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They decided to stay in New York. Gregor and Lizzie were sent to school the first of November. Gregor was right about being different. Larry and Angelina noticed right away, asking questions at lunch. Gregor couldn't tell them the truth, they'd never believe him, so he worked out what to say in his head.
"I lost a friend," was all that came out instead. He could tell they doubted him. He would too if he were them. Gregor only hung out with them during school and had at least one sister with him outside of school. If he was going to make friends, it was going to be during school. And since none of the other kids had gone out of their way to befriend him, it was hard to believe he knew anyone else.
Luckily, they dropped it. Instead, they caught him up on everything that he missed. Their math teacher was going to have a baby, their science teacher got a puppy, and their English teacher was retiring. On top of that, he had a mountain of homework to do just to catch up. They laughed at his unhappy groan, and things clicked mostly back into place between them.
The rest of the school slowly started to notice the change in him. Gregor knew what they saw: he was quieter, twitchier, and lost in his head more often than not.
"I've got to act like how I used to be!" Gregor thought. The problem was that Gregor could no longer remember who he used to be before the war, before he even went to the Underland. He'd barely remembered he'd played the saxophone and liked science while he was healing in the hospital after killing the Bane.
A few kids had teased him about it, but he ignored them. He had Ripred's advice on repeat in his head during those moments, not wanting to hurt them. And he could too. He knew he could hurt them if he wasn't in control. Ripred had been right when he said Gregor's rager side wasn't magically gone. When the kids had started getting a little too close, a little too physical with Gregor, he felt the buzzing in his veins and vision fracturing. But by the time December rolled around, everyone had grown used to the new Gregor. No one teased him anymore, the teachers stopped asking if he was okay, and his friends didn't push him to tell them where he'd been.
Gregor's Christmas was quiet. They managed to afford a single present for each of them, but it was different when their grandmother was in the hospital. Gregor's thoughts kept going back to Luxa and the Underland. He wondered how they were doing, if they'd managed to keep the peace, if they missed him too. The day after Christmas, he managed to make it to Central Park and stood at the rock that led to the Underland. He ached to touch it, wanted to move it aside and go visit. But he couldn't.
When he returned, he spotted a roach on the landing of the second flight of stairs, the elevator was broken again, and he crouched down to get as close as possible.
"I couldn't do it," he said to it. Gregor almost felt silly for talking to a roach until he remembered they spoke to the Underland cockroaches--the crawlers. If this one made it to the crawlers to pass on the message, he hoped Luxa would understand. Gregor dragged himself up the rest of the stairs and into his apartment. He barely left his room.
School came and ended quickly for Gregor. He was able to wear shorts and a t-shirt by the time school let out thanks to the oil the Underlander's gave him for his scars. They were barely noticeable now. Only the scars on his chest were still visible, but he knew those scars would never go away. The Bane had left his mark in more than one way.
Once more, he stood at the rock to Regalia. Once more, he couldn't bring himself to go down even though he wanted to. This time, a rat met him on the third flight of stairs.
"I can't do it." Gregor couldn't stop his voice from cracking as the memories forced themselves to the surface for a moment before he shoved them back down. He focused on the rat again. "I'm not ready." He continued on his way to his apartment. He did his best to help his father watch Boots so Lizzie could get ready for camp. While she was still debating on whether or not she wanted to go, he knew it was best if she did. She didn't need to see him figure out how to live again.
Gregor was pulled into his first fight since returning when he was in ninth grade. A junior wanted to look cooler and thought Gregor was the perfect target. He was hanging out with Angelina and Larry at lunch when the junior and his friends came over to their table. Gregor had a bad feeling as they surrounded their table. This time, he let a little of his rager come through, allowing him to identify weak points of the older kids.
"I hear Gregor's scared of everything now. I hear he won't even put up a fight. Is that true?" the kid sneered. Gregor didn't respond, simply watched them inch closer. In the Underland, Gregor would have pulled his sword out the moment they came over; he remembered swinging at Lapblood and her army when he'd gone to kill the Bane. But he was in the Overland, and he needed to remember to hold back.
"Must be true Tom. Look at him. He's too scared to say anything," another kid mocked. They all laughed like a joke was told. Gregor briefly remembered how much Thalia loved jokes and felt his familiar sadness overtake his rager side. Until Tom shoved Larry into the table.
"Don't touch him!" Gregor commanded. Tom and his friends turned to him; Tom shoved Larry again. Gregor shot to his feet, knocking over his chair. "I said don't touch him!"
"Or what, Grego?" Tom jerked his head at his friends, and they immediately surrounded Gregor.
"Good," Gregor thought. "That should keep them away from my friends. Maybe they can get a teacher before it's too late."
"I asked you a question," Tom said. He shoved Gregor.
Gregor's vision splintered, and he tried to fight it. "If you touch me again, I won't be at fault for what happens to you." He finally let his rager side take over as he watched Tom clench his fists.
Tom laughed again and took a swing at him. Gregor dodged. All he could see were Tom and his friends, their weak spots, and the nothingness of everything else. Gregor had enough control to not use his full strength on them. When Gregor came back, he saw everyone in the cafeteria looking at him in shock; when he looked down, he saw Tom and his buddies bruised and bloody sprawled across the floor. But they were still alive, and that's all Gregor cared about. A teacher came rushing up and took Gregor to the office.
The next day was Saturday. Gregor talked to his mom about what happened, and she agreed with the decision he'd made last night. He stood in front of the rock that led back to Regalia. Instead of walking away, too depressed to move it and ashamed to be leaving, he pushed it open and hopped in. He closed it behind him and walked deeper into the tunnel. After his fight with the juniors and learning they were okay but severely injured, Gregor knew that he couldn't avoid it any longer if he didn't want to hurt anyone else. But it didn't matter that he couldn't avoid it anymore because it was time. He was ready.