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Funnybones

Summary:

Pelican Town's doctor has a very particular set of skills.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Under the bright fluorescent light in Dr. Harvey's clinic, Vincent sat clinging tightly to his mother's hand.

"Mommy, I'm scared. Do I have to?"

"Vincent, you're a big boy now. It will be over before you know it. You want to be healthy and strong, don't you?"

"I don't feel big," Vincent answered in a quiet, watery voice.

Suddenly, the door leading back to the exam room burst open, and a tall man in a white coat nearly fell out of it.

"Whoa!" he exclaimed, teetering on one leg and windmilling his arms until a gust of air disturbed the papers on the front desk.

Maru looked up, cocking one eyebrow. "Harvey? You alri--"

***HONK***

The doctor squeezed a rubber bulb attached to a small brass horn that he pointed at Maru.

"...Uh."

Harvey turned to Vincent and Jodi.

"Hello! I'm Doctor Harvey Gibblebibble--" he flapped his lips with his forefinger, making a funny trilling sound.

Vincent's eyes were wide; Jodi was pressed against the back of her chair.

"Doctor?"

"Gibblebibble." He repeated the sound. "Now, who's here for a checkup? Vincent? Which one of you is Vincent?"

Vincent snorted. "I am!"

Harvey looked startled. "You? The Vincent I know is just a little kid! Are you *sure* you're you?"

"Yes!"

Jodi shot a silent look at Maru, who smiled ever so slightly and shrugged.

"Growing like a weed, Doc," said Maru. "It's all here in the chart."

"Well," said the doctor to Vincent, "I'm glad you're here. Are you ready?"

Vincent hesitated for just a moment, then looked into the kindly face of the man with the wild hair.

"Okay," he said.

Vincent and Jodi followed Harvey, whose shoes were well-fitted but squeaky as he walked. Harvey closed the door behind them and honked his little horn twice.

"Step right up!" He bowed at the waist and gestured at the exam table, which was covered in blue-sky paper, complete with little white clouds. Vincent clambered onto it with ease.

Harvey popped the bulb off the toy horn and onto a tube attached to a fabric cuff.

"Know what this does?" he asked Vincent.

"Yeah! That tells my blood pressure."

"That's right. You've always been a smart guy." He fixed the cuff onto the boy's arm. "What have you been learning with Penny?"

Vincent sighed. "I dunno. Boring stuff, mostly."

"Oh? Well, that won't do. Next time you're at the library, check out ‘The Secret History of Bugs and Guts.’”

"They HAVE that?"

"They'd better, I just returned it!" said Harvey. "100/70. Very good. For my next trick..."

He reached into a pocket of his lab coat and produced a stuffed white rabbit. "No, not that. Hold this, will you?" He handed the rabbit to Jodi, who still hadn't said a word.

"Ah ha!" Harvey produced what looked like a magician's wand. Waving it over Vincent's forehead, he intoned, "Slugs and snails and puppy dog tails!"

The wand beeped twice. "98.6," said Harvey. "Perfecto!"

Vincent beamed.

"Now, to test your reflexes...one moment, please." Harvey turned to rummage through a cabinet and came up with an enormous inflatable mallet. Vincent giggled.

"What?" asked Harvey.

"That's the wrong hammer!"

"Oh dear! You're right!" Harvey bonked himself lightly with the mallet, then deflated it and tossed it aside. Vincent giggled even more, but settled down as the doctor tapped his knees with his reflex hammer.

"You're doing great," said Harvey. "Say, Vincent, you know the yellow airplane that flies over the valley about once a week?"

"Sure! That's a Delgado Bumblebee!"

Harvey smiled. "Can you tell me the number on the side of that plane?"

Vincent closed his eyes and recited, "S42FRN."

"Excellent." Pausing, Harvey held up a hand. "Now, listen. Outside, what do you hear?"

Vincent concentrated. "I hear a robin in the tree outside the window. I hear...the fountain up by the playground. And..." He scrunched up his face. "I hear Sam and his friends playing music at the house! Wow, they must be playing really loud."

Jodi huffed in frustration. "Your brother, Yoba help me..."

Harvey smiled again. "Vision and hearing both excellent. Now," he looked back at Vincent, "I need to listen to your heart and lungs, then it's one quick shot and you're out of here. Okay?"

Vincent took a deep breath. "O...okay."

"All right. Hold still, and give me another deep breath just like that, please."

The doctor moved the stethoscope from one point to the next, nodding thoughtfully. "Good, good. You know, Vincent, you look a lot like your dad."

Vincent held his inhaled breath for a moment, looking into Harvey's eyes. "Really?"

"I think so. Don't you think so, Jodi?"

A slight sound escaped her. She tried again, clearing her throat. "Yes," answered Jodi. "He really does."

Harvey swabbed a cotton ball across Vincent's upper arm, nodding again.

"Your dad likes fishing, doesn't he?"

Vincent nodded.

"Did you ever go fishing with him?"

"Sometimes," said Vincent, "At the beach, in the mornings." The boy smiled a little.

"Catch anything?"

"Mostly trash," Vincent giggled. Harvey chuckled along with him.

"What else?"

"Dad caught some really good halibut..."

"Halibut, yum! Did you catch any fish?"

"Ummm..."

"Little pinch, now..."

"I caught a sardine once!"

"Wow! Great job!"

Vincent reddened. "Just a little one."

"Little still counts," Harvey told him. "And you're all done now."

"What? Really?"

"Yep!"

Harvey applied a bandage to the spot, and his face grew serious as he sat eye-level with the boy.

"You're a brave young man, Vincent," he said. "And when your father comes home, he will be so proud to find how brave his son has been."

Vincent's jaw trembled, but he set it soon enough. "Thank you, Doctor Harvey."

"Any time, kid." Harvey turned to Jodi. "Do you have any questions or concerns?"

Jodi shook her head, hand to her mouth, eyes glistening.

"Alright!" Harvey clapped his hands and jumped a little at the tinny buzz that sounded between them.

"Whoops! Forgot that was there."

He put away the buzzer and leaned sideways on his stool, reaching out to open a door to a hidden mini fridge, and took out a small bag of frosty purple grapes.

"Good work today, Vincent. Now, take good care of yourself, don't play too rough and you won't have to see me here again for another year."

"Can I come see you anyway?"

A warm smile spread across Harvey's face. "Of course you can." He stood up and shook Vincent's hand, then Jodi's.

"Doctor," said Jodi, "I do have one question."

"Certainly!"

She pointed to a prominent framed picture of a tiny two-door car.

"What's that doing here?"

"Oh, that? That's my family portrait."

Jodi blinked.

"From our reunion last year. Four generations of Gibblebibbles, all in one place! Can you believe it?"

Notes:

Thanks to the Grapefruit Sky Discord server for the "raised by clowns" prompt and the name "Gibblebibble."