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Dear Kayle,
Remember when we were little girls wandering through the forest surrounding our village? You would always find the tallest tree and attempt to climb it then try to get me to join you; though I was far more interested in collecting flowers and catching bugs. You were always brave and adventurous, while I was cowardly and weak. Because of that, you were very good at getting ourselves hurt and I vividly remember walking you back to father after you fell from a tree you had just scaled. You did that often, to the point that father wouldn’t be surprised when you came home covered in scrapes and bruises. It worried me to no end, of course, and I was scared that you would badly injure yourself one day; to the point where neither father nor I could help you. I would always cry when you got hurt and you would always comfort me, telling me that you were strong and nothing could ever truly hurt you - how ironic. I wished I could be as resilient as you but I was a crybaby. I would cry when father squished bugs and when I would accidentally spill the smallest amount of water. I would burst into tears when I saw an injured animal and I would try my best to help it. Do you remember that baby bird I found in the forest? It had fallen from its nest and was in a terrible state, so I had brought it home and gotten father to look at it. He told me that it most likely wouldn’t make it through the night but I refused to listen to him. I hand-fed that bird, gently held it as I cleaned the blood from its feathers and made sure that it was comfortable. Unfortunately, father was right and I woke the next morning to find it dead. I was distraught as father buried the bird in our garden but you were there to console me and tell me that everything would be ok. I miss those days… I miss the old you.
Because I was a sensitive child you were fiercely protective of me. You would always make sure that I was safe and comfortable, protecting me from any potential threats. There was a time when we had gone for a walk along the river and had stopped to play in the water. I had sat on the river’s edge as I tried to find fish and various other aquatic life when a group of boys approached us. Their attention was focused on me since I was closer to them than you were. I never understood their actions that day but I cannot fault them as they were just children - stupid children. They shoved me into the river and began to pelt mud at me while they laughed hysterically. I didn’t fight back because I was scared, I was too afraid to raise a hand in retaliation so I took harassment. You, on the other hand, were never afraid to fight. So I watched as you grabbed the biggest stick you could before whaling on those boys with it. You were unrelenting in your pursuit of justice and you showed them no mercy, even when they were in tears and begging for you to stop. It was shocking to witness though I felt a sense of happiness as you, my sister, was more than willing to protect me. You made up for my cowardice by being courageous in the face of danger. Your attack against those boys didn’t go unnoticed by the village since they whined to their parents about it. They made it seem like you struck them for no reason and did it purely for your own sick, twisted satisfaction. It was a lie and father thankfully believed us when we recounted our side of the story since we rarely lied at all. The event tarnished your reputation amongst the villager but you couldn’t care less because all you cared about was keeping me safe.
As we grew older, I became more confident and self-assured so you didn’t have to always be by my side when something went wrong. You became very social and had grown to have a sizable circle of friends but you would always make sure to include me because you knew that I struggled to socialise. You’d make sure that everyone was being nice to me and ensure that I was having fun with whatever you guys were doing. It was a fun time and I gradually befriended them all which made you very happy. I enjoyed those days and I wished they could have lasted longer, but that fateful day occurred. The day when we came into possession of mother’s swords - the day that I lost you. I had hoped that us taking up her weapons wouldn’t change anything… but I was comically wrong. I could only watch in horror as you transformed into a person I no longer recognised. You became more distant and I struggled to reach you as you rarely associated yourself with me. The crowd that you surrounded yourself with were different to our old friends, much too different for me to like. That night when we saved all of those people was the night I watched my sister die. Your mind became twisted as you rallied judicators to help you in enforcing justice upon the people of our village. You became obsessed with that stupid thing you called ‘justice’. You wanted to be just like mother and it destroyed me inside. They hailed you as a hero, a protector, and you let all of the praise get to your head. You grew extreme in your ideologies and methods as you believed in absolute justice. Justice this, justice that; it was all you cared about and it became your entire life.
You weren’t the girl that I grew up with. You weren’t the girl who would climb trees and get scratched by bark. You weren’t the girl who would take interest in the items I collected and the animals I saved. You weren't my sister anymore. You were a… thing. A thing made only to punish criminals and exact the law. Though you weren’t merciful, I guess I should’ve seen that coming, and you punished everybody - no matter how small their crime. I protested your behaviour in an attempt to convince you that not all criminals deserved the treatment you gave them. These people could be forgiven, they could be rehabilitated and their beings restored. While you were against my methods, you allowed me to go about helping people and redeeming criminals. For a while, we were able to exist in peace as we did our jobs. You and your followers enacted retributive justice while I focused on restoring the lives of criminals while also ensuring that they received punishment - though not to the extent you did. That was until one day, one of your disciples attempted to arrest me. All because I didn't follow your way of enacting justice, because I didn't want to kill every criminal in our village. That was unacceptable to him and he attacked me so I defended myself. I did what anyone would have done in such a situation! What was I supposed to do, stand there and let him take me away? If you were in my shoes then you would have retaliated, you would have killed him to preserve yourself! I had tried to explain that to you, the fact that I didn't kill your disciple because I wanted to but because I was defending myself; but my words fell deaf as you were enraged by my actions. You wanted to fight me… so I fought back.
I guess what they say is true, that only those you love can break your heart. I didn’t want to fight you. I didn’t want to strike you down because I adored you. You were my sister, the one who would always be by my side; the one who would always protect and help me no matter what. I was ignorant to think such whimsical things. Our fight was vicious, but it had come to an abrupt end once I heard father’s cries of anguish. Because of our battle, our stupid battle, he had been mortally wounded. I cradled him as he lay in pain, slowly dying from his injuries. I soothed and comforted him in his final moments but you, you just stood there. You stood and watched as he took his last breath and you didn’t do anything. You didn’t say a single word, you didn’t embrace him, you didn’t apologise and you stood frozen - emotionless. I remember screaming at you, cursing you out and saying the most heinous things. I was wracked by grief, anger and resentment… it felt as if every negative emotion coursed through my entire being. I wanted you to suffer, I wanted you to feel the pain that I felt and I wanted your heart to break just like mine did. Though, I guess you truly never had a heart because you ran. You ran from your mistakes like a coward. The one who was meant to be courageous and outgoing fled from what was mostly her fault. You couldn’t admit that you were partially to blame for father’s death. You couldn’t take responsibility for your actions and instead placed blame on your emotions; saying that because you let your rage consume you you lost control and tried to kill me. But you need to embrace your mistakes, you need to feel pain for what you did. Kayle, you cannot run from your darkness forever - I’ll make sure of it.
My heart still beats, long after you broke it. I continue to walk the earth, shackled to the ground as I bear the weight of my anguish and torment. But I do not let my mistakes nor my suffering stop me, instead, I wield my pain as a weapon. My past made me who I am today and I will never forget that. I will never forget that fateful day as the wounds from your sword still feel fresh on my body. While you cauterised the wounds you sustained from fighting me, mine remain - and they continue to ache. I can still feel your blade slicing through my skin, the searing and agonising pain you inflicted upon me. The feeling of my blood dripping down my arms and body as you relentlessly attacked me. I had never felt more alive in my entire life than when I fought you because nothing makes me feel more alive than knowing I could die any second. You would never understand that feeling because you don’t feel anymore. You don’t want to feel anything, whether that be pain or happiness. All you want to do is enact justice and nothing else. A miserable existence. Do you not see the beauty in mortality? How divine it is to embrace your darkness and forge your path with every step you take? There is so much more to life, you need to open your eyes sister. Let me walk the earth with you as we did as children, and feel the ground fracture beneath your feet. Know what it is like to fall just as I did; so that you may continue to persist even when faced with failure. Embrace your flaws and imperfections as no being can truly be perfect. Your flaws make you beautiful… they make you human.
Kayle, I want to see you again. It’s strange of me to want such a thing, right? I should hate you and everything that you stand for but I cannot find it in my heart to despise you. I know I’m soft and I let my emotions get the better of me; that’s a part of me that will never change no matter how many years pass. I don’t think I could ever truly hate you since I love you so much. Maybe I’m far too attached to who you used to be and how you were in our childhood - a more ideal version of you. I… I don’t fully accept who you are today. I wish that you would return to the person you were before you wielded mother’s swords, but I know that that is both impossible and selfish of me to request. Perhaps you are happy with who you are now, I wouldn’t know, but what I do know is that I still care about you. I’ve had so much time to reflect upon myself and think. I’ve been alone for all of these years and I find myself missing your presence. I want to be able to talk to you again, to walk through the forest and collect pretty rocks to decorate our bedroom with. I don’t want to be alone anymore and maybe you feel the same. Both of us are lonely because there is nobody else like us. Neither of us will find somebody who can empathise with us, someone who can truly understand what we are and what we’ve been through. I want to tell you so many things, Kayle. I have so many stories and ideas and I think you’d like to hear them. Such as the multiple times I tried to cut off my wings. Did you know about that? I hated my powers so much that I tried to sever my wings in hope that I could finally be free… but no blade was ever strong enough.
I resorted to chaining them in pure iron so that I could never use them; so that I would be forced to walk just like mortals. I’ve spent so much time amongst mortals that I came to adore them. Their lives are so beautiful, so exciting. It reminds me of when we were children, helping father carry wood home so that we could stay warm in winter and tending to the garden so that we would have food. Something so simple and mundane yet so fun. I want to care for a small garden with you Kayle. Plant fruits and vegetables and nurture them as they grow into something edible. Wouldn’t that be fun? Do you remember going to the market and spending the money we earned from doing chores? You’d always try to convince the blacksmith to sell you daggers and other small blades but he’d always refuse because he couldn’t sell weapons to a kid. I’d have to listen to you whine about how unfair it was that you weren’t allowed to buy weapons and I’d always laugh since I found it utterly ridiculous. So, to make you feel better, I would spend my money on your favourite pastries and you would just inhale them, causing your face to be dirtied by jam and pastry flakes. I didn’t mind spending my money to make you happy since if you were happy, I was happy. I would like to go to a market with you and buy frivolous things, and you’d finally be able to buy the weapons you want. I just want us to have a relationship again, to be sisters once more. Is that something you would want? Would you want to spend time with me and perhaps live under the same roof? I know that I would.
I don’t know if this letter will reach you and if it does if you’ll even read it since you probably don’t want anything to do with me or anything that is associated with me. But if by some miracle it does, I want you to seriously consider my offer as well as my feelings - I want you to contemplate seeing me again. I want to talk to you, tell you about my life and my interests and I’d like to hear about your life; all of the things you’ve done and the people you’ve met. I don’t want us to feel like strangers, I want us to feel like sisters. I love you Kayle, more than you could ever know. You’re the only other person I have left and I can’t stand not being able to be with you. I’ll always care about you and cherish you no matter what happens. I just wanted you to know that since you might’ve not gotten that impression the last time we talked. I understand if you don’t share the same sentiment and it’s fine if you don’t - so long as I can be honest with you. I don’t want to force or guilt you into seeing me and you can decide what to do with this letter as well as its contents. I wonder if you’ll write a reply to me after reading this or if you’ll simply throw this letter away. I don’t really care what you do with this, but if you read it and come to make a decision then that would make me very happy. If you wish to reunite then I shall be not far from home, hidden away so that the mortals cannot find me. I shall await your response - I’ll always wait for you, Kayle.
Love, Morgana.