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A/N: Sonic has fought a lot of villains and I truly believe it has caused some kind of trauma, even if the games/shows don't show it. This fanfic is about Sonic dealing with the trauma of nearly losing his life so many times. Any reviews are appreciated.
Disclaimer : I own nothing.
Warning : This fanfic will contain mentions of violence, trauma, emotional distress, PTSD, panic attacks and other dark themes. If any of this makes you uncomfortable, please do not read any further.
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Sonic had watched his life flash before his eyes more times than he could count. It had become almost a daily occurrence for him to fight something powerful, something evil and win. It was a routine that everyone had grown accustomed to - a villain would threaten the Earth, Sonic would fight them with the help of his friends and they'd prevail over the villain. Everyone would celebrate and enjoy their peaceful lives the next threat showed up.
Oh, but it didn't matter because Sonic was always there to save the day! His bright smile never faded, his green eyes were always determined and his resolve shone brightly like the sun. He was the hero everyone needed, the one they could rely on. However, that was just a facade he had grown good at putting on
Sonic hated being a bother to anyone, he always wanted to be the one that others could come to when they had any troubles. He wasn't the wisest hedgehog, but he was sincere and he let all his friends know they were loved. Even Shadow had begrudgingly accepted that he considered Sonic a friend. However, behind closed doors, Sonic suffered.
There were days he woke up in a cold sweat from the nightmares of facing his foes. One of the most recurrent nightmares he had was when Mephiles had killed him. It was the one time Sonic had actually died. The experience still haunted him to that day - the sound of Mephiles evil laughter, the sharp pain of being impaled through the chest, the helplessness of not being able to stop the future Silver had warned him about. He could not describe what death felt like, except that it was not comforting to him as it may have been to others. All he remembered about being dead was that he was cold and it was dark everywhere. It was worse than being imprisoned and tortured by Eggman. It was worse than drowning.
There were days when Sonic needed to isolate himself from the others. He would pretend he was going for a run, but he would rush back home and lock all his doors so it seemed he wasn't home. Those were the days that his heart would not stop pounding, his palms felt sweaty and his chest felt tight. His ears would twitch at any small sound, he had to huddle under a blanket and he made his room as dark as possible. He would pull his knees to his chest and hold himself as he tried to steady his breathing so he did not pass out. He would whisper reassuring words to himself as his mind flashed through horrific memories of things he wished he could forget - Shadow falling from space, his own death, watching Eggman kidnap his friends and being helpless to stop him.
Sonic was really good at pretending such moments never happened. His smile never wavered in front of his friends, his voice never cracked and nobody could tell that he was having nightmares or anything like that. They all thought that he was his same old self, the Sonic everyone knew and loved. Everyone thought he was strong, his golden heart never phased by the things he saw or experienced. Everyone thought this... Except Shadow.
The Ultimate Life form was an expert at hiding his true feelings underneath a stoic exterior, he could sense Sonic was the same except he hid his feelings under a facade of cheerful behavior. Shadow could see right through Sonic, though the blue blur didn't know this. He always thought Shadow was glaring at him from afar whenever he saw him, but the truth was that Shadow's gaze wasn't filled with malice - it was filled with concern.
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After defeating Eggman yet again, Sonic celebrated with his friends and headed home after the celebration. To his surprise, he found Shadow sitting outside of his house, arms folded over his chest. His ears twitched as he heard Sonic approach and he got up.
"You're finally home, Faker." He said, staring at Sonic.
The blue hero smirked. "Did you miss me that much that you're camping outside of my house?"
Shadow glared at him. "Cut the jokes, hedgehog. I'm here to talk to you."
Sonic frowned and walked past Shadow to open the door. He entered and the other hedgehog followed him inside. Sonic's house wasn't very big, but he preferred it that way. It had an open plan kitchen and lounge, a hallway that started at the entrance connected the house. The hallway branched off into the kitchen area, his bedroom and the bathroom. On the walls hung pictures of Sonic and his friends. Shadow blushed as he saw a picture of himself and Sonic - he was scowling, but the blue hedgehog was grinning.
Sonic went into the kitchen and gestured to the small dining table in the middle of it. He went to the fridge and got out a pitcher of what appeared to be juice. He poured himself a glass and offered Shadow one, but the other hedgehog declined. Sonic sat down, facing his rival and sighed. "Alright, so what did you want to talk about?"
"How have you been holding up these past few days after your latest fight with Eggman?" Shadow asked. He could see discomfort flash across Sonic's face but it was quickly replaced with a grin
"What do you mean? You can see I'm totally fine. I've fought that loser so many times before, it's like washing the dishes at this point." Sonic sipped on his juice.
"You were hurt pretty bad by his machines, though." Shadow said, narrowing his eyes. "I know the chaos emeralds basically fixed that, but it was still a significant amount of wounds."
"We can't all be as durable as the Ultimate Lifeform, you know." Sonic rolled his eyes. "I'm fine, though, you can see I don't have a single scratch on me. So, there's no need to worry."
"I'm not worried about physical wounds, Sonic. Those can heal." Shadow frowned. "I'm worried about how all of this is affecting you mentally."
Sonic choked on his juice and started coughing. What did Shadow mean? Could he see through his facade? If he could, did that mean the others could too? Was everyone aware of what he was going through? If they were, why was Shadow the only one sitting here? No, maybe it was only him. Shadow was good at detecting liars. However, Sonic still tried to act as if nothing was bothering him. "I think you're seeing things, Shadow. Did you get hit by one of Eggman's robots? You should probably have it checked out -"
Shadow lunged at Sonic, his fist raised in the air. Normally, Sonic would have dodged and laughed it off. He might even have complained about Shadow tossing aside the chair, but this time Sonic froze. Shadow's fist never touched Sonic's face, but stopped within inches of it. Sonic's heart pounded loudly within his chest, his breathing became ragged and he got up from the chair. "Sh-Shadow, you idiot, you scared m-me!" He tried to laugh, but his throat felt as if it were closing. "Oh, wow, it's so hot in here... I need... Water!"
"Sonic." Shadow frowned, but the blue hedgehog was facing the kitchen sink. Shadow could see him try to maintain his composure, but he was shaking and it looked as if he could barely stand. Shadow caught him as he fell over, his breathing erratic and his eyes darting around wildly. "Sonic, focus! I'm here, Sonic. I'm here." Shadow held Sonic within his arms and petted his quills gently while reassuring him that he wasn't going anywhere. Sonic's breathing slowed down but were replaced with soft sobs. He clung onto Shadow tightly, his fingers digging into the other hedgehog's fur as he curled up like a child.
Shadow was unsure how long they sat like that on the kitchen floor, but eventually Sonic seemed to return to normal. He looked embarrassed, his cheeks flushed and his eyes were cast downward. His ears were flattened and an awkward silence hung between the two of them.
Shadow reached out and grabbed his hand. "Sonic, it's okay. I'm sorry I scared you like that, but I knew you wouldn't open up willingly. Listen, what happened was okay. You've been through a lot, it's only natural that your mental state will be affected. You're not weak or bad for having moments like this."
"I know... I just -" Sonic stared at him and sighed. "I'm supposed to be the hero that everyone looks up to. I'm supposed to be the one that they can rely on, you know. They come to me in tears and I.. I make it all better. I beat the bad guys, I help them with their projects and we have a good time... Then I do it again and again... It's what heroes do, Shadow. "
Red eyes scanned Sonic, brimming with concern." Sonic, you are a hero. You are loved by many. You're strong and you have a good heart. However, you are still... A person. You still have emotions, needs and you need to take care of yourself. I know I'm the last person to speak about expressing emotions or asking for help, but if you don't deal with this now, it's going to get worse. Trust me... I know. "Shadow frowned." You don't want to push it aside until you can't control it anymore. What if you breakdown during a fight because of all this pressure you're forcing yourself to endure? Can you guarantee it won't ever happen? Can you be sure you'll be able to force yourself out of it to help those who need you? I don't have any answers on how to fix this, Sonic, I'm not going to pretend I do. I still suffer from things that have long past. However, I know what paths ignoring these issues can lead you to. "
Sonic stared at their joined hands and sighed. Despite their rivalry and many disagreements on things, Shadow was right. If anyone understood what the consequences of suppressing emotions were, it would be him. He also knew that Shadow probably understood how he was feeling the most out of anyone. He was unsure of what to do - see a therapist, read some articles... How did one start with tackling such issues in the first place? Would they ever go away, he wondered to himself, or were they always going to be there? Would he simply get better at dealing with them, but still potentially suffer from them from time to time? He wondered how much pain Shadow dealt with daily that he hid behind his blank expressions. It was so strange how they both had similar issues but hid it differently.
"I don't know what to do." Sonic admitted. He hated the feeling of helplessness that radiated within his chest. He hated being cornered, without a plan or understanding of his situation. It frustrated him to no end and he didn't want to burden others with his problems.
Shadow looked at him. "That's okay. I can give you a few suggestions that have worked for me and we can see if those help you. We can try and figure out other ways if they don't. It's not an easy process, but we can do it together."
"You're being really nice, Shadow." Sonic laughed, softly. "How do I know I'm not dreaming?"
Shadow rolled his eyes, but said nothing. He knew this was Sonic's natural response in tense situations. "You're always there for everyone, so let someone be here for you. I don't know how comfortable you are speaking to your friends, but you can speak to me whenever you need to."
Sonic smiled thinly. "Thank you, Shadow. That means a lot to me." Suddenly, he was lifted up off the floor and hoisted into Shadow's arms. "Hey, what are you doing!"
"Taking you to your room." Shadow said, flatly. "You need to get some rest. You can call me when you wake up, if you want to talk."
They entered Sonic's room and Shadow put him down on the bed. Sonic sighed and glared at the other hedgehog. He didn't want to admit it, but the event earlier had actually tired him out. As Shadow turned to leave, he grabbed his hand." Wait! Um... Could you... -"
"If you want me to stay, I will." Shadow said and sat at the edge of the bed. "I don't mind."
Sonic felt shy and awkward about it, but he was glad that Shadow was willing to stay. He was worried that he might wake up again in one of those attacks and he needed Shadow to be there. The other hedgehog's presence was oddly comforting and he had actually felt safe in his arms earlier. Shadow also didn't seem to be judgemental about the whole thing, which Sonic was grateful for because he'd rather leap into the ocean than to let anyone find out he'd cried in the arms of his rival.
"Despite your moody appearance, you're really sweet." Sonic giggled and pulled the covers over himself.
Shadow sat with his back pressed against the wall, his legs outstretched on the bed. His eyes were closed, his arms folded, but a small smile was on his face." Don't push your luck, Faker. "
" Alright... Alright." Sonic rolled his eyes before closing them and yawned from exhaustion.
He never wanted to be a burden to his friends, but he also knew that if he didn't deal with his issues that it would cause more problems in the future. Sonic wasn't sure how things would work out, if he'd ever be over the trauma he had endured or if it would resurface every now and then, but he was glad for one thing. He wasn't alone anymore.
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