Work Text:
Kyle pov:
I don’t get it. I just don’t. I worked so hard, I stayed up nights in a row for this test, did a quick check right before the test to remember everything even better and I still failed. I reminded my friends to do their work I helped them, quizzed them also testing my knowledge and they all passed. God… I’m so selfish. I felt tears prick my eyes as I saw the F on my paper. Maybe I just didn’t pass? Or maybe it was a mistake. That’s probably it.
I look over my shoulder to see what Stan got. B. He got a B? HOW?! I feel myself get angry as I could barely hold the tears in my eyes. HE BARELY PRACTICED! Am I really that stupid? I felt myself panic. I swear if even FUCKING CARTMAN passed I’m doomed. I heard Stan talk to me, something about “wow! Dude, I passed. Thanks man!” “What did you get? Oh why am I even asking, of course you passed!” GODDAMMIT STAN SHUT UP!
“Hey Cartman what’d you get?” I said hopeful but not looking him in the eyes, still holding my tears in. “B-“ he shrugs. WHAT. No. No that- No. I saw my whole future flash before my eyes. I was supposed to have a perfect record so I could go to collage and get a good reputation and get a well paying job, following my dad’s footsteps into the lawyer bizz but that can’t happen if I failed a test, because if you fail one it only gets worse. Oh god how will my parents react, they’ll be so disappointed. I could already hear them say “well it’s your fault, we never saw you work, be more like Stan.” I couldn’t hold my tears in now.
“Dude are you crying?” I heard Cartman laugh. “Yeah. So?” I snapped. I pulled my sleeve over my hand and wiped my tears away, took a few deep breaths and closed my eyes. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. I look at Stan, Kenny and even Cartman “I’m proud of you guys, you all did amazing!” I smiled at them. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. “Dude…” I heard Stan say “no no I mean it! You guys did SOOOO WELL and you deserve it.” I smiled. It was a fake smile, partly. I’m glad they all passed but it feels like they didn’t work as hard as me.
“Are you okay?” Kenny asked. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” I waved him off still smiling “just gonna text my parents.” I said as I grabbed my phone. “I failed my test, I’m sorry.” A few seconds later I got an answer, its my mom. “I don’t understand how you thought you were gonna pass this test. Pay more attention when you guys discuss the correct answers.”
Than my dad “oh what a shame.” He’s mad. I can tell. They both are. DANG IT. I put my phone down and start hitting my head. STUPID. STUPID. STUPID. YOU SHOULD FEEL HAPPY FOR YOUR FRIENDS NOT JEALOUS AND CLEARLY YOU DIDNT LEARN HARD ENOUGH! Everybody passed except you.
“Wow. Kyle calm down!” Stan tried grabbing my arm to stop me from hitting myself “Stan let go.” I looked him in the eyes, realizing half of the class has already gone outside and the rest looking at me. “STOP LOOKING AT ME!” I yelled “STOP. STOP. STOP.” I screamed, Stan still not letting go. “LET GO OF ME STAN.” I smile at him though it was clear that I was not happy. “Dude calm down.” Cartman stepped closer “DONT! DONT STEP ANY CLOSER FAT ASS. STAN LET ME GO.” Everything was getting to much, even mister Garrison was looking at me now, I heard everything all too clear, all the whispers and stares. It was all too loud. They need to shut up. Shut up. SHUT UP “SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP STOP LOOKING STOP TALKING AND STAN STOP GRABBING ME!” Finally Stan let go and I started hitting myself again.
“Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Selfish. Ungrateful. Failure. Disappointment. Dumbass.” My hand wasn’t any use any more, it didn’t hurt anymore so I banged my head against my desk. BANG. BANG. BANG. I heard shouting from Stan and Kenny, other kids trying to search for help and some talking to Garrison so that he would do something. It was only after a minute I saw something red when I raised my head from the desk, ready for another hit. Blood. A lot. “KYLE PLEASE STOP PLEASE.” I heard Stan beg. Oh no. Garrison was on the phone “I don’t know what happened, he started banging his head on the desk.” He was probably talking with my parents. Kenny came back with a (what I can assume), ice pack in a towel.
After all the adrenaline left the tears came back. I pressed the ice pack against my wound. It has never gotten this far before. I looked Stan in the eyes. He… he was crying, he looked scared and sick. I smiled at him “I really am proud of you.” I smiled more with my teeth this time “really.” Stan broke down. He was sobbing, he wrapped his arms around me “Kyle. Oh Kyle.” He rubbed my back as he pushed his head in my neck “don’t do that again. Please.” He sobbed “you scared me.. so, so much. You know I’m proud of you. No matter what your score is.” He hugged me tighter as I nodded my head, wrapping one of my arms around him. “I love you.” Stan said as he kissed my cheek, I can worry about that later right now I had to let him know that I love him too. “I love you too Stan. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. You don’t always need to be little mister perfect. Your world isn’t gonna fall apart.” Stan said “you’re living in the future, live in the now.” Easier said than done but still very much appreciated, but instead of saying that I just nodded my head. “Wanna hang out after school?”
I felt beter. I didn’t hear everything around me, I didn’t feel all the stares and didn’t worry about my parents, my future, my grade cause it doesn’t matter what matters is Stan. (And Kenny, maybe Cartman.)