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When Penelope stepped out of the tame cafe, she breathed in the nice fresh air.
Coffee. Plant life. All mixing just right to give her a pleasant sample of the delicacies of a life that will soon be in front of her.
She hummed, waving politely at the poor workers inside working on a Saturday afternoon. “Bye!” she politely exclaimed, before trudging to the parking space at the front of the adorable establishment.
Looking side by side first, of course. She wasn't a fool nor an idiot.
When she reached a safer place, she craned her head to look up to the sky, closing her eyes. Basking in the moment.
A calm breeze. Fresh air. Love.
It truly was a nice day, the barista hadn't been kidding with his longing; everything always was when it was spent the way they wanted to.
She opened her eyes to peek at the sunday dusk, smiling despite knowing that tomorrow was going to be the start of her hardships. Finals.
She exhaled.
She inhaled.
Being a physics student sucked sometimes.
In and out. “I've got this.” she affirmed to herself breathily, looking down at her hands that held two cups of coffee rather than one, still steaming, still fresh. Her heart swelled with affection.
She grinned, “ We've got this.” she tweaked her statement, now including her best friend into the mix. Which she was supposed to meet up with earlier ago.
Which reminded her!
She looked down at her watch, careful to not spill her coffee. 5:19 it shone to her.
‘Uh oh’ she was late, she was supposed to meet up with him way earlier. Spencer's gonna be pissed.
Why did she make him wait at the parking lot anyways? She berated her decision, before all life left her body. Spencer hates changes in schedule.
God fuck.
She perked up, a sudden rush in her.
Recalling the earlier phrase, but now with more meaning – Spencer's gonna be pissed. “Oh gosh–” she adjusted her grip, putting one of the cups at the crook of her inner arm as she went to snatch out her phone from her purse.
‘Hopefully he won't be too upset.’ she hopped to herself, opening her discord with a bite of her lips.
Spencer 3:30
Penelope where are you?
I'm at the campus parking lot, it's really hot here …
Are you still getting coffee?
She winced, scrolling down.
Spencer 4:01
I'm going to your dorm.
Meet me there, ok?
‘Uh oh. He did bother.’ She worried.
God – how was she gonna apologise to Spencer for this? They had a schedule! She knew better than to divert that said schedule, especially with how they were with time and meeting up.
Mostly about time. Both of them hated the time they planned being ruined. Which was why —
Before she even knew it, her fingers were moving against her phone screen, pressing multiple exclamation marks before her mind came back to her and her eyes tracked the intricate words of the English language displaced neatly in a sequence;
Oh God Spencer !!!!!!!!!!!!
Penelope eyed the draft of her text questioningly, squinting at her phone as the sun flashed against it. “12 Exclamation marks, really?” she critiqued herself, “am I trying to kill Spencer or something?” she joked, pressing the delete key to reduce the amount of exclamations.
She read it a couple of more times anxiously though; double checking, triple checking, whatever, to make sure she didn’t accidentally type something inappropriate or something she didn’t want Spencer reading before hitting send.
SugarPenny 5:24
Oh God Spencer !!!
So so so sry
Was at the mall to buy stationary
And then I went to a café
And oh god God I'm so sry
Spencer 5:25
That's alright! I'm body doubling with Der right now … I'll hang up when you arrive.
Oh.
Okay.
Everything was okay.
She smiled at the mention of Derek. The both of them had only known the man for two and half a year since finding each other on a chatroom about sci-fi in the middle of their 2nd year, yet they treated each other almost like siblings – well.
Penelope grinned, Spencer and Derek a little closer than that in terms of friendship. She shook her head, she’ll just bring that up when she arrives at her dorm. She even had half the mind to tell him to not hang up, but neither of them desired to disturb their scheduled plan by adding an unexpected person into it, possibly making it all fucky, so she double taked.
Kk !!!! Don’t hang up tho, gotta pillowtalk 2 my greek adonis ;P xoxo …|
She eyed the text.
Delete.
Kk !!!! Don’t hang up tho, gotta pillowtalk …|
Still not good enough.
Delete.
Kk !!!! Don’t hang up …|
Would she? She bit her lip, shaking her head soon after.
Delete.
She wouldn't.
Kk !!!! …|
That felt better.
She hit send.
SugarPenny
Kk !!!!
Sry again <''3
Ttyl ;P
Spencer 5:26
Talk to you later.
She tucked her phone back into her purse after that. She had to get to her dorm as fast as she could now. Faster, in fact, to at least have some friendly chit chat with her best friend. Both of them.
☆ ☆ ☆
Her heels clicked dully against the stern and freshly mopped tiles with a wince. The cups in her hands were now cold, another half-empty from her mindless sipping as the traffic passed around her, but her mindset more determined than ever as she slowly strutted from the seemingly never ending stairs that were now thankfully behind her.
With a huff, she went on the usual memorised trek to her dorm.
Left, right, right, Straight.
It was easy enough directions yet her freshmen self was guilty of getting lost. Even recalling referring to the dormitories as an ‘intricate maze’ despite the layout being relatively simple.
The bags in her arms grew heavy as she finally arrived at the door, and a small part of her panicked at the realisation that she can’t set her stuff down without them getting dirty or the potential of dropping something. It took her another minute to remember that Spencer was in her dorm room, and most likely alert for her return.
She let herself breathe in relief as she remembered, only thumping the door slightly with her hips; “Heya Spence! Wanna let a little honey inside her own house or are you gonna leave me hanging?” she phrased purposely jokingly.
Despite the sleep in both their voices, Spencer responded eagerly and she only watched as the doorknob twisted as he exclaimed, “You’re back!” like a puppy greeting its owner after having not seen them for too long.
And really? Yeah. It wasn’t too far off.
Penelope grinned as the door swung inwards, craning her eyes to the side to see her bedroom littered with papers galore and packets of–whatever those were–here and there. She has gotta tell Spencer to clean up his shit after study sessions, seriously! because it wouldn’t be the first time she would have to clean up after him after he left.
No time for pondering about that though, she told herself as she stepped inside. Taking her shoes off for both courtesy and to not mess up her own living space, setting down her bags. “The traffic was horrid, did you know that Spence?” she complained almost immediately, shaking her head in disbelief.
Spencer nodded obliviously, expected for his adorable ‘I have never taken a driving test, I never will and I hope it stays that way, I will never desire to drive a car, nor would I ever want to at all’ self.
There was a tiny smile on his face as he spoke. Snatching both of the cups from her hand, without even a please or a thank you, mind you. Setting hers on the floor before eagerly sipping his. “Lots of people are out today. Saturday is a sacred day to university students alike, including us.” he teased, causing her to cough awkwardly at the call-out.
She snatched up a rolled up plastic wrapper on the table closest to where she was, the one that contained her beatle lamp, crumbling it up more and aiming it at his head. She shot her shot, and —
Hit!
Spencer exclaimed as the wrapper thumped the side of his head. Grumbling in slight distaste, but he kept sipping at his coffee regardless. Which was fair.
He hummed, shaking his head side by side. “Good coffee.” he stated simply, causing her to grin.
“Thank you for that. Panicked very hard when the cafeteria said they didn't have any.” he fumbled the ends of his shirt frustrated, rethinking the encounter.
She perked up, sitting down on her bed. “Oh that reminded me!” she looked across her room, not seeing a sign of Spencer’s laptop or his phone anywhere, but her laptop was neatly placed next to her pile of binders on her desk.
“Did you hang up with Derek?”
He nodded, again. Blinking at her owlishly. “I told you that I would, so I did.” he explained and, honestly? Fair, he did promise to her that he would and she knew better than to assume that Spencer would do something against his own words or promise.
He was just that type of guy, and she loved him for it. It made her comfortable being his friend—she was of course notorious for disliking change. She had cried when her roommate graduated, not because he was a particular delight to be around, but because her routine would be changed until she got used to it.
Thankfully, though, Spencer took over his spot but definitely in a more pleasant way.
She pressed her lips thin, shrugging. “Fair.” she spoke plainly before laying down in her bed. Stretching her arms out in a semi–starfish position, her legs laying atop one another comfortably.
“How’s the progress with studying?”
She traced the stars she attached to the ceiling of her dorm with her eyes. It was a comforting motion, always had been. She realised months ago that they were supposed to glow in the dark, but she found that it was a sham. They didn’t shine at all, but they were cute nonetheless, so she kept them up.
There was a rustling of paper beside her, and a hum of thought accompanied by scratching of a pen against rough parchment. “I didn’t get a lot done.” he finally spoke, causing Penelope's eyes to widen in surprise.
“Oh?”
“I was thinking about more pressing things.”
“Like what?” she gauged, curious more than anything now about what possibly could have distracted her friend from the thing he loved the most. “Love? New series? Derek?” she theorised.
Surprisingly Spencer shook his head, not even calling out the way she dropped the name of their friend. “No, uhm.”
She heard the audible sound of him licking his lips, and that’s when she started to worry. Because Spencer only licked his lips when he was anxious.
“I’m thinking of getting another Ph.D.”
She let out a breath in relief.
“Spencer!”
A startled laugh. Her hand moving to ruffle her bangs away from her face. Her friend was okay, she sighed thankfully, at least she hoped he was.
“You scared me buddy!”
Spencer chuckled along with her, but weakly. Tired. Fatigued. “Sorry. I just – It’s hard making these decisions because so many people around me keep on yapping about getting out of university and how they can’t wait to get out of this place, to the point that I feel almost … ashamed of wanting to stay here.”
Her heart broke a bit at the hesitant admittance, and like everything in both of their lives—the moment it started, it wouldn't stop. In this case, Spencer was anxiously rambling, and she knew better than to interrupt him. No one liked being interrupted, after all.
“I’m not saying that their experience is invalid but it’s overwhelming. I’m here, right? And I want to stay here, but everybody would stare at me like I was crazy if I openly admitted that, which is so …” there was a groan.
He paused, gulping. “Tiring. I’m so tired. Everybody would expect it from me, too, because of who I am, but I’ve made it very clear to those close to me that I don’t absolutely want to be what they expect of me, so it’s like a never ending paradox. I don’t know what I want to do, where I want to go, what path I want to pursue.”
“Should I go back to uni after this and regret my decision and end up craving a life that others also craved, but now have? Or should I let myself get out of this place and regret all the things I could have had in life if I did pursue another degree but be exactly what they know I would be?”
“What makes you more happy?” Penelope asked before she could stop herself.
“Learning.” Spencer answered with no hesitation, and it seemed like the both of them were impulsive today with the way they talked, but that didn’t make any of their decisions less true nor made the decisions less of what they really want.
Especially in Spencer’s case; the truth in his voice was eye watering.
People like Her and him were a 10/10 in the heartbreak department.
There’s always something that they worry about that is exceedingly normal for them, but unthinkable to even worry about for other people. Academia was an impulsive thought, deciding to retake uni was an impulsive thought — but nothing in their life was impulsive. Everything was articulated to their needs, premonitions leaving no room for argument.
Spencer hadn't planned this change, and it was everything to him at this moment and Penelope could understand, painfully. Because Geniuses worry about miniscule things, and blow them out of proportion because that's all they've ever known.
Worrying. A common catalyst for people of intellect. Death is a simple heartstopper.
She couldn't help but smile, just a little at the absurdity of their lives. These kinds of decisions would usually be conversed about over a casual dinner for others, laughing with their family and clinking drinks. Making choices and sticking with them until they don't want to anymore.
Decisions are made like that, and they craved it.
Craved it to stop making these decisions alone, with no one outside to support them and rekindle their purpose when something doesn't go as planned.
They wanted that rather than spending their time thinking, making decisions on their own, no support, no matter.
But the second was more appealing, and in the moment, it was all they both knew, and it was more than what they could ever want. “Then learn. No one can stop you – you’re already here, now, aren’t you? The only thing stopping you is yourself, and your mind.”
She smiled. “I guess that’s one of the cons of being a genius. Sometimes you’re so caught up in yourself that eventually the only thing to blame for your downfall will inevitably be yourself. Because despite what others may think, our worst enemy is who we are and what we see ourselves growing into, and despite what we think, the only ones we’re playing against is ourselves and our perception of ourselves as human beings.”
A silence, the hum of her fan loud between them. Then;
A bewildered laugh.
Shared between them. “We should start a podcast.” She joked, in which Spencer joined in with a small quip of his own, “Why aren’t you pursuing psychology yet?” Both statements made one another yelp in amusement.
Forgetting about the worry, forgetting about the Ph.D, forgetting about everything – the studying, their lives, their loneliness. Forgetting about being geniuses; all they were at that moment were two university kids in their early 20s’.
At that moment it was just the both of them, not against the world but against the knowledge that will be in front of them once more, and possibly even more than once for Spencer. Because whatever other people said, Spencer was happier where he thrived.
She may think over the psychology thing though, she’s been interested in … a few things since she was young, and it had a lot of plentiful job opportunities, and just genuine benefits so, yeah.
Then suddenly her mind circled back.
She exhaled.
She inhaled.
“Right. Finals.”
The tick of her wall clock grew more prominent as they delved into their own silence. It was a pleasant silence, the exact same comforting silence that enveloped them whenever they were body doubling, but in this case the both of them were doing nothing at all but spending their time in each other’s presence; bathing, relishing the moment.
Both acknowledged that their paths would split soon, but there was no bitter ending.
Just pure acceptance and excitement for one another.
Penelope moving on with her life outside, and Spencer continuing his studies because it’s what he loves, and neither could complain about not being able to see each other. They would make it work.
A huff. “God – finals is gonna kill us.”
“Sure hope it does.” Spencer joked, causing a small smile to grace her face.
They were best friends, after all.