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“Last time I went on a roadtrip, I was escaping my cult and driving to Dallas.”
“WHAT?”
“Oh yeah, Ben and I took one of the cars and took off from California.”
“No, no, no. Klaus, rewind. YOUR CULT?”
“Oh yeah! It was no big deal.”
“KLAUS YOU’RE TELLING ME YOU HAD A CULT. HOW IS THAT NOT A BIG DEAL?”
“It was the 60s babe, everyone had one. Besides, it wasn’t really a ‘cult’ cult. I much prefer to call it my alternative spiritual community.”
“Hate to break it to you bud, that sounds like a cult.”
“SHUT UP BEN! Besides, that was in a different timeline.”
“WHAT? Also, the 60s? Klaus you were born in 1989!”
“I know, isn’t it trippy? Man, powers are weird.”
“Klaus, are you sure you haven’t taken anything? I won’t be mad if you did, I’m just worried okay?”
“Relax, I’m fine. I’m definitely not anywhere close to high. I mean, I can see Ben and he’s being really fucking annoying right now. Usually when I’m high he just broods in the corner looking all emo and shit.”
“WHAT? YOU DO!”
“Okay, well hopefully this roadtrip is cult-free, okay Klaus?”
“Yeah yeah, we don’t want it to be like the last one anyway. Our car died in the middle of nowhere.”
“OH GOD.”
“How was I supposed to know that the engine was overheating?”
“Oh yes, because I should 100% trust your opinion on cars, Mr. I-died-before-I -could-drive.”
“Okay, we are definitely trying to avoid that this time, okay Mister?”
“Well, we’ll know for sure if it’s happening. The car smoked for like an hour before it gave up.”
“KLAUS!!!”
“What?”
“I swear sometimes I don’t even know how you’ve lived this long.”
“Oh, that’s easy sweetheart, I’m immortal!”
“Uh-huh, sure.”
“I’m serious!”
“Well, sucks to be you then, stuck in this horrible plane of existence forever.”
“Right? But the lady up there just really hates me. She keeps sending me back. I don’t even get to see anybody interesting when I’m dead, just dear old Reggie that one time. Urgh!”
“Okay, we’re taking my car to get checked BEFORE this road trip. I’d rather not be stranded in the middle of nowhere.”
“Fine, fine, be all responsible. I guess one of us has to be.”
“Thank you!”
“So when do we leave?”
“Tomorrow I guess? Make sure you pack enough clothes and your ID and drivers license and stuff. We can stop for snacks on the way.”
“Yay snacks! Also, I don’t have a drivers license?”
“Hold on, what?”
“Yeah, I know how to drive though!”
“KLAUS WHAT THE FUCK?”
“I swear! The government just doesn’t trust me...”
“Nope, nope, you know what, change of plans. We’re not doing a road trip anymore. We’ll take the train or something.”
“What, nooooooo.”
“Nuh-uh, I’m not driving the whole way, and you’re not driving my car without a drivers license!”