Chapter Text
‘’Mom, why can’t you give me a hug? All mom’s give their children hugs, why don't you? Do you not love me mom?’’
A lady in her mid 40s comes closer but not close enough to hug her child. Tears glide down her cheeks as she restricts herself from touching the boy. She is hurt and it shows on every inch of her tired features. ‘’You know we can’t, son.’’ She wipes her tears with the handkerchief she had tucked into the waistbands of her skirt. ‘’It is going to hurt very much when mommy will touch you dear.’’
‘’I don’t care!’’ The boy wails. He is hurt, eyes filled to the brim with tears and a look so devastating, it may or may not have broken the poor woman’s heart into a million pieces.
‘’I just want to feel you for once..’’
The boy comes closer, arms stretching and grasping in front of him, desperately trying to touch his mother, but the lady hastily scrambles backwards, her eyes watching in fear as her son still tries to come closer. He only stills in his tracks when she shouts at him in a tone so harsh and cold, so fierce, that it has him falling back.
‘’Don’t come closer, Min Yoongi!’’
Yoongi wakes up. His eyes fly open and his body sits up automatically. He is panting as if he just ran a marathon, chest heaving and sweat uncomfortably sticking to his skin. But he is not as scared as he was back then, having gotten used to these horrible memories being played in front of his sleeping eyes for almost every day.
Nevertheless, he can feel the familiar sweat prickling his forehead and his heartbeat beating in his throat, can feel his blood furiously pumping through his veins and can feel the ace the memory brings to his heart.
It remains an unpleasant occurrence and almost feels like another curse he can't get rid off, and just like the first one, it didn’t take long before he learned to live with this one too.
The orange sun rays find their way through his curtains and dimly light up his room. The clock tells him he is late, while his body tells him it's too early. The market closes in an hour and he comes to the devastating discovery that he doesn't have food left for breakfast.
After hastily, but reluctantly, brushing his teeth and combing his hair, he puts on one of his two beige pantalons and a white shirt that he actually had to wash. He should have washed it after having worked in his friend's garden, but alas, it is not as if he isn't already looked at anyway.
The streets of Paunoseu Village are crowded when he steps out of his door. Dozen of eyes linger on him as he walks towards the market; they watch his every move, criticize his very steps and judge his appearance from head to toe. And even though the whispering had lessened over the years, the suffocating feeling never went away.
He has learned how to deal with them though. He had to.
‘’Good morning ms. Mae.’’
An old woman in her 70s, who is part of one of the gossip circles, raises her eyebrow and sneers at him. Her face may be wrinkled and close to the ones who will meet death soon, but her eyes have remained fierce throughout the years he has known her. The hatred in her eyes not once lessened.
Yoongi smiles back. ‘’Polite as ever.’’
It only gets worse the closer he gets to the stalls, the amount of people surrounding him doubling, but it is okay, he tells himself as he takes a deep breath, nothing he can’t handle.
“Stupid people with their stupid opinions.” He grumbles under his breath.
He walks between people he has seen his whole life but doesn’t know a single thing about. Apart from their names and their occupation, which he discovered himself, mind you. No one had ever made the effort to introduce themselves, never bothered to get to know him, so logically he didn't either.
Namjoon was the only exception.
He looks in his pocket for money and fishes out five coins which is enough for some bread and milk. As he is buying his breakfast, he makes a mental note to ask his friend if he has more work for him.
When finished, he walks towards his friend’s stall. He doesn't even have to look, the scent of different flowers and herbs already leading him to where he needs to be.
‘’Yoongi, friend! Good morning!’’
A boy with a straw hat on his head looks up from what he was doing and enthusiastically waves his hand to beckon Yoongi towards him. His unevenly cut hair falls messily before his eyes, but the smile that stretches widely across his face makes up for it. The white shirt he is wearing is dirtied, letting him know that his friend was busy in the garden.
‘’It's too early for that much enthusiasm, Joon-ah.’’
His friend laughs as he leads him to the back, skipping in his steps out of excitement.
Namjoon is one of the few, if not the only one who have acknowledged his presence. Who looked at him as a fellow human instead of a freak; talked to him, made (lame) jokes and was actually interested in him as a person then some people who were merely interested in him because of his curse.
Namjoon lets his little brother take over the stall for a bit, before he turns his attention on Yoongi again. ‘’I have something for you.’’ He whispers. Something glistens in his eyes as he says it and Yoongi is both intrigued and scared as to what that means. He leads them to his own little garden at the back of his house. Surrounded with nature and her flowers Yoongi instantly feels a lot lighter. There is one thing he dearly loves, and that is flowers. He could spend an eternity just laying in a beautiful flower field, admiring their shapes and colors, inhaling their sweet scent and welcoming that calm and serene feeling.
Unfortunately he can’t touch them.
His friend doesn't miss the sparkle in his eyes as he watches the same flowers he looks at every day. “You don’t change don’t you?” Yoongi scoffs, but smiles nonetheless. “I don’t see why I should.”
Namjoon gives him an unnecessary fist bump against his shoulder before he walks away. Yoongi follows him swiftly, his gaze wandering to the apple blossoms in the tree. He is happy that he doesn’t have to physically restrict himself from touching them as they safely bloom up high in the tree. Nevertheless he brings his hands behind his back as he walks by all the other blooming flowers around him. Even with the urge to touch their soft petals, he would never dare to burn a living flower again.
It’s a horrible feeling; to watch how something so beautiful and so lovely burns up in flames and dies, the colors fading and turning black only by a touch of his finger. No. It’s a feeling he doesn't even want to wish upon his worst enemy.
Except one person.
Yoongi hopes every day that the one who gave him this curse will suffer just as bad as him.
“Don’t just stand there! Come one!” Namjoon literally pulls him out of his thoughts by dragging him by his jacket. “Are you not interested in what I have to give you?”
“Of course I am and you know that.” He retorts with a scoff. Namjoon should know by now that Yoongi would do everything for him. Would do everything for his best friend, his only friend.
Namjoon chuckles and brings his hand in Yoongi’s green locks, ruffling the just combed hair. ‘’I know..’’ He pauses. ‘’Flower Boy.’’
Yoongi lets out an annoyed sound from the back of his throat. ‘’Don’t call me that.’’ He whines, even though he knows that Namjoon would never drop the nickname. ‘’It’s cute. It suits you.’’ Yoongi begs to differ.
‘’So, your gift!’’ Namjoon says to change the topic, walking into his own little barn his father built for him. It’s a bit dark inside, some sun rays managing to spill through the cracks in the wall and the smell of herbs and rich soil fill his nostrils. The boy rummages through what looks like a very old big chest. ‘’It’s somewhere here!’’ He huffs out, trying to find the gift in between all the other stuff. Yoongi patiently waits behind him, curious as to what his friend wants to give him.
‘’Aah here it is!’’ Triumphantly Namjoon grabs a book out of the box and blows the formed dust off. ‘’I found it on the streets,’’ He explains. ‘’It doesn't look pretty to me, but there was just something alluring to it. I was not wrong, because when I flipped through the pages I found out it was about flowers!’’
‘’Oh really?’’ Yoongi asks as his friend shows him a page of the book. It is illustrated with different kinds of flowers, but as he scans his eyes over the words he realizes that he can’t read them. ‘’Which language is this?’’ He asks. Namjoon just shrugs his shoulders, not knowing the answer either.
Yoongi takes the book from Namjoon's hands. By the looks of it it is really old. The pages are withered and the smell is a bit musty and although it looked like the book had to withstand hell and back, the words and the illustrations remained intact as if they were just written.
‘’I thought you would like it.’’ Namjoon says as he looks over his shoulder. Yoongi clasps the book shut and turns around with a raised eyebrow.
‘’Let me guess, because of the flowers?’’
A cheeky grin appears on Namjoon's face. ‘’A book about flowers for a flower boy, a perfect match if I must say so myself.’’
Yoongi laughs. He allows himself to give in for just a moment. Namjoon is the reason he still thinks that the Gods don't hate him completely. He is not cursed by the Gods, like many people have told him, because if Zeus really hated him, he would have wanted Yoongi to live a miserable life, a life that knows no joy nor happiness.
It’s in the small things that he gets out of his dark hole even if it is just for a bit. When Namjoon makes him laugh, he feels it. Happiness. Of course the feeling doesn’t last forever, but he is blessed that he at least got the chance to feel it. It’s temporary happiness, but he will take it nonetheless.
‘’Do you want a hug?’’ His friend asks.
But at times like this where he can't even do a simple thing such as hugging someone back and feeling their warmth on his own skin, the world shatters in front of him and he gets sucked into that dark hole again. It's at times like this where he is reminded of what he can't and never will be able to do.
Yoongi wants to say no. Wants Namjoon to stay away, just how his mother stayed away from him, but his friend looks past the wall he build around himself and comes forward, enveloping him in a big warm hug. He knows the glove he is wearing will prevent him from hurting Namjoon, but he still doesn't hug him back, leaving them hanging stiffly beside his body.
‘’Thank you for the gift, Namjoon-ah.’’ He croaks out, a bit awkwardly. Namjoon chuckles right beside his ear and hugs him even tighter. ‘’You’re welcome.’’
Yoongi believes that hugging Namjoon back will feel exactly like the soft petals of a flower.
~~~
When he gets home, he places the book on the kitchen table and begins preparing dinner. Namjoon had given him new herbs and he couldn’t wait to use them, so after setting a pot of water on the stove, he started cutting up the mushroom he got from his friend. Namjoon had wanted to give him more (like always) but he couldn’t accept the gesture, it’s already a big deal that Namjoon gives him enough to live from.
It sucks to not have a job and to be dependent on others. He is grateful for Namjoon's generosity, but oh, how he wishes to repay him. Someday.
He decides to no longer dwell on those thoughts anymore, focusing his attention on the soup he is making. When he is done he sprinkles the fresh parsley from Namjoon on top and pours it in a little bowl. Maybe if he wasn’t so focused on the soup, Yoongi would have noticed the weird glow on the book beside him.
~~~
Yoongi is definitely sick of his life.
He doesn't want to repeat his everyday routine anymore. He doesn't want to wake up after having the same damn nightmare, doesn't want to endure all the stares and comments from the villagers and he is really, really sick of being so alone (Namjoon not included).
It’s not like he hasn't been alone for a big part of his life, but constantly being confronted with everyone and their families, it’s bound to hurt. He doesn’t have a family, no mother, no father, no siblings and not even a pet. He's all alone in a house far too big for him, sleeps in a bed too cold and eats everyday at a table where a family is supposed to sit around.
He has thought about moving to another village, but it's not guaranteed he will find a house and work there either. Who knows if the tale of the cursed boy has spread wider than only his village. Who knows how many more stares he has to endure when he moves. He doesn't think he can handle that. Plus a big reason he decides on staying is because of Namjoon of course.
Talking about Namjoon…
‘’Where did I leave the book?’’ He mumbles, first searching in his room, before he spots it laying on the table when he enters the kitchen. He takes a seat and picks it up. Although he tries to. It seems like the book has gained more pounds and is glued to the table.
‘’Huh?’’
Thinking he might be hallucinating, Yoongi tries it again, first with one hand and then with two. With might and mane, he tries to pick it up, but with no luck. ‘’What the hell.’’ He can still turn the pages of the book, but lifting it as a whole seems to be impossible.
When he wants to go for a second round, knocking on his front door catches his attention. His eyebrows furrow in complete confusion. Which is justifiably so, as no one and literally no one has ever knocked on his front door. He lives pretty deserted from the rest and not even Namjoon is allowed to go to him because of his parents..
Yoongi completely forgets about the book and grabs a knife out of the drawer. Is it finally happening? Is someone finally going to take his life, because of that damned curse?
Another series of knocks and then a voice; ‘’I know you are in there.’’
Yoongi goes into a fight position and extends his hand which is holding the knife. He is definitely not going to open the door himself, but based on the tone of the stranger, he is sure he isn't going to take no for an answer. He steps back, prepares himself for his door getting busted open and has to refrain his jaw from falling on the floor when his lock magically gets turned and his door calmly swings open.
‘’What?’’
In front of him stands a man. The way he is dressed is not how typical locals would dress, maybe rich men, who would drop by to invest in something, but that too, happened rarely. He has never seen him in the village before.
The stranger walks past the threshold into his house and Yoongi almost forgets that he has to attack the intruder. The other’s indescribable aura catching him off guard. His attire is quite simple but yet intimidating, with his brown leather cloak, matched with gloves made of the same material, the man almost looks not human to him.
Yoongi shakes his head and looks into the intruder's brown eyes; ‘’Stay back! Don’t you dare come closer!’’ He shouts, stepping forward while pointing his knife towards the other. He tries to ignore the way the stranger looks rather amused than scared. The man is calm when he moves forward, as if he isn't even aware of the knife that is pointed at him.
‘’Get out of my house!’’
‘’Not before I get back what is mine.’’ The man's voice is calm and collected, but still full of authority. Yoongi should be scared, but he is angry instead. How dare he, a stranger nonetheless, treat him like this?
‘’How dare you come into my house and demand something I don't even have!’’ He shouts, taking off the glove of his right hand as he comes forward and pushes the intruder back against the door. A sizzling sound followed by the hissing of the man fills his house and Yoongi breathes heavily when he retracts. His palm glows a dark and painful red. He gasps when he sees that he burned a hole in the man’s cloak. A glowing red wound is what remains on the man’s skin and Yoongi almost feels bad.
‘’Interesting.’’ Is the only response he gets, before only with the swirl of his fingers near the burned skin the wound suddenly heals and disappears.
Yoongi is dumbstruck. ‘’What are you?! How- how did you do that?’’
The man snickers in amusement at Yoongi's confusion. His laugh somewhat lightens up the tense mood, but it still doesn't make anything better. Not when he is still standing in his house.
‘’I am sorry. I shouldn’t have barged into your home like this.’’
‘’What are you?!’’
‘’Auch, you mean who. I am SeokJin, I am a mage.’’
‘’A mage?’’ Yoongi repeats, a bit lost. He sees how SeokJin begins to laugh. Now it’s not pleasant, but unsettling. Especially when the mage snaps with his finger and completely disappears before his eyes. It takes a few seconds for Yoongi's brain to comprehend what just happened and when he is done processing, a tick on his shoulder makes him jump out of his skin.
‘’By Zeus!''
‘’Gotcha.’’ Seokjin laughs. Clutching his stomach at his successful attempt to scare the other. Yoongi just grows more angrily, especially at the childishness of the other to think that is appropriate to do that to the resident of the house he just barged into.
‘’This is so not funny. When I catch I will make sure I burn you more properly.’’ He lashes out with his knife again and instead of cutting the mage in the face, his knife just slashes into air. Seokjin reappears back with a safe distance between them and as if he isn't just threatened with death, walks into his kitchen.
After just a couple of seconds, Yoongi hears him triumphantly exclaim in joy. ‘’Aha! Here you are.’’ Yoongi cannot remember having something in his house which could belong to the man.
‘’What are you- hey! That’s mine.’’ He wants to grab the book out of Seokjin's hand, but fails. ‘’That's not yours.’’ The man retorts with a raise of his eyebrow. ‘’My friend gifted it to me.’’ He explains as he tries again to snatch Namjoon's book out of Seokjin’s iron grip, (without success).
He gives up and angrily takes a seat at the table. As if his day couldn’t get any shittier, an insufferable mage is now taking his flower book away from him.
‘’Are you okay?’’ Seokjin asks. It sounds like a genuine question as if he is really concerned. Yoongi looks up and sees how the man has taken a seat at his table too. ‘’hemp, yeah, totally fine.'’ Seokjin laughs. ‘’I take that as a no.'' Yoongi just huffs, turning his body away from the other. Let him take it. Just like everything else has been taken from you.
''I am sorry, but this is an important book and I need it back.’’ Seokjn’s voice is still steady and firm, but Yoongi can slightly hear the uncertainty in it. He just makes an affirmative sound without looking behind him and continues with his sulking, because sadly that's the only thing he can do best. Sulking about his life.
‘’Can you just go, take your book and leave me alone.’’
‘’I had heard about the boy with palms of fire, but I didn't know you were actually real.’’
At that, Yoongi slowly turns his body back around. Seokjin sees it as his cue to continue. ‘’A family of killers, cursed to kill now everything they touch. How ironic.’’
He frowns at the statement and looks up at him. ‘’Killers? My family didn’t kill.’’
The entitled look on Seokjin’s face falters and for the first time he sees something akin to pity swimming in his eyes. He hates it when people look at him like that.
‘’Did you parents never tell you?’’
‘’Tell me what?’’ His voice gets louder and he feels himself growing irritated again.
‘’Where are your parents?’’ The mage asks instead.
Yoongi lowers his gaze at the question. ‘’They are dead. My father when I was just 11 and my mother a few days before I turned 18. Honestly, I don't remember much about them.’’
‘’I am sorry. I didn’t know.’’ The mage stands up with the book in his hands. ‘’I should go.’’
‘’Huh, wait!’’ He shouts. ‘’You didn't explain anything to me yet!’’ Yoongi also gets out of his chair and stands in front of the other to block his way. ‘’You didn't tell me about the book and you didn’t tell me about my parents. I have the right to know!’’
Seokjin sighs and looks at his book, letting his fingers grace the centuries old bundle of power and wisdom. ‘’This is my spellbook. I lost it when I was traveling.’’
‘’And about your parents, I don’t think I have the right to tell you.’’
Yoongi’s expressions harden. ‘’But I have the right to know.’’
‘’You have, but I am not the one to tell you.’’
‘’Then who is going to tell me?’’ He exclaims desperately. He is so tired, tired of being cursed, tired of not knowing why and tired of not being able to live like a normal person. He just wants answers, is that so much to ask?
‘’Seokjin, just tell me. Please!’’ Yoongi begs him, but the mage does not give a kick. Just looks at him with that same pity in his eyes. A tear glides down Yoongi's cheeks, while he tries to fight the rest back. ‘’I just want to touch a blooming flower without it dying in my hold!’’ He wails. ‘’I just want to hug my friend, without the fear of me burning him alive. Please..I.. please just help me..’’
There, he said it. He finally said it. He never asked someone that. Not even Namjoon, so he doesn't know why he said it now, doesn't know why he thinks a mere stranger could help him. It’s so dumb. He is so dumb. He has been over this for so many years already, he.. He..
‘’Maybe I can help you.’’
Yoongi perks up and quickly wipes away his tears. ‘’Are you going to tell me about my parents?’’
He sounds so hopeful, it is almost making Seokjin sad for his answer. ‘’No.’’
‘’Huh?’’
‘’Just listen,’’ he reassures quickly. ‘’ I might know how to lift your curse.’’
He must be looking like a flabbergasted child to him. ‘’Are you going to do magic on me?’’
The mage quickly shakes his head. ‘’No, not me.’’ He calmly explains, not wanting the other to start crying or being angry again.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“I don’t know how much you know about curses..” SeokJin begins. “Not much.” Yoongi mutters, his voice quiet now in comparison to a couple of minutes ago. “But I must tell you that only the one who curses can lift it.”
“Great.” Yoongi huffs out. “That brings me back to zero again, because I know nothing about this curse. My mother never dared to tell me.”
SeokJin has the audacity to smile and Yoongi feels himself getting angry again, although he knows it will be pointless against a mage. “You are a pessimist aren’t you?” Yoongi slightly looks up and scoffs at the accusation. “I am just realistic.”
“And what is your reality, Yoongi?”
Yoongi thinks about it. He traces his steps throughout the day and thinks. First the familiar nightmare, then the knowing stares and after being with his friend which had given him a little bit of happiness, he went back home, where he is for the remainder of the day alone.
“Lonely.” He answers. “My reality is very lonely.”
SeokJin’s gaze falters to where he is fidgeting with the ripped material of his trousers. Yoongi knows he is observing him. Judging. He has learned not to care though.
“How can you help me, SeokJin?” He finally asks to break the unsettling awkwardness that crept into the air surrounding them.
“By pointing you to the right direction Yoongi and by giving you this.” The mage swirls his hand in a circling movement and where at one moment nothing resides in between his fingers, the next moment a brown wooden box floats in the air, to which it finally lands in the man’s grip.
“Here.” SeokJin brings his hand forward and opens his fingers to disclose the box in his hand now resting on his palm for Yoongi to take. “What is it?” He asks in disbelief, still processing how the object just appeared out of thin air. “It’s a compass. A special one.” “I am not following..'' “Yoongi, this may seem lame for me to say, but you have to do all the work as this compass only shows you the route to the thing you want the most in the world.”
“So it leads me to the thing I desire the most?” He repeats to himself. SeokJin nods his head and smiles, happy that the other understands its function. “Close your eyes and think about what you want the most. In this case finding the way to the person who can lift the curse.”
Yoongi opens the compass and looks at the needle, before listening to the mage and closing his eyes. He tries to clear his head from all unnecessary thoughts and only forces himself to think about his only goal. Finding the bastard who did this to him.
He thinks and thinks and only opens his eyes in anticipation when he hears the mage emit a low sound of surprise. His lashes flutter open and he looks down at the compass and sees that the needle has shifted from its place and is pointing to another direction.
“Are you sure this works?” Still a little wary about everything that is happening right now.
A lopsided smile forms on the mage’s face. “A hundred percent.”
~~~
Using a magic compass is not something Yoongi has ever thought he would be doing.
‘’Good luck, Yoongi. May you find your answers.’' SeokJin said as last before he walked out the door.
Yoongi had stormed out of the door as well, wanting more answers to all the questions racing through his mind, but the mage was already gone, probably disappeared with the snap of his fingers and he had been left in the middle of the street with only the compass left in his hand.
He looks down at the mage’s gift in his hand and can’t help the shudder that runs through his body. Am I finally going to get my answers?
It feels surreal, how this compass can bring him the peace he always had desired. And although he isn't sure if this will work, he is happy that with this, he at least has been given a chance, a chance to fix his life. But he realizes that it isn't as simple as it sounds, for he has to first use the compass correctly and has to confront the one who did this to him.
He tightens his grip on the compass and lets out a shuddering breath. It is time. He turns on his heels towards the market, because it is time to leave, but not without informing his friend.
When he arrives in front of Namjoon's house, he hesitates to knock on the door. He is not welcome here, not here, not anywhere. Still, he raises his fist, determined to knock in favor of his friend, but halts midways when he hears heavy footsteps approaching him from behind.
As he turns around, the footsteps have been stopped and he faces Namjoon's father. A broad man, towering over him and muscles flexing underneath his dirty shirt. Yoongi tentatively takes a step back, the intimidating aura of the man almost suffocating him.
‘’Min Yoongi.’’ Namjoon’s father grits through his teeth.
Yoongi’s stomach churns at that, he had never liked the way the other always uttered his name, disgust dripping from his very tongue. ‘’M-mister Kim.’’
‘’What are you doing on my property?!’’ He interrupts, making Yoongi flinch in his place by the tone of his voice.
‘’I-’’
‘’Answer me!’’ He cuts in once again. Frustration marries his features and Yoongi feels his heart beating very uncomfortably against his ribcage. His head hurts and he doesn't want to hear the other shout at him again. ‘’I- I am sorry. I am going.’’ He squeaks out in fear.
Mr. Kim continues to glare at him, eyes so full of hatred, that even in the darkness of the alley that they are in, Yoongi can clearly see the fire in his eyes. Fire perhaps even stronger than his own.
With his head hanging low, gaze stuck at the rocky ground beneath his soles, Yoongi walks away. His heart sinks to the pit of his stomach at the thought of his friend. His teeth grazes his underlip painfully and when he bites in it, he feels the skin break and the blood threatening to spill out. It hurts. It hurts so much.
‘’Yoongi!’’
A hand places itself on his shoulder. Its familiar warmth creeps into the fabric of his shirt and into his skin. Yoongi turns around and faces his friend. His friend whose fierce eyes look at him as to tell him to wait and the grip that his hand has on his shoulder is telling him to stop.
‘’Kim Namjoon, get away from this freak!’’ The fury in Namjoon's eyes may even be even more fierce than the one he had seen in his father.
‘’How many times do I have to tell you he is not a freak!’’ Namjoon bites back, eyebrows knitted together and balled fists shaking beside his body.
‘’Let it be..’’ Yoongi murmurs to his friend, not wanting father and son to argue over him, someone who isn't worth arguing for. ‘’No.’’ Is the immediate response and Yoongi should have known.
‘’I am leaving.’’
The words just escape his lips without him trying to and for a split moment Namjoon's eyes go round again and his eyebrows up in confusion.
‘’What? Where are you going?’’
‘’Ha! Finally!’’ He hears Namjoon's father say from behind, but his focus is now on his friend, his friend who stood by his side since he was left alone in the world.
‘’What do you mean?’’ Tears prickle at the back of his eyes when he meets Namjoon’s.
‘’I have to go.’’
‘’To where?’’ Namjoon breaths out, hands finding his biceps.
‘’To find the truth. To find out why I am the way I am and who did this to me.’’
It’s harder than he had thought it would be, a tear managed to escape as he keeps looking at Namjoon and his heart aches when his friend says the words he didn't want him to say.
‘’Then I am going with you.’’
‘’No.’’ He weakly protests. ‘’You can’t.’’
‘’Why can’t I? Why can’t I go with you? Why can't I accompany my friend on such an important journey?’’
‘’Because I will not drag you with me in my mess! I don’t know what lies ahead of me, what kind of dangers I have to encounter, so no, you can't go with me. You are my only friend and I want you to stay here safely till I return.’’
Namjoon casts his eyes away from him, gaze lowering and his fists painfully clenching, the veins running underneath the skin popping out. ‘’You are my only friend too,’’ He huffs out. ‘’How can I let you go so easily?’’
As if all the anger had seepened out of his body, Namjoon's features only show him how drained and tired he is and Yoongi feels a pang in his heart and a lump in his throat at the scene in front of him. But no matter how much he wants him to accompany him in his journey, he knows he can’t, for Namjoon’s life is worth more than his will ever be.
A loud rumble suddenly erupts from the sky and shakes the very ground they are standing on before the dark clouds he hadn’t paid attention to break open and release all of their tears.
‘’Come on son, let’s go inside!’’ Namjoon’s father speaks up as he opens the door to their home, but Namjoon stays still as the rain starts to ruin his hair and thick droplets of water run down his face.
Despite the loud sounds the storm and the rain produce, Yoongi can clearly hear the heavy sigh that spills from his friend’s lips. ‘’I know you will not let me, no matter how much I want to join you, but before I let you go, I need you to promise me something.’’
Yoongi keeps his hands stiffly beside his body, trying with might and main to resist the urge to hold his friend, to reassure him with a palm on his cheek that he will be fine and that he will be back before he knew it, but he also knows that he can’t make a promise he might not be able to uphold.
As if Namjoon has heard his inner turmoil, his own hands find Yoongi as he cups his cheeks. He melts in his touch and sighs. ‘’Return to me. That is the only thing I ask from you.’’
As if a dam breaks, Yoongi can’t find it in himself to hold it in anymore, his tears mingle with the rain drops on his cheeks and a smile so bright, it should have scared away the dark clouds, break out on his face. The overwhelming feeling he knows people call love swells in his cold and empty heart, filling it to the brim, that it might explode.
Yoongi doesn't know if he is smiling or crying at this point. He is only certain of one thing and that is Namjoon’s love for him, a kind of love he has never received from someone else, a kind of love he never dared to ask for, a kind of love he never thought he would feel.
‘’I love you, my friend.’’ He murmurs, but his friend hears it clearly and they break apart from each other. ‘’I know.’’ Namjoon smiles and despite the rain trying to mask it, Yoongi is able to distinguish the tears. ‘’You know?’’ He awkwardly laughs.
The smile that Namjoon then shows him, amidst the heavy pouring of the rain and the shimmering of the yellow light in the lantern hanging outside their door, will forever be engraved on his retina. Perhaps this very moment will forever be engraved in his mind as to always remind him throughout his journey for whom he has to keep going and for who he has to come back.
‘’I have always known.’’