Work Text:
McCoy walked alongside his captain and friend to the shuttle bay. He still thought this was a mistake, a waste of time. He just couldn’t get why Kirk would prefer to accompany Spock on a purely scientific shuttle trip instead of coming along to that beautiful shore leave planet they had discovered a few months ago. The captain surely needed some relaxation time off duty, not more boring discussions with that Vulcan first officer of his.
“Really, Jim.” McCoy went on. “I don’t see what you find in the company of that walking computer -”
He was interrupted by Kirk who halted in his tracks and turned to face the doctor. “He happens to be my friend, so stop talking that way, will you? Besides, that spacial phenomenon is one of a kind according to Spock and definitely worth a closer look.”
But McCoy would not give up so easily. “Closer looks are the last thing you need right now, Jim! I would like it better if you slowed down for a while and relaxed. As your doctor I could order you -”
“Don’t you dare!” Kirk stopped again, and his tone made it clear to his friend that they had reached the critical point of their little talk.
“All I’m saying, Jim, is that you’re pushing yourself too hard.”
“That’s exactly why I intend to spend some time with Spock. Boring time.” He managed a smile despite the fact that the doctor’s remarks had pushed the wrong buttons and his mood worsened. “So stop worrying and let me have my way, Bones.”
McCoy sighed. He knew his friend well and decided to give in this time, aware of the fact that there was little to change Kirk’s attitude besides pulling medical rank - and he had never done that so far.
“Alright!!” Mccoy tried to make his voice sound angry but Kirk knew better. They had settled this, and he would spend the next day - maybe two - with Spock, peacefully traveling the stars and recording whatever the Vulcan deemed worthy of downloading into his computer.
When they arrived at the shuttle bay Spock was already there, talking to Mr. Scott while he was putting several pieces of equipment into the tiny vessel.
“We are ready to leave, Captain, when you are?” Spock remarked, well aware of the good doctor’s objections.
“Well, then…have a good trip, captain!” McCoy said, and turning to Spock, he added: “You better see to it that he gets some rest, Spock, or we’re gonna have a little talk when you get back, you got that?” His tone was grumpy but they knew he didn’t mean it that way. His concern was genuine and Spock’s reply was accordingly.
“Of course, doctor.”
But before McCoy could nod in approval, he added: “If things get too stressful I can still sedate the captain with a Vulcan neck pinch.”
With that he picked up the last container and carried it into the shuttle.
“That Vulcan son of a -” McCoy started, but was instantly cut short by Kirk.
“Leave it, Bones. Please.” Would these two ever get along like normal people? Somehow Kirk doubted it. “See you soon, Bones! And - have a good time yourself, will you?”
The doctor finally nodded and watched as Kirk entered the shuttle. “Don’t you worry, I know how to have a good time!”
He stood there a while after the shuttle had left off. He would have liked to spend some time with Kirk, on that shore leave planet or any other nice place, but he knew that for some inexplicable reason for Kirk nothing could stand against the appeal of being in the Vulcan’s company.
Slowly he left the shuttle bay, and his thoughts began to turn towards his own plans for the time off. He wondered if he would be meeting that white rabbit again, surely you could recreate a former fantasy on that marvelous entertainment planet?
~ oOo ~
The shuttle had left the Enterprise and was well on its way to a star cluster Spock had detected several days ago while mapping the area. Kirk had not quite followed his explanations on why this particular cluster was so fascinating but found it didn’t matter. He was well aware of the fact that McCoy was right and that he needed something to take his mind off things for a while. So accompanying Spock was a good way to get away from it all, at least for a day or two.
He had decided to pilot the tiny spacecraft; it had been a while since he sat at the helm and he was enjoying himself. Bones would be pleased. He looked over at Spock who was occupied with adjustments he made to the computer in order to get the best possible results out of their upcoming scans.
“How’s it going, Spock?” he asked.
The Vulcan would not look up when he replied, his gaze intently on one of the small screens. “I estimate our systems will be sufficiently calibrated when we arrive at the cluster, captain.”
“I expected no less from you, Mr. Spock.”
The Vulcan looked up at him and noticed with satisfaction the friendly teasing in Kirk’s voice, indicating that his mood had increased significantly since their departure from the Enterprise.
Before he could comment on this however, all of a sudden their spacecraft was hit by such force that it shook violently back and forth, cutting their talk short while Kirk tried his best to steady the tiny vessel and determine the cause of the turbulence. Spock sat down in the co-pilot’s seat, just in time before another heavy blast hit the shuttle and forced it off course. He wanted to save the data of their flight path but found it impossible as the vessel was hit one last time and everything went blank around him.
When Spock regained consciousness he noticed that the shaking had stopped and a first look at his instruments indicated that they had crash-landed on some kind of asteroid.
Dr. McCoy will not be pleased.
Spock focused his attention back on the situation at hand and turned his gaze over to the pilot’s seat. Kirk was sitting slumped back in his seat, his head laid back in an uncomfortable angle. Ignoring a pain in his right side, Spock got up and moved over to him to determine his condition. The captain was still unconscious, but he could find no obvious injuries so far.
“Jim.”
He seldom addressed his captain by his given name, but he did so now without realizing it. Carefully he examined the body further. There was no blood, and he hoped there would be no internal injuries, at least not relevant ones, for the medical facilities of a shuttle craft were minimal and designed only for minor occurrences. He noticed with relief that his captain was coming around and waited another moment for him to open his eyes.
“Can you hear me, Jim?” He became aware of the fact that he was using Kirk’s first name but he didn’t care. He had to get through to him and find out if he was alright.
Kirk opened his eyes and tried to move, the result being a painfully distorted face as he became aware of a sharp pain in his neck and pulsing shockwaves tormenting his temples. He closed his eyes again, trying to catch his breath, as he heard Spock calling out his name. His voice sounded alarmed, so unlike the Vulcan, he thought.
“I’m good, Spock - just a headache - “ he managed to say, looking up at Spock. But Spock was not convinced for his captain’s eyes would not stay focused and he realized the pain was hard to bear even for Kirk who could stand quite a lot.
“Don’t move, captain, until I can examine you further.” His gaze was worried, and he contemplated the possibility that Kirk had suffered a serious concussion and there was little he could do to help him right now.
Spock returned to his seat and checked the shuttle craft’s instruments. The readings would indicate that they had been passing through an ion storm and had been thrown significantly off course, making it difficult for the Enterprise to find them any time soon. He failed to understand why the storm had not been registered by their instruments in advance, but any musings would lead to nothing right now. He checked the vessel’s propulsion and life support systems and found them barely operable, leaving them stuck on this rock out in the middle of nowhere, with little provisions and only rudimentary medical supplies.
He moved back over to Kirk who was drifting in and out of consciousness while he was unable to stay focused for more than a few moments.
Spock walked over to the emergency bunk and pulled it into position, preparing a place to lie down for his captain.
“We have a flop.”
“A what, sir?”
“A place to sleep, Mr. Spock.”
“One might have said so in the first place.”
Why did he have to think of this right now? The time they had spent in Miss Keeler’s basement room suddenly appeared in Spock’s mind, and he realized even in this backward time they had slept in a more comfortable place than what he could offer his captain now. But that could not be helped.
With a rather un-Vulcan sigh Spock put the small pillow into position and prepared the blanket. He walked over and found Kirk dozing off again. Carefully he lifted him up and carried him over to the little bunk where he laid him down and covered him with the blanket, all the while careful not to put too much strain on his neck. He was no doctor but he could tell his friend was in bad shape and he would have preferred McCoy’s presence right now, in spite of the fact that he would no doubt be lamenting over yet another shuttle trip that had gone wrong.
It was late into the night before Kirk came around again, his efforts to sit up instantly banished by another wave of nausea as he became aware of the extent of his headache. He tried to determine his surroundings and found he was still aboard the shuttle craft. He heard Spock’s voice. The Vulcan had obviously managed to reinitialize contact with the Enterprise.
“Doctor, I have no intention to argue with you about the validity of space travel in general or the usage of a shuttle craft in particular. I would prefer clear instructions as to the treatment of the captain.”
Kirk’s head felt numb and he found his hearing impaired by the dull pressure caused by his headache but he could clearly make out the fainting patience in his first officer’s voice as he continued.
“Now, doctor, if you please? This connection is unstable and might terminate at any given moment.”
“Dammit, Spock! He wouldn’t be in this condition if he - “
“Doctor, please…” Spock was running out of patience and about to use one of these colorful metaphors he had learned from his captain when McCoy finally came to the point.
“Alright, Spock. From what you’ve told me he took a pretty nasty blow to the neck when you managed to crash that shuttle.” Spock decided to ignore the doctor’s insinuation that this whole situation might be his fault. “It would seem this caused another strong migraine, judging by your description. You have to see to it that he stays warm and try to keep him hydrated, it will be unlikely he will be eating or drinking much in the next hours so you will have to take care of that.”
“ Another migraine? Are you saying he’s had these problems before?” Spock was somehow confused that his captain was obviously haunted by recurring headaches but had never told him so. He had never noticed anything.
“And see to it that he gets up from time to time or these kinks in his back will kill him, Spock!” McCoy went on.
Before he could however question the doctor any further the link suddenly broke, and only static remained. It was unlikely the link could be reinitialized due to the ongoing ion storm in the upper atmosphere but the Enterprise was now vaguely aware of their position and it was only a matter of time until they would be found and rescued.
Spock walked over to the small bunk and found his captain awake. He kneeled down beside the improvised bed and regarded Kirk’s features. His eyes had lost their usual splendor, and his body was trembling like he was freezing. Carefully Spock drew the blanket closer around the shaking body, unsatisfied with the low temperature inside their vessel. He had looked up their provisions earlier and prepared a can of water which he now opened and placed next to the bunk. Carefully he helped Kirk into a sitting position and made him drink some of the water.
When he laid him back down onto the mattress Spock’s concern grew. He thought about the doctor’s remark.
“McCoy implied that you’ve had these headaches before, Jim…” he started. But Kirk cut him off.
“It’s just a headache, Spock - it will pass.” But his shuddering body betrayed his efforts to play down the effects these headaches caused.
“It’s a recurring condition that obviously renders you rather incapacitated for an undetermined period of time, captain.” Spock’s voice conveyed genuine concern, but there was also a trace of disapproval that he had not been told about this. “You never said anything.”
Kirk became aware that his friend was truly eaten up by the fact that he had not mentioned this medical problem before.
“Spock… you’ve said it yourself: as captain I can’t afford to be anything less than perfect.” Kirk reminded him. “Besides, usually Bones drugs me with his hypos and I’m good to go.” Another thought came to his mind. “It has never compromised my ability to function as captain, so, what’s the big deal!”
Spock lost it. He was used to a certain stubbornness of his captain, but he would not let him get away with this.
“The big deal is that you keep ignoring your health, McCoy has told you so on many occasions but you keep ignoring him, too. You keep pushing yourself beyond your limits time and again, regardless of the consequences.”
There was no doubt that he had managed to infuriate his Vulcan friend, Kirk realized. He tried his best to think of something to calm him down but found it difficult to concentrate.
“Spock…” he started but he didn’t get far.
“We will talk about it when you feel better, captain.” Spock’s Vulcan control mechanisms obviously set back in, he calmed down eventually and after a last readjustment of the blanket he got up and returned to his station, leaving Kirk to rest and hopefully get better after some hours of sleep.
~ oOo ~
The night progressed and Spock tried to find some sleep, positioning himself in the co-pilot’s seat, but soon found it too uncomfortable. He got up and stretched his body, the pain in his right side still evident but also still bearable. He looked over to the small bunk. Kirk had eventually fallen asleep, but he tossed from one side to the other and Spock could well see that his legs were restlessly moving under the blanket. There was no doubt that his condition was worsening, and Spock wished fervently he could have another talk with McCoy. Despite their usual bantering and differences of opinion Spock respected McCoy’s attitudes and relied implicitly on his medical expertise.
After a while he walked slowly over to check on Kirk, and found him awake. Kirk looked up at him, his gaze feverish and somewhat unfocused. Spock remembered McCoy’s instructions and reached for the water can, but Kirk declined and tried to turn around.
“You need to drink, Jim.” Spock tried to keep his voice calm so he would not upset his captain further. “And it would be advisable if you got up to take a few steps.”
“I’m good…leave me alone, Spock…” Kirk uttered, but the next moment he turned back around and tried to get on all fours in a futile effort to stand up.
“Captain?!”
“Outside, Spock…outside!!”
Spock barely managed to help Kirk get up and lead him outside the shuttle before his captain fell to the ground, throwing up the contents of his troubled stomach. It took Kirk a moment to regain the necessary strength to speak again.
“Sorry, Spock…”
Spock slowly helped him to get up again, and they made their way back inside the shuttle where he cautiously laid him back down onto the mattress. He drew the blanket around the still trembling body, uncertain what to do next. He reached once more for the water can, and this time Kirk would at least have a small sip of the liquid. He was still shaking, and Spock realized it was not due to the room’s temperature. Kirk was experiencing chills despite the fact that he was feverish and his skin was sweating. Spock saw no logical solution to this problem and once more wished for the help of McCoy. After a moment he decided to lie down next to Kirk, unsure whether he hoped his body heat would do him good or that the mere fact of his presence would have a positive and calming effect on his friend.
Slowly he slipped under the covers, carefully putting one arm around Kirk’s neck to draw him close and with the other he adjusted the blanket for optimal protection. If Kirk was surprised, he didn’t let it show. It took only a moment until he adjusted his arms and legs to fit as close as possible next to the Vulcan, eager to feel the warmth emanating from his friend.
Hours went by as Spock shared the waves of nausea caused by the ongoing throbbing pain in Kirk’s temples and felt the tremors and fever attacks. It kind of hurt him that his friend had suffered like this before but never spoken about it. They would have to have a word about that after their return to the ship, he decided. And he wondered why Kirk would leave the Enterprise without the proper medication despite his knowledge that these attacks could haunt him at any time.
Time went on, and Spock realized they would not find sleep.
“Spock?”
“Yes, Jim?”
“Would you talk to me, tell me something? A story perhaps? Something to keep my mind off the pain.” Kirk readjusted his body once more, no position seemed to provide the badly needed relief.
Spock considered his captain’s request. He had never been good at storytelling, and no adequate topic would come to mind.
“When you’re alone during one of these migraine attacks, Jim, what do you think about?” Spock tried a different approach to the problem. Surely Kirk would have developed some kind of strategy to cope with the situation for even with medication he doubted such attacks were easily dealt with. He found his assumptions confirmed as Kirk replied.
“I try to think of a good place, somewhere peaceful…” he said, and adjusted his body once more, but Spock wouldn’t mind the inconvenience because he knew Kirk could not suppress the urge to move. “Sometimes I’m back in Iowa where I grew up, sometimes…” he paused. “Sometimes it’s a place I make up in my mind to see what it’s like.”
Made up places where not a concept Spock would have been familiar with but he found the idea intriguing. He didn’t know why but a question came to mind and before he had thought about it, it left his lips.
“Are you alone when you visit these places, Jim?” A totally irrelevant question, Spock was surprised by his own words.
“In the past, yes…” Another adjustment of arms and legs. “But a while ago I realized it was more distracting to imagine someone there with me.”
Spock caught himself contemplating his captain as he fantasized about these places in the company of a beautiful woman, surely that would be highly distracting. But Kirk’s answer took him by surprise.
“I like to think of you by my side, it always makes me feel safe and calms me down somehow, Spock.” And Kirk turned his head so he could see the look on his friend’s face as he said it. He didn’t recall when these fantasies had started, but they had been the best so far and he had to admit to himself they had also gotten a little bit out of control after a while. Spock however seemed undisturbed by this revelation and so he felt encouraged to go on. Maybe it was the fact that his temples were on fire now that the pain was not suppressed by Bones’ hypos and no matter how he lay down, it truly hurt and made him a little bit dizzy. Anyway, Kirk was caught up in his fantasy and started to go on when Spock’s voice interrupted him.
“What are we doing when we spend time together in your mind?” I must really be out of my Vulcan mind , Spock thought, to ask such a question . He had entertained some vivid fantasies of his own in the past, and if Kirk’s were any like his - it might be better not to talk about them, Spock concluded.
Kirk moved again, slowly testing out the Vulcan’s patience.
“You don’t wanna know, Spock.”
That confirmed Spock’s worst suspicions. They were entering dangerous ground, he realized. But then - it had only been fantasies of the mind, nothing substantial, he told himself. Nothing to worry about.
“Alright, I’ll tell you…” Kirk changed the arrangement of his limbs for the 86th time this night - why do I have to count? Spock asked himself - and then Kirk continued.
“I started to imagine us being together, Spock. You know, like…like lovers? I know it’s presumptuous and all but it gives me peace of mind like nothing else…”
No. 87, resulting in a drastic change of body position that found Spock spooning his captain for the first time this night as he turned around.
Strange, he was not appalled by Kirk’s confession, the idea suddenly seemed perfectly reasonable and justifiable. He wondered…
“I even made up a list of possible positions…you know? Sexual positions… and ever since I started it’s my best getaway when the headaches just won’t subside.”
Spock was taken aback. In his thorough scientific mind he also had come up with a list of that nature, he would not occupy himself with a topic of such relevance without approaching it in the best way possible. And he became aware that the frequency of his captain’s body adjustments had decreased, almost to a tolerable level. It would seem that even talking about these made up fantasies helped to calm him down eventually.
“How many positions have you come up with, Jim?” A simple, scientifically justified question, merely for statistical purposes.
Kirk turned around once more, he wouldn’t want to miss the effect of his upcoming blunt statement on the Vulcan's face for all the tea in China.
“19.” he said, and despite his feverish condition he managed an honest smirk. “So far.”
Somehow it hit him that Spock didn’t seem to be the least surprised, let alone be shocked by what he had revealed to him these past 30 minutes - or so - he had difficulties keeping track of time when his head kept exploding.
“Hmmm.” was all Spock had to say to this. Kirk found he was a bit disappointed. He had expected more enthusiasm in the face of such vivid imagination.
“I have accumulated a list of 27 sexual positions that might work for us and satisfy both our needs.” Spock stated it so matter-of-factly that it almost took Kirk’s breath away. “So far.”
“27?!” Kirk asked incredulously and almost completely forgot about the tormenting pain in his temples, the feverish sweat on his skin that made his uniform stick to his body and the fact that his neck still felt like he had been engaged in intercourse with a Gorn. “Spock!!”
“So far.”
“I heard you. I just…can’t believe it.” Why had it never struck him that Vulcans also might entertain fantasies of their own? Particularly when they had a Human half to cope with, like Spock.
Kirk was silent for a while, and Spock began to wonder if he had fallen asleep after all but of course he knew better, and after a while Kirk went on.
“You know, Spock - it’s a pity I’m in such bad shape right now. I really would have liked to try one or two of your positions, just to see what they’re like -”
“They’re fantasies, Jim.”
“I know, but only as long as we’re not together? And you can’t deny the fact that we’re together right now. So it would only be logical to - “
“It would not.”
“Of course it would. Stop arguing with me, I’m a sick man…” Another smirk lit up Kirk’s face, followed by…was it no. 92?? Spock had lost track of his captain’s body adjustments and wondered what might have distracted his mind from correctly summarizing.
He decided on a little adjustment of his own for his arm under Kirk’s neck painfully reminded him of the prolonged and insufficient blood flow, when a beeping sound from the shuttle craft’s console interrupted the silence.
“Enterprise to Galileo, Mr. Spock - are you there?” It was Lt. Uhura’s voice that could barely be heard through a haze of static.
Carefully Spock untangled himself from Kirk and stepped over to the intercom. “Yes, Lieutenant. Go ahead.”
“Oh, glad to hear your voice, Mr. Spock! We are preparing to beam you and the captain aboard, Mr. Scott thinks it’s safe now to use the transporter. Please stand by.”
“Thank you, Lieutenant. We will be ready. Tell Mr. Scott to log on to my signal when he is ready.”
“Yes, sir.” Uhura terminated the conversation. Soon the captain and Mr. Spock would be back on board the Enterprise, Dr. McCoy was already on his way to the transporter room with a team of med technicians and a stretcher in case Kirk wasn’t able to walk.
Spock returned to the bunk and kneeled down next to Kirk. His captain still looked sick and feverish, but he knew they had managed to get through this difficult time as best as possible under the circumstances. And they had made some intriguing discoveries regarding their relationship that definitely required further examination.
Spock regarded his captain who despite the fact that he felt exhausted looked up at him with a smile. “Don’t be angry with me, Spock. After all, it’s a beautiful fantasy, wouldn’t you say?”
“Affirmative, Jim. Quite beautiful.”
Spock pulled away the blanket and helped his captain to get up. He held him steady until the sparkle of the transporter beam finally reached out for them and transported them back to the Enterprise.
~ oOo ~
When Kirk woke up he found himself on a biobed in sickbay, with McCoy standing by his side, looking down at him with his best country doctor smile.
“There you are, welcome back, captain.” He looked at the life support meters, then his gaze returned to his patient.
“Seems that pointed eared Vulcan took good care of you, Jim. All readings are returning to normal. But I’d like to keep you here for a few more hours, just to be on the safe side.”
“Whatever you say, Bones.” Kirk was not in the mood for another discussion with his friend, he knew McCoy would sooner or later come up with a lecture on how to avoid future migraines and unpleasant shuttle craft accidents in particular. “Where’s Spock?” He had expected his first officer to be there when he woke up but sickbay seemed empty besides the two of them.
“Your Vulcan XO is in the shuttle bay, they managed to retrieve the Galileo from that asteroid you had chosen for your time off.” McCoy couldn’t help it, he had to vent his anger that instead of relaxing Kirk had gotten into serious danger once more. “Tell me, how did you pass the time? Must have been boring, being in bad shape - and in Spock’s company.”
Kirk had enough. What was McCoy thinking? How many times did he have to state that the Vulcan was his friend and that nothing about him was in the least boring?? He decided on a direct approach that would clear the matter once and for all.
“We talked about all the sexual positions that would work for us …you know, being from different species and so on? Unfortunately I was somewhat incapacitated or we would really have had a good time, Bones!”
McCoy stood dumbfounded. He had not heard this. There was definitely something wrong with his hearing, but Kirk looked at him with that smug on his face like he meant it.
“Are you telling me that you and that green blooded Vulcan have finally come to terms with your feelings? That’ll be the day!!”
Now it was Kirk’s turn to look at least a little bit dumbfounded. Has it been that obvious?
“Ask me.”
“Ask you what, Jim?”
“You want to know how many positions there are but you’re too anxious to ask.”
“Alright.” Dammit, after their long friendship Kirk just knew him too well. “How many?”
Kirk grinned. He took a moment to put more emphasis on his reply. “27.”
“What?? In heaven’s name, Jim, you can’t be serious…there are not nearly as many in my medical book.”
“So far.”
“You’re mad. Both of you.” McCoy could hardly believe it. 27? Seriously??
“You know, Jim, I always thought that the way you two look at each other qualifies as an act of love, too.”
Kirk lifted his head and looked at his friend. “You know - I think you’re right, now that I think about it.” And a smile lit up his tired face. “I would say it makes a splendid no. 28.” And he lay back on the pillow, he felt still kind of numb due to McCoy’s pain killers and closed his eyes.
He would have to ask Spock to add no. 28 to his list. Even if it was just an imaginary list, born out of fantasies. He knew Spock liked his records straight, even if they were a fiction of his imagination.
~ oOo ~
McCoy sat in his office, keeping his records up to date while he enjoyed a glass of his favorite brandy. He had released the captain to his quarters, and he hoped that for once Kirk would listen to him and stay there at least until the following day, giving himself time to recuperate and catch up on some badly needed sleep.
He was about to take another sip of his brandy when he noticed Spock who had entered sickbay and was on his way straight to McCoy’s office.
“Spock, what brings you to my humble domain!” And his best southern grin spread all over his face, there could be no doubt that he had reached a remarkable amount of alcohol for the day. He indicated the Vulcan to take a seat.
Spock remained standing in the door frame, a rather ungracious look on his face. “Would you have a moment, doctor? I would like to talk to you.”
“Sure, Spock. Sit down.” And he pointed once more at the seat on the other side of his desk. “Is it about no. 28?”
A little bit confused, the Vulcan decided to not let the doctor distract him and sat down slowly, folding his arms in front of his chest. McCoy knew from experience that this posture was not a good sign for it gave away not only impatience but also determination. Spock wanted something, and he was not very patient to get it.
“What is it you want to talk to me about, Spock? Just spit it out.” McCoy took another sip of his brandy. “Care for a glass?”
But as he had expected, the Vulcan declined.
“I want to talk about the captain, Dr. McCoy.”
“What about him?”
“I would like to know why you let him leave the ship without a proper precaution in the form of the medication he sometimes requires.” This question had preoccupied him all the while they had to wait in the shuttle for rescue and he was eager to hear the doctor’s explanation.
McCoy put down his glass and looked straight at the Vulcan. “You think I hadn’t thought of that myself, Spock??” Angry, McCoy got up and opened a drawer behind his desk, finally producing a small wallet, similar to the one he used to take along his most needed medications. With a harsh movement he tossed it on his desk in front of Spock.
“Here it is, Spock! Neatly wrapped up and containing everything to keep him going until I can take care of him.” McCoy made no effort to hide his anger, how many discussions did he have with Jim about that? But the brave captain wouldn’t need something like that, no no. Always afraid his image of perfection might be compromised should someone pick up on this.
McCoy sat back down, and reached once more for his glass. He returned his gaze to Spock who had obviously not expected this response.
“I tried, Spock. So many times, but Jim won’t listen. I tried to explain to him that in his case the disease can always return because he’s allergic to everything that would eradicate the problem for good.” He took another sip. “Does he ever listen? You know him, Spock - maybe by now better than I do.”
Spock slowly got up, the outcome of this conversation not being what he had expected. He picked up the small wallet, and when he saw McCoy’s questioning look, he said:
“He will use it from now on, doctor. I will make sure of it.”
With that he turned around, leaving the doctor to his brandy. He walked out of sickbay and headed for the captain’s quarters. He and Jim had to have a little talk.
~ oOo ~
The doors slid aside shortly after he had buzzed at the captain’s cabin. When Spock stepped inside he found Kirk lying on the bed. For once he seemed to have followed the good doctor’s instructions and had at least tried to rest.
“I wanted to see how you are doing, captain. I hope the headache is bearable by now?”
Kirk sat up on his bed and invited Spock to take a seat. To his surprise his first officer sat down at the edge of the bed instead of a chair, but he found he liked it.
“Much better, Spock, thanks to McCoy’s medication.” His gaze fell on the wallet Spock held in one hand. He got a feeling this was not just a social call, and that this conversation might take an unpleasant turn. “I see you’ve been to sickbay already.” And he pointed at the small wallet.
“I had a talk with our good doctor, and he informed me that you repeatedly refused to take that much needed medication with you when leaving ship. I would like to know the reason for this.”
“I will not have this useless discussion with you as well, Spock. I’m sick and tired of having to argue with McCoy -”
“You’re still suffering from your last migraine attack, Jim, and I could witness for myself the effects it has on you. The intensive pain rendering you nearly helpless, the chills while your body burns up in a fever.” Spock was not easily upset but Kirk had a way of challenging his control. He got up from the bed and took a step back. With a swift movement he tossed the walled on the bed in front of Kirk.
“From now on you will take this with you each and every time you leave the ship, captain. I shall personally oversee that you do as you are told.”
Kirk couldn’t believe it. Had his first officer lost his mind? He felt his anger growing and got up from the bed. He took the wallet and before he thought about it he threw it halfway across his quarters.
“I will do no such thing, Spock, and you had better stay out of my affairs.”
Somehow he had imagined spending time with Spock in his cabin after their last conversations to be more - romantic? He was not prepared for another fruitless argument about his health.
“Pick it up.”
“What??”
“Pick it up, captain.”
“Forget it, you’re not giving orders around here -”
“I said - pick it up! Now, Jim!” Spock’s posture had become somewhat adversarial, aggressive, and before Kirk knew it, the Vulcan reached for his arms and dragged him across the room until they stood over the little wallet which had landed on the floor next to Kirk’s desk.
No matter how much he struggled, Spock held him in that firm grip until he had to accept this was a fight he would not win.
“Pick it up, Jim.” Spock’s voice had taken on a softer tone, but he still meant it, that much was certain.
Slowly, Kirk gave up his struggle and Spock eventually let go of his arms, but he remained standing close to his captain.
“If I pick it up I accept that this illness will be part of me maybe for the rest of my life, Spock.” His tone was sad, something Spock had only seldom heard. “I don’t want to accept that. Can’t you understand?” And he turned his head to face Spock, searching for a sign of understanding in the Vulcan’s eyes.
“It will be part of your life for as long as you live, Jim. But it will not control you any longer if you pick up that wallet.”
Slowly the Vulcan’s words sank in and Kirk kneeled down eventually to pick up McCoy’s wallet. He looked down at it as he was holding it in his hand.
“Maybe you’re right, Spock.” It was hard for him to admit it but he could no longer deny the foolishness of his attitude.
“No one will know about this except Dr. McCoy and myself, Jim.”
“And you will - personally - oversee that I won’t throw it out the window at the next occasion?” Kirk couldn’t help a small smile at the idea.
“I will.”
Kirk regarded the small wallet. Whatever . He was still looking at it when he realized Spock had reached out and was taking it out of his hand, carefully placing it on the desk.
“I believe there’s something else we should talk about, captain.”
“What would that be, Mr. Spock?” Again, Spock noticed that teasing smile that his captain had reserved only for him.
“A remark from the good doctor, that reminded me of something we had talked about recently.”
Kirk’s shoulders kind of slumped, what else had McCoy set into motion? Sometimes he really wished McCoy would just - shut up for once. He had a way of complicating matters, Kirk knew.
“Alright, what else did he say to upset you?”
Spock raised an eyebrow, contemplating Kirk’s question. “I am not upset, captain. Merely - curious.”
“About what?”
“No. 28.”
“Oh.”
“Would you have any idea what the doctor might have meant by this?”
“Well, Bones asked me what we talked about, all that time in that shuttle craft -”
“And you told him about our lists.”
“I told him about your list.” Kirk looked somewhat apologetically at his first officer. “Yours was far more impressive than mine.”
“I remember that my list only contained a total of 27 sexual positions possibly suitable to our taste.”
“You said, so far.”
“Indeed.”
“Well, when I mentioned your list he meant that the way we look at each other - you and me, Spock - that this would qualify as…how did he put it?...Ah, yes - an act of love.” Kirk tried his best poker face as he continued. “I just remarked that it would make a splendid no. 28 on your list. Don’t you think so?”
Spock waited with his response like he was contemplating Kirk’s suggestion, but he was already totally blown away by the fact that Kirk had not only discussed this matter with McCoy but also that the doctor obviously had long since recognized the nature of their relationship. Maybe long before it became obvious to the two individuals it concerned.
“As much as it goes against my better judgment, Jim, I must for once agree with the doctor.” Spock kept his face perfectly serious but Kirk was sure he was on the brink of a wonderful emotional outburst. “No. 28 it is.”
Kirk took a few steps away from the desk, putting some distance between himself and Spock, unsure how to voice what was really occupying his mind right now.
“Spock…” he started. There was no easy way to go from friendship to love, he realized, but that’s what he felt when he looked at the Vulcan. That’s the reason his fantasy encounters with Spock had helped him through tough times in the past, the reason his list contained by now 19 positions. So far. “About that list…”
“Yes, Jim?” Spock waited, aware that the moment had come where they would finally define the nature of their future relationship.
Kirk turned back around and looked straight up into the Vulcan’s eyes. Dammit, it was now or never.
“I want that list of yours to become real, Spock. I want to know each and every position on that list and I want to try and enjoy each and every one - with you.” He paused for a brief moment. “And I will be damned if I can’t find some more numbers to add to your list. What do you say, Spock?”
Spock needed a moment to let the reality of his captain’s announcement sink in before he found the resolve to answer him with a steady voice that would not instantly give away the extent of his exhilaration.
“Maybe we should start by comparing our lists to avoid duplicate entries.”
Kirk should have known his science officer would treat this matter like any other scientific project, with thoroughness and regard for the essentials. He smiled. Again it was the kind of smile that surpassed everything and that Spock never grew tired of.
“However, I would suggest we postpone the matter until you are fully rested, Jim. You are still on medical leave, and for a good reason.”
Kirk could not deny that he felt fatigued, and that a long night full of restful sleep was a wonderful prospect. Spock however had not moved, and that brought an idea to Kirk’s mind.
“Would you be amenable to read something to me before I fall asleep, Spock? A story, perhaps about adventures from your youth…? Anything would do, as long as I can listen to your voice.”
Spock thought about it for a moment. He doubted that the ‘adventures from his youth’ would serve to have a soothing effect on Kirk, but he couldn’t find the resolve to leave the captain’s quarters when all he wished for was - to stay. Instead of an answer he started to undress, and soon realized much to his delight that Kirk was about to do the same.
Soon afterwards they were lying together in Kirk’s bed, again Spock had put one arm around his captain’s shoulders while with one hand he held up an ancient book he had taken from Kirk’s nightstand.
The night progressed, and Spock kept citing the adventures of Alice on her journey through a wondrous world, a book he had been fond of ever since his mother had read it to him when he was still a boy. It excited him that it also was one of Jim’s favorites so he had taken it with him when he got promoted to captain of this vessel.
Kirk had closed his eyes and only soft moans from time to time gave away the fact that he was indeed still listening to the beautiful voice of his lover. After a while he became aware that his attention had begun to falter and that sleep was about to take him over. One of his last coherent thoughts before he drifted off into the most peaceful sleep of his life was that Spock, reading to him in bed until he would doze off, surely was an act of pure love that was worthy to be added to their list.
He made a mental note to add it as no. 29.
The end