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It'll Be Different This Time by horrificaesthetic
Fandoms: The Heart Rate of a Mouse Series - Anna Green
25 Feb 2023
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Summary
“Look, Ryan,” she says after a second, clearly deciding to stop beating around the bush. “I’m sorry about… everything. God, I shouldn't have left you there, I know that. I was young and it was a mistake. I wish I hadn’t. Every day I wish I hadn’t done that to you.”
“Well, you did.” The line goes quiet again as she waits to see if I say anything else. I debate hanging up, but since we’re talking about it now I might as well ask what I wanted to ask. “Why?” My voice comes out more hurt than angry, and I hate that, but I try to ignore it, setting my jaw tighter like I’m bracing for something. I am, I guess. I’m bracing for a hit I know is coming. That’s pretty ironic, considering if she had taken me with her I might not be so good at that.
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I had this realization that Ryan's mom and half siblings are still out there somewhere, and I thought, "hey, that could be interesting! Maybe Ryan would want to talk to her now that he's older and his dad's gone." Then it got way longer and more emotional than I expected, and I took a few liberties with the characters, but whatever. Here's about 20,000 words of Ryan (and me, vicariously) unpacking some feelings about family.
Series