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BAU Agent Bart Allen

Summary:

CMxDC Week, Day 6
Prompt: “Team, please welcome our newest member…”

 

Bart Allen joins the BAU

Notes:

Gift to the the great McJones because… I can’t remember why 😂
Hope you enjoy!

Work Text:

The members of the BAU chatter excitedly around the round table, as they wait to meet their newest team member. They hope the new member will be a good fit for the team, and they can’t wait to get to know a new person, to invite some fresh blood into the team.

Finally, after what felt like ages, but was really not that long, Hotch walks into the room with a young agent behind him.

The agent has floofy redish brown hair, looks not a day older than Reid, and is likely nervous judging by the way he’s tapping his hand against his leg, and his foot against the ground.

He waves to the team, with a wide smile on his face.

“Team, please welcome our newest member, Special Agent Bartholomew Allen.” Hotch introduces him.

“Hi everyone!! It’s so great to meet you! I’ve heard so much about this team! It’s truly an honour to have the chance to become a member of this team! You can call me Bart, Bartholomew is my granddad! I mean my dad. My dad and grandad?” The words tumble out of his mouth like an avalanche.

Morgan asks. “Your dad and granddad are both also named Bartholomew?”

Bart opens his mouth then closes it. “Ummm. Yeah! Of course! Obviously! It’s not like the guy I tell people is my dad is actually my granddad, that would be crazy!” He laughs awkwardly.

The team lightly chuckles at his expense and he blushes.

JJ takes pity on him. “Don’t worry about it. Nervous for your first day?”

He nods vigorously. “It’s such an honour to be working with all of you! This team has the highest solve rate in the Bureau! I’ve read all of your cases, and all of Agent Rossi’s books! I just hope I’ll be useful and a good fit!!” By the time he finishes speaking, he’s literally bouncing up and down on his toes.

“I’m certain you’ll be a good fit. I wouldn’t have hired you if I believed otherwise.” Hotch says.

Bart smiles at that, and starts bouncing even faster, then the rest of the team introduces themselves.

After introductions are made, Garcia gets ready to show the team their newest case.

As she reaches for the remote to turn on the tv screen, she hears a crinkle. She, and the rest of the team turn to look, and see Bart eating what appears to be a granola bar.

Feeling many pairs of eyes on him, Bart pauses mid bite. He hold the granola bar awkwardly half in his mouth for all of a third of a second, then quickly chews and swallows, and asks. “…why are you all looking at me?”

“These images are usually graphic.” Morgan says, not unkindly.

“Most images of murder scenes are.” Bart says in confusion.

JJ tries to explain. “These case tend to give people upset stomachs. I wouldn’t recommend eating while looking at this.”

“I’ll be fine.” Bart smiles, takes another bite, and looks towards the screen.

The team looks at him skeptically, but don’t say anything more. He’s obviously been a agent long enough to join the team, surely he has some idea what to expect from crime scene photos.

To their surprise, he isn’t phased. Naturally he is disturbed by the photos, a fact he hides as well as the rest of them, but he doesn’t have any problems eating while looking at the photos. In fact, he takes out a second granola bar at one point.

When they finish looking at the case, Hotch stands up and says. “Wheels up in twenty.”

“Wheels up?” Bart asks in confusion.

“We are going to fly to the scene, we have our own plane.” Prentiss explains.

“That’s totally crash! I’ve always wanted my own plane! And unlimited pizza pies!! Say, do you think I could live on the moon one day? I want to eat all the cheese! I can’t wait to tell my friends about this, not all of them have their own planes!”

“Crash?” Reid asks, electing to ignore the later part for now.

“Yeah! Uhhhh. It’s a meme! Yeah! A meme! Like that meme with the chicken crossing the roads, and the one about the spiders and the wig! And the one about the man-bats, can’t forget about that one, you should have seen my friend’s faces when I first showed it to them!!”

Garcia types into her tablet. “I’ve never heard of the word ‘crash’ being used in a meme, in that context.”

“Oh uhh. Well that’s because it’s a local meme. That’s right, a local meme, like the karate mice in New York, and the alligators in Gotham!”

“Local? Where is that for you?” Rossi asks.

“Tamaria!” He blurts out.

“Tamaria? Isn’t that an alien planet?” Reid asks.

Bart looks like a deer in headlights and laughs nervously. “It’s a nickname, an inside joke between me and my friends. Obviously I don’t mean the actual planet, that would be crazy, just as crazy as being from the future, or from an alternate universe!”

It’s pretty obvious he’s not being entirely truthful, but the team decides not to press. It’s the guy’s first day, and Hotch did warn them previously that he might be a little… eccentric.

He didn’t explain why, or give any details, just said that they are lucky to have him. That he is a genius, with a reading speed comparable to Reid’s, and that he has quite the résumé.

Hotch has never seen a résumé with so much black. At least three quarters of the things on his resume were so confidential that they had to blacked out.

To say the team is interested in learning more about Agent Bartholomew Allen would be an understatement. They can barely restrain themselves from interrogating him.

 

“Welcome to our plane.” Morgan says with a sweep of his arm as they step on. “What do you think?”

Bart looks around. “Awesome!”

“You like it?”

Bart nods enthusiastically. “It’s great! Isn’t it crazy that a metal box like this can fly! The science behind it is really quite something, I mean the air currents and the aerodynamics and the fact that we made things that are heavier than air but can fly, humans are quite something! This isn’t how I normally travel, it will certainly be interesting to see how you normal folks get around!” He chuckles as he thinks of how he usually just runs or Zetas to his destination.

The flight is pretty average. They talk more about the case and throw some theories around. Bart participates, but seems a little bit shy. Perfectly understandable for his first case with the team.

What’s not understandable is where he keeps getting food from, and how he’s so skinny if he always eats like this.

The case goes well, they catch the unsub, and over the course of that case, as well as the next few cases, they learn more about Bart Allen.

Or Al as they like to call him.

They learn that doesn’t just fidget when he’s nervous, he constantly fidget.

Constantly.

Every single moment.

He is never seen without some part of him moving.

He doesn’t even stay still when he takes a nap. He flinches and spasms and sometimes an arm or leg suddenly jerks out. He almost hit Rossi one of those times, would have if it weren’t for Rossi’s good reflexes.

It’s like he is allergic to staying still.

They learn that he is incredibly smart, he can actually keep up with Reid. Sometimes the two of them have conversations that sound like they are in a different language, but really just involve a lot of scientific terms. At least one of these conversations involved mentions of time travel, and was surprisingly interesting to eavesdrop- err, happen to be in hearing range of.

They learn that Al doesn’t like to talk about his childhood, but is happy to talk about his family and friends. He rarely if ever says any of his friends or family member’s names, and the stories he tells are almost certainly edited, but he loves talking about them very much.

They learn that he is proficient in martial arts, to the extent that he easily takes Morgan down when they spar.

They do not learn where he keeps getting food from.

The current theory is some kind of pocket dimension.

 

A few months later, as the team is about to head out on a case, Hotch gets a call from their pilot.

The plane is grounded for unexpected repairs. It’ll be days, maybe even weeks before they can use it again.

They have two options, either fly commercial, an option that would take longer than usual, and prevent them from studying the case in the air. Or wait an indeterminate amount of time for another private plane.

“Or option 3, I make a phone call.” Al says as he takes out his phone and presses a few buttons.

“Hello my bestest friend, my favourite buddy, my brother from another mother! Remember when I said I’d stop calling just to ask for favours or money? Well, I lied.” Al speaks into the phone with a massive smile on his face.

The team doesn’t hear the rest of the conversation, as Al walks out of the room, but less that half an hour later they have a private plane at their disposal.

A very expensive private plane.

A plane that flies faster than they’re, and has a much better stocked snack bar.

The coffee is best they’ve ever tasted.

 

When they question him after the case, Al reveals that he is close friends with not one, but two billionaires.

He does not reveal exactly how he became friends with them, or who they are.

 

Another odd think they notice about Al is his interest in apocalyptic stuff.

He has stockpiles of food and supplies in his house, in their plane, in the office, and even in the team’s homes. No one has a clue how the stockpiles got into their homes, they literally just appeared one day.

 

During a case in which several of the victims have apocalyptic supplies in their houses, he makes some strange comments about said supplies while searching the crime scenes.

He points out which items would actually be useful during an apocalypse, and laughs at every single solar powered item.

When asked what was so funny, he replies that you can’t count on anything in the apocalypse. That it’s entirely possible the sun won’t be available.

He also has detailed plans on what to do in the case of an apocalypse. His plans cover everything from mainstream apocalyptic fears like zombies and nuclear warfare, to less common ones, like the entire population being kidnapped by aliens and forced to fight to the death gladiator style, the moon exploding, and superheroes turning evil.

It is certainly strange, and he is very intense, to the point it may even be considered an obsession, but it since it doesn’t really interfere with his work or his personal relationships, the team decides not to do anything about it.

Besides, his apocalyptic plans were quite interesting, and on the odd chance there actually was an apocalypse, it wouldn’t hurt to be prepared.

And realistically, the chances of a apocalypse are not zero, especially since aliens started attacking every other month.

 

One day, the topic of young heroes comes up.

“It should be illegal.” JJ says. “Some of those kids look like they aren’t even teens yet!”

Hotch nods in agreement. “It’s child endangerment at the very least.”

“But they save so many lives.” Prentiss argues. “Without the child heroes, millions would likely be dead.”

“That figure might even be in the billions.” Reid adds.

“But should the ends justify the means?” Morgan asks.

“What do you think Al?” Rossi asks the oddly quiet agent.

The team pauses their debate and all focus on him. Normally Al chatters a mile a minute, but he hasn’t said a single word since the topic of child heroes was first brought up.

It’s very out of character.

And he has a half eaten cookie in his hand, normally food disappears so fast that they never see him with something half eaten.

He freezes when he notices all their attention on him, which is another oddity. Normally he can’t stop moving.

The moment doesn’t last long. The deer in the headlights look leaves his face as quickly as it arrived, and he feigns casual as he stuffs the rest of the cookie in his mouth.

He shrugs and replies. “Eh, I try not to get involved in politics.”

“But surely you have an opinion on this?”Morgan asks. “This is about children’s lives, not politics!”

Al is silent for a long minute. Finally he sighs, and long sigh, filled with unidentifiable emotions, and speaks. I’m “It’s a necessary evil.”

“What do you mean?” Prentiss asks.

He fiddles with the hem of his shirt and focuses his eyes on his foot tapping up and down. He takes a deep breath, then asks. “You ever hear about what happened to Kid Flash?”

“You mean the hero in Central city?” JJ asks. “The one who has been seen less and less in recent years?”

“Not that one. I’m talking about the first Kid Flash.” Al says.

“The first? I didn’t know there was more than one.” Rossi says.

“There has been at least two.” Reid informs them. “Many of the heroes with full face coverings are actually more than one person.”

“Really?” Morgan asks.

“That’s right.” Al confirms. He smirks. “At least three different people have worn the Batman cowl, at least 6 people have been Robin, and at least 4 people have been the Flash.”

“No way.” Morgan says.

“How do you know that?” Reid asks.

Al doesn’t answer that, instead he says. “Back to Kid Flash.”

He takes a deep breath. “Some years ago, there was an alien invasion. Long story short, every single person on this planet would be dead if it wasn’t for Kid Flash.”

He blinks rapidly a few times and clears his throat. “Kid Flash made the ultimate sacrifice. He died so we could live. He was young, just a teenager, but if child heroes didn’t exist, we wouldn’t either. And that isn’t the only case of a child hero or hero’s saving the world.”

The room is silent.

“How do you know that?” Reid asks. “It was never made public knowledge that Kid Flash died.”

Al smiles mysteriously, if a little sadly. “That’s not important. Shouldn’t we be focusing on our case?”

 

The team never does learn how Al knew that.

Most of them that is. Reid puts together all the things he has learned about his teammate, and comes to the only conclusion possible. He asks Al privately one day, and he confirms Reid’s suspicions. The two of them get closer for that day on, and Reid starts to frequently meet superheroes, something he really wishes he could tell Morgan and his godsons about.

Every time the rest of the team learns something new about Al, they also end up with more questions.

Agent Bartholomew Allen is a mystery.

A mystery the team is determined to crack.