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Kratos disembarks from his jagged-looking boat and walks around this new land. All around him is forest and snow. The new place is freezing. This is nothing to compare to home, but it is still quite cold. Kratos then decided to get warmer and grab his testicles, his wonderful gold testicles. The god shivers. He then decides to cut the wood around him and to make a fire. He presents his jewels to the flames to warm them up. Astonishingly, the cullions caught on fire. Panicked, Kratos immediately detaches his golden trinkets and buries them in the snow to cool them down. The Spartan looks around after a while and realizes that he lost them. Appalled and saddened, he decides to lay on the ground near the fire and succumb to slumber.
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Zagreus comes out of the door of the underworld as he did many times before. He looks around the forest, where he just arrived, and notices something that catches his attention. The prince walks over this mysterious shining object, thinking he would find a treasure of just something valuable. As he reaches for this bright and polished item, he realizes that it is two almost perfect golden spheres. Curiosly, the pearls have some sparse hair scattered on them. Zagreus firmly grasps them and puts them in his bag. As he sees the name engraved on the balls, he decides that his next quest would be to find the owner of this wonderful hairy scrotum. Whatever it takes. He then leaves to start his mission, without noticing the soundly sleeping man next to the unlit campfire.
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The Ghost of Sparta wakes up covered in a thin layer of snow. Grunting, he stands up and shakes off the snow. Still groggy, he packs up his stuff and gets on his way to explore this new world. He can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong. The god reaches down to scratch his scrotum while pondering, but he finds nothing. He has no balls. Kratos lost his balls and doesn't remember where he threw them. The spartan will uncover the mysteries of this land and find his balls!! While on this new path, he discovers that this world is full of mythical creatures, and to his great surprise (sarcasm), gods. Apparently they are also of Greek origin. The killer of gods deducts that these copycats must have taken his jewels. He will have to kill again. He begins a warpath to kill everything he lays his eyes upon, and sometimes just screams at random objects about his testicles because of an early onset of dementia. And sometimes just screams at random objects because of an early onset of dementia. And sometimes just screams at random objects because of an early onset of dementia. And sometimes just screams at random objects because of an early onset of dementia. And sometimes just screams at random objects because of an early onset of dementia. And sometimes just screams at random objects because of an early onset of dementia. And sometimes just screams at random objects because of an early onset of dementia. And sometimes just screams at random objects because of an early onset of dementia. And sometimes just screams at random objects because of an early onset of dementia. And sometimes just screams at random objects because of an early onset of dementia. Once he gets into tartarus he makes his way to find the king of hell, Hades oooooooo.
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Zagreys has died many times this past week. He really wants to find this gold sperm bank’s owner. Many of his acquaintances told him it was really weird to carry testicles with him at all times but eh, don’t tell the prince of hell what to do with gold balls. And they died anyway. Some strange man with dementia has been on a roll killing almost all of Olympus. Zagreus couldn’t care less, what god could be defeated by this random man? He must be really smart or really, really strong, And Zagreus couldn’t be more turned on by this. He didn’t sleep with the wonderful balls for a reason. They smelled nice. The man decided to get to the bottom of this and find the killer. He kills himself cutely before being brought back to life and goes to his father, Hades. He walks up to his father to find him already occupied. Zagreus can’t believe his eyes, his dad, the god hell, this massive asshole, is getting dicked down by some random dude screaming about Sparta and revenge. They seem really into it.
Before the prince gets a chance to announce his presence, the man who seems covered in ash decapitates Hades and eats his eyes. It's really traumatizing to see your father die this way but Zagreus really doesn't care. Like at all. The man makes eye contact with Zagreus, an angry snarl on his face. The prince looks at him and and not so innocently looks down at his groin. This dude has no balls!!!!!! NO BALLS!!!!!! Zagreus gasps loudly and frantically searches for the precious balls. Kratos is walking towards him at increasing speed.
Just before he gets close enough to grab him, The prince places his hands in front of him, holding the scrotum. Kratos stops dead in his tracks. His eyes are like saucers. He slowly reaches for the gold objects, when suddenly Zagreus pulls his hands closer to himself. The prince looks suspiciously at this man, he asks him what his name was, and if the balls were really his. Kratos confirms his name, but does not say more. He does say ¨yes, that’s my balls¨. The tension is high. Zagreus introduces himself, and tells Kratos that he had found the balls and wanted to find the owner. He also adds that they smelled good. The God of War asks the prince that he gives him back what is his. Zagreus, shyly, asks if he can clip them himself. Kratos starts screaming and says ¨YESSSSSSSSS¨. Zagreus gets on his knees and clips them back. The sound of clipping the balls is moist and disgustingly wet. The prince asks him how the hell did his scrotum turn to gold, the response Kratos gave him was ¨I was having intercourse with Midas and he may or may not have turned my balls into gold while fondling them lol¨. Zagreus almost wets his pants and looks up at Kratos, he is still holding the golden jewels.
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A kind smile is on the ashen god’s face, full of blood plastered over him. Zagreus takes a breath to ask something but Kratos just goes John Cena mode and kills him with his blades of chaos in one shot.