wearing his glasses.  Apparently they’re also fake according to Reo so Isagi sees absolutely no merit in him choosing to wear them in this literal all-out brawl.

“I’m actually quite studious,” he says back, pushing his glasses up his nose.

“Sturdy,” Reo mutters from next to him and sinks further into the mud.

“You’re about to be eliminated ,” Shidou sings back and then goes low, slamming his foot down like a horse stomping the ground before it gallops.  He releases something between a mix of an animal growl and a war cry before charging across the pit at Zantetsu.

CHRIS: We made them all sign health waivers, right?

The game starts to stall after Zantetsu and Raichi are eliminated.  Shidou keeps trying to go for Reo but Reo’s holding on through the sheer power of Gay™.  (Chigiri should know, he had to bear witness to Reo’s emotional meltdown for 24 hours straight.)  Shidou’s gotten one of his legs out on multiple occasions but Reo keeps hooking his free foot behind Shidou’s knees, which sends them both crashing to the ground.

Kunigami’s squatting in his own corner, glaring at anyone who even dares to think of approaching him.  (Which is a given.  He’s not a muscle-idiot for nothing.)  Niko’s doing some weird mix of hiding between Kunigami and sticking to the sides to avoid being targeted and it seems to be working against Shidou’s simple-minded attacks so far.

And so the game hits a lull.  Reo dodges another attack and Kunigami finally sighs, getting up from his crouched position.  Oh?  

“Fight on,” Chigiri calls out half-heartedly and Kunigami shoots him a look that clearly says Really?  He smiles back in response.

“This is for your own good,” Kunigami says as he reaches down and easily grabs both of Reo’s legs.  Shidou has Reo’s chest in some sort of weird spider-grip and together they lift him into the air.  

“It’s time to move on,” Kunigami adds and Chigiri winces at the sight of Reo kicking and screaming as they shove him out of the pit.

Niko seems to give up after he hits the top three and lets Shidou practically fling him out of the pit.  Bachira watches as he and Kunigami hug the edges of the ring, circling around each other like two sharks out for blood.  (It’s thrilling.  The monster is humming with energy inside of him.)

It’s funny because Kunigami’s features have hardened from their typical friendliness.  He seems to be quite invested in winning this competition and from the way he keeps sneaking glances backwards, it’s not very hard to figure out why.

Shidou strikes first, sprinting across the length of the pit.  Kunigami must have been expecting it though because he moves with the motion, catching Shidou underneath his arms and flinging him around so that his legs land outside the pit.

“Touché,” Shidou says as the intercom announces his elimination.  He’s still in Kunigami’s arms and when he tries to lean a little bit closer, Kunigami immediately drops him and he crashes face-first back into the water.

[The camera cuts to a shot of Kunigami, Shidou and Niko standing in a line by the campfire.]

ANRI: I’m glad that Niko-kun’s finally getting a chance to go to Paradise!  I’m curious to see what his job is.

NOEL: That means… Raichi’s the only one who’s stayed in Inferno the whole time?

[As if on cue, the camera cuts to a close-up shot of Raichi wrapping his arm in bandages.  Isagi offers to help him and Raichi growls at him in response.]

There’s interest and there’s attraction and then there’s an ocean between them.  He knows that only one person on this island has managed to bridge the gap.

Kunigami makes his choice although it’s less of a choice and more of an affirmation of his earlier thoughts.

“The person I would like to go to Paradise with is Chigiri Hyoma,” he says, wiping his palms on his shorts and cursing the way they leave sweaty handprints.  Niko’s hair lifts about half a centimeter, which Kunigami is pretty sure means he’s raising his eyebrows at him.

Chigiri sure takes his damn time coming out of the tent.  He’s carrying an overstuffed duffle bag over one shoulder and he looks as perfectly put-together as ever.  (Which makes no fucking sense because it was Kunigami’s decision and shouldn’t it take him at least a little bit by surprise?)

When he reaches the campfire, he drops his bag and Kunigami reflexively lunges out to catch it.  

“Carry this for me,” he says and starts walking off to the stairs.  Kunigami’s mind is left reeling in an emergency reboot. 

What the fuck.  He just fought a horde of monsters to earn this trip to Paradise–this trip that he graciously allowed Chigiri to join him in and the guy’s default reaction is to treat him like a bellboy.  What a fucking… brat .  

(And yet Kunigami had called him out here and Chigiri had come out with a quirked eyebrow and a slight smile on his face.)  

“Hey.  Come back here and carry this.  HEY !” 

Shidou’s never been one to doubt his instincts (they’ve gotten him this far after all) and everyone else on this island is shit.

“Tell Itoshi Rin to come out here,” he spits out because he’s fucking done with stupid niceties like manners and etiquette .

“The person Shidou Ryuusei has chosen is Itoshi Rin.  Itoshi Rin, please come outside and leave for Paradise,” the intercom says and Rin blinks at the wall in front of him.

No fucking way.  

“Your date last night must have gone well!” Bachira sing-songs as he shoves his feet into his sandals.  

“Sure,” Rin spits back because that’s one way of putting it.  He has the image of Shidou ripping the cap off the bottle with his fucking teeth seared into his mind and it’s been playing on loop this whole day.

At least he’s not wearing black-on-black this time.  Not that he’s been thinking about Shidou’s dumb comment or anything.  His whole career is fashion.  He can make his own fucking wardrobe choices.

“We’re matching!” Shidou shouts when he steps out of the tent.  Rin looks down at the navy blue sweater he’s wearing.

Fuck.  They are matching.

“Who do you think Niko will pick?” Zantetsu asks and Raichi couldn’t give two shits about who that guy picks.  (It’s impossible to read him.  Literally because his stupid bangs cover half his face.)

Raichi’s never making it to Paradise at this rate.  If he’s lucky, he’ll make it to the end of this show with most of his sanity intact.  (Raichi’s never been the lucky type though–if the fact that he’s now dabbing his own fucking arm with disinfectant is any indiciation–so he doesn’t have much hope.)

“The person Niko Ikki has chosen is Isagi Yoichi.  Isagi Yoichi, please come outside and leave for Paradise,” the intercom says and Isagi’s jaw drops open, one finger pointed at himself.

“Me?” he squeaks out and Raichi doesn’t bother resisting the visceral urge to roll his eyes.  Isagi seems oblivious to the fact that he’s had a whole harem, headed by Bachira Meguru himself, chasing after him.  (Raichi may or may not be a reluctant part of that harem.)

“B-Bye, everyone,” Isagi stammers out, grabbing his half-packed bag and Raichi responds by flipping his bandaged middle finger at him on the way out.

Barou’s hungry and the idiot cook is sitting in shock like he can’t believe that he’s still on this hellish island.  (Barou can relate.  He probably would have flipped his shit if he had to stay in this place for six days in a row.  He forgot to check the model for the beds though so he has to win tomorrow’s game and drag some random idiot to Paradise so he can get the company name.)

“Where’s the food?” Barou asks the idiot when he still hasn’t woken up from his catatonic state after a minute straight.  He has a report to read back in his tent and he needs to sleep before ten to be a functional human being.  He doesn’t have time to waste.

That finally wakes the idiot up and he turns to face him with all his teeth bared.  It doesn’t do him any favors that his muscles are a fraction of Barou’s.  He jabs one finger at Barou’s chest and it feels like a pebble being flicked at his shirt.

“Fucking starve .”

DAY 6 - PARADISE (KUNIGAMI & CHIGIRI) 

The first thing Chigiri does when they get to Paradise is walk straight into Kunigami’s back.  

“Ow,” he mutters, rubbing his forehead because Kunigami is… sturdy , for lack of better words.  (He’s built like a brick house and could probably bench Chigiri’s weight, no sweat.  Not that he’s imagined that scenario or anything.  That would be weird.)

Kunigami’s decided to park himself in the dead center of the entrance, mesmerized by the suite in front of them, but he comes back to his senses when he hears Chigiri groan.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, shuffling closer.  He peers at the bruised skin, poking at it with his pointer finger.  “Are you alright?”

Kiss it better? Chigiri almost asks before he mentally slaps himself out of his shojo-induced trance.  (Barou should pick a better hiding spot than under his damn pillow if he wants to keep things like that buried.)

Kunigami’s still staring at him with his stupid puppy-like gaze though, eyes practically brimming with sincerity.  Chigiri isn’t used to attention that pure and whole-hearted and the thought makes it feel like someone’s kicked a sputtering generator in his heart.

This is why he hates goody-two shoes.  

“I’m fine,” he says, ducking out of Kunigami’s grasp.  Chigiri feels his frown follow him all the way to the kitchen, even as he flips open the binder of foods on the counter.

‘Want anything?” he asks, although the question’s practically rhetorical.  They’ve been together on Inferno for six days now–he’s seen what Kunigami’s appetite does to a plate of whatever-the-hell Raichi calls his cooking.  (It’s not food, that’s for sure.)

“I’m okay,” Kunigami says, leaning against the table.  His arms are crossed over his chest and the sunlight filtering through the window slants down the bridge of his nose.  Why is the lighting always on his side?  “Order whatever you want.”

Ugh.  It’s such a… hero thing to do.  It’s so cliche it’s practically the oldest trick in the book and yet, Chigiri feels his pulse jump under the skin of his wrist, heartbeat racing like a fleeting hare.

Kunigami’s stomach growls suddenly and the moment shatters.  The tips of his ears go bright red as Chigiri raises one eyebrow at him.

“Order whatever I want?” he echoes, pulling the page lazily so the sunlight catches it.  Kunigami finally pushes himself off the table, grumbling to himself as he peers over Chigiri’s shoulder.

(He smells like saltwater.  Even after a shower, he hasn’t seemed to scrub the smell of his earlier fight off him.)

“Order a steak,” Kunigami says reluctantly and Chigiri smiles as he flips a page.  “... And the shrimp.”

“And the chicken.”

“And the salmon.”

Chigiri pops open the bottle of champagne and flicks the cork across the table at him.

“Oops,” he says as Kunigami scowls in response.  His expression is lined with wrinkles and he opens his mouth to probably deliver a lecture about manners or some other thing that Chigiri doesn’t care for.

He’s never been one to cower in the face of opportunity though.  He sees an opening (literally) and he takes it.  Chigiri spears a shrimp and shoves it into Kunigami’s mouth before he can speak, relishing in the way his face flushes pink.  (If this were a cartoon, he’s sure steam would be coming out of his ears.)

“Good?” Chigiri asks.  He wills his voice to stay calm and slow, even as his pulse dips and jumps.

“S’good,” Kunigami replies but he’s looking straight into Chigiri’s eyes as he speaks.

Fucking heroes.  Chigiri’s attention towards the carbonara on his plate re-doubles as he spends a redundant amount of time twirling it around his fork.

“We should probably tell each other our professions,” he says because it’s shallow waters, safer grounds.  He leads the conversation back to land and Kunigami follows.

Also, he might be a little bit curious.  With that build, surely Kunigami is a professional athlete or maybe a model.  He’d say an actor except for the obvious fact that Kunigami couldn’t lie to save his life.  

“I’m a writer,” Kunigami says and Chigiri chokes on his drink.  

With that face? he nearly spits out before remembering that they’re parked right in front of a gigantic camera and he has no intention of gracing the “For You” TikTok page of every 14-year-old girl that enjoys this show.  

“That’s, uh…” Unexpected.  Interesting.  “... cool.”  Chigiri’s mouth moves faster than his brain and he cringes at his own word choice.  He's not the best at this whole thing and he’d feel more self-conscious about his appearance on the show if it weren’t for the fact that half the island is clearly even more incompetent.  “What do you write?”

Kunigami’s suddenly quiet.  He’s stopped eating which must mean things are serious and his features are hard as he points his fork square at Chigiri’s chest.

“You can’t laugh,” he says flatly and that alone is enough to make a laugh bubble up in his lungs.  Chigiri uses all his willpower to suppress it and just barely keeps himself from choking.

“Okay,” he manages and Kunigam’s face goes solemn.  With that attitude, you’d think he wrote obituaries or something.

“I write romance novels.”

Chigiri can’t stop himself.  He laughs and Kunigami’s back to cosplaying a fire engine, sputtering garbled noises and face burning bright red.

“You said you wouldn’t laugh,” he grumbles and Chigiri finally manages to get his head off the table.  He tucks a loose strand of hair behind one ear and glances up at Kunigami and it’s enough to get his features to soften again.

“That’s just so…” He’s choking on the words, grasping at straws.  “ In-character. ”

Kunigami probably has a pet or something.  He can imagine him in some sort of ugly sweater, curled up by a campfire as he writes.  It fits so well Chigiri can already envision it in his mind.

“What do you do?” Kunigami says and it’s almost a tad defensive.  Chigiri smiles and gestures towards the framed art hanging on the wall.

“I’m a painter.”

ANRI: Ooh, doesn’t that kind of match?

NOEL: A writer and a painter.  That’s very far from the professional players.

ANRI: It’s good to see some variety on the show!

EGO: I don’t see any fucking variety.  I see the same cheesy fairy tale but in different fonts.

CHRIS: Reo and Nagi are definitely Comic Sans.

EGO: You’ve completely missed the point.

Kunigami’s dressed in sweatpants and another faded high school t-shirt, rubbing at his hair half-heartedly with a towel.  (If he knew he was going to end up at a hotel with Japan’s Most Eligible Bachelor, he probably would have put a little more thought into packing his suitcase before coming onto the show.)

His hair is still damp but Kunigami eventually gives up, watching the towel slide off onto the ground.  He’ll end up sleeping on it anyways and maybe there’ll be random patches that stick up but that’s become his default state of being.

“What are you doing?” Chigiri asks and he’s suddenly leaning in the doorway of the bathroom.

“Um,” Kunigami says eloquently.  Chigiri has a way of making his throat run dry and he suddenly finds it very hard to swallow as Chigiri picks his way across the room to him.  “Getting ready for bed?”

“With your hair like that ?” Chigiri asks pointedly, his own hair perfectly dry on his shoulders.  (He blow dried it for 30 minutes straight.  Kunigami should know.  He sat there and watched the whole time.)

“I always sleep with it wet,” he says and from the way Chigiri’s eyes glint with danger, Kunigami knows he horribly misstepped.

Chigiri brushes past him to plug the hairdryer into the wall, testing the heat of it against his palm.  When he deems it satisfactory, he grabs a fistful of Kunigami’s hair and pulls hard.

“Ow,” Kunigami winces and Chigiri gives him a look in the mirror that clearly says stop being a baby.  Kunigami shuts up after that.

“What is this?” Chigiri hisses, pulling at a knot.  He yanks with each word for emphasis and Kunigami is using all his remaining willpower to keep from screaming aloud.  “Do you comb your hair?  Ever? ”

Yeah, the last time Kunigami picked up a comb was for his high school dance which was… well, back in high school.

“Maybe?” he tries and Chigiri just sighs like he can’t believe his audacity.  He picks up one of the hotel-issued combs from the counter and starts brutally attacking Kunigami’s hair like it’s committed a personal offense against him.  (The offense is existing , apparently.)

Chigiri’s attacks finally calm down after about ten minutes of untangling.  He’s switched to mainly using the hair dryer now, using his fingers to pull apart Kunigami’s hair as he runs hot air over it.  (It’s a weird feeling.  It makes his scalp tingle.)

Chigiri reaches over him to get a further section of his head and Kunigami notices that he smells like strawberries.  Their gazes crash together in the mirror and Kunigami realizes that his eyes are an even more startling shade of pink through the glass.

His mouth goes dry and his voice dies in his throat.

Chigiri leans a little bit closer… and then hits Kunigami on the head with the blow dryer.

DAY 6 - PARADISE (SHIDOU & RIN)

Rin’s learned from the night before.  He doesn’t order any more wine bottles this time, he gets a whole case of beers–which he knows he can pop open without help–and drinks them in rapid succession.

“Glad we don’t need to bother with that job and age shit this time,” Shidou says, belching loudly as he slings one arm over his chair.  Rin frowns at him and Shidou grins back, displaying all his teeth.  (It’s the same fucking teeth that have been haunting his every waking moment and every unconscious dream.)

“Let’s go outside,” Rin snaps because the temperature in the room suddenly feels like it’s ten degrees too hot and he’s desperate for fresh air.  

Shidou follows his gaze out the window to the pool.  Wait-

“You wanna go swimming, Rin-Rin?” he asks, one of his stupid eyes pulled wide open and Rin sputters because one, he does not want to strip down to swim trunks and jump in a pool with this guy and two, why does everyone keep giving him weird nicknames unprompted?

“No,” he spits out and for once in this idiot’s unfortunate life, an idea seems to get through his thick skull.  

Rin slams the glass door open so hard it rattles and then walks out to the edge of the pool, Shidou trailing behind him.  The night air is cool and it does wonders for his blood pressure.  He can feel it finally returning to normal–

“Sure you don’t want to swim?” Shidou asks him, gaze dragging along the length of his body.  It definitely doesn’t make Rin’s skin prickle.

“ No, ” he reiterates, stalking off to a farther corner.  He feels Shidou’s gaze follow him down the side of the pool and Rin feels 24 hours of boiling anger? fire? finally bubble over the rim of his self-control.

He stomps back until he’s right up against Shidou’s face, close enough to smell the fucking steak they ate earlier every time he exhales.

“What do you want from me?” Rin spits out.  (He’s not screaming but it’s close.)  He doesn’t know what he wants.  He came on this show to prove that he was worth more than his shithole brother and yet so far he’s ended up with half-a-friend-or-sympathizer-or-whatever-Bachira-is and Shidou clinging to him like a persistent tick that’s buried its head in his skin and refuses to take it out.  He doesn’t know if this is the guy’s twisted attempt at a long-winded joke or if this level of insanity is just his factory setting.

Shidou takes a step forward and Rin leans back instinctively but holds his ground.  (He feels like he’s standing at the edge of a cliff, teetering on the precipice.)

“Can you make my cells sing?” Shidou asks in a hoarse whisper, right beside his ear.  Rin shivers and takes a step back–

Except there’s nothing there.  Rin’s standing literally on the edge of the pool and when he tries to step back there’s nothing but water waiting for him.  He goes flying backwards but on his way down he manages to snag Shidou’s arm and he pulls –because if he’s going down, this fucker’s going down with him–sending them both toppling into the water.

Rin re-surfaces, coughing up chlorine and treading water in a sweater that sticks uncomfortably to his skin.  Fuck.  This is Gucci.  He stole it from Sae’s closet to piss him off but if his brother finds out he jumped into a pool with it on, he’ll be dead before he can blink.

“FUCK!” he screams into the air because it really encapsulates the whole situation.  He’s not really sure who he’s yelling at though.  Maybe it’s the idiot doing the fucking backstroke next to him or maybe it’s himself for coming on this stupid show in the first place.

Shidou’s fucking thrilled.  His love cells are buzzing with energy, singing a whole chorus in unison.

“You’re fun, Rin-Rin,” he says, wringing water out of his hair and Rin’s eye roll feels like a dopamine shot straight to the brain.

CHRIS: That was the opposite of a sexy pool scene.  I feel like I just watched two toddlers in the kiddie pool whose parents left them unsupervised.

DAY 6 - PARADISE (NIKO & ISAGI)

“I’m glad you got to come to Paradise,” Isagi says.  The finally goes unsaid. 

Niko pushes past the bitter taste in his mouth as he watches Isagi cut into his steak.  He keeps glancing around frantically though, like he’s afraid the walls are going to jump him at any given moment.

Niko spears a shrimp and inspects it carefully before popping it into his mouth.  (He’s a meticulous person.  He doesn’t act without a considerable amount of deliberation.)

“You’re a veteran compared to me,” he says.  “You’ve been to Paradise… three times now, right?  And with three different people, no less.”

Isagi chokes on his food and Niko passes him the bottle of champagne.  Isagi shakes his head though and reaches for his own cup of water, chugging half the thing down in one go.  

That’s strange.  Bachira said they drank together when they were in Paradise.  He’s heard more about Bachira and Isagi’s date than he ever wanted to know because Bachira had insisted on repeating it to any unfortunate soul in earshot.

“So what’s your profession?” Isagi asks when he finally stops wheezing.

“I’m a student right now,” Niko says.  When he looks up through his bangs, he catches a glimpse of Isagi’s eyes widening in surprise.  “I’m currently pursuing my Master’s in Mathematics.”

[The camera cuts to a shot of Niko walking through a college campus, a backpack slung over one shoulder and a textbook tucked under one arm.  “I’m Niko Ikki and I’m currently studying Mathematics at the University of Tokyo.  I’m 21 years old and I’m taking a gap semester in order to come onto Single’s Inferno.  I’m hoping to find someone that would be a good match for me. ]

ANRI: Oh!  We can finally see Niko-kun’s eyes.  They’re very pretty!

EGO: He should put his bangs back over them.

NOEL: Look who’s talking.

“You’re a professional soccer player?” Niko’s gaping at him and Isagi manages to squeeze out a laugh.  “Doesn’t this mess with your training regimen?”

Yeah, Isagi’s probably broken his diet restrictions more times in this week alone than in the past two years combined.  Still.  He’d wanted to do something… new before he made his professional debut.  Striker’s Inferno was a once-in-a-lifetime chance and he took it.  (And, if all goes well, he’ll be leaving this island with more than just memories.)

“My coach said it’d be okay as long as I’m back before the season starts,” he says aloud instead.  “My ankle has been acting up a little lately though so I’ll probably take it easy tomorrow.”

Niko nods and spears another shrimp.  Isagi stares down at his own food and cuts his steak in dead silence.

“We’re cut from the same cloth, Isagi,” Niko finally says and Isagi swears that’s the third time he’s said that in this conversation alone.  The guy must have really taken that loss at cards to heart or something.

“Mhm,” Isagi replies and then shoves the largest piece of steak on his place into his mouth to avoid speaking.  

“I thought you might be an analyst like me because of your brain,” Niko continues and Isagi makes some garbled noise that he hopes Niko interprets as agreement.  “But I guess it wouldn’t make much sense for them to put two of them on the show.”

Niko says something else and Isagi’s eyes trail instinctively to the clock hanging on the wall.  Were the nights in Paradise really this long the last two times he came?  

(Well, he’d been nervous with Bachira when he came. Or it was less like nerves and more like anticipation, like butterflies fluttering in his stomach.  And coming with Nagi had been like… babysitting your friend’s younger brother or something.)

Regardless, Niko is a breed of something else and Isagi is dedicating all two of his brain cells to following the conversation.

“Don’t worry,” Niko’s saying and Isagi mentally slaps himself back to attention.  What were they talking about again?  “I’ll keep practicing and I’ll beat you.”  Oh.  Back to cards, probably.

Isagi takes another sip of water to delay answering.  He doesn’t really know what to say because something like “Good luck” sounds patronizing but “fight on” sounds too… cheesy.

“Isagi, you’re a very nice person, right?” Niko asks suddenly.  His utensils are laid carefully on the table and Isagi blinks, trying to determine when he stopped eating.

“Um, I hope so?” he answers, wondering if this is some sort of trick question.

“I appreciate you taking the time to try and make conversation but it’s clear your mind is elsewhere,” Niko says and he doesn’t necessarily sound angry , but he doesn’t sound very friendly either.  He’s simply stating the facts, but Isagi thinks there’s something of a bitter undertone to the words.  “There’s no need to tiptoe around my feelings.  You can just say that you’d rather be here with Bachira.”

Isagi chokes on his food for the second time that night.  Niko doesn’t offer him any champagne this time and Isagi’s left struggling to swallow the last drops of his water in his glass.

“I’m sorry, Niko,” he says when he can finally breathe again and he is , truly.  He’s pretty sure that you’re not supposed to spend a whole date fantasizing about your last partner and plus, Niko worked hard to earn his ticket to paradise and bring Isagi here.  “It’s… well, I think we both already know that you’re smart.  I guess I have been thinking about Bachira this whole time.”

Niko nods, chewing silently.  He swallows and stabs another shrimp, the sound of his fork clinking against the plate echoing in the room.

“Champagne?” Isagi says, desperate for anything but painstaking silence and tension so thick you could cut it with a knife.

Niko nods–it’s an olive branch–and sticks out his glass.

Isagi’s hands are jittery as he pours and he misses the cup by a fucking mile.

Chapter Text

DAY 7 - INFERNO

Chigiri finds him squatting behind a building when he comes back from paradise.  Reo’s parked himself behind the powder room and Chigiri probably finds him by accident rather than on purpose, but Reo likes to delude himself into thinking that maybe someone on this island cares about him.  (He can name one six-foot-plus person who clearly doesn’t. )

“Are you okay?” Chigiri asks, blinking down at him.  There’s actual color in his cheeks and Reo thinks bitterly that he looks more well-rested after his night away.  An unfamiliar concept to Reo, who spent the evening picking at his food (there were vegetables but he prefers not to think too hard about it) and the next couple hours scouring the island for more wet wipes.

He told himself he would fight and he did , but it wasn’t enough.  He’d lost his chance to take Nagi back when Shidou had fucking tossed him over one shoulder like a ragdoll.  Oh, and he can’t forget Kunigami’s help in the matter.  Betrayal seems to be the theme of the season and his “It’s time to move on” as he threw him out of the pit rings loud and clear in his ears now.

Reo’s a Mikage .  He could have anything he wants.  If he stretches his hand out, whatever he desires tumbles into his palm.

(But he doesn’t want just anything.  He wants the one thing that doesn’t want him back.)

Reo’s a businessman though.  He’s familiar with lost investments and more importantly, he should know how to cut his losses.  Maybe it is time to move on.

“I don’t ever want to be the guy who doesn’t get chosen again,” he finally spits out and the sentiment at least rings sharp in his soul.  The bitter taste in his mouth every time he relives Nagi’s “Bye Reo” as he prances off into the sunset with Isagi is something he would like to never go through again.

There’s still one day left.  Even if he doesn’t leave this hellish island with someone, he can at least prove that he’s more than just a simple-minded idiot who trails after Nagi like a lovesick puppy.

Chigiri nods, something like relief flickering across his face.  He stretches his hand out to Reo and Reo takes it to pull himself back onto his feet.

“Today, the 6 people who did not play in yesterday’s game will have a chance to win a ticket to Paradise.  Participants will draw colored balls from the box on the beach and pairs with the matching color will compete against each other.  Participants will race to grab a flag planted in the ocean and return to the spot on the beach where they started.  Like yesterday, the top 3 winners will earn a ticket to Paradise and 1st, 2nd and 3rd will be determined based on time,” the speakers blare.

Zantetsu pushes his glasses further up on his nose to block the sun.  Nagi is the first to reach into the box, pulling out a ball colored red and staring at it with about as much interest as a piece of lint.

Zantetsu doesn’t know much about Nagi–only that saying his name around Reo is considered tabloid.  He made the mistake of doing that on his first night here and Raichi had pulled him aside later to half-tell, half-scream at him to never do it again.  He was rambling about a shortage of wipes or something but Zantetsu didn’t quite follow.

Regardless, he has no ill feelings towards Nagi, who’s now moved to sitting down on the sand.  He’s also the nearest person to Zantetsu and so he turns to give Nagi some last-minute encouragement before his race.

“Break an arm,” he says, pushing up his glasses again.  They’re slick with sweat and slip right back down the bridge of his nose.

Nagi blinks back at him, eyes glazed over from the heat.

“It’s break a leg, stupid Zantetsu.”

Nagi gets paired up with the egotistical idiot who practically blows steam out of his nose every time he speaks and snores like a lawnmower when he’s asleep.

“Get out of the way, peasant ,” Barou spits as he shoulders past him to get to the starting line.  Nagi sticks out his foot to trip him as he passes and because the idiot is too busy looking up to demonstrate that he’s better than all of them, he doesn’t see the outstretched shoe and stumbles.

Barou whips around and he looks like one of the side villains from a bad video game, ready to throw down right then and there before the overhead voice stops him and tells him to go back to the starting line.

The voice also tells Nagi to hurry up and stand on the sand, so he eventually drags himself over to the line, deciding that the sooner this is over the better.  He stares back at the crowd of people watching and Bachira sends him a thumbs-up and a wink.

Nagi’s really tired.  He wants nothing more than to go crawl back into his tent and take a nice, long nap until this whole thing blows over.

(But.  He’s beginning to realize that some things are worth staying awake for.)

CHRIS: HOLY SHIT NAGI CAN RUN THAT FAST?

[The screen zooms out to show Nagi sprinting into the ocean and back, frowning through the spray of saltwater as he leaves Barou completely in the dust.  “The winner is Nagi Seishiro with a time of 6.82 seconds,” the overhead voice says.]

ANRI: Isn’t this the first time we’ve seen Nagi-kun actually try in a game?  This is so exciting!  I wonder what motivated him to be so active this time.

EGO: I wonder.

Barou’s still sputtering curses but Bachira easily side-steps his hulking mass of pettiness as he makes his way up the starting line.  He’d been paired with Chigiri–who he knows goes on daily morning runs–but he knows it’ll be fine because he has something, or more accurately someone , worth fighting for.  

Except, when he steps up to the beach, he finds himself alone on the sand.

“I have a leg cramp,” Chigiri mutters, lying on the ground with his right knee stretched out.  “Can I withdraw from the race?”

“Chigiri Hyoma has chosen to abstain from the race.  This means that Bachira Meguru wins by default.  Bachira Meguru, please continue the race alone when the whistle blows so that your time can be used to determine first, second, and third place,” the speakers finally blast and there’s an undeniable flicker of disappointment in his chest.

(Bachira loves the thrill of a competition.  It makes him feel alive.  But he’s glad, at least, that he knows for sure he’s going to Paradise tonight.)

Kunigami starts to break away from the crowd of spectators to reach Chigiri, but Shidou beats him to the punch with a sideways look and a full-faced grin.

“Have too much fun in paradise last night?” he laughs and Chigiri’s expression remains impressively impassive but Kunigami goes beet-red.

Bachira’s laughing so hard he nearly falls over when the whistle blows.

[The camera switches to a shot of the last two contestants lined up on the beach.  Isagi says “Good luck” and Rin scoffs and rolls his eyes in response.  The whistle blows and they both take off running.]

ANRI: Wow, it’s really close!

[They both make it out of the water with their flag as they dash up the beach.  Rin crosses the line a few milliseconds before Isagi and the screen rewinds and freezes the shot to show the difference.]

ANRI: Rin-kun won!  Good for him.

Rin actually almost became an athlete at one point.  He’d been headed down the road of professional sports when he took a hard left and veered towards modeling.  It might have been done in part to spite his brother.

Regardless, he still maintains a rigorous training regimen and he hits the gym more often than not.  Which means that for Isagi to be able to keep pace with him is… impressive.

Isagi’s doubled over, panting for air.  His legs still glisten with seawater and when he lifts up his shirt to wipe at his face, Rin’s instinctive thought is holy shit are those abs real?

The more rational part of his mind kicks in 0.1 seconds later and he carefully averts his eyes as he remembers that it’s rude to stare.  (But then again… his whole career is based on people staring at him so doesn’t this just balance out his karma?)

“Good match,” Isagi laughs, sticking his arm out like a true sportsman.  Rin takes it on reflex more than anything else and then immediately regrets it when Isagi squeezes his hand with an alarming amount of strength.  “Sorry, I wasn’t able to run my best.  You seem like someone who’d appreciate that but my ankle’s been acting up recently and I don’t want to injure it further.”

Rin’s head is spinning.  Yes, he is someone who fucking hates lukewarm, half-assed victories but how did Isagi reach a conclusion like that when they’ve had a grand total of maybe 10 seconds of shared screentime together?  And what in the world is Isagi doing in the daytime for his “less than optimal” speed to be this fast?

That settles that.  Rin needs to know more about Isagi Yoichi.

Isagi leans against the porch as he talks with Kunigami and Chigiri.  He hadn’t expected to lose and Rin’s speed was impressive–even by professional athlete standards–although he hadn’t seemed too pleased when Isagi tried to compliment him afterwards.

He really had wanted to make good on his promise to Bachira, but it seems like the reverse has happened and Bachira will end up taking him to paradise.  Rin will probably bring Shidou which leaves just the first-place winner.

“Who do you think Nagi will pick?” Isagi asks.  Kunigami and Chigiri both stare back at him blankly.

Reo suddenly pops up from a hidden corner, glaring at Isagi like he hopes he, his entire lineage, and anyone he’s ever spoken to, lead lives of nothing but pure misfortune.

“Gee, I wonder ,” Reo spits back.

Kunigami doesn’t even know which option would be worse at this point.  If Nagi picks Reo, then they might slip into another routine of extremely obvious pining which is… painful to watch, but not nearly as painful as holding Reo’s hand while he blows his nose on Kunigami’s sweatshirt.  (Sure, his clothes have seen better days but that doesn’t mean he’s offering them as free tissues.)

But.  If Nagi picks someone who isn’t Reo, this might be the final catalyst to his progression forward–the last action in a very, very, very long chain of events that leads to personal growth.  Or maybe it’ll just be the final nail in his coffin.

The intercom buzzes almost immediately after the three winners leave to go stand by the campfire.  Nagi’s made his decision without any hesitation then.

“The person Nagi Seishiro has chosen is Reo.  Reo, please come outside and leave for Paradise.”

Reo won’t deny that his heart skips a beat when he hears the overhead voice say his name.  But.  But.  He’s working on personal growth and all that.

Nagi’s waiting for him by the campfire.  His eyes seem to light up a bit when he sees Reo walk out and that shouldn’t make his face heat up as much as it does.

“Reo.”  Nagi breathes his name like a prayer and fuck, that shouldn’t make Reo’s insides feel all gooey either but it does and he can’t deny it.

Reo does the only thing he knows how to when faced with an unstoppable force.  He puts up a wall and props it up with everything he has.

“I don’t want to hear it,” he snaps back and then heads off towards the stairs.  

The stairs.  Right, the stairs that lead to Paradise where the two of them will spend 12 hours locked together in a room.  Alone.

Great.

In hindsight, Rin probably should not have called for Isagi in front of his #1 Simp.  But fate dealt like the cards like this and if Bachira wanted Isagi, he should have run faster.

“The person I would like to go to Paradise with is Isagi Yoichi,” he says, glancing at Bachira out of the corner of his eye.  (They’re too close.  Bachira could lunge at him and commit a murder before anyone else even reaches them.  Rin half-expects him to.)

Except… Bachira doesn’t look angry.  He frowns a little but he wipes the expression off his face just as fast, curiosity sparking in his eyes.

“So you’ve realized it too, Rin-chan?” Bachira asks him, laughing.  He sounds like one of those pixies Rin was always warned to stay away from in fairytales.  “Isagi’s really interesting, isn’t he?”

Bachira laughs again and Rin’s left with his thoughts spinning like an overturned wheel.

He really is never going to understand this guy.

ANRI: I didn’t think Rin-kun would pick Isagi-kun!  I guess that race left a strong impression on him.  Do you think Shidou-kun is disappointed?

[The camera cuts to the inside of the tents as Rin’s choice is announced through the loudspeakers.  The screen zooms in on Shidou’s face as the overhead voice plays.]

CHRIS: … from the way he’s howling like a hyena, probably not.

“I wonder who Bachira will pick now that Isagi’s been taken,” Kunigami mutters.  Raichi doesn’t care.  He’s resigned himself to his fate and he’s already carved out a huge block in tonight’s schedule to cook for this whole island of idiots.  Because that’s what this show has come to.  Cooking classes with Raichi Jingo as he does his best to retain his sanity and handle machinery that went out of style ages ago.  Literally.

“Well, I’m sure it won’t be any of us,” Chigiri replies, already burying himself under his blankets.  (Raichi hopes that there’s a pebble underneath there and that the old tale about princesses being able to feel peas under their mattresses is true.)

The intercom buzzes not even a full minute after the message for Rin.  Which means that Bachira must have planned back-up choices earlier.  Or he just picked impulsively.  Actually… that one’s much more likely to be accurate.

“The person Bachira Meguru has chosen is Chigiri Hyoma.  Chigiri Hyoma, please come outside and leave for Paradise.”

The look on Chigiri’s face as he sits up is somewhere between shocked and horrified.  It cracks Raichi up and that’s almost enough to make him overlook the zero meal prep Chigiri’s done in the past seven days combined.  Almost.

“Let’s go!” Bachira calls out happily when Chigiri lugs his half-packed luggage to the campfire.  He doesn’t even remember what he threw in there.  He’d thought there was no possibility of him leaving the island today, what with his leg cramp and Kunigami staying in Inferno, so he packed absent-mindedly.

Clearly though, fate enjoys making his life miserable.  First, it throws him a pining idiot who wouldn’t know common sense if it got up and slapped him in the face and now he’s being shipped off to a hotel with Bachira Meguru for company.  This is definitely how he wanted to spend his precious weeks of free time.

Reo and Nagi aren’t talking when Chigiri finally climbs into the helicopter but at this point, he’s far too tired of playing mediator to intervene.

DAY 7 - PARADISE (RIN & ISAGI)

Isagi cuts his steak carefully into bite-sized pieces and Rin doesn’t know why that surprises him.  All civilized people cut their steak into pieces instead of eating it straight off the blade, after all.

Rin pounces the second Isagi puts a piece in his mouth.

“What’s your job?” he demands and Isagi jumps a little, like he’s surprised by the bluntness. 

“I’m a professional soccer player,” Isagi replies and oh .  That makes sense but that’s also an eerie coincidence.

“I almost became a soccer player,” Rin says and that earns him a shocked look.  

“In another universe, maybe we could have played together,” Isagi laughs and Rin wants to scoff and smile at the absurdity.  ( See , this is how a normal conversation should be going.  No belching in the middle of talking or laughing with your tongue and full row of teeth on display or crashing into pools with all your clothes on– wait.  Why is he thinking about any of that in the first place?  In 24 hours, he’ll be 100% Shidou-free and never have to see him again unless he wants to.  Which he doesn’t.  Yeah.)

“So what did you end up doing after soccer?” Isagi asks him and oh shit, Rin forgot that he’s here too.

“I ended up going into modeling instead because of my brother.”

“Oh!”  Isagi’s eyes light up like he’s found a foothold in the conversation and he’s holding on for dear life.  “It’s nice that you and your brother have a good enough relationship where you’re willing to follow–”

“No,” Rin cuts him off before he can finish that thought.  He’d try to explain more but it would take more than one night to unravel his complicated family history.  “We’re not like that.  I’m only a model to destroy my brother.”

Isagi’s mouth opens and closes wordlessly as he tries to think of a good rebuttal to that.

“Champagne?” he eventually asks and when Rin nods, he grabs the bottle.

“Can you pass the bottle opener?” Isagi asks.

“What do you mean?  It’s right–” Rin pulls himself short at the realization.  The image of Shidou ripping the cap off with his teeth is back in 4K and there’s a premiere showing on loop in his mind right now.

Rin blocks all that out and reminds himself that normal people use man-made tools designed for this purpose instead of sheer strength (and their fucking teeth).  The fact that his instinctive response was to use his fucking mouth is a sure sign that he’s already ruined for civilized society.

“I’m beginning to get what Niko said,” Isagi interjects in one of his long rants about something that Rin was paying attention to for the first ten seconds and zoning out for the rest.  “It is a little weird when you go to Paradise with someone while someone else is on their mind.”

Rin chokes on his drink so hard champagne nearly comes shooting out his nose.

“When someone is what?” he spits, lacing each syllable with venom.  Isagi flinches like he’s been burned with each word but doesn’t back down.  “When someone else is on their mind?”

“I mean,” Isagi looks apologetic, but when he swallows, his words are hard.  “You don’t seem very interested.”

“That’s not-” Rin starts and then stops, fumbling for the right words.  (Him?  Fumbling for words?  What the fuck has this show done to him?)

It’s not that he isn’t interested.  Isagi Yoichi feels like the perfect recipe for a partner.  He’s living a life that matches the smoldering ashes of a dream Rin neglected years ago.  He doubts they would run out of things to talk about and he’s uncannily observant.  He has an intellect that could give Rin a run for his money and when pushed on the edge of a cliff, he shoves back.

But… he’s so fucking normal.  (Actually scratch that–anyone who’s pairing up with Bachira can’t possibly but normal.)  But he knows how to handle a conversation.  He knows when to smile, when to laugh, when to shut up and let him speak.  He pours Rin’s champagne into a glass instead of just offering him the bottle.  He knows how to use utensils.

“Fuck,” Rin spits, glaring down at his steak.  He’s screwed, isn’t he?  

Shidou Ryuusei is an addiction.  One hit of him and you’re hooked for life.  (Rin hasn’t even had just one.  He’s had two.  He’ll be stuck with this fucker for the rest of this life and probably the next two reincarnations.)

“Is something wrong?” Isagi asks him and isn’t that an understatement.  Rin still has Sae’s ruined Gucci sweater shoved at the bottom of his luggage and he’s using every shred of luck he has to manifest that his brother doesn’t watch this most recent season.  And on top of that, he’s fallen for the most manic idiot on this whole show and has to go back to Inferno and look him in the eye tomorrow.  (Love is a 20-foot pitfall to sheer concrete and Rin’s stepped right in the middle.)

“Everything’s wrong,” he says finally.  Isagi wisely chooses not to comment on the way he stabs his food so hard the plate rattles.

Shidou Ryuusei is a drug and Rin realizes forlornly that he’s addicted.

DAY 7 - PARADISE (BACHIRA & CHIGIRI)

“So,” Chigiri says, twirling a strand of pasta around his fork.  At least the food here is better than on Inferno.  “Why’d you pick me?”

Bachira tips back the rest of his drink before answering, chugging it the way a kid gulps down milk.  It’s… alarming, at the bare minimum.  (Everything Bachira does is alarming.  He lives on a separate plane where logic doesn’t exist.)

“Reo-chan said you were a good listener!” he replies happily and oh.  Oh.  Chigiri feels his wound-up muscles relax at having dodged the bullet of Bachira’s attention.  “So I wanted to tell you about me and Isagi.”

Wait.  Wait.  Chigiri has to sit through the retelling of another person’s love story?  With the locked doors in front and the balcony that overlooks nothing but a 20-foot-drop to the ground behind him, he’s practically a captive audience.

“... and so then I thought it was super cute so I told Isagi this but then he turned all red like a little squishy tomato which I thought was actually pretty…”  Bachira keeps going on and on and Chigiri uses what little remaining energy he has to at least maintain a semblance of interest.

He should really start charging fees for these free therapy sessions.

DAY 7 - PARADISE (REO & NAGI)

“Reo.”

Reo’s not listening.  He’s eating this meal because he has to and oh fuck.  Reo looks down at his plate and realizes he’s started to separate the vegetables from the meat on pure instinct. 

“Reo.”  Nagi keeps saying his name on repeat like a broken record and Reo focuses his attention on his food with double the intensity.  There’s crab here.  Why is there crab here?  Nagi ordered but he hates crab.  (Reo doesn’t though. Reo quite likes it and he may have mentioned it in passing. Whatever.)

“Reo,” Nagi says again but this time he reaches out when he speaks.  He grabs Reo’s arm in mid-air and they both stare at the way it’s shaking.  Fuck.  “What’s wrong with you?”

Nagi talks with the same laidback nature reserved for complaints about the weather or the way his feet hurt.  He blinks at Reo like he’s the crazy one here and that’s enough to snap the final thread of his self-control.

“WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME? ” he screams and Nagi flinches at the sudden jump in volume.  “ I’M NOT THE ONE THAT PROMISED TO GO TO PARADISE TOGETHER AND THEN TURNED AROUND AND LEFT WITH SOMEONE ELSE!  I THOUGHT–”

Reo stops suddenly.   He thought that there was something there.   That between piggyback rides and meals together and small hand squeezes under the blanket and promises exchanged in the dark, they were building something.  He didn’t know what it was, only that it was something new and unfamiliar that even Reo with all his years of traveling hadn’t encountered.  (It was revolutionary.  For the first time in his life, Reo was beginning to consider relationships as something more than a business transaction with a couple of extra hearts around the edges.)  

But clearly they weren’t building something.  Reo was building a house of cards and Nagi knocked it over with one blow.

“Are you talking about when I went with Isagi?” Nagi asks, squinting like he’s trying to place the meaning behind Reo’s words.  

What.  What fucking ELSE would he be referring to?

“Yes,” he snaps back. 

“But,” Nagi frowns.  He’s chewing on his bottom lip.  “I went with Isagi for you. ”  

Reo can’t stop himself.  He starts laughing out loud and he doesn’t need to see Nagi’s startled expression to realize how insane he sounds.  But he has proper justification–how the fuck could Nagi running off to Paradise with Isagi Yoichi possibly be for his benefit?

“How?”

“Isagi’s a pro soccer player and so he taught me some tricks in FIFA,” Nagi murmurs and Reo can hear the producers wincing from an ocean away.  He’s definitely not supposed to know Isagi’s profession but Nagi’s also never really been a stickler for rules.  “I did it so I could become a better player when we get out of here.  We made a promise to leave together.”

“Yes,” Reo squeezes out and momentarily considers trying to break the tongs off his fork.  It would be less painful than whatever this conversation is.  “The promise that you then went and broke when you left for Paradise with Isagi.”

They’re going in circles.  Reo’s practically chasing his own shadow and Nagi’s frowning again.

“But,” Nagi says, looking down at his plate of food but then reconsidering after spotting the crab.  “That’s not what I meant.”

What.   Reo didn’t think that “let’s leave the island together” could have more interpretations than one.  He’s also tired as fuck and he feels seven days of pent-up exhaustion flood his system now, dragging at his limbs.

“What did you mean then?” 

Nagi finally finds a piece of steak that’s untainted.  He puts it in his mouth and chews.

“I meant let’s leave the island together.  Like the final selection at the end of the 8 days.”

Reo inhales so sharply he chokes.

CHRIS: HE MADE HIS DECISION ON DAY 2??? That was before he even found out how rich Reo was!

ANRI: Awwww, that’s so romantic!  This is like the opposite of a break-up arc, it’s a make-up arc!

EGO: As long as it doesn’t become a make-out arc.

Nagi doesn’t know why Reo sounds so shocked.  They made a promise together, after all.

“You want to leave the island with me?” Reo chokes out.  He hasn’t touched his crab at all and Nagi frowns.  He thought Reo said he liked crab.

“Yeah,” Nagi says.  Obviously he wants to leave the island with Reo.  Nagi doesn’t make many promises.  They’re so much work to maintain… case in point: just thinking about that race again makes him tired.

He doesn’t make many promises so the few that he does matter.

“I’m an idiot,” Reo says, staring down at his food.  He whips his head back up almost immediately and points one finger at Nagi.  “You’re an idiot too.  You should have just said that.”

Nagi stares down the line of Reo’s finger and nearly goes cross-eyed in the process.  They’ve been here before–Reo flinging words at him with the intensity of a roaring fire, but somehow it’s better this time.

Nagi prefers it when Reo’s smiling at him instead of frowning.  He should do it all the time.

“You should eat more food,” Reo says, pushing more steak onto his plate.  They’re cut into nice little pieces and they’ve been thoroughly inspected for vegetables.  Nagi opens his mouth and lets Reo feed him one on his fork.

It tastes good but Nagi’s also tired.  All that running really drained the energy out of him.

“I’m sleepy,” he says, even as he lets Reo feed him another piece of steak.  “Let’s sleep now.”

“Okay,” Reo replies.  He’s smiling at him and Nagi wonders if one side of his mouth has always lifted higher than the other.  “We can sleep now.”

Nagi crawls into the bed the second they reach the room, still wearing his joggers and sweatshirt from earlier that day.  

“At least brush your teeth first,” Reo chides and Nagi responds by groaning and pulling the pillow over his face.

Reo laughs and it feels like a balloon of anxiety deflating in his chest.  He flicks the light off and reaches for the telephone on the bed stand.

“I’ll call for a roll-out bed–” 

Reo never makes it to the end of his sentence because a hand suddenly grabs the back of his shirt and pulls.  He’s knocked off-balance instantly and he falls with his back on the covers.  Nagi commandeers him the second he lands, slinging one arm across his chest.

“Too warm,” he murmurs and his eyes glint in the dark.

Reo’s face hasn’t been washed.  His pajamas are still in his luggage two rooms away and he should probably stack the dishes that they left on the dining room table.  He needs to moisturize before bed and brush his teeth.

But all of that seems to pale in comparison to the way Nagi’s got one arm slung over his chest, his breathing long and easy.  Reo wonders if he’s already passed out when he doesn’t move as Reo re-adjusts the blanket so it’s covering him better.

The lights are off and Reo thinks again of this thing that they’re building here in the dark, painting with small moments like these.

“You’re my treasure,” he whispers and he wonders if the twitch in Nagi’s face is an unconscious action or the ghost of a smile.

ANRI: “You’re my treasure?”  That’s an… uh, unusual way of confessing.

CHRIS: Maybe it’s an American thing.

Chapter Text

DAY 8 - PARADISE (REO & NAGI) 

The cameramen wake them up at 4 in the morning.  Nagi knows because the bright red 4:00 stamped onto the alarm clock is the first thing he sees when he jolts awake.  

He groans and rolls over in bed.  It’s way too early for this.  He fades in and out of consciousness as he hears Reo move around the room, packing suitcases and doing whatever the hell he’s doing that isn’t lying next to Nagi in bed.  

“Nagi,” Reo finally says, shaking his shoulder.  “They want us to fly back to see the sunrise with the rest of the people on Inferno.  I packed your bag already, just get on.”

Nagi blinks, his eyes still heavy with sleep.  Reo’s back looks like a fairly comfortable cushion though and he knows it smells nice, like citrus.

He reluctantly wriggles out of the covers and drapes himself over Reo’s back before going back to sleep.

Chigiri stares blankly at the giant figure sleeping with his face buried into Reo’s shoulder.  It’s too early in the morning for this.  Maybe he’s still dreaming.

He rubs his eyes but the picture in front of him remains sadly unchanged.  What?  They weren’t even on speaking terms last night?  When did whatever-this-is happen?

Actually scratch that, he doesn’t want to know.  He would like to never be involved with anyone else’s love life ever again, thank you very much.

“So when did that happen?” Bachira chirps, because he’s a bottomless well of energy.  He talked Chigiri’s ear off with information about Isagi until 2 in the fucking morning so Chigiri has no idea what the guy is even running on at this point.  

Reo frowns down at the way Nagi’s neck is bent and shifts his shoulder so his head is at a better angle.  He looks so lovesick it makes Chigiri want to puke.  (At least though, this means his babysitting days are finally over.)

“It was a miscommunication,” Reo says and Chigiri nearly chokes on air.

“A miscommunication is when I say ‘Kunigami, can you pass the salt?’ and he passes me the pepper instead.  Whatever you– ” He pauses to gesture at their whole… being.  “ – had going on was not a miscommunication.”

Reo shrugs.  Ew, their clothes are matching.  Although Chigiri’s pretty sure he saw Nagi wearing that same sweatshirt yesterday so Reo probably just changed clothes so they would match.  Ugh.

Chigiri fucking hates the honeymoon phase.

It’s way too fucking early in the morning for this.  Raichi gets woken up at the literal crack of dawn and only manages to make it out of his tent due to the promise of free food.  The kitchen has promised that they won’t need to do meal prep for breakfast and so Raichi manages to drag his ass out to the campfire to see if they’ve managed to procure a half-decent set of food for them.

Raichi spots a bucket of granola bars sitting by the firepit and nearly turns around on the spot.  Unfortunately, there’s now a camera blocking the path back to the tents and most of the other participants have already started to trickle in.  Nagi’s not even fucking conscious , lying on Reo’s back as he carries him to the ring dug out into the sand .

Wait–when did those two even get back together?  Maybe Paradise really is a place of miracles.  Raichi wouldn’t know, considering he’s the only person on this damn island who’s never been.

It’s freezing out here and so Raichi starts the fire, not trusting any of the other idiots here who would probably burn the whole island down in the process.  

“There’s too much smoke,” Barou huffs, his arms crossed over his chest.  Raichi flips him off from across the way.  It’s a fire.  Smoke is an inevitable by-product, although Barou with his singular brain cell probably can’t figure that out.

They’re all fools, the whole lot of them.  Raichi’s the only competent one in a ten-mile radius and he’s paying the price for it.

“Granola bar?” Isagi asks, offering him one that’s partially unwrapped.  Raichi rips it out and bites the top part clean off.  It tastes like absolute shit.

“Today’s the last day so we can say our ages and jobs, right?” Niko asks.  He’s sitting on Raichi’s right but he’s also trying to keep his distance as much as possible, like he thinks Raichi’s a rabid dog about to bite him at any given moment.  Good.  

“Isagi, I’m curious about your job,” Chigiri says, even though he’s literally wearing one of Kunigami’s old high school sweatshirts.  

“Me too,” Kunigami adds and Raichi nearly swears out loud because isn’t he supposed to be the mystery man?  Half the island already knows Isagi’s job since they went to Paradise with him and absolutely no one knows his profession.  

Isagi laughs and rubs the back of his neck in embarrassment.  (Raichi hopes he gets a rash there.  He should , considering how many times he’s touched that place in the past week alone.)

“I’m a professional soccer player,” Isagi says and Bachira claps like some sort of proud partner.  

“That makes sense,” Kunigami murmurs and then his eyes widen in surprise when he sees Raichi, like he’s just remembering he’s there.  “Raichi, what about your job?  Nobody knows since ah…”

“Since you never went to Paradise!” Bachira calls out helpfully, picking up the slack when Kunigami’s embarrassment fails him.  (Raichi’s pretty sure Bachira wouldn’t know the word “shameless” if someone stuck it on his forehead with a Post-It.)

The rest of the ring has gone quiet now, though.  For the first time since the show began, Raichi thinks he might just have everyone’s full attention.

“I’m a fucking cook,” he spits out.  “I won the Washoku World Challenge.  Twice. ”  

There’s silence before Barou breaks it, staring at him from across the fire.

“Why was your food shit then?” he asks and Kunigami isn’t fast enough this time to stop Raichi from leaping across the pit at him, granola bar poised like a weapon.

[“FINAL DAY” flashes in large block letters across the screen.  “The hottest inferno in the world, Striker’s Inferno .  Today is the last day.  We will now begin the final decisions,” the speaker says as the camera switches between close-ups of their faces.

 “Participants have already submitted their choices.”  Shots of each person slipping a paper into a box plays.  “Participants have been separated into two groups so that the person they picked is in the opposite group.  People in the first group are already waiting for their partners at the final decision spots.”  

The camera cuts to an overhead shot of the full island.  Nagi is positioned by the gazebo, Rin is standing at a table further along the path and Kunigami is parked beside one of the ice water stations at a higher point on the island.  Zantetsu, Barou and Isagi are placed at various points along the beach.

“Participants in the second group will go to the spot where the person they chose is standing.  If the person they pick has also chosen them, they will become a final couple.”  The camera cuts back to a shot of Niko, Bachira, Reo, Raichi, Chigiri and Shidou sitting at the campfire.]

ANRI: It’s decision day finally!  It’s exciting to see it all play out!

SPEAKER: “Bachira Meguru, please go first.”

[The camera cuts to Bachira hopping up from his seat.  He shouts his goodbye to the rest of the people sitting and the scene switches to Chigiri giving him a weary thumbs-up.  As he’s walking along the beach, he waves to Barou, who does not wave back.]

BACHIRA (voice-over): It’s always been the same person for me, ever since the beginning.  On the day we met, the monster told me that this was the one I was waiting for and the monster was right.  Paradise or Inferno, wherever we’re together, it’s fun.

[The camera cuts to Bachira finally reaching Isagi at the end of the beach.  “You’re here,” Isagi says and Bachira laughs and replies with “Of course I am!”]

BACHIRA (voice-over): I love you, partner.

The speaker calls his name next and Reo wastes no time springing up from his seat, holding the umbrella above his head.  It’s hot out and the people standing around the island must have been there for at least 20 minutes now.

He barely restrains himself from running up the hill as he climbs the path to the gazebo.  When he reaches the top, Nagi is standing there, slouched and squinting up at the sun.  (Reo’s pretty sure he saw Nagi try to lie down inside the gazebo earlier, but the cameramen had made him get up and stand in the sun outside.)

“It’s hot out,” Nagi grumbles, his spine somehow crumpling even further.  Reo tilts the umbrella so it covers both of them and Nagi leans on his shoulder, shifting all his weight to the side.

“I know.”

REO (voice-over): We may have had… our miscommunications along the way but for me, it’s always been the same person since Day 1, when I first saw him at the campfire.  Nagi’s someone unique… he’s my treasure.

Raichi wastes no time in sprinting down the length of the beach when his name is called.  He wants nothing more than for these 8 days of hell to finally be over.  

As he passes Barou, he makes sure to kick sand up at his face.

RAICHI (voice-over): It’s like choosing between meat that’s been expired for a week and meat that’s been expired for a year.  Picking Isagi is like picking a piece of food that’s gone bad but isn’t nearly as spoiled as the rest of the idiots on the island.

Chigiri takes his time walking up the path.  The steps are jagged and he doesn’t want to trip.

Or maybe he just enjoys making Kunigami sweat buckets.  (The whole choosing thing is a formality at this point.  He thinks it’s more than obvious who he wants to leave the island with.)

“You came,” Kunigami says when he finally reaches the top.  He’s all dressed up today, wearing slacks and an orange polo shirt that seems like it’s made of expensive material.  His shoulders look stiff but he’s smiling in a way that almost seems to say I knew you would.  

(His smile feels like standing in the sun.  Chigiri wonders if he’ll burn.)

“The shade’s better here.”

CHIGIRI (voice-over): He’s such a goody two-shoes.  And he’s a sap.  He’s like the starter kit for a basic boyfriend.  [ pause ] But if he’s the hero, I guess that makes me the princess waiting for him at the end of the journey.  Or something like that.

Niko knows that they put Isagi at the very, very end of the beach on purpose.  He has to walk past both Barou and Zantetsu to get there and he does it with his head bowed, pumping his legs as fast as humanly possible.

He knows how this will end but he figures he might as well stay true to his instincts until the very end.

NIKO (voice-over) : There’s no real competition. Only one person has ever caught my attention and even if I know he’ll leave with someone else, there’s no point in picking anyone else.

Shidou knows they made him pick last on purpose.  He walks with his hands shoved deep in his pockets, head tossed back so his hair can catch the wind.

If a show’s what they want, he’ll give it to them.

[The camera cuts to an overhead shot of Shidou making his way over to Rin.  When he reaches him, he winks and Rin scoffs in response.]

SHIDOU (voice-over): 🎵 Love is in the air~🎵

ANRI: Only the second group's choices are left!  If their choice is one of the people who's also chosen them, then they’ll take the person’s hand and they'll leave Inferno together.  But if the person is not among those who chose them, they'll stay on Inferno.  I’m excited to see who everyone will end up with!

EGO: How many more episodes are left.

NOEL: This is the last one–can’t you count?

“You promised me a free dinner when we get out,” Chigiri says, tucking a strand behind one ear.  “So I’m here.”

“You’re here for your free meal,” Kunigami echoes flatly.  Chigiri smiles up at him like he isn’t the spawn of the devil himself.

“Yep.”  This guy… this guy has got to be the laziest ass he knows (excluding Nagi, of course, because he belongs in his own category).  He’s practically allergic to household chores and uses the lamest excuses to wriggle out of any work he doesn’t feel like doing.  He has a hair routine that lasts a full 30 minutes and he won’t even fetch his own hair dryer when he wants it, sending Kunigami running down to the powder room to steal Barou’s.

But –as Kunigami’s beginning to learn–Chigiri holds the few things that matter close to his chest and doesn’t let go.  Like his daily morning jogs, that specific brand of hair conditioner that’s imported from some tiny region in Japan, and so it seems, Kunigami as well.

“Come on,” Kunigami says, sticking his hand out.  “Let’s go.”

Chigiri smiles (it should be illegal to be that pretty, Chigiri’s whole fucking existence is a crime against humanity) and takes it.

“Your hands are sweaty,” he mutters when they’re halfway to the stairs and gee, whose fault is that.  Kunigami’s still fairly new to this whole… relationship thing and every step he takes feels tentative, buzzing with anticipation.  

(But at least Kunigami knows he’s not alone in the nervousness.)  He grips Chigiri’s hand in his own and squeezes hard.

“Yours are too.”

[The camera cuts to a shot of Reo and Nagi standing by the gazebo.  Nagi’s eyes are half-closed, like he’s only semi-conscious.]

ANRI: Surely, Reo and Nagi will leave the island together, right?  After their conversation last night and everything?

CHRIS: If Nagi doesn’t pick him, I think I’ll mail a personal sympathy card to Reo’s house.

[The scene switches to Nagi’s solo interview on the beach.  He looks both bored and exhausted.  “I came on this show so I wouldn’t have to go to the training camp my manager was trying to send me to.  And I heard there was free food,” he mumbles.  “I thought it was going to be a pain to talk to all these people… and it was a pain.”]

CHRIS: … is that it?

[“But for the first time, someone was actually interested in a slacker like me,” Nagi continues.]

EGO: At least he’s self-aware.

NOEL: I can name someone in this room who isn’t.

[“It was… something new,” Nagi says.  His gaze trails to somewhere off-camera and whatever he sees seems to make him smile.]

Nagi’s really fucking tired.  First, they make him stand in the boiling sun for a good 20 minutes while they position everyone around the island and now they have to wait another ten minutes for other people to make their decisions first.  Kunigami and Chigiri didn’t need to waste so much time flirting when they were just going to end up leaving the island together anyways.

Reo’s biting his lip as he dodges Nagi’s gaze, like he’s actually nervous about the decisions Nagi’s going to come to.  (It all boils down to simple math really.  Living is hard and a pain , but with Reo it becomes a little more worthwhile.)

“Can we go home now?” Nagi says and drapes over Reo’s back with warning.  (He accommodates Nagi, though.  He always does.)

“Okay,” Reo replies and he sounds like he’s smiling.  His hair smells like citrus and sunscreen as he shifts his arms so he can carry Nagi better.

Nagi’s heard people comment on the smell of home, saying it with an onslaught of emotion as they step into a corner shop or family restaurant.  He never really got what they were trying to say though.  He has an apartment and it smells perpetually like instant ramen.  The scent does not fill him with the same nostalgia and warm fuzziness that other people promised him.

But lying on Reo’s back in some deserted island in the middle of Japan, Nagi thinks that if home smells like citrus and sunscreen, then he gets a little bit of what all those people meant.

Rin can’t actually believe the decision he’s about to make.  The only plausible explanation is that Bachira has made a deal with that monster he’s always rambling about and told it to possess Rin for the duration of the show.

He’s completely lost his mind and the idiot grinning in front of him is a clear indication of it.  Rin’s also pretty sure Shidou’s humming pop songs under his breath.

“Fuck you,” Rin says, jabbing at his chest with one finger because he’s emotionally repressed and only knows how to express himself with expletives.  (He’s sure somehow that this is all Sae’s fault.)  

Fuck this idiot for making him never able to look at a bottle opener without imagining his rows of demon teeth grinning back at him.  Fuck this idiot for tainting the smell of cholorine so every time he encounters it, he thinks of skin pressed against his own and a voice whispering, “Can you make my cells sing? ”  Fuck this idiot for ruining Hawaiian shirts because now every time he sees one, he wonders why the top three buttons aren’t popped open.

Fuck Shidou Ryuusei for making him… feel things.  Rin stomps down the pathway and only stops when he’s nearly at the intersection with the main road.  

(He still can’t believe he’s doing this.  He still can’t believe himself. )  Rin turns around and sticks his hand out, spitting venom with his words.

“What are you waiting for, stupid insect?”

CHRIS: I think that was the most unromantic proposal this show has ever seen.

Isagi really did not expect things to go down like this when he joined Striker’s Inferno.  He’d hoped to catch the attention of at least one person here, so he wouldn’t make a fool of himself on live television, but instead he ended up with six letters on the first night and three choices on final decision day.  It’s… a lot.

Bachira’s grinning at him, Raichi’s scowling and Niko… well, Isagi can never really tell what he’s thinking.

“You have a sharp mind,” Niko says, tapping the side of his own head.  “Your intellect is impressive and I think we could be a good match.”

“Your cooking is decent,” Raichi grumbles.  He says the words like admitting Isagi’s strengths physically pains him.  “And you’re more tolerable than the rest of the shitheads here.”

“T-Thanks?” Isagi stammers, still reeling from whether that’s a compliment or an insult.

“I’m glad I came on this show,” Bachira says happily.  He’s rocking back and forth on his feet with his hands clasped behind his back.  “Because I got to meet you, Isagi!”

Isagi doesn’t need a mirror to know he’s flushed red.  Bachira’s blunt honesty knocks him off his feet time and time again and the rush of all the blood to his face is starting to become a familiar feeling.

Since everyone gave him their honest feelings though, he feels obligated to at least address them all.

“Niko, I-”

“Don’t,” Niko and Raichi say at the same time and then glare at each other.

“Don’t fucking bother,” Raichi adds and Isagi nods in confusion.

“Bachira, you said we would have fun together if I went with you and you were right.  The moments with you were the best from this week,” Isagi says and Bachira smiles but tips his head, like he knows there’s something more.  (He always knows.  Isagi doesn’t know how but Bachira always does.)  

Being with Bachira is more than just fun though.  He wants to be with him for more than just the summer, he wants Bachira by his side for longer than a simple fling.  Bachira, with his tendency to charge headfirst wherever his heart takes in–never one to be afraid of things like embarrassment or rejection–is someone who makes anything seem possible.  He marks the path ahead of him with fire and Isagi would like to follow him for as long as time allows.

“You inspire me,” he says finally and sticks his hand out, palm up.  “I would be honored to leave the island with you.”

Bachira takes his hand and swings their arms back and forth.  He hears all the thoughts and silent wishes tangled up in Isagi’s words and smiles back at him.

“I love you too, Isagi.”

ANRI: Aww, that was so sweet!  We had four new couples this season–that might be a new record!

CHRIS: Yeah… they were all really… unique.

EGO: You can just say “weird”.  They were all really weird.

NOEL: You’re calling someone weird?

[The camera cuts to a close-up of Chris, but someone’s fist can be seen flying in the background.]

CHRIS: Our commentators line-up this season was also very unique!

[The shot switches to a close-up of Anri, who is trying her best to smile while also glancing nervously at something off-screen.]

ANRI: Thank you everyone for watching and we hope to see you again next season on Striker’s Inferno!

[The camera cuts back to the island, where the remaining people can be seen standing at their respective locations.  It zooms out to a birds-eye view of Inferno as the Striker’s Inferno theme song plays.

“You can say yes, don’t say no.”  

The screen fades to black.]

Chapter Text

Where Is the “Striker’s Inferno” Cast Now? See What They’re Up To

One of Netflix‘s most viral reality TV series, Striker’s Inferno , has just come to an end.  This Japanese dating series watches 12 singles find love on an inhabited island, also known as ‘Inferno,’ and once they’ve made a connection with another single, they’re able to pick each other to go to a ~super~ luxe hotel called ‘Paradise.’

Curious to find out which couples made it out of the island, and who could possibly still be ✨together✨ now? Scroll down below for the deets…

Bachira and Isagi

The fan-favorite couple of the season, these two lovebirds clicked on the first day and never looked back.  Though both of them traveled to Paradise with different partners–including model Itoshi Rin, hotel owner Barou Shouei, grad student Niko Ikki, painter Chigiri Hyoma, and e-sports player Nagi Seishiro–they returned to each other in the grand finale of the show.

While neither the barista nor the soccer player have publicly confirmed their relationship, Isagi posted a screenshot of “I love you, partner” on his Instagram story the day the finale was aired.  Bachira also recently watched one of Isagi’s soccer games, where he took a picture of him on the field with the caption “so proud of him!!! 😗😗😗” and posted it on his story.  So we’re hoping that this means the couple is still together (fingers-crossed)!

Reo and Nagi

The couple that made viewers cry twice throughout the season–first from sadness in their “break-up” arc and then from happiness in the final night of Paradise when they made up.  The business owner and the e-sports player are quite popular on TikTok, where an edit of scenes involving the two to the popular hit song, Bruno Mars’ Grenade , reached over 20 million views after the finale dropped.

Although neither of the couple has confirmed their relationship on social media, the Mikage heir recently posted a skyline view from America and viewers are theorizing that the white blur in the corner might be none other than the beloved pro gamer he left the island with.  For his part, Nagi’s Instagram hasn’t been updated in two years since he announced his signing onto Team Velocity ’s Valorant roster but we are ~choosing~ to believe that they’re still together!

Kunigami and Chigiri

Dubbed Striker’s Inferno hottest couple of the season 🤤🤤🤤, these two initially got off to a ~rocky~ start before realizing each other’s charms and escaping to Paradise together.  Although Chigiri ended up going to Paradise with Bachira the next day, the two of them ended up choosing each other in the finale and escaping Inferno as a couple.

The couple has yet to confirm anything about their relationship publicly, but Chigiri posted a screenshot of the finale with the caption “still waiting for my free dinner 🤨” and @’d the author.  Kunigami replied with a story of his own saying “Next Saturday” which is also the date of his next book signing… causing viewers to theorize about a potential collab.  Hopefully though these two are collabing on more than just book signings~

Rin and Shidou

Perhaps the spiciest 🌶️🌶️🌶️ couple on the show, fans have expressed the way their interactions on-screen were “strangely appealing”.  Instagram user itoshisimp69 wrote that “it’s like looking into a black hole… it’s so chaotic but you can’t tear your eyes away.”  Neither of them has chosen to comment on their relationship publicly, but Itoshi Rin recently posted a selfie of himself on Instagram, where he is shown wearing one of the items from Shidou Ryuusei’s most recent collection.

“This wasn’t by choice,” the caption reads but I think we all know what the model ~really~ meant.  Itoshi Sae, Rin’s older brother and a model who appeared on the show last season, commented “your shoes are untied” and Rin replied with “what the [*censored*] are you doing here, i thought i blocked you.” Nice to see some good ol’ sibling rivalry 🔥

Niko

Although the math prodigy did not end up leaving the island with anyone, he has said that it was an “insightful experience” where he got to meet a lot of “unique” people, which is just *too* cute!!  Niko has returned to his studies at the University of Tokyo and is set to graduate in two more years.

Zantetsu

While the actor may have been a late addition to the show, he still easily won over the hearts of many fans!  Although the person he was interested in–Reo–ended up leaving the island with pro e-sports player Nagi, Zantetsu still said in an interview that it was a “memorabilia experience” and he hopes everyone will watch him in his upcoming action movie that’s set to be released in December! 💪💪💪

Barou

The popular hotel owner was the subject of much controversy online.  Some fans argued that the stand-offish way he treated his castmates was “rude and offensive”, although others rushed to his defense, such as TikTok user longlivekingbarou who made a viral video saying “just look at my bbg he’s done nothing wrong” with a screenshot of Barou in Paradise.

Online arguments aside, Barou’s hotel chain, X-Hotels, has just opened up a new location where the rooms look just like the ones featured in Strikers’ Inferno !  The hotel has been an absolute hit, especially among tourists looking for a place to celebrate their honeymoon 💖

Raichi

The world-famous chef who was dubbed “the necessary comedic relief in a sea of endless pining” by many fans.  Viewers took an immediate liking to him and “#FREERAICHI” was trending for 24 hours on the popular social media platform, Twitter, shortly after the first episode was released.

While he has yet to comment on his experience on the show, Raichi recently posted a picture of a “Cooking for Dummies” book on his Instagram and mentioned his fellow castmates, Reo Mikage and Nagi Seishiro in the caption.  @officialreomikage replied within an hour, saying that “Ba-ya cooks for both of them.”  When the chef fired back with “Who’s Ba-ya?”, the Mikage heir replied “The head of my kitchen staff”.  Raichi slammed back with “THE HEAD?? OF YOUR KITCHEN STAFF?? THERE’S TWO OF YOU??? WHY DO U NEED A WHOLE STAFF TO FEED YOU??” before dissolving into a series of keyboard smashes.  Glad to see the cast is still close even months after filming!

That’s it for the latest tea 🍵 on the couples but make sure to subscribe to our daily newsletter for more updates on the cast of Striker’s Inferno~

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