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Michael was a bit surprised by the request to meet up with 7/11 at the park by his house to talk, but he’d been wanting to see Jeremy since his dad had grounded him. It was long overdue. So, he didn’t question it, instead bringing slushees and sugary snacks for them to munch on while they caught up.
Jeremy got in his car, and the music was turned down, while the car’s heater hit their skin. It was December after all.
“So, what’d you wanna talk about?” Michael was opening a package of gummy bears while Jeremy got situated in his seat. He noticed, his friend wasn’t reaching for the snacks at all.
“I’m sorry.” Jeremy replied quickly.
Michael stopped and looked at him, “Jeremy, I already forgave you for all of that, you don’t need to apologize again. We’re good.”
Jeremy shook his head, “I mean for the party, specifically. Because that was all me, and I was an asshole. I shouldn’t have yelled at you, or left, or… called you a loser.”
Michael shrugged, “I mean, sure, but I’m okay, it’s okay. I promise, bud.”
“Didn’t that bother you though?”
Michael went quiet for a moment, wanting to choose his words delicately. He didn’t want to add fuel to the situation by making Jeremy feel worse, but he also didn’t want to lie. “Of course it did. I mean, honestly, most of it was fine, it was just-“
“The loser thing?” Jeremy cut him off, clearly feeling bothered by that.
“What?” Michael was confused, “No. I mean, somewhat, I guess, but it definitely wasn’t the worst thing, the worst thing was that you left, and it kind of solidified that… you know. We were in different places, and everything was changing, and I was… fucking powerless to do anything about it.”
Jeremy squinted at him, before looking down, “I thought I hurt your feelings really bad.”
Michael gave a quiet laugh, almost like it sounded ridiculous, “I feel like you’re focusing on the wrong part of that, Jer. I think, your main problem is the choice of words, right? Like, the fact that you called me a loser is the part that bothers you?”
Jeremy gave a silent nod, clearly feeling guilty.
Michael nodded too, continuing, “You could’ve called me literally anything and it would’ve hurt just as bad. Geek, nerd, bitch, idiot, literally any word would’ve had the same effect. The problem was more… the fact that you seemed to believe it when you said it, and… you know, more importantly, you believed that you weren’t a loser.”
Jeremy looked back at him, “Oh.”
“I mean, we’ve called each other losers since middle school, man, it’s not like it’s new. But it was never in bad blood, and we didn’t do that shit when we fought, which is what made it different. You used something we always used to tease each other, and you made it a weapon against me.”
Jeremy sighed, “But it’s still a mean word, I feel like loser is… I don’t know. It would’ve bothered me, had you used that word specifically, and the roles were reversed.”
Michael nodded, “I know, but you’ve always hated that word. I think that’s what I’m saying, is that you’re focusing too much on the word choice, because that word upsets you, but it doesn’t hit like that for me. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I latched onto the word at the time, but like, now that we’re good? I don’t really care anymore. S’just a word.”
Jeremy squirmed in his spot, “I guess that makes sense. I just- I called you the worst thing I could think in the moment, but you’re right. You’ve always been good at that though, letting people’s words roll off your shoulders. I’m not good at that. I’m sure I’m better at it now. Having all of your insecurities just laid out in front of you and torn apart constantly is… not fun.”
Michael nodded, “Yeah. You know, I think now that we’ve really talked about it, and you’ve told me what having the SQUIP was actually like, I do get why you wanted to keep it when we fought at the party. I mean, if I was given everything I hated the most about myself, and then a quick and easy solution for all of it? I’d probably take it. I think that’s normal. Plus, I’ll be honest, I wasn’t exactly going about warning you the best way I could have, you were already pretty stressed.”
Jeremy shrugged, “Dude, I don’t know if I would’ve listened to you even if you went about it super delicately. I was just… you know, I was finally doing well, I thought. I didn’t want that to go away. I’m glad it’s gone now, though, seriously.”
Michael smiled, “Me too.”
And with that, they settled, and finally got into their snacks together.