Work Text:
Friends break up, friends get married
Strangers get born, strangers get buried
Trends change, rumors fly through new skies
But I'm right where you left me…
~(X)~
Adrien had never been particularly fond of looking into people’s eyes. He couldn’t understand the way most people managed to use them as a focusing point, as if looking into someone’s erased any trace of foreign existence.
There were only so many people’s eyes he even tolerated looking into.
He never expected to find himself mesmerized by hers.
The blue of Marinette’s eyes was unlike any color he had ever witnessed. And the expressions they held… He had looked into her eyes more often than he would have ever imagined, never quite finding the same expression twice.
The first time he had accidentally looked into them, it had been heartbreak.
Heartbreak at a misunderstanding, any trace of anger or surprise left behind.
So close to tears.
The second time, it was awe.
Mesmerization he couldn’t decipher what it was at. The rain, the way lightning made every droplet shine like a pearl, maybe?
The umbrella, perhaps?
He found the tiniest bit of his heart deeply aching, wishing it could perhaps be him.
He didn’t realize it at that moment.
Sometimes, looking into anyone’s eyes took all the energy he could muster, leaving him mentally exhausted for the rest of the day if he did it for long enough.
While he didn’t like looking into people’s eyes, he discovered he didn’t mind gazing at them. Quick glances allowed him to discover traces of colors he rarely saw anywhere else. Hazel brown, honey yellow, ashy greys all gave depth to his classmate’s stares.
He had never seen that watery shade of blue before.
It made him think of simpler days, back before the weight of the world rested on his shoulders. His mind was transported to crystal clear beaches, life flowing beneath the surface.
For a few moments at a time, he found himself entranced by the blue.
Only for a few moments.
The third time he actually looked into her eyes, in the museum, she was close enough for him to notice the details.
The streaks of sea blue, freckles scattered across her cheekbones, and the tiny cracks in her lips, indicating mild dehydration.
He would make sure she remembered to drink water more often.
And then, her warmth.
Only for a few moments.
“Eternity is a long time, don’t you think?”
That night, as his brain insisted on recapping the entire day for him, he got to a conclusion.
Eternity isn’t as long, if it’s with her.
He shoved that thought into the back of his head. What was wrong with him? Wasn’t he supposed to be interested in Ladybug?
Too many questions for a single night of sleep.
His dreams that night were filled with the bright blue sky of Paris during spring, a sight that made his heart happy every time he had the opportunity of catching it.
Just like Marinette’s eyes did.
~(X)~
Adrien figured he had a lot of introspection to do.
For quite a while now, he had noticed the way she acted around him.
Stammering, nervously trying to appear her best and miserably failing at it.
For quite a while now, he had also wondered what led her to think she had to.
He had seen the bravery she held inside, carefully concealed most of the time. Safely tucked in beneath a blanket of self-doubt that made itself twenty times as heavy at the mere sight of the possibility of failure.
He wondered whether one day she would find her true voice.
And, he hoped he would be there to see it.
He had had the honor of seeing beneath the curtain once or twice. He would give so, so much to let it fall forever.
The day Marinette announced she was dating Luka, it made his heart confused.
In the few weeks they had spent seeing each other, she had appeared brighter. Braver.
But, at the same time, more stressed.
The fourth time he actually looked into her eyes, her eyes looked darker.
The fifth time, ashy.
The sixth time, watery.
He was sure that would have never happened if it was him beside her.
She kept on shutting everyone out, absentmindedly rambling about never-ending task lists. Whatever it was that troubled her, it kept her up at night too, if her social media “active” status wasn’t lying.
Every single day that went by convinced him more and more.
Whatever it was, it could have been so much better with him by her side. As much as she shut herself out, shielding herself even from her closest friends, he would have tried to help. He would have asked. He would have found ways to help, whether that was by simply giving her a free space to talk, or even straight up Cataclysming the source of her troubles.
He would have done so much more.
But he wasn’t the one she had chosen to trust. It didn’t feel like his place to interfere.
He wished he could do something. That was what friends did, right?
Trying to look out for the best, doing everything in their power to make them feel better.
He didn’t know a lot about friendship yet, but he was more than sure that he would give anything for her.
As a friend, obviously.
Nothing more than friends.
The seventh time he took the time to look in her eyes, she seemed to be doing much better.
At least that was what he wanted to believe.
~(X)~
They broke up
As selfish as it sounded, those words seemed to lift his spirits.
He wasn’t sure why.
He was happy for them, though. From what the rumors carried across the school hallways, they ended on relatively good terms.
In the few days that had passed since the first news of the breakup, she had looked more like herself with every passing day, even if some bits felt like those of a completely new someone.
He was so, so glad to see her like that again.
The eighth time Adrien looked into her eyes, he found an emotion he couldn’t quite explain. It felt ethereal, barely having begun to properly land into her mind.
As hard as it was to try and decipher it, he could tell she didn’t mind it.
If she didn’t mind it, he didn’t either. All that mattered right now was that she was doing better.
He wished she could stay like that forever.
He was glad to notice that the ninth time he peeked into her eyes, her old light was back. The tenth time, he could find a glimmer of happiness that lit up her heart.
~(X)~
It didn’t last much. The eleventh time he looked into her eyes, he had finally gained some practice making eye contact.
The twelfth time, he realized he didn’t really mind it, if it was her he was looking at.
He hoped she would maybe notice, the little success being enough to lift her mood.
Yet again, she was falling down the spiral.
Everyone could notice. Skipping classes, isolating herself, the shadows under her eyes growing each day.
He had already seen her go that way once, and it took all in him to even think of her going through that again.
Coming from his own experience, it was a feeling he didn’t wish on anyone, much less her.
She had done so much for him. In his opinion, it was only fair he did something back.
Maybe that way she will…
Wait, what was he thinking? He would do something for her. The amazing, sweet and caring Marinette.
The same Marinette that was capable of creating, of bringing life to her imagination through her art and sewing skills. The one who had gone through so much trouble to lift his mood before, as awkward as it had been.
For the same Marinette who helped him stand up to his father.
He would give so much to see her break a smile.
In the meanwhile, he could start with something small. Like bringing her the notes from that day’s lessons.
The short walk from school to her house was filled with endless muffled maybes.
The greetings to her parents were tinged with a couple thousand hopes.
Wait, what am I hoping for?
As he walked up the stairs to the house part of the bakery, he noticed he wouldn’t mind doing it more often.
More often?
Maybe even everyday.
His heart pounded faster with every step he took towards her trapdoor, air escaping his lungs as he got ready to knock.
Why am I nervous?
He knocked.
A brief exchange.
Usually, the sight of her would make him feel like his world was a thousand times brighter in the right way. But seeing her like that… It made his heart ache.
If there was something else he would never wish on anyone, it was relating to him, and he had just discovered how much they had in common.
Every single word she was saying about herself, they were words he had repeated in the loneliness of his room late at night a hundred thousand times before.
He found he couldn’t stand it.
“I can’t let anyone love me.”
“No one can understand what I’m going through.”
“I’ll always be a failure”
He didn’t really mind.
She was successful, so very far from failure. Easy to empathize with. If there was something she was far from, it was unloveable.
At that moment, it clicked for Adrien.
He would be glad to be the one to love her.
In fact, he would trade his powers, his entire life just for the chance to be the one to love her.
His mind began racing with the realization, emotions almost overthrowing any hint of rational sense he had left.
“I don’t care, Marinette! I love you just the way you are!”
He was practically ready to sing and throw himself at her feet, devote his every waking hour to professing his love. He almost succumbed to the impulse of asking her to be his girlfriend, right then and there.
Almost.
She looked stunned at his words.
Adrien couldn’t quite decipher what type of stunning her features contained, though.
He figured it would be better to let her speak first. After all, if he had waited for so long to even realize the way he felt for her, a sentence more wouldn’t hurt, right?
“I… don’t… love you. I’ve had feelings for you Adrien, but… I don’t anymore. It’s better that way.”
The thirteenth time he looked into her eyes, he had no choice but to stay there forever.
Right where she left him.