Chapter Text
It was an ordinary early night at the tavern as Lambad grabbed yet another dirty glass to wash it clean. His customers made themselves scarcer and scarcer as time went by, but he knew to keep both eyes open for any potential drunken shenanigans.
As if on cue with him wiping the excess water from the glass, a familiar flushed and irritated blond young man rose up from his seat, which dragged on the floor loudly and almost fell from the sudden movement.
"AMURTA SCHOLARS NOWADAYS CAN'T RECOGNIZE TRUE BEAUTY!" he screamed at his equally flushed drinking companion, a rough-looking man who always asked for Lambad to add mushrooms to his drinks, somehow.
"I'M TELLING YOU FUNGI ARE THE SUPERIOR SPECIES, YOU— YOU IGNORANT—... IGNORAMUS!" the other man yelled back, clumsily getting up mid-sentence.
The blond gasped loudly. "Wh– WELL WHY DON'T YOU GO TURN INTO ONE OF YOUR STUPID FUNGI THEN?! IT WILL MATCH YOUR IQ!"
The other man gasped even louder. "I'LL SHOW YOU A STUPID FUNGUS!" he shouted as a reached into his satchel for a vial.
When the powdery liquid it contained splattered all over his blond regular customer's face, Lambad was himself struck with the feeling that his level of enjoyment of the night would drastically go downhill from thereon.
And Lambad was absolutely right about that.
"This is... Kaveh?"
Alhaitham stood dumbfounded at the doorway, staring in disbelief at the yellow fungus in the General Mahamatra's hands.
Cyno nodded. "Kaveh got into a drunken fight with an Amurta scholar named Ahmad. It turned out Ahmad was secretly researching a formula to turn humans into fungi." he announced in a deadpan tone. "Thankfully, we arrested him before his plan could turn into a much bigger issue."
Alhaitham held back a sigh. Once again, a scholar who just when too far.
"What about Kaveh? Do we know how to turn him back into a human?"
"Not at the moment. We are aware that Ahmad's research was incomplete, and so we can only assume the effects will be temporary. That said, other Amurta scholars have been mobilized to find an antidote of sorts based on the papers left by Ahmad."
"What a waste of time." The Scribe – or reluctant Acting Grand Sage at the moment – crossed his arms to his chest. "Why not simply interrogate the culprit directly?"
Cyno frowned in annoyance. "You can easily guess there is not much we can get out of this drunken man just yet." The General Mahamatra extended his arms toward the taller man. The fungus seemed strangely calm, its large mushroom cap repeatedly tilting to the left then right. Alhaitham assumed it was still processing the surplus of alcohol in its tiny body. Or that it was carelessly 'vibing' as he had heard some young students say a few times. "Thus why we are letting Kaveh in your care." he finished.
Alhaitham blinked away from the hypnotizing fungus dance. "I beg your pardon? Is there truly no one more apt at handling this situation? I am sure Tighnari would know best what to do with a fungus."
"Tighnari is the best at handling matters from the forest, true. But you are the best at handling Kaveh, and I do not have the possibility to head to Gandharva Ville at the moment. I recommend you go visit him yourself tomorrow."
Cyno deposited the fungus (– Kaveh, Alhaitham reminded himself) into his reluctant waiting arms and bid him a polite but dispassionate farewell.
Fungus Kaveh turned its head to stare at Alhaitham with its big carmine eyes.
Alhaitham stared back.
He sighed.
The Scribe attempted to put down the formerly human architect onto its bed for the third time in a raw. The tiny creature, however, didn't quite seem interested in cooperating and much preferred sticking to his pectorals like glue.
"Kaveh. Will you stop—" Alhaitham was cut off mid-sentence by the blond fongus jumping onto his head with a distinct BOING sound.
A passerby unfamiliar with the Acting Grand Sage would not have noticed it, but a frown of frustration now adorned Alhaitham's face. He caught the fungus who was about to slide down his back and... what, run away? Hide? Stick to him again? What was Kaveh even attempting to do there?
Their bickering from the other day resurfaced in his mind.
"... Even devolved into a fungus, you still find a way to make a fuss out of nothing." he murmured, pinching the side of the fungus' face(?) who instantly grimaced comically and wiggled, its tiny feet kicking air.
Once again, a passerby would have missed the near-imperceptible smile on the Scribe's face.
Predictably, though Alhaitham couldn't quite pinpoint the reason as to why, Kaveh stopped struggling when they were both laying down on Alhaitham's bed instead.
When the Akademiya gifted them this house in the best part of Sumeru City, two of the rooms – nearest from each others – were meant to be used as separate bedrooms. However, after Kaveh's refusal to accept his part of the gift, Alhaitham had repurposed his would-be bedroom into some sort of... storage room. Or 'trash room' as the blond architect had so kindly nicknamed it upon witnessing it for the first time. Because of that, the first night they spent together in the house, years after Alhaitham had made it his own, was on this same bed. Similarly to their current situation, Alhaitham had found an intoxicated Kaveh at Lambad's tavern in a state of emotional distress such that the architect had clung onto the Scribe until sleep had caught on to him.
(And if Alhaitham had spent far too much time gently running his hand through blond locks and softly caressing his former friend's hair until he fell asleep, well, that's only for him to know.)
At least, the fungus had the decency to not snore right into his face.
The Acting Grand Sage woke up to the sensation of something mellow repetitively hitting his chest. He opened his eyes in confusion, still groggy, the light slipping from the curtains allowing him to view most of the room and— Kaveh, still a fungus, excitedly(?) bouncing up and down on him.
"What... are you even...?" Alhaitham muttered, his voice hoarse from being unused for too long.
Kaveh stopped and blinked at him. It reminded Alhaitham of his grandmother's cat, back in the days.
"Are you... hungry?" Not waiting for a response that would never come anyway, he sat up and watched as the movement caused the creature to roll further down the bed.
What is edible to fungi, again?
Don't give mushrooms to a fungus. While this could be considered an obvious instruction, Alhaitham decided to try it anyway: he wasn't an Amurta graduate himself, and there should have been no harm in simply presenting the food to Kaveh, in case his specific species (Had his roommate even transformed into a known species?) did eat mushrooms. Sadly, nothing was ever simple when Kaveh was involved, and Alhaitham received a charged, angry, headbutt for his attempt. Moreover, the yellow fungus had started... pouting(?) on the table, and was now ignoring him. Wonderful.
Suit yourself, he thought. I'll just bring him to the forest ranger so he can deal with–
"I CAN'T believe you abused the fact I was transformed into a fungus against my will to let me starve!"
"Good thing you refused the role of Grand Sage: can you even imagine such an influential person having so little respect and compassion for others?! It'd be Azar all over again!"
"Oh? Can't find your soundproof earpieces? Well, guess what? I hid them! You're not checking out from this conversation!"
"I know we've had our... fall out, so to speak, but I was far from imagining our relationship meant so
little
to you."
...
Alhaitham sighed. No, it wasn't worth a future headache. Especially not when he already knew who had a solution for this matter.
The Scribe grabbed Fungus Kaveh and shoved it into his bag of important items before heading to the Akademiya. He ignored the scandalized noise of protest as he walked out the door.
Alhaitham stopped behind a girl with long navy blue hair, bent over her table in the House of Daena. Due to previous reports on this particular student's mysterious efficiency in writing her academic papers, he already knew most of her accomplishments. Especially... the most recent one.
"Student Layla of Rtawahist?"
The girl straightened instantly, clearly startled as she turned to look at him.
"H-huh? Yes, what can I do for you?" She didn't seem to recognize the face of the Acting Grand Sage. Good. That would spare him any unnecessary fluff talk.
"I have heard you managed to reach the semi-finals during the Nilotpala Cup Beast Tamer's Tournament. As I am myself... interested in fungi's lifestyle, I figured you may be able to give me some pointers?" Before Layla could answer, he pursued. "More specifically, concerning their eating habits."
"Fungi... eating haaa~" Layla yawned mid-sentence. "habits? Mmh... from what I have observed during the tournament, each fungus has its own preferences, but overall, everyone fed their fungi Floral Jelly." She paused. "Ah... but from what I remember, there might have been something wrong with the jelly...? I always made my own, so, hum..."
Alhaitham crossed his arms. He knew of this incident. The matter had been quickly solved by the Traveler and mahamatra Cyno, but because of the negligence of the matras' assigned to him, the culprit had disappeared without a trace. Given their involvement, the Fatui were most likely behind his disappearance. Regardless, in the absence of decisive evidence, nothing could be indubitably concluded.
His bag shifted suddenly and the blond fungus jumped out, lending on a pile of books on the table with a BOING sound. It appeared to be shaking angrily, if its furious stare fixated on Alhaitham was any indication.
"Heh– So you have a fungus companion too...? So that's why you asked me for fungi eating habits... This fungus appears angry... hungry?" She opened her own bag and pulled out a bowl. "I have some leftovers from Twirly-Whirly's share this morning. Do you need them?"
Kaveh seemed on the verge of exploding from pure rage. Alhaitham nodded immediately at Layla. "Ah... This would be appreciated, thank you." Thankfully, she didn't seem awake enough to ask questions regarding this fungus and why it had been in Alhaitham's bag in the first place.
The process of feeding Kaveh had been... exhausting, so early during the day. Alhaitham had been constrained to dodge a few of Kaveh's headbutt attacks in the middle of the House of Daena before shoving a spoonful of homemade jelly inside its fungus mouth. Only then had it progressively calmed down until no jelly was left.
The Scribe thanked Layla and left without wait for the forest ranger Tighnari's house.
Kaveh had fallen asleep after being fed, and the fungus' tiny body was left lying limply against his chest. It would be preferable to avoid another bag incident.
He frowned imperceptibly, poking the oversized cap. Go back to normal already.