Work Text:
The first time the idea came to him was at the ripe age of seventeen. He dismissed it at first, of course. After all, how are you supposed to be married to someone who you’re not even technically dating? (Definitions among people he knows differ, so really, how can he decide which one to believe?) It’s stupid…
The first time it hits him again like a brick is at twenty. A few months after he got accepted into the ADA. Surprisingly enough, he and Chuuya fell into a rhythm of domesticity once again. Just a little healthier probably. Not working together in the same toxic environment did wonders, in all honesty. But back to the point, he really started to see the appeal in having a physical token of their commitment to each other. Would it be stepping over Chuuya’s boundaries? They had multiple discussions about their relationship, yet he is still anxious about the whole ordeal.
Well, he just has to see where it goes.
1.
After barely turning twenty-one he almost blurts it out in the middle of a date.
They know they agreed on not calling it that, it would give people the wrong idea and set expectations that they can’t conform to. But you go on dates with friends too, so there’s nothing wrong with calling it that. Anyway, in the middle of their aquarium date, he almost says it.
Giving it some thought in the past half a year, it would have been a perfect moment. Impulsive but still very fitting. You have to excuse his mushy brain, though. It’s hard to think rationally and follow a plan when you’re looking at the person who makes you feel the closest emotion to love. Romantic love, that is. Blaming him for it would just be plain cruel. It’s not his fault how the blues reflect beautifully on Chuuya’s copper hair despite the colors being complementary. And if you think his hair was a sight to be in awe of, you didn’t look at his sparkling eyes that seemed to deepen and get a richer color when it was directed at the sealife. They lit up in amazement at the mere sight of it.
It’s safe to say that Dazai’s jaw is slack, clear to any bypassers that he’s more interested in the man by his side than the colorful fish in the giant tanks of saltwater.
“You’re staring,” Chuuya says pointedly, not even turning to look at him.
‘Marry me.’
The words catch in his throat, ending in sputtering.
“You’re pretty,” he answers instead, not daring to say anything else.
The moment passes. He says to himself that he’ll do his utmost best to say it another time. Just the fact that he thought about it means that he should consider it more seriously.
Chuuya looks at him, eyes blown wide, then swiftly turns away again, this time with a ferocious scarlet painted on his face. He walks away, leaving Dazai behind.
The brunette smiles softly in his direction before catching up to join the redhead again.
2.
He starts culminating a plan. First, he needs to get a ring. Sounds easy enough, except Chuuya doesn’t really wear any rings because of his gloves. Suddenly it’s a problem getting the right size. Fortunately enough, the internet has an answer to most things, so Dazai doesn’t need to search for long before he finds the best solution. He ties a piece of yarn around Chuuya’s finger while he’s sleeping.
The next day he sets out to buy the ring. He doesn’t have an idea of what design he wants the jewelry to have. The most popular choice is for it to be a diamond, first of all, but he doesn’t know how intricate or simple he wants it to be. It has to be fitting for their relationship.
The bell in the store makes the worker on duty whip his head at him with a smile.
“Good afternoon, sir! How can we help you today?”
“I’m looking for a…” he thinks his words over, evaluating the situation. They can’t exactly marry yet. “Promise ring to give to my partner… Is there a difference between promise rings and engagement rings?”
“Just the purpose, what were you thinking?”
“Well… I was hoping you could help me with that?”
He hums in thought. “Yeah I can, do you know about her preferences? Does she wear rings?”
“No, they don’t. They wear gloves most of the time, so…”
“Should we look for something that has a flat surface, then? With minimal protruding detail.”
“Yes, that would be great, thank you!”
“Does she like detailed or simple jewelry?”
Dazai thinks for a moment. Chuuya is stylish, he appreciates the uniqueness of the things he wears. But because of that stylishness, he likes to keep it moderate to keep the look balanced. “Somewhere in-between.”
“Coming right up!” He says before disappearing to the back of the store. The man comes out five minutes later, presenting five options he deems fit the description best. “These are just examples for the style, you can choose the metal and the gem separately if you’d like.”
Dazai points at the one in the middle. “Do you have that with any black gems?”
“We sure do! I think we have it in stock in the right size too, I’ll be right back!” He comes back with a velvet box, handing it over.
“It’s perfect.” He grins at the box, putting it on the counter.
“I’m glad! That will be 32,000 yen. Anything else I can help you with?”
“No, that will be all.”
He rings it up. “Thank you for shopping with us, have a nice day!”
Well, he has the ring now. But how will he propose? He has to wait for the right moment, it has to be at least somewhat special. If he had the ring back at the aquarium, he might have done it then and there. Without question.
He already has an idea, though, the fifth anniversary of when Dazai initially asked Chuuya to go on a date with him is approaching rapidly. That seems like a cheesy romantic thing to do, only to annoy the redhead. After all, he always acts disgusted when Dazai does an obnoxious romantic gesture. But he can’t help himself, he has to spite society somehow! And what is funnier than asking someone to marry you when you aren’t even attracted to each other like that? Just a big “fuck you” to the system.
What he plans is kind of basic but hey, at least it’s romantic and cheesy and will definitely make Chuuya embarrassed beyond comprehension. He will cuss him out later when he isn’t busy pretending to hate the surprise. But the perfect opportunity to propose has to be a candlelit dinner at home. Cozy and private. He doesn’t want to make the mistake of putting Chuuya on the spot so suddenly in front of people. And neither does he want to face rejection publicly. That would most definitely damage their relationship.
He prepares in advance for the night. For obvious reasons, Chuuya banned him from cooking in his house. Which leads to the idea of ordering from the redhead’s favorite restaurant. Dazai has his entire order memorized.
He makes the table, getting out the fancy dishes and putting a tall pair of candles in the middle. He also takes out the wine he’s been hiding for the past week that he specifically bought for this day. There’s only one thing that he doesn’t bother with which is dressing up in the fanciest way he can think of. He looks good, it’s not like he would wear a hoodie and sweatpants but that’s also just to annoy and fluster Chuuya.
Footsteps come closer and closer as the mafioso arrives at the door and with the jingle of keys opens it to a dimly lit apartment. He curiously pokes his head in the kitchen to see his partner smiling softly at him. And of course, he can’t help but let out a breathy chuckle while a rosy blush spreads across his face. Not fierce or vibrant, the kind that you might miss if you don’t look closely enough. And a stupid grin stretches the corners of his mouth because he just simply loves it when people remember. Admittedly, Dazai on purpose acted like it was just another regular day in the morning but we all have to excuse him, it was for the plan.
“You’re so fucking stupid.”
“And happy anniversary to you too, Chuuya,” Dazai replies, not even trying to hide his adoration at hearing the words out loud.
“So you did remember…”
“I do that quite often yet you’re always surprised.”
“Because you act the same when you don’t!”
“Anyway, I ordered your favorite, thought it was too long of a day at work for the both of us to go out.” He leads him to the table and lights the candles, watching with glee as Chuuya covers his face while awkwardly laughing.
“The only thing that could make this more awkward is if you pulled out a ring,” he says as a joke to deflect. Dazai knows it’s a joke. It doesn’t hurt his feelings (maybe just a little bit but it’s not like Chuuya has any idea that he does want to propose). But suddenly, dinner isn’t the right moment for it. And the evening goes fine after that. It goes fantastic. They have fun, they talk, they joke around, and they indulge.
But Chuuya doesn’t wake up with a ring on his finger. Maybe next time.
3.
A weird part of their relationship has to do with Chuuya. As you see, gravity is his best friend. And he trusts his partner with his life. So what seems to be the issue? Well, the two don’t mix well together. Despite his bravery and recklessness, the redhead is deadly afraid of heights if Dazai is in his close proximity. After all, everyone would be if their only safety line in that situation were to be ripped away. Of course, Dazai can’t do anything about it himself. He usually just makes sure not to touch Chuuya when they’re up high. That’s why they don’t ever go to high places with one another. It’s not like the brunette himself is a big fan of them. Other than a few attempts, he is also anxious.
You can imagine his surprise when Chuuya asked him to go to the Ferris wheel together as a way to “learn to control their anxieties”. That seems like a sound plan. He agrees.
When the day arrives with the date on the ticket, neither of them feels really sure about it. The line is progressing agonizingly slowly, just building and building up stress. By the end of it, Chuuya is a fidgety mess, and Dazai isn’t sure he can calm him down by holding his hand. Of course, none of this is noticeable by the naked eye, the redhead acts composed, and doesn’t raise any worries for anyone else in line. His partner just has a good read on him.
Eventually, Dazai does hold out his hand, giving the option of taking it to Chuuya who – although reluctantly – takes it. And he squeezes it like it's his lifeline, his ability ripped from him the moment the skin-to-skin contact happens. He takes a deep breath, calming himself as much as he can before stepping into the cabin.
Their ride starts moments later, and even though he tries denying it, Chuuya freezes on the spot when he can feel the cabin rise. His mind can’t decide if he wants to jump closer to or away from Dazai. Because on one hand, his presence is comforting emotionally, but on the other, the physical discomfort of not having his ability feels awful.
The brunette takes the initiative and asks. “Do you want me to release your hand?”
Chuuya vehemently shakes his head in opposition.
“Are you sure?”
“I asked you to come with me, it’s fine. I’ll be fine.”
“If you say so…” he says, still eyeing the man next to him whose breathing is getting heavier and his complexion pales. Without further thinking, he stands up and sits on the opposite bench.
“Why did you–” Chuuya starts.
“You’re on the verge of a panic attack, I’m not trying to make it worse.”
“But–”
“Chuuya,” he waits for the other to stay silent, “It’s alright. I don’t blame you.”
The redhead hangs his head down in shame. “I feel like such a shitty person. I’m supposed to trust you with my life. I don’t want you to feel like I don’t.”
“Listen, we don’t have to do this all at once. We can just start with me being close to you, and only then touching you. I’m glad you invited me to work on it, though,” he explains, smiling in reassurance. “Just take a deep breath, calm down, and maybe look outside. I’m not gonna move from here.”
Chuuya does as he says while gripping the bench. They arrive at the top. The view is beautiful even for the hundredth time, he’s pretty sure he could never get tired of it.
That's true for both of them.
“It’s always so mesmerizing…” Chuuya whispers.
“Yeah, it is…”
The redhead turns to him staring. “Oh my god, you’re so damn cheesy,” he says, covering his reddening face.
“You love it.”
“No, I don’t!”
“You do,” he coos.
“N–” he gets cut off by a peck. “Stop kissing me to get out of–” another one, “Stop!”
“Sorry,” Dazai snickers. He almost proposes again when he sees the subtle smile of his partner.
At the end of the ride, Chuuya instantly grabs his hand.
“You didn’t panic when I kissed you.”
“What?”
“I touched you at the top of the Ferris wheel and you didn’t panic.”
His eyes widen in realization. Their fingers lace together.
4.
It’s surprising how he’s still determined after multiple moments that passed with the perfect opportunity. He has to make an effort. The only ways he knows how to do that all come from romantic media. And to most people it would just be an overdone cliché they’d like to avoid, it’s a bit harder for him with all the unorthodox traits of their relationship. He doesn’t want to push it. That would feel cruel. Worst case scenario he’ll get rejected harshly and they can’t pretend it never happened, altering their dynamic in irreversible ways. Awful to even think about.
Luckily, the opportunity hands itself to him on a silver platter once again. Well, kind of. Chuuya mentions how his work is going to be hard that week and that he’s going to be exhausted by the end of it. So Dazai offers to treat him to a nice dinner at the place of his choosing. It’s the perfect plan. Sometimes it feels nice to spoil his partner. If by the end of it, Chuuya walks out of that restaurant with a ring on his finger, that’s just the cherry on top.
The place he chooses is a moderately fancy European restaurant. Not so fancy to have to wear a three-piece suit but fancy enough that when Chuuya arrives home on Saturday evening, they both change into something a degree nicer than what they’d wear to work. Dazai, of course, doesn’t forget the small velvet box. He carefully puts it in the pocket of his jacket.
“You ready yet?” Chuuya says with a smirk from the doorway.
In response, the brunette only rolls his eyes playfully. The first thing he notices about the other’s appearance is the lack of gloves. It’s not like the redhead wears them all the time, in fact, he started wearing them less and less since they moved in together. But he usually still wore them when they went out somewhere. That wasn’t even the most striking thing, though.
“What’s that?” He gestures at the ring Chuuya is surprisingly wearing. Maybe it will give him a little hope that he wouldn’t find a ring ridiculous?
“Oh, uhh,” he starts, pink tinting his cheeks, “I know neither of us is really… active parts of the community and stuff but… I read somewhere that wearing a black ring on your right hand’s middle finger signals to other aces that you also… are. And before you ask, I did check the source and it’s an actual thing.”
“That’s actually really clever… and kind of cute.”
With that closing line, they set off to the restaurant. It doesn’t differ at all from their usual dates. They make socially acceptable banter and sometimes talk in code if they really want to say something neither of them wants others to hear. It’s okay. Nothing earth-shattering.
Each passing second is building up Dazai’s anxiety, though. At this point, he just wants to get it over with quickly. And the opportunity is there. Finally. So what the hell is his problem? They’re at a fairly private table, meaning he’s holding Chuuya’s left hand with his right, unbothered by the outside world. So once again, what is the problem?
“Chuuya–” his word catches in his throat. It feels like a lump waiting to finally get out to no avail. The redhead looks at him expectantly. Well, now or never. “I just… wanted to say,” he tries continuing, “I love you.” Looks like it’s never, then. “I feel like I don’t say it enough. Not seriously, anyway.” That’s not what he was supposed to say. Not like he doesn’t mean it, he does.
“What’s with you all of a sudden?” Chuuya chuckles, knowing how there isn’t some grand, pressing issue waiting to be addressed, he can still read the different types of anxieties his partner shows.
“I just doubt myself sometimes,” he says smiling. He lifts Chuuya’s hand to kiss it on his knuckles. Coincidentally, his lips land on the other’s ring finger. “You need not worry about it.”
The next Monday Dazai goes to work and doesn’t return. No worries, he sometimes does that. During the day he answered some texts, there probably isn’t anything serious going on.
He doesn’t show any signs of existing the next day.
Or the next.
On the third day, it’s safe to say Chuuya already had enough. His best idea was to contact someone from the damned Agency to ask around. Lucky for him, Kyouka told him everything he needed to know. The next thing he knows he’s storming into the office and causing a scene. It was a bit funny but the unease doesn’t leave him.
At home, they have a discussion about it. And it goes better than it usually does. Either because Dazai wanted to tell him deep down or because he has been actually working on his healthy communication abilities. It’s admirable nonetheless.
So now, he knows what Dazai planned all along. And it’s not like it doesn’t make sense. Hell, he was the one to bring it up now in the first place. He will give him time, it must be hard. And he does admit that he fucked up just a little by joking about it at times. It must have given a bad impression. Anyhow, it's now up to Dazai as per their agreement.
5.
The air around them cleared up the next few weeks, the usual mood coming back. This means they started going out together again.
This afternoon Dazai thinks he has it. The right moment is bullshit and any moment (with a few exceptions) can be just as good if not better. More memorable. And thus, he puts the velvet box in his coat’s pocket. Now he has no reason to worry about the answer, only the execution.
They are having a casual walk in a nearby park, just wanting to get some fresh air in the middle of Fall. The leaves are a beautiful orange, reminding him of fire (and a certain someone). At one point, he sees a leaf pile and jumps in it to annoy Chuuya – careful enough to not make a big mess, though.
“You goddamn child,” the redhead says with a smile while shaking his head.
“You love me,” he coos.
“I do, unfortunately.”
“Wow, that was mean.”
“But deserved,” Chuuya gets out through his laughter. “Don’t be a baby about it.”
“I feel like that was personal and you’re just making fun of me for being two months younger.”
“You make fun of my height, I think we’re even.”
The silence after that stretches longer than expected. Not in a bad way. They stare at each other for a few moments before Chuuya extends his hand without a word for Dazai to grab onto. The taller’s eyes travel to the black ring on the other’s ungloved finger. And some sort of realization hits when he can’t get the words out once again. Even though he can’t explain what the exact thought process was, he decides to get a different ring. Maybe because it feels too formal or not truly fitting to their relationship.
At home he researches. Based on the black ring’s meaning. He’s not sure Chuuya knows different ones but it’s definitely worth a try. Apparently, he discovers there’s a sort of pair to it, a white one going on the opposite hand, standing for aromanticism. It might be worn on a different finger than the engagement, promise, or wedding ring (even though it’s on the same hand) but the fact that it’s unconventional just sells the idea more. It’s not as expensive or detailed but eventually, he’s able to find one in a new store not so far away from the agency.
With new hope and less pressure, his goal finally feels achievable after like a year.
+1
“I can’t believe you asked me to come ice skating with you when you can’t even do it properly,” Chuuya laughs in Dazai’s face after losing his balance for the umpteenth time.
“At least I didn’t fall yet, pretty good considering I don’t skate if you ask me,” he retorts.
Chuuya takes his hand to help him keep his balance, holding it for support. After a while, he lets go of it when he feels that the other is more confident.
They skate around in peace for a while before a group of kids sends Dazai flying to the ground. He thinks he might as well improvise. While trying to stand up he gets on his knees first to regain balance. Then, he puts up one of his legs to have his foot on the ice. By this point, Chuuya is sliding to his side with a worried look. That's when he begins the final stage of his newfound plan.
Without much fumbling around, he takes the white ring between his fingers, not yet taking it out of his pocket, waiting for Chuuya to try helping him. Dazai grabs his hand but instead of standing up, he takes out the ring from his pocket and presents it with a grin.
For a moment the redhead stands there dumbfounded. It takes a few seconds for him to start softly laughing.
“Is this the ring you were talking about? Because I can’t really put this on my ring finger,” he says in a lighthearted tone.
“No, I just thought this would work better for the purpose,” Dazai replies, finally standing up. “Do you also want the real thing?”
“I mean… only if you have it. But yeah, I would like that.”
He takes out the velvet box that has been sitting in his pocket for months by now. He gently opens it, stepping even closer to Chuuya.
“Nakahara Chuuya will you–”
“Yes,” he cuts Dazai off.
“At least let me finish? Jeez can’t a man have anything these days?” the brunette teases.
“Sorry, continue,” Chuuya laughs.
“Will you marry me and be my unlikely husband when the time comes, purely for the benefits?”
“You don’t mean that last part,” he points out. And after a moment, he continues. “Yes.”
Dazai takes the other’s hand and places the promise ring on his finger. He also places the white one in his palm, letting him have the moment of putting it on. Just a second later he pulls him into a hug, squeezing him close to his chest and kissing him on his temple.
“So… how long did it exactly take for you to pull your shit together?” Chuuya asks.
“I’ll say a bit over a year purely because I don’t know where to start counting it from.”
“You’re a coward,” he jokes, pulling away from the hug to look Dazai in the eyes.
A moment of silence later, the brunette replies, “I’m filing for divorce.”
“I don’t consent. You can’t just leave me at the altar!”
“No, I’m leaving you on a skating rink.”
“Good luck getting off of it on your own,” the redhead snickers, turning away slightly.
Dazai makes a sour face, puffing out his cheeks in a pout, and crosses his arms. He mumbles a small complaint about the comment which makes the other giggle.
“Since you’re here, being a heartbreaker and divorcing me, I guess you won’t need what I got you…” he says with a dramatic sigh. That piques the brunette’s interest and he nonverbally communicates that he wants to know what Chuuya is on about. Obviously, it’s not that easy. “Whatever will I do with it?” He feigns disappointment, once again getting closer to the taller, his hat and bowed down head obscuring his expression.
Chuuya grabs Dazai’s hand, urging him silently to open his palm. He brings his own fist above it, not yet dropping whatever is between his fingers. Finally, he looks up with a shit-eating grin, poking his tongue out before he gives it to him. “Suffer,” is all he says before dashing away on the ice, gracefully avoiding any collisions. Dazai stands there flabbergasted. It takes him a few moments to finally check what was given to him. And when he does, he almost falls again. (He’s not entirely sure if on the ice or in love.)
Shining back at him is a fairly simple ring, gold with a deep blue gem. His face turns crimson and he snaps his head back up to look for the redhead on the ice. Unsurprisingly, he’s on the other end of the rink, still grinning from ear to ear. He seems to notice that Dazai’s feet have grown roots in the ground, probably out of fear that they might not be strong enough right now to carry him. Taking pity on the poor man, he slides back flawlessly.
“Why?” is all Dazai trusts himself to whisper.
“I grew a bit impatient. If you weren’t doing it today, I was.”
Instead of continuing the conversation, Dazai pulls him into a kiss. “I’m so in love with you, you dumbass.”
“I love you too. But please let’s go home, I’m tired and also disgusted by this much PDA.”
Dazai barks out a laugh, then takes his hand to go one last round before going.