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It’s quiet.
It’s nice this way. The muffled chatter was muted by the sound of the light pattering rain on the quartz roof. Giggles came from the pile of blankets shaped to somewhat resemble a fort.
Will sat on the bottom step of the winding dark wood stairs, distant eyes staring outside.
His brow furrowed faintly as he thought about why he was here. Why he joined in on coming to this sleepover with everyone. How did he even get here? Well, he knows how he got here, Rae talked about setting up something in the town hall and Will, out of pure confusion of Why am I being invited? Do they want me there? he muttered a small agreement to come. He knew that.
He didn’t know how he exactly got… here . Everything had recently started becoming fuzzy, blurring beyond relief until Will couldn’t pick apart whether he went back to the main town from his lighthouse yesterday or a week ago.
He had brushed it aside, thinking maybe he was too caught up in theorising or stayed up overnight again translating. Until it got worse. Until when his hands couldn’t even hold a pen without dropping it. Until he started spilling his third coffee that morning from the violent shake of his hands.
Then he couldn’t remember what day of the week it is. Or whether the last time someone had told him to come back was months ago or he just dreamed that too. Or if he had known that the bottom of the lighthouse had melted into the night sky behind it, flickering stars reminding him of… something. The thought left too soon before he could catch it. Did someone tell me about the stars? Was that real? Too confusing…
He jumped when a dark figure walked out of the fort, knocking the cold, untouched chocolate drink from where a few drops had already been spilt. Dang it, always messing up…
The man’s cape blew in the gentle wind for a moment, waving and saying soft goodbyes before turning for the door. Then he startled too, heterochromatic eyes matching Will’s widened ones hidden behind his pale mask.
Will stumbled back as his eyes trailed up to the giant... Antler? Horn? What could that thing even be called? And for a moment, he was back there, standing on the same dark oak planks, watching that beast knock Caspian out cold, saw the way the brunet hit his head against the mismatched floorboards and the slow trickle of scarlet follow. The red was all the man could see, gasping for air when he drowned in the moment.
He took a deep breath, realising that the once-lukewarm beverage was now on his hand and let the slight gust of wind brush a particularly freezing whistle onto him. He shivered before flinching (Again?) when a gentle gravelly voice broke him out of whatever… that was. Rae’s vocal cords were dripping with exhaustion and underlying tiredness forever stuck there that Will knew all too well.
“-You okay?” Will looked up to see the scientist’s hair swayed to the side, head tilted in confusion (Auxreta does the same thing when he asks something they don’t know, it was kind of endearing). His usual attire was replaced with a blue knitted sweater and grey shorts. It made Will subconsciously look down at his white button-up and dress pants. He hadn’t meant to be in his normal clothes, he had just forgotten the event was happening and was luckily in town leaving a freshly baked pumpkin pie for Athena and Jamie at the Flour Garden. (No one said anything when Athena came in behind Jamie and Momboo, dragging the masked man by his sleeve.)
Rae was a step away from the fort and a step closer to Will, a hand held out hesitantly. He suppressed a flinch away, thinking about Aax’s sarcastically caring pale hand on his shoulder.
“I-I’m fine.” He looked away to face the map on the wall, internally wincing when it came out shakier than he wanted it to be.
“Why aren’t you with the others?” Rae whispered, and when Will turned back to look at his eyes, they held confliction and pity.
“I just… like looking at the stars, mhm.” He mumbled, drifting back to look outside again, unsure where to look. He slightly regretted the action when he realised they looked like the weird stuff on his lighthouse. “It’s loud in there, I just wanted some time. Yeah. Uhm- just needed some ti-time.”
Rae took another step closer, and Will moved back and up another step slowly. Rae’s eyebrows were furrowed and there was an obvious confusion and concentration in his expression. “They’re whispering, Will. Sherbert and Athena fell asleep on me quickly so we had to be quiet.”
“Oh.” Why did it sound like they were talking right into his ears then?
“...Are you okay, Will?” Rae moved closer again, and he had to hold back the urge to get away, run away, you’re cornered, he would be able to get you quicker than you could run- . His voice was impossibly soft and careful, as though the adventurer would smash into smithereens like ice if it wasn’t.
Will tilted his masked face down, hands fiddling with a button on his shirt. His eyes stung.
“I-I’m fine.” He didn’t mean to sound as bitter as he did, but when he looked up, he saw the moment Rae looked taken aback, and hurt cast itself in the scientist’s eyes. Will’s mind screamed at him, you hurt him! See? You’re useless, and an asshole. All you do is push others away. Maybe that’s why they don’t like you, huh?
“...Oh. Oh, okay. Uhm, sorry. I-I’ll go, I’ve gotta go. Um, bye.” Rae turned and before Will’s thoughts could catch up to call after him, he was gone out the door.
“Maybe you want us, but we don’t want you.” Aax cooed, his grip on Will’s shoulder strong enough to leave a bruise.
His eyes welled up with tears, and suddenly it was impossible to breathe. His chest heaved and ached, a scarred hand reaching up to grip at his shirt, the other to grip at his hair.
He tugged on the silver strands, his head pounding against his skull with a quick and unsteady rythem. His dress shirt clung to his skin uncomfortably with sweat and it made him want to scratch at his skin to get the feeling off.
Why am I like this? Why do I do this? He was right, they were all right, Aax, Rae, they were right! I’m a horrible friend. I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe-
His breaths turned into rapid gasps, air not having the time to filter into his lungs and the feeling made him want to throw up.
Will choked on a sob and fell into a coughing fit until his throat was raw and he spluttered for oxygen. His eyes slammed shut, the white of the candle-lit room being too bright and his vision was swimming with coloured dots floating around.
His cheeks, jaw and eyes burned and he was sure that he was flushed red. Everything felt way too hot and on fire, from the painful grip on his scalp to the nails that had begun drigging into his chest through his shirt.
The hard wooden stair edge dug into his ankle and thighs, and his body felt so shaky that he struggled to sit up. He tried to take a deep inhale, but it only sent a jabbing feeling in his abdomen, the breath deep and labored. His shoulders were turned in, only making his frame smaller as he brought his knees up to his hand on his chest, where it wrapped around them and gripped at his pants enough to hurt his already aching fingers.
It took a second for him to hear the thump thump thump of footsteps over his own heartbeat and pants. When he did, however, he looked up through blurry vision at figures with red and beige clothes, with more behind them that Will couldn’t differentiate enough to count how many there were. All he knew is there was a lot of people, and they were all looking at him, eyes boring into his skull, too many too much it’s too much too many get away get away get away-
He unravelled his arm from his legs and used it to push himself back, scrambling to move away and further up the stairs. His short heaves were frantic as he felt all his energy leave his body, no longer able to hold himself up enough to move backwards anymore.
Two of the figures got closer and followed him up the steps, but the vignette surrounding his vision was far too concentrated that he couldn’t make out any details.
“D-don’t. Don’t. No, I-I-I don’t want to- Stop! I-I’ll hurt you. G-get aw-away! I-I’m sorry I’m n-not a good friend Aax.” Will sobbed, barely even hearing his own voice as he rambled.
One held back, stopping in their tracks, but the other continued to take slow, careful strides toward him. He couldn’t move away. He couldn’t run. He couldn’t stop them.
The beige frame stopped a couple steps below him and crouched, being just below his level. Now that they were closer, he could make out blond hair and yellow eyes. There was a slight glint in their eyes from the candles, and Will could almost make out his own mask in the reflection.
“I-I’m sorry. I’m sor-sorry, please, p-please I’m s-sorry, I’m sorry I’m sorry-” He sobbed, choking on his own spit and struggling for air.
He stared at the figure in front of him, and after a moment he realised it was Galahad, who held a hand out and a face full of concern edged into every feature. Their mouth was moving but Will was too focused on seeing himself in his eyes, looking like a deshiveled mess. Something in his gut punches him for letting the others see him like this, something only for behind closed doors, you’ll worry them and they’ll leave you when they see you’re weak.
He only broke out of it when a hand fell onto his shoulder, to which he flinched hard and nearly hit his head on the balustrade, only narrowly avoiding the rails.
“-ey, hey hey, you’re okay, you’re okay Will.” Galahad’s words overwhelmed him, only just coming back to be able to hear his surroundings, and the constant thrumming of his heartbeat and the throbbing pain of his hand tugging his hair was difficult to filter out.
The blond turned to look behind him, where the red frame -Caspian, he could see the brunet colouring of his hair now- before turning back with a conflicted distance to their eyes. “Can you hear me now?” He questioned gently, voice holding that same soft tone that somehow so many people here had learnt to put on. It was a bit unnerving how good all of them were at having faux kindness around him.
He realised he had been asked a question, and quickly nodded far too fast, having to grip the carved railing beside him to hold him steady.
“Good. You’re okay, Will, I promise. Nothing’s going to hurt you here, you’re safe, we’re all okay.” They were impossibly soft, expression, body language and vocals all dripping with it and it made Will want to both scream out in frustration and curl up into a ball at the same time.
Caspian took a step forward before crouching next to Galahad, and pulled a small red bag out of his pockets. The fabric looked to be a velvet, and if not for the situation, Will would have jokingly gagged. Now, he was just cautious.
“Can you count these with me?” The man didn’t look at Will, only down at the small bag as he opened it and pulled out some glass marbles into his hand.
Will gulped, eyes unfocused for a moment as he processed the words, before nodding slower this time. His quick breaths were still loud in his ears, but were beginning to even out with the distraction of trying to listen to the others’ voices.
“Mhm.” He quietly gave a verbal confirmation, and Caspian glanced up with a small proud smile before looking back to his hands. He put the bag on the floor before gently pulling Galahad’s hand closer, and started putting the small glass spheres into the person’s unnaturally heated hands, pronouncing the words slowly as he counted them aloud. Galahad quietly joined in.
“...Three, four, five, six…” The two echoed each other, and Will concentrated on the rough, scarred hand picking up the marbles and placing them in an only further scared one. His breathing slowed, no longer frantic however unsteady still but was starting to even out.
“...ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen…” Will joined in, mumbling the numbers as his eyes followed in the repetitive pattern.
When the three reached fifteen, Caspian ran out of marbles, and looked up at Will (Avoiding his eyes, which the silver-haired man appreciated.)
“You doing better?”
“Mhm, a-a bit.” He whispered. “Thank you.”
“Of course.”
“You’re our friend, I hate to see you upset.” Galahad jumped in, and Will cast his glance downward with the word ‘ friend ’. “Are you okay with touch?”
“Y-yeah, okay.” Will mumbled, looking up to meet the pair’s eyes.
Galahad almost jumped at him with enough force to push him back a tad, and Caspian stepped closer before joining in in wrapping his arms around him. Galahad tucked his head into the crook of Will’s neck, arms around his torso tightly as though the man would dissipate into dust at any moment. Caspian rested his head on his, hugging his shoulders close until Will leaned into him.
A sigh left his lips, taking his hand now limp on his head to wrap his tattooed arms around both of them. His breaths quickened for a moments, before his eyes welled up with tears again and his vision blurred as he sobbed into Caspian’s chest, who only hushed him softly. Galahad chimed in with comforting whispers.
“You’re okay, friend. You’re safe here with us, you’re our friend. You’re loved here, we care so much about you.”
Will took a few shivering breaths, even warmer with the soldier’s body heat but this time, it was comforting instead of overstimulating.
The three sat there for who knows how long, Will crying his heart out until he ran out of tears, only sitting there sniffling.
Eventually, he pulled back slowly, both of his hands lifting up to unclasp his mask, which was now slightly wet from him crying, and putting it aside.
When he looked back with clearer vision, the other two’s expressions were still impossibly gentle and fond.
“I’m sorry.” Will whispered.
“No no, don’t apologise, you’re alright. I promise, we promise.” Caspian tilted his head to the side, grabbing one of his hands and running his thumb over the suited man’s palm. Galahad mirrored the action, grasping his other hand with both of his carefully. They nodded.
“I ruined your night though.” His voice raised slightly.
“You didn’t ruin anything, and we want to help you, okay?” Galahad said, an understanding smile on their face.
“...Thank you. Both of you.” Will’s lips tipped up too, copying the action, his red-rimmed eyes scrunched up in response.
“We’re here for you.” Caspian beamed.
“Yeah!” Galahad cheered, grinning brightly.
The adventurer’s eyes looked past the two and down the stairs, where the group was gone, except for the pale, finned individual, who seemed to have been distracting themself with their hands before meeting his eyes.
“Um, hey.” Aax said awkwardly, and Will stood, squeezing the other’s hands, who followed him as he walked down the steps cautiously, held up by the pair when his legs felt weak.
“...Hi.”
The four stood awkwardly for a moment before Aax spoke up.
“Hey, I’m not sure what exactly happened, but you said my name and gonna be honest, it didn’t exactly sound like you were doing okay, just from a little bit of speculation.”
“Um, yeah-.” Will mumbled, “I just- Why do you sound like you care now? After last time?”
“...Sorry? What?” Aax looked genuinely confused, and it made the man furrow his brow. Galahad squeezed his hand in question, while Caspian let go of his hand.
“You don’t remember? When you visited me? When you said you didn’t care about me?” Will stared directly into the olm-hybrid’s eyes despite his own head’s protest.
“What? Aax…?” Caspian questioned beside him, and pressed his shoulder against his fellow adventurer’s.
“Will- Last time I saw you, I said I wanted to see you around more, I said I missed you.” Aax had a hurt tone, and Will’s frustration fizzle out how genuinely upset they sounded.
“Oh. I guess I dreamed that too. Um, sorry.”
“Will? Are you okay?” Aax questioned carefully.
“Sorry, uhm, I’ve just been having these- dreams? Nightmares? I don’t know…” He fumbled for a response, fiddling with Galahad’s fingers and tracing his knuckles.
“Hey, I understand. If you’d like, you can tell me about it later, it might be good to let some of this off your chest.”
“Oh. Uh, thank you?”
“Hug it out?” Caspian suggested.
“Yeah.” Will smiled.
The four embraced again, and he sighed, melting into the comfort.
Maybe it’d be okay.
Maybe, he’ll be okay.