Chapter Text
He was finally free.
No more things that go bump in the night.
No more sleepless days, fearing that something was going to take him while he slept.
No more getting teased for even trying to grow his hair out, being too "feminine."
Or as John put it "a sissy."
He could forget about the fire, about everything.
It was freedom at last.
...
It felt weird to him at first, you know? Not having to constantly checking behind his back every time he heard a snap in the dark. It also felt weird not being able to hear someone sleeping in the bed next to him. A lot of things felt strange, some things eventually stopped feeling weird, and some didn't. Like that feeling, the feeling he got when people pointed out how his hair was longer than the other boy's. Oh, That never went away. Well not until he cut it off. It got overwhelming after a while, 'he didn't understand how to take care of it.' If he kept telling people that maybe it would become truthful. And it certainly wasn't because he might have liked looking like a "girl."
…
It felt wrong lying every time someone asked about his family. It made him feel more guilty about leaving them. Even though he knew that there was no going back. John made sure to engrave that into his skull the last time they fought. But wasn’t the one who let go. He had to remind himself that it wasn't his choice to be brought into the hunter life, but it also wasn't Dean's fault either, he also lost his mother. Dean lost the rest of his life to hunting. He lost his childhood. That wasn’t either of their faults. Why did he leave Dean with that man?
Gosh, did he miss Dean. Dean was the biggest protector in his life. And he just had to push him away, even if he didn't want Sam to go to Stanford. He just cared about his baby brother.