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Janet finally stirred and began to wake up from her nap. That felt good, she thought, letting out a long sigh. Well, mostly. Her head still felt a bit heavy, and she remembered that Archie explained she likely hit it off the floor when she passed out. But she wouldn’t know. Her last memory before fainting was feeling like the lounge was spinning, so she was likely already losing consciousness before she heard any kind of thud. Still, the heaviness and mild pain were enough to make her grab two Ibuprofen from the bottle on her nightstand.
She sat up and looked down at her arms. There were two bandages, one on her left arm and another on her right hand, applied after blood work and the removal of her IV of fluids. Her admissions bracelet was still on her left wrist. Reminders of a day she’d rather forget.
There was a soft knock at the door, and Caitlyn opened it and popped her head in.
“Hey…oh good, you’re up. Dinner’s almost ready. Come on out, OK?”
“OK. Be right there.”
Janet slowly shuffled out of her room and walked to the kitchen, where Caitlyn was stirring the spaghetti sauce. They’d actually started making the sauce together, a rare bonding moment, but Janet had gotten tired while cutting vegetables and went to lie down. It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep; her nap had been about an hour if the stove clock was accurate.
“Here you go,” Caitlyn broke into her thoughts and handed her a plate of spaghetti. “Do you want a salad too?”
“I guess. Can you see what kind of dressing I have? I don’t remember right now.”
Caitlyn looked in the refrigerator. “Raspberry vinaigrette, Italian, Catalina, Caesar….?”
“Raspberry vinaigrette.”
“That’s my choice too.”
She looked down at her plate and started to spin the spaghetti on her fork, trying to convince herself to take a bite. She just wasn’t sure how hungry she was or if she had the energy to stay awake during dinner.
“Come on, you have to eat,” Caitlyn said, putting the salad in front of her before pouring a glass of water. “Remember what Dr. Morris told you.”
“I’m still not very hungry. It’s been a long day. I thought recovering from fainting was supposed to be easy.”
“I know, and I get what you’re saying. You did bump your head, so I don’t think that’s helping. And you had a lot of tests and had to get examined and stuff, so you’ve been through the wringer, plus you were having a bad day before you fainted. But now you have to get your energy back, so eat up, or at least try. Even eating half is better than nothing.
“You are OK, right? Like you’re not going to throw up or feel like you might pass out again? We can always go back to the ER.”
“Oh God, no.” Janet groaned. “Don’t make me do that. And no, I don’t feel that way. I’m so tired, but you’re right…I’ll try to have some dinner.” She ate a small forkful of spaghetti. “Actually, this is pretty good. You did a nice job. Sorry I left you to basically make it alone. I was hoping we could have time together.”
“It’s OK. We’re together now, aren’t we? Do you want to know what else you missed while you were asleep? It might make you feel better.”
“Sure. If you say so.”
“Cool.” Caitlyn grabbed Janet’s phone off the counter. “Well, your phone was blowing up with calls. Sorry to say, I don’t know any of these people though…” She looked down at the list of missed calls and started reading. “Abby, Beth, Sandra…Valerie…oh wait, Sandra your nurse manager, right? Unless you know a different Sandra.”
“No, that’s probably her. Abby is a friend who used to work at County and lives in Boston now. Beth is…she’s a friend from church. Valerie is one of the OB nurses. She’s a trip…really funny girl and definitely the department goofball, but a bit much for me at times. Still, patients love her and say she puts them at ease, so it doesn’t surprise me that she’d call. Anyway, I normally go to AA on Tuesdays, so I may end up getting some calls from other women at my meeting. If I miss a meeting, they check in to make sure I’m OK.” Janet put her head down and sighed. She hated missing her regular AA meeting even though she knew she could get to a meeting tomorrow once she was feeling better.
“Oh, so your routine is messed up too?”
“Yeah. I mean, it happens. If I hadn’t fainted there could have been an emergency C-section or something like that, but if I don’t make it, I’m always anxious until I can get to another meeting.”
“I see. If you need to talk it out, I’m right here. And it looks like a lot of people care about you! So take comfort in that.”
Janet nodded and narrowed her eyes at Caitlyn. “I don’t mean to be forward…although that’s how I am…but can I just ask why you wanted to come? I mean, you and I don’t exactly keep in touch or get along. And I was a bit shocked today when Archie—Dr. Morris—said you were there and then Sam brought you to my room.”
“I know,” Caitlyn agreed. “Yeah, it’s usually really awkward when we get together, and to be honest, I’m not super comfortable here. But I wanted to come because despite our differences, I care about you and want you to be OK. My family is really important to me. I was scared something serious had happened to you or that you were relapsing, and I didn’t want you to be alone. I didn’t have the heart to blow off Dr. Morris’s call and stay at work when I had no idea what was wrong, although I was relieved when he said it was just syncope. You seem upset about everything that happened, and I could tell you were scared when I first saw you.”
“I was,” Janet admitted. “Fainting is so common, but at the same time, it’s also terrifying when it happens to you. It’s disorienting waking up on the floor and not knowing how you got there. My mind was blank and then everyone was swarming to check me out, calling for a gurney, et cetera. Everything just moved so quickly and I couldn’t make sense of it.
“But thank you for caring. That means a lot to me.”
“I’m happy to stay. Really. And besides my boss telling me that you should come first right now…I just wanted to do something nice and give you a hand. You had a really stressful day and were admitted to the hospital. You shouldn’t have to worry about making dinner and having conversations rehashing your crappy day multiple times after being discharged. Let someone else handle it, you know? I didn’t talk to any of your friends or coworkers, by the way; I just let the calls go to voicemail so you could rest unbothered.”
“That’s nice to hear. You know, I wish we had moments like this more often. I know you probably don’t feel this way, but I do love and miss you.”
“Sometimes I miss you too,” Caitlyn said, her voice shaky. “And I know that we have things to work out and try to get past. Not tonight, though. I’m not going to burden you. Let’s just spend time together and talk about other things. I’ll handle cleaning up, too.”
“I like that idea.”
After dinner, Janet grabbed a sweater from her bedroom and returned to the living room, where Caitlyn was setting up a blanket and extra pillows on the couch.
“I found these in the guest room,” Caitlyn told her. “I wanted to get them for you just in case you fell asleep out here or wanted to feel a little more comfortable.’
“Thank you. It does look very inviting.”
“You didn’t take your bandages off yet? You should be OK to do that.”
“Oh, um, no.” She tugged a little at the bandage on her upper left arm, but winced when she felt her skin tugging. “Damn, I guess being a doctor, I don’t realize how tight these things are applied.”
“It’s OK; you just can’t rip them off too fast.” Caitlyn gently took her arm and removed it, then took off the one on her right hand. “That didn’t hurt, right?”
“Nope.”
“Good. I’m used to putting these on kids, so I know all the tricks.” She grabbed a pair of scissors and cut off Janet’s admissions bracelet. “And I’ll assume you don’t want to keep this for a souvenir.”
“Just throw it out.” Janet laughed.
“Don’t blame you.
“So, listen. Obviously I’m still in my scrubs since I ran out of the hospital without changing. I have to get back to Mercy and pick up my clothes, and then I’m working tomorrow. Do you need anything else before I leave, even if you only feel like you need to talk more? I just want to make sure you’ll be OK tonight, that you feel better now that you ate dinner, that kind of thing.”
“Yeah, eating dinner and venting helped. You and Archie were right. I guess I should shut up and listen more often.”
“Well, they do say doctors are the worst patients. And you did good with your dinner even if it did take you a while to eat; all that was left was a little bit of salad.”
Caitlyn looked at Janet’s discharge orders again. “So you ate, you’ve been taking it easy, and all your vitals were stable when you were released. Just remember not to strain yourself too much since you have that bruised rib. You have enough ice packs, or do you want me to go get you one or two?”
“Um, I have a cold pack and frozen vegetables.”
“That should work. And don’t forget to call your doctor tomorrow to let her…or him…know what happened and schedule a follow up. I’m sure Dr. Morris has already sent them a report, or will in the morning.”
“Her. And yes, I will.”
“You seem like you have this under control. But if I leave and you realize you need something or you’re feeling sick again, just give me a call, OK? The only other question I have is, do you need me to check anything out before I go? Does your heart rate or breathing still feel off, or are you in any pain I don’t already know about?”
“No pain, but…maybe you should make sure the other stuff is still in order.”
“Sure. Do you have a spare stethoscope here? I left mine in my locker and my spare is at home.”
“Yeah. Try the back of the closet door in my bedroom.”
Caitlyn went to get the stethoscope, and when she returned, she checked her mom’s pulse and listened to her breathing before checking her heart.
“Everything sounds fine.” She smiled and helped Janet sit up. “Just remember, I don’t think they would have discharged you if you were having any serious heart problems. Dr. Morris was right; getting hydrated fixed everything.
“Did you feel dizzy when I helped you up?”
“Nope. I guess I was just…paranoid.” Janet turned red and laughed sheepishly.
“Glad you’re feeling OK. And hey, sometimes being paranoid isn’t a bad thing. It means you knew something might be going on and you just wanted me to check and be sure you’re alright. We can both take it easy now. I’ll wipe this down for you and then my duties are done for tonight.”
When Caitlyn gathered her stuff to leave, Janet felt her heart sink. All things considered, the evening had actually gone better than she thought it would, and now she didn’t want to see her daughter walk out the door.
“Hey,” she said. “I’m still happy you came, and I wish you didn’t have to leave. I know you want and need to, but…”
“I know. Me too,” Caitlyn said quietly. “Maybe I can…come back sometime and we can try to work this all out. It was nice to see you, I admit. And I’m glad you’re safe and will recover. Enjoy your day off tomorrow and just relax. Don’t think too much about work or our problems. We’ll figure it out.”
Janet nodded and tried to smile, but she was feeling a little sad. “Sooner rather than later?”
“Maybe.
“Well, have a good night. Call me if you need me.”
Caitlyn headed out, and once Janet was sure she was out of sight and earshot, she again laid back on the couch. She loved Caitlyn no matter what and always hoped she could spend more time with her, but this was the first time in ages there was some clue her daughter felt the same.
She scrolled through her missed calls again and debated calling Abby back. She always tried to return her calls promptly, but she knew that Abby would try to reach her multiple times if there was an emergency and she wasn’t picking up. That didn’t seem to be the case tonight; there was only one missed call from her. Maybe it was just a catch-up call. She decided to get back with her tomorrow morning.
For now, it was time to rest and dream about a better future with Caitlyn.