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~~♡~~
One thing that was true about Marinette was that when she fell, she never did so quietly.
So when falling for Adrien happened in the rain with no fanfare, she knew this feeling was different. She knew it was absolutely meant to be. And nothing would stop her. Well at least nothing would stop her one day, once she’d figured out how to tell him her feelings.
Closing her eyes, Marinette listened to the sounds of Paris, of her parents below her chatting with customers, of the way her room stayed just shy of silent with small sounds just barely reaching her. It was a comfort as she nestled a bit deeper into her folded arms on her desk, enjoying the peace. It wasn’t often that she was given this luxury.
Tikki flew past her head before stopping short on her mission for crumbs. She looked Marinette over before a small smile came to her face. It was high time that Marinette had a day to herself. No Adrien, no akumas, no schoolwork. Just Marinette and Tikki with no sewing projects or new creative endeavors. The kwami followed Marinette’s lead and curled up near her head, the two sharing a soft sigh of contentment.
“Tikki? Do you ever get tired of being a kwami?”
“Huh? Why do you ask, Marinette?”
“I was just curious. I get tired of things all the time. Doing the same thing over and over gets so stressful sometimes.”
“Do you get tired of thinking about Adrien?”
Marinette moved her head to look towards Tikki and thought for a moment. For the most part, no. But then sometimes it was so frustrating to have feelings for someone who wouldn’t ever be in love with her. She had tried to put aside those thoughts, but it never seemed to work. Thinking about him sent her heart aflutter and she couldn’t help the way he made her think about her future with rose-tinted glasses. She wouldn’t change it for the world.
“No, I don’t think I do.”
“I think it’s kind of like that! I like helping you and all the other Ladybugs before you!”
Marinette nodded even as her mind wandered to Adrien again. The bittersweet way it tugged at her heartstrings had her imagining a different story for once. In this daydream she was brave enough to tell him that she loved him, confident enough to make sure he didn’t misunderstand or she didn’t mince her words.
When she told him, he accepted her feelings, but not right away. He asked to stay friends, asked to try it out. He worried about what his father would say and then listened to Marinette be kind when he said he was scared. She always would be. He fell for her in a different way than she fell for him. And she got to watch. She watched his friendly looks turn to more, and never once did he doubt her feelings for him. Marinette was secure and steady, the girl she really was when she had a black and red mask on. When she was hidden from the reality of other people.
The things she feared for in her normal life compared to her superhero life were so different, but sometimes she wished she could just be Ladybug. Ladybug was always confident enough to speak her mind. She was always ready with a plan and Chat Noir never let her forget how attractive he found her. It was something so sure and steady. She wanted to be Adrien’s Chat Noir. She wanted to be Ladybug. She wanted to be sure of herself.
Marinette blinked as if waking from a dream, finding Tikki chowing down on a macaroon as she watched some video on Marinette’s computer. It was nice like this. She was so cozy, so happy to just sit and play pretend. It was a kind of waking dream as she stood, moving to her window and opening it lazily. Paris lay before her from the window and she realized with a start that the lights around her were beginning to tick on like fireflies as the sun set. She smiled, shaking her head at herself for a moment. She had let the afternoon get away from her. Tomorrow was Sunday and she had a few things to do, but nothing that couldn’t wait a few more hours.
Her rational side told her that was a silly thing to do. She should be doing everything early to make sure her grades didn’t slip. After all, what would happen if someone was akumatized and she needed to save them? She would miss one assignment, one thing that could trigger a huge chain reaction. Her mind flashed to Chat Blanc and she felt her heart stop for a moment.
The memory always paralyzed her. Her memories of everything that had happened were fuzzy, surely for her own benefit, but she did remember her kitty, clothed in snow white against a clinically white sky, blue eyes begging her to love him again. All because she had made a mistake. Shaking her head, she tried to clear the thoughts ruining her good mood, but it was too late. Her kitty, heartbroken and ready to destroy everything for them to be together again. She would never doubt his love for her.
A part of her wanted to give into him, simply fall into a star crossed love with him so she could be the Ladybug that had him at the end of that timeline. Maybe it would take her mind away from Adrien. Maybe she could imagine some sort of future for herself and him if she tried her best to push her feelings for Adrien aside. A sigh left her lips as she looked out at the darkening streets of Paris.
No, that would never do for Chat Noir. He deserved to be someone’s first choice. And he would be some day. Chat Noir was so many girls’ dream guy. She was sure he wasn’t short of admirers. She was also sure that if she hadn’t set her sights on Adrien, he’d be pretty close to her type as well.
Resting her head on her arms again, she looked out at Paris and sighed again. Sometimes she wished life was less complicated. It was all something she thought about often but knew would do nothing to help her really. So for tonight, she enjoyed her daydreams and imagined different futures. After all, maybe one of them really could come true.
~~♡~~