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1 : growing up
Neteyam barely remembered a time when you weren’t around. You had come into his life one day when Spider dragged you over and he had thought no more of it.
He had thought you would be closer to Kiri. Closer to Lo’ak even.
They were freer. Freer than him and the responsibilities of being the oldest. Even at six, he knew the weight of them. He saw the stares and heard the talks around the clan.
He was the oldest son of Toruk Makto. He always tried to be the best, even at such a young age. He hid the way it made him feel.
That meant he wasn’t as outgoing as his siblings. Kiri was free, a lover of nature. She could get lost in everything around her and he had to keep an eye on her. Lo’ak was a hothead, he jumped head-first into everything.
Neteyam wished he could be like him sometimes, he wished he didn’t overthink everything and try to be so responsible about everything.
But he couldn’t. So he protected Lo’ak most of the time. Rolled his eyes. Gave him a side stare and hoped he would understand that he needed to calm down or mom and dad would kill them.
Spider loved to get into Lo’ak’s shenanigans. It made his life harder.
You were close to all of them. He thought you would be closer to them.
You ended up getting closer to him.
He remembered the first time you ever sat down next to him while Spider and Lo’ak were off...where they were going.
Neteyam had looked at you, surprised. “You’re not going with them ?”
You had shaken your head. “I don’t want to be dragged around in whatever they’re going to do.”
He had softly laughed. “I won’t be as fun, though. Maybe you should still go.”
He remembered your eyes on him, looking over his face. He had felt like you had seen through him that day.
“I’m sure I’ll have more fun with you, than those two idiots.”
You had smiled at him with a big smile, your front tooth missing, your face scrunching up with the magnitude of it.
He had felt something move in him at that exact moment. Something had clicked, something had changed.
He had smiled back, his baby cheeks still prominent.
He didn’t think it would be the start of the greatest friendship of his life, that you would be beside him through the good and bad times, that you would be his shoulder in times of need, that you would hold his hand and smile at him through everything.
Neteyam was eight when he had his first dream of you. You were running with him, human, trying to catch up.
“Wait for me !” You screamed, laughter intertwined with your words as you pushed harder on your little feet.
“It’s not a race if I stop !” He screamed back as he kept running.
He didn’t remember much after that. All of his dreams were of you, laughing, smiling, and happy. Dreams of running through the forest, playing in the water, climbing trees, being kids.
He would wake up every time with a smile, eager to see you.
They shifted when he was around fourteen.
He never realized it back then but he only looked at you, all the time. Lo’ak had already made a few comments (“Big bro, she’s not going to disappear.” He had said one time, as Neteyam looked at you speak with other kids of the tribe. Neteyam had given Lo’ak a blank look. Lo’ak had laughed, rolling his eyes at the obliviousness.) but he had never truly understood them.
He was simply concerned for his best friend.
Until his iknimaya. Until his dream hunt (flying and crashing in water. Red.).
Until he was now an adult in his clan’s eyes. Until he was told he could have his bow made of the wood of Hometree. Until he was told he could choose a woman.
A large celebration full of life and dance and laughter was thrown for him. He watched his family dance and eat. He watched you dance with Tuk, watched you pull Kiri in who looked reluctant to even participate.
He smiled at her roll of eyes before getting in it and laughing at your antics.
Neytiri left Jake’s side as he was talking. She approached Neteyam with a big smile. He was as tall as her now. “I am so proud of you, my son.” She caressed his face.
“Thank you, mom. It’s all thanks to you and dad.”
She shook her head to dismiss his words. “It is because you’re a great warrior and a great brother, Neteyam.” Her hand left his face. She now stood beside him to watch over the rest of her children.
Lo’ak had decided to join you, Tuk, and Kiri. He was spinning you around, almost carrying you through a stupid dance you were doing. He could hear your laughter from here.
“Me too, Lo’ak ! Me too !” Tuk screamed out and Lo’ak swooped in to have you and Tuk both in the dance. She started laughing out loud too. Kiri smiled.
Neytiri started talking again. “You may now have your bow made of the wood of the Hometree.” Neteyam nodded. It was the greatest honor. “You may also now choose a woman if you wish to, my son.”
He felt his whole body stiffen. A woman ?
Neteyam had never thought of a relationship. He had always wanted something to what his parents had, the love and care shining in every aspect of their interactions. But, he had never thought of it for himself. Not really.
His mother patted his shoulder. “You have time, Neteyam.” She went back to his father.
A woman ? He had never thought of anyone like that. No one in the clan.
Your voice got him out of his thoughts. “Nete, come dance with us !”
You were looking up at him, a hand outstretched to him. Your eyes sparkled with happiness. He took your hand and felt different. Your hand was small and soft and warm in his.
His heart skipped a beat as you pulled him into the dance. He only looked at you, even as Tuk insisted on being carried by him too.
You were a woman. You had grown up since the time you had met. You were beautiful.
Something was shifting. A seed planted in the back of his mind, a scream at him to realize what had been happening since they were children.
That night, he dreamed of you.
It had started like any other dream. You were in the forest. You were running, laughing until you settled down.
That was when it changed. You sat closer, almost on his lap. You put a hand on his cheek, softly caressing it with your thumb.
He was holding your other hand against his heart. You looked at him, bathed in the light. You looked out of this world, painted by the sun shining on you. You were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, more beautiful than the Pandora sights, more beautiful than the floating mountains, more beautiful than the sights from his ikran.
His heart raced and raced against your hand. He felt like he was going to die, explode. A heart could not beat that fast and make it. How could he survive it ?
“I see you.” You whispered.
Neteyam saw your heart in your eyes, in a way he had never seen. He had always read you better than anyone, seen through you. As a best friend.
He had seen it all wrong. His heart ached, fought to get out of his chest.
You hadn’t been just a best friend for a long time. You were more.
He saw you. He wanted you close, he wanted to be one with you, he wanted to melt into you, he wanted to never let go. He wanted, wanted, wanted.
How had he not realized the way you had wormed into his heart and taken a place right there ? How had he not realized the way his heart beat for you and only for you ?
His heart had already chosen someone. His heart had spoken before he had caught up with it.
The words struggled to get out of his throat. Not because he didn’t want to say them, but because he didn’t know how to without choking on the emotions he was feeling.
Love, so much love. Powerful, but so easy. It was so easy to love you. It was so easy for him to fall into the realization. It felt like a breath after a long climb.
You nodded with a large smile. “You don’t have to say it back. I know.”
Did you ? Did you truly know the extent of what he was thinking, feeling ?
He woke up abruptly with those questions at the forefront of his mind.
Neteyam was not able to play dumb after this dream.
He was in love with you. He could not undo the knowledge.
Something had shifted in him and everything was clear. The way he always watched you, the way he always craved your attention on him. The way he wanted to protect you and watch over you. The way he wished for you to always stay beside him.
And he could not go back to not seeing the looks you would send him. He saw you. He knew.
He wouldn’t speak, though. He was too scared.
He kept the knowledge close to him. His heart was in your hands, without you knowing.
2 : door
It had been a week. A week of you hiding behind the door, hiding in your room.
Neteyam felt like an animal in a cage, something sky people used to do, had said his father. Locking animals in cages for the benefit of people watching. (Until they all went extinct by the greed of sky people. “I hadn’t seen an animal in...a very long time, on Earth.” His father had told him on a hunt.)
He truly understood how one of those animals must have felt like. Going crazy in between the bars and the walls. Losing patience. Scared.
He wanted to rip your door, he wanted to get angry, he wanted to yell, he wanted you back. Home.
You never answered, which made everything worse. He had no sign of you. The only people you would talk to were Norm, Max, and Spider.
He felt like he had failed somewhere, failed to make you trust him fully that you had decided to close your door.
His dreams were plagued by you. He dreamed of you, of your smiles and your eyes and your touch on his skin. He dreamed of you human and you Na’vi.
His nightmares were also plagued by you.
He was in front of that same door. He tried to open it, tried to rip it out, but nothing. It stayed locked in front of him.
“I don’t want to see you ever again !” You screamed through the door. “Just leave me alone.”
Neteyam cringed at your words. When he finally heard your voice, you were pushing him away.
“I just want to be alone. I don’t want to be a part of your family.” You said, your voice feeling farther and farther away with every word.
“Sky girl, please...” The only words that came out of his throat.
“I don’t want you. I don’t need you, Neteyam. Leave.”
Those were always your last words. He would never hear you anymore. He would stay standing in front of the door.
He always woke up with one more break in his heart, one more fissure. His mind always played the same tricks on him. What if you truly did not want him anymore by your side ? What if you did not need him anymore ? Did you want him to never come back to your door ?
But he couldn’t believe the words. He couldn’t listen to his spiraling thoughts. He would drown if he did. He would drown and never come up for air.
He never stopped going after you. He never listened to his nightmare.
3 : chaos
“I’m sorry, Neteyam.”
Your words kept replaying in his ears. You had pushed him away. There was no way in back to you, back to your heart.
You had closed it, through the tears and the hurt.
You loved him too. You saw him. You couldn’t accept it. You had closed your heart to protect his.
It’s too late, he thought. You already carried it in the palms of your small hands. There was nothing to protect.
He didn’t know how he made the flight to the Metkayinas without flying straight into something or in someone.
He saw the looks his father kept throwing at him. He felt the looks from Lo’ak and Kiri on his back.
Neteyam wanted to scream. He still felt like an animal in a cage, stuck in the prison of his own mind. He paced and replayed the scene. He replayed your words, your look, your sobs.
He kept it all inside as they flew. He kept it all inside as they arrived. He kept it all inside as they settled in the small hut.
He put on his best mask. The responsible son. The calm son.
He did not speak about it. Not even when Tuk looked at him and reached for his hand, comforting him the best she could without words.
He did not speak about it. Not even when his father drew him for a hug and comforted him.
He played it off with a smile.
He did not think his mother would be the one to breach the subject, that night, as they ate.
Neytiri looked at him with a knowing look. He knew that she knew exactly what was happening in his head. He did not think she would speak.
“Neteyam, do you want to talk about it ?” She asked, her eyes searching for his, which he kept towards his food.
He froze.
Did he want to talk about it ? Did he want to disclose anything about what he felt ? Did he want to break open his chest and show it all to his family ?
He shook his head, before getting back to eating.
He felt Lo’ak’s words before he even said them. “I really think you should talk about it, big bro, it could help.”
“There is nothing to say,” Neteyam growled, his eyes finally looking up.
“Really ? That’s why you didn’t even look at her as we left ?” Lo’ak scoffed.
He was not about to get into it with him. Not tonight. Not now. Not over this.
“I don’t want to talk about it. Leave it alone, Lo’ak.” He stated with anger, his eyes narrowed at Lo’ak’s face.
“Are you fucking serious ? You think that didn’t hurt her ?”
“Lo’ak !” Jake chastised, over the curse or his words, Neteyam didn’t care.
The logical part of Neteyam knew his brother was simply concerned over him, over you. The logical part wouldn’t win tonight. “You don’t know shit, Lo’ak.” He got up, ready to leave. “I’ll take a walk.”
“So you’re running away, big bro ?” Lo’ak added, standing up before he could even get a foot out of the hut.
Neteyam turned to Lo’ak and got in his face, a finger digging into his chest. “Stop whatever you’re doing, baby brother, before this gets bad. Leave. it. alone.” He enunciated every word with a push of his finger.
Lo’ak was about to respond before Jake got in between them, pushing them further away from each other. “What the hell are you two even doing ?” He growled at both of them.
Neytiri tried to calm everything down. “Neteyam, your brother was simply concerned. We are all concerned.”
He felt restless in his own skin. He felt like he was about to jump out of his bones. “And I don’t want to talk about it. What’s so fucking difficult to understand about that ?”
Kiri, who had been watching the whole time, finally spoke up for the first time in hours. “We want to understand what happened, ‘Teyam. You didn’t look at her and you haven’t been the same ever since you came home.” She sighed. “She’s my best friend too. And you’re my brother.”
He rubbed his forehead, turning his head away from them all.
“There is truly nothing to say, except that I have been a fool.” He admitted, finally. “We had a fight that has made me realize how much of a fool I have been. And I simply could not look at her as we left.” He turned to his family. “Are you happy now ?”
Lo’ak didn’t say a word. He simply looked at Neteyam with sadness in his eyes.
He did not need to add more. They had mostly understood.
Neteyam walked out of the hut.
He walked and walked. He found an isolated part of a beach. He laid down and looked at the stars.
He let himself cry, for the first time in hours. He closed his eyes and thought of you. He fell asleep.
He dreamed of you that night.
He dreamed of your warmth against him in the forest, of watching the stars with you. He dreamed of your breath against his neck, your hand in his, your hair over his shoulder.
He dreamed of the chaos afterward. Of your words. Of your heartbreak and his.
He dreamed of walking away. Until he stopped at your sobs. Until he turned back and took you in his arms.
“Don’t push me away, please,” Neteyam whispered in your hair, as you tried to get away, as you babbled in your cries. “We can’t go back. I can’t go back. Whatever you say won’t change the way we feel.”
You cried harder but you hugged him back. “I know, but I had to try anyway.” You whispered.
You both did not say a word after that.
He woke up. You weren’t in his arms. He wasn’t home. He cried again.
4 : settling in
Neteyam was doing his best to settle in the Metkayinas. It wasn’t easy every day.
They didn’t fit in and some liked to remind them of it. Hence his split lip when Lo’ak decided to punch Ao’nung and he got into it to protect his brother.
Hence the time Lo’ak had disappeared for too long.
The last time Lo’ak had been seen was to apologize to Ao’nung and his friends. And Ao’nung was right in front of him, but he didn’t see his brother.
He walked up to him, angry, his whole body menacing. “Where’s my baby brother ?”
“Man, I don’t know,” Ao’nung said with a look at his friend, with a laugh. “He must have gotten lost or something.”
Neteyam pushed him by the shoulder. “He went to apologize to you. And now he’s just gone ?” He hissed. “You better tell me where he is.”
Ao’nung looked at him with fear in his eyes but still with a smirk on his face, trying to act tough. “Or what ?”
He got into his face, looming over him. “Or I show you what I can do when I’m truly serious.”
The metkayina boy stopped smirking, clicking his tongue in the process. “Listen, he came to us to apologize and came with us to hunt, farther away. And...well, we may have left him there.”
Neteyam hissed again before dragging him away. “What are you doing, forest boy ?” Ao’nung hissed too, trying to tear Neteyam’s hand off.
“Taking you to my parents. You’ll repeat it to them, yourself.”
He did. They found Lo’ak shortly after that. He lied and said he was the one to ask Ao’nung and his friends.
Neteyam wanted to smack Lo’ak behind the head. Protecting someone he shouldn’t protect, for the peace his father asked of them. Not when Lo’ak could have died. Skxawng.
But Lo’ak already fit better with the metkayinas than he ever would. He met a tulkun and seemed to bond with him. He was getting closer and closer to Tsireya, which he liked to tease him about (“So, going to see Tsireya again, baby brother ?” He had smirked, tugging on one of Lo’ak’s braid. “Shut up, skxawng.” He had grumbled before walking out. Neteyam had laughed.).
Neteyam liked the sea. He liked the beach. He liked swimming with his sisters and his brother and the others once Ao’nung had stopped being an ass.
Seeing the tulkuns had been a beautiful thing. The large creatures were beautiful and majestic.
But he missed home. He missed the forest, the mountains, the wind in his braids, and on his face as he flew. He missed running and climbing and screaming as he flew through the clouds.
He missed you. No day went without a thought of you. No day went without the image of your face. No day went without a memory of you and your smile. No day went without the ring of your voice in his ears.
He missed hunting with you. He missed the weight of you against his chest on his ikran.
And his nights were plagued of you. Memories. Nightmares.
Dreams.
Dreams in which you were Na’vi. Your features. Twitching ears and a tail that wrapped itself around his.
You were with him, with them, as they settled in the sea clan.
You looked beautiful as you swam on your ilu. You smiled and laughed and raced with Tuk.
You won, obviously. Tuk complained that you had a bigger and faster ilu. You flicked her forehead.
She grumbled and you turned to him with big beautiful emerald eyes. “Keep up, Nete.” You signed with a little smirk, playfulness in your eyes.
“You’re on.” He signed back, catching up to you quickly.
You swam with him and around him, a dance in the water until you got closer. You smiled and kissed him. He melted into the kiss.
You broke the kiss before swimming away faster. You stuck out your tongue at him from farther away.
He shook his head at your antics and went after you. He always would follow you anyway.
Neteyam woke up again, looking at the same ceiling of the same metkayina hut. You still weren’t there.
Kiri was the only one around when he sat up.
“Did you dream of her again ?” She whispered, her eyes raking over his face. “You were smiling. You only do it when you’re sleeping lately.”
He looked at Kiri. He nodded, with no words. She nodded back with a sad smile.
“I dream of her too, sometimes. And Spider.” She sighed. “I miss them.”
Neteyam gestured for her to come closer. She did. They hugged.
They didn’t need words.
+1 : seizure
He had jumped into action, the minute he had seen Kiri in the state she had been.
She had connected to Eywa. She was convulsing.
Neteyam took her as fast as he could to his ilu. “It’s a seizure !” He exclaimed. She wasn’t breathing. He went right into motions he had learned from his father, the lessons kicking in, giving her mouth to mouth.
She breathed again and the relief washed over him. He put her in front of him on the ilu before he went as fast as he could to the clan.
His parents were panicked. His mother held Kiri’s hand the whole time, in fear of what was happening. His father called Norm and Max over in emergency.
Neteyam and Lo’ak decided to leave the hut, to leave space for them to come and do what they needed to do to wake their sister up.
“You think she’s going to be okay ?” Lo’ak whispered as they sat down with Tsireya, Ao’nung, and Rotxo on the beach.
“She is going to be, don't worry about it, baby brother. She’s a fighter.” He whispered back with a smile and a squeeze of his shoulder.
After a while, they heard the helicopter start again.
Norm and Max were leaving.
Neteyam stood up first to tell them goodbye if they had the time, or at least watch the helicopter fly away. (He wanted to ask how you were. He wanted to ask so much about you. He couldn’t. He shouldn’t.)
As they all went towards the helicopter, he narrowed his eyes. There was one last person walking in the helicopter.
They turned their head towards him.
He froze.
You were there. You were there. You were there.
You were real.
His heart sped up. You had been there to see Kiri. You were leaving.
Your eyes watched him. You were both frozen, looking at each other. His eyes raked over your form.
How he had missed you.
Norm said something to you.
He unfroze. You were leaving. He couldn’t let you go. Not again.
He walked towards you as fast as he could until he saw the shake of your head. He stopped.
“Sky girl.” He said out loud. Please.
You gave him a sad smile. There was heartbreak in your eyes again, in the way you held your body.
You hadn’t changed your mind. You still wouldn’t let him in.
He stayed frozen there as you went in the helicopter. He watched it fly away, watched you get further and further away from him.
Neteyam was so very tired. The weight of it made him fall into a crouch, his hands going through his braids, pulling on them.
Lo’ak crouched next to him. He put his shoulder against his but did not say a word. Neteyam was glad for the silence.
(They went back to the hut afterward. They hugged Kiri tightly as she complained.
“It hurts, skxawngs !” She yelled as she swatted them away. “That’s what you get for scaring us.” Lo’ak scoffed, ruffling her hair.
She looked at Neteyam. “You saw her, didn’t you ?” He nodded with a sigh. “She seemed sad and tired.” She added with a grimace of her own.
He felt the ache in him intensify. He knew you would feel the same as he did this whole time.
Why were you both hurting each other this much ?
He missed his safe place.)
+2 : prisoner
Neteyam had managed to lead the tracker far away and drop it somewhere in the water.
He thought everyone would be okay until he swam as fast as he could and at a safe distance from the boat to see Lo’ak, Tuk and Tsireya cuffed to the railing.
He needed to get to them. Now.
He dug back into the water, hiding, trying to think of a plan.
He saw Payakan under the water, rising out and crashing on the boat.
That was his chance. He jumped out of the water and jumped off his ilu, climbing up the boat.
“Neteyam !” Tuk screamed out, joy in her voice.
He smiled and cut her cuffs, checking with his eyes if she was okay. She didn’t seem injured. He felt relieved.
He cut the cuffs off Tsireya and got to Lo’ak. He smirked. “Who’s the mighty warrior, huh ? Come on, say it !” He boasted to him as Lo’ak rolled his eyes.
Lo’ak moved. There was someone else behind him, cuffed too.
You.
He felt dizzy for a second. Why were you there ? You weren’t supposed to be there. You were supposed to be far far away, safe with the omaticayas, safe from all of this.
He felt the panic in his veins. You shouldn’t be here.
“What the hell are you doing here ?” He asked hurriedly while cutting your hands free, almost angry. Not at you. Angry at the situation. “No hello, how are you doing ?” You jokingly asked.
He wanted to shake you. Neteyam glanced at you, serious, annoyed. He couldn’t keep his hands off you, gently rubbing your wrists.
“I was...kind of taken by Quaritch.”
The words registered in his mind. You were kidnapped by Quaritch. He had taken you away from the forest. He had gone after you. He was going to kill him.
Neteyam raked his eyes over you and felt the murderous intents rise up in his body. His hand held your chin, rising it up so he could see better. You were injured. You had a bruise around your eye. Small cuts on your cheek.
His eyes went down. Purple marks around your neck, in the shape of large hands.
He was going to rip him apart and not leave a single part of him unscathed. He felt the rage throbbing in the back of his mind. Kill him. Kill him. Kill him.
He felt around your neck and your head. He grazed a bump and you grimaced.
“You’re hurt.” He growled, a deep rumble in his chest.
He couldn’t keep his hands off you. He kept tracing your face gently. He wanted to kill.
“Nothing much, Nete. I’ll be fine. We need to get out of here.” You said gently, searching for his eyes with a smile. Neteyam hated that you were downplaying what had happened. But, you were right. They needed to get out of here first. Needed to get Tuk out.
“We need to get Tuk out of there first.” Lo’ak stopped him. “Tsireya and sky girl, go with her. We have to get Spider.”
He hesitated. He felt like Spider would be fine. He was sky people and he was Quaritch’s son. He would be okay. They would get him later.
“We can’t leave him here !”
He knew Lo’ak would go anyway, with or without him. He had to stay to protect his baby brother. He accepted with a sigh.
“I’m coming with you guys.”
Your voice. No way. No fucking way.
He shook his head vehemently with a snare on his face. “No chance, sky girl. You’re taking Tuk and getting to safety. Now.”
You shook your head back. “I know where to go... kinda. I can help you.” He still tried to push you away towards Tsireya and Tuk. He couldn’t have you there. Not you. What if something happened ?
“I’m not leaving Spider and I’m not leaving you. Not again.” Your eyes searched around for a rifle and you took it. “I can defend myself.”
How could he love someone so much and want to strangle them at the same time ? He knew you wouldn’t back down, as you held the rifle in your hands. He was thankful his father had taught you.
“You are all going to kill me one day, I swear.” He sighed. He had two people, two of the most important persons in his life to protect. Neteyam had a bad feeling.
“You stick to me. No funny business. No risk. We find Spider and we go right away. Understood ?”
Lo’ak and you nodded, intently listening to him. At least, you were both serious. He could feel relief from all of your lessons kicking in, all the lessons from his parents.
You showed the way, from behind Neteyam. He refused to have you go first.
You found Spider. A part of him felt relief, you could finally all get the hell out of here. Another part of him had a bad feeling growing and growing. Something telling him that this had all been a bad idea.
“I’ll distract them ! Go !” Neteyam screamed as they tried to get out of cover. Lo’ak and Spider jumped in the water. You didn’t. You were so stubborn. So stubborn in the worst moments.
“You skxawng, you better get in the water right now, or I’m pushing you in myself.” He hissed at you, the panic and the bad feeling eating at him.
“I’m not going without you.” You insisted. He was so going to scold you after all of this. Kill you. Something. “I’ll kill you when we get out of this, sky girl.” You nodded with a smile. “Looking forward to it, Nete.” Eywa, help him.
You both managed to find a way out, ready to jump in the water, you first as he stayed beside you. He wouldn’t jump first.
He didn’t have the time to do anything. He felt you push him with as much force as you mustered. He fell into the water.
No. No. No.
He fought with the water, to rise up. He saw Lo’ak and Spider, but not you. No. What had you done ?
He saw you struggle to maintain your head out of the water.
The bad feeling. An alarm in his head. Something was so very wrong.
Neteyam rushed to you, holding you close.
“What’s wrong ?” You wheezed for air. “Got...shot...”
No. Not you. Please, not you.
“Shit, shit, shit.” He swam as fast. He lifted you up to put you in front of him on the ilu. He saw the blood soaking your tank top.
Great mother, I beg you.
“You’re gonna be okay. It’s gonna be fine.” He had to believe it. He couldn’t imagine anything else. He couldn’t imagine a reality in which you would leave.
“I told you to stick to me. I told you no funny business, you skxawng.” He whispered, desperate.
You laughed and he saw blood come out of your mouth. No. You were going to be fine. You had to. He wouldn’t accept any other alternative.
Lo’ak and Spider were on Lo’ak’s ilu behind them, Tsireya following them. He barely took any look towards them, his eyes focused on you and on the rock approaching.
He took you off the ilu, held you, and laid you down on the rock. He started pressing his hands against your wound. He looked at you with a smile. You were going to be okay. You were going to get out of here.
His parents got there a few moments later, as he soothed you. His father approached, observing the wound, turning you around. A somber expression fell on his face. He looked at Neteyam with pain.
No. There was no way. He couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t understand what his father was telling him. No fucking way.
“Sky girl, you’re going to be okay. We’re going to make it out and we’ll go home, okay ?” He shakily said, a hand on your wound, the other gently going through your hair. He was not about to break. He had to stay strong.
“Nete...” You wheezed. You didn’t move. You were limper and limper. “I never...never told you...”
He wouldn’t hear a goodbye speech. He wouldn’t accept it. Not from you.
“You’ll tell me later. You’ll have all the time to tell me. We’ll have so much time, you and I. So much time.” He traced your face, traced the constellations in your eyes. He couldn’t stop looking at you. He couldn’t stop his words. He had to believe. “We’ll go hunt, we’ll go fly on my ikran, we’ll keep watch on the rest of the idiots, we’ll slip away at night and look at the stars. We...” Beautiful dreams, beautiful memories. He would never let you go this time.
You stopped him. “No, need to tell you...now. I see...you. Always have. Always...” You whispered, with a weak voice he had never heard from you. Not even when you had gotten really sick that one time when you were kids.
His hands trembled against you. He was about to break. He couldn’t feel anything anymore but pain. Pain. Pain. His ears buzzed. His eyes burned. “I know. I know, sweet girl. I see you.”
He had always known. Of course, he had. He knew. He saw you too. He would never see anyone else. He would never love anyone else.
You didn’t say more. You looked at him, your eyes all over his face. Until your eyes got lost somewhere he couldn’t see, until your body went completely limp in his arms.
Neteyam couldn’t believe it as he looked at you. It had to be a nightmare. It had to be.
He would wake up sweating in the metkayina hut. He would wake up and you would be okay in the forest, far, far away from here. He would take his ikran and go back to you.
He would go home to his safe place.
It had to be.
But it wasn’t as he tried to shake you. As he tried anything.
He wasn’t waking up.
You were gone. The love of his life was gone. His mate. His sky girl.
Neteyam broke into pieces. You took everything that was him with you.
5 : gone
Neteyam barely slept. He was too scared to close his eyes. If he did, he would dream of you. He wouldn’t be able to handle it.
He didn’t know how he made it through your funeral. He didn’t know how he made it through every day since you left.
All he felt was pain. Numbness. Emptiness. All he saw was your cold body in his arms. All he saw was the blood on his hands.
He had scraped his hands raw to take the blood off. He still felt it all over them.
His family all tried to be there for him. They didn’t say a word. No one talked about it. They were all grieving too.
He would hear Tuk cry some nights and Kiri try to comfort her as best as she could, in a broken voice. Lo’ak would get lost in his thoughts, his eyes lost in the distance, his fingers playing with that one bracelet they had made that night and he had kept.
Spider barely talked. He would only whisper with Kiri sometimes, but he was barely there too.
His parents tried to be the force behind them, to keep them going every day.
Neteyam barely went out of the hut. He couldn’t handle anything anymore. He couldn’t handle other people’s looks.
No one would ever understand what he was going through. Even his family. They all grieved, but how could they understand ?
He had lost the one. His one person, the closest to his heart. He had lost his mate. The only person that saw him and knew him inside and out.
You would never get your happy ending, the both of you.
He only ate when his mother put food in front of him but he never finished anything. He had no strength, no will to eat or live. He could barely breathe. He felt the pain and the loss with every breath.
He would only sleep when exhausted and when he could not keep his eyes open anymore.
You did not leave his dreams, even when you were gone.
Your feet were in the water, as you stood in the sun, enjoying the breeze on your skin. You turned around.
“I thought I heard you, Nete.” You smiled and he was reminded of your big smile as a kid.
He wanted to weep. He wanted to fall to his knees and beg you to come back, tell you he couldn’t do it without you.
He simply looked at you with an aching hole in his chest.
“Are you not going to join me ? Come on, the water’s really nice !” You exclaimed a hand outstretched to him, always.
Neteyam walked to you. He tried to take your hand.
He woke up with tears on his face, on the ground he laid on. He looked outside the hut. It was raining.
He would give everything for just one more moment with you.
+3 : reborn
He always had to remind himself he wasn’t dreaming. He had to pinch himself sometimes to remind him the pain was real.
You were bathed in the light, painted by the sun over your blue skin. Your feet were in the water as Tsireya pointed to the ilus.
He couldn’t believe you were there. You were real. You were Na’vi. You were with them with the metkayinas, learning their ways.
You were mated. You were his, truly his, as he was yours.
He would have given everything for one more moment. He got a whole life.
You turned to him as you were fully in the water, forming tsaheylu with an ilu and swimming with it (with...some difficulty still. You were still adjusting to this body, to how everything felt so different but so familiar at the same time.).
You smiled at him and waved him over. You wanted him with you as you did it all.
Neteyam walked to you.