Chapter Text
Hawkins, 1985
Steve wanted to die. He didn't know how he hadn't hanged himself after finding out he was going to repeat his last school year, because his final test scores were terrible. He didn't know how his own parents hadn't hanged him, since they were so furious when they cut off his allowance and forced him to get a job. Even after the supposed Starcourt Mall fire, they didn't give a damn.
The worst thing was knowing that the first thing they asked when they got back from one of their trips — both of them already knowing about the mall incident — was if he got another job. Of course, it was social suicide to have a child who failed and who was also a bum.
"At least you won't be seeing that Asshole Hagan anymore." Robin tried to cheer him up in the morning of the first school day. Both were in Steve's car, going to Dustin's house to give him a ride.
“Yeah, ‘cause the Asshole graduated and is now in college, unlike me.”
“You're going to college too. Just not now.”
Steve tightened his hands on the steering wheel and pressed his lips together before saying:
“I don’t know. Repeating kinda makes things difficult.”
“If you get good grades this year and do well on the entrance exam and interview, that's a guarantee.”
“Of course, 'cause all of this is quite simple, right? Nancy didn't even freak out last year to help me with the essay.”
Steve looked at Robin for a few seconds and saw her empathetic expression.
“Look, she was in the 11th grade, right? She couldn't even help you that much, but we're both in the same grade and I can help you if you want to. Who knows, we might end up at the same college.”
Steve bit his bottom lip. It was weird to think about leaving Hawkins. He couldn't imagine a scenario in which would leave everything and everyone behind. Would have to leave the kids alone when every year a new problem arose to plague them. And then? What would he do? He didn't even have ambitions.
Still remembered Nancy's words last year, when he'd thought working for his father wouldn't be so bad after all. She said: “You can do more than that.” Did she really think so? Steve was so dumb! (Repeating proved this.) If only he had the slightest bit of intelligence or interest in something, he could have a successful future like most of his brat friends probably will.
Working with his father seemed like a good plan B when he was with Nancy, he would have good conditions for a future as a couple. Many times Steve imagined the two of them building a family and it felt so right. But it wasn't. Now he was alone and unlucky in love. What was the point of stressing himself out working for his father? And what was his goal?
“I don't know, Rob…I really don't know.”
Robin looked at her friend with compassion.
“Trying never killed anyone, right? Even if you're confused, it's good to have options.”
Steve hesitated, but ended up agreeing with a nod.
“I think so.”
The car pulled up beside the Henderson's driveway and Steve spotted Dustin talking to Lucas on the curb. The two entered the vehicle and settled in the back seats. Dustin hadn't mentioned that the other boy would be there as well, but Steve just drove off without questions. The kids stayed the whole way talking about a D&D campaign they had been planning for some time. Lucas suggested inviting Max to play and Dustin didn't think twice about agreeing.
Steve knew after Billy's funeral, Max and Lucas broke up. He didn't remember seeing the girl with the others since then. She was living at the trailer station just with her mother, as Billy's father left Hawkins not long after his son's death. Steve made a mental note to check on Max.
When they arrived at the school parking lot, the two preteens quickly got out of the car and entered the school together.
Steve stared at the building as if it would eat him alive if he got out of the car.
“Steve?” Robin called him.
He buried his face in the steering wheel and whimpered:
“Everyone will make fun of me.”
Robin sighed and laid a hand on his friend's arm. That made him lift his head to look at her.
“It's only nine months, you can handle it,” she said and patted him on the back. “Come on, Dingus.”
She opened the car door and got out. Steve reluctantly did the same.
Both walked through the halls together. Some people stared at him with confusion and new female students smiled at him. They stopped in front of their lockers, which coincidentally were only separated by the one in the middle.
“Did you see? Nobody said anything to you.”
“Yet.”
Robin rolled her eyes.
"What such a bad luck!" a distinct voice exclaimed.
They looked in the direction of the sound and saw a blond boy in a school basketball jacket. Steve knew his name: Jason Carver. He hadn't attracted much attention the last year, but everyone knew he was a jock and the boyfriend of Chrissy Cunningham, one of the cheerleaders. He looked with contempt at a boy with long black hair, who was wearing ripped black pants, a jacket of the same color and a white T-shirt with the words “Hellfire Club” above a drawing of some kind of diabolical creature.
“I've got the Freak as my locker neighbor," Jason complained.
The other rolled his eyes and turned his body to answer him with a not very heavy British accent:
“Carver, I know you're obsessed with me, but you need to understand that you're not my type.”
Jason gritted his teeth, grabbed the boy's collar, and shoved him hard against the locker.
Steve closed his eyes when he heard a groan of pain. Those were the moments when he hated himself for remembering he was once a complete asshole like Jason Carver. He also vividly remembered laughing as Tommy Hagan teased the same boy everyone called the Freak: Eddie Munson.
Everyone thought Eddie was weird because of his clothing style and taste for Heavy Metal. Steve heard many rumors about him throughout high school. Heard that he sold his soul to the devil, sold a kidney in exchange for drugs, committed crimes in the United Kingdom and fled to Hawkins, and many others like that.
The only rumor he had heard and believed was that Eddie Munson was selling drugs. He knew that because Tommy Hagan himself had already made deals, but not directly, as he sent the money to Steve to buy. Funny how life works.
According to Steve calculations, it was the second time that the metalhead had repeated.
Eddie fell to the ground and Jason whispered something Steve couldn't hear before walking away. Robin frowned and walked towards him, with her friend following automatically.
“Hey, are you okay?” she asked, offering her hands to the boy.
He took them and Robin helped him to his feet.
“Yes, thanks.” As soon as he spoke, he noticed Steve's presence and frowned. “But I don't know if you're okay with these companies.”
Steve didn't even have a chance to process the sentence before Eddie headed down the halls.
“Wait, you're friends with The Fre… E-eddie Munson?”
Robin raised an eyebrow, showing signs of having understood what his friend was going to say before correcting himself, but she just replied:
“Quick story, nothing too extraordinary.”
Steve was curious, but the thought dissipated when he heard the bell ring.
"See you later, Dingus," she said. “Try not to die without me.”
He narrowed his eyes and gave a sarcastic laugh.
"Okay, go to your class, Joker."
Both separated, each to their respective rooms.
As the classes went by, Steve was relieved to realize that no one commented on the fact he had repeated the school year, not to his face at least. It seems that being popular gives you privileges.
***
At lunchtime, Steve had just closed his locker when Robin pulled him into the library, claiming she had something important to tell.
They sat on the floor, between two bookshelves. Robin was picking at a loose lint on her torn pants, looking nervous. She didn't look at him.
“So… what did you wanna tell me?” Steve asked.
She hesitated for a few seconds, opening and closing her mouth, but managed to formulate:
"When you told me you didn't like Nancy anymore, was it true? Like, you still don't feel anything for her?”
Steve drew his eyebrows together, puckering the patch of skin that separated them. He didn't understand why Robin was talking about Nancy at that moment.
“Yes, I'm over it now. Why?”
"And…" She closed her eyes and sighed. “Would you be upset if any of your friends were kind of… into her?”
“What? No! Why are you asking me this?”
She looked up and pursed her mouth. Steve parted his lips as he realized what that meant.
Robin nodded to the other side of the library and Steve followed with his eyes. There was Nancy, book in hand, concentrating on what she was reading.
“You mocked me when I said I was in love with her!” Steve pointed his index finger at his friend.
"It's because I thought she was just a boring nerd! But then I saw her shoot that thing at the mall and… God!” Robin focused her eyes on the shelf in front of her. “I never would've guessed that Nancy Wheeler knew how to handle a gun, but she did, and she looked so… so attractive doing it.”
Steve smiled.
“I heard she and Jonathan broke up,” he said and saw her friend come back to look at him. “I always thought she liked him in a way that I know she never liked me, but… you're the expert. Do you think she's lesbian?”
“No, maybe bisexual, but I think I'm too unlucky for that and she must be just another straight girl.”
“Bisexual?”
“Yes.”
Steve looked confused at Robin and it took her a few seconds to understand.
“What? You don't know what a bisexual person is?”
“I've never heard that word before.”
“You straight people really do live in a bubble, Jesus!” Robin shook her head as if disappointed. “Bisexual people are those who don't like just one gender, but all.”
“Is it possible?”
“Of course. David Bowie and Elton John are openly bisexual, didn't you know?”*
Steve shook his head negatively.
“Oh, God!” she murmured.
“Look, you should talk to her, maybe she's what you said. It would be a huge plot twist if two girls I already liked started dating.” Steve saw Robin laugh. “Serious, I can't think of anything more plot twist than that.”
“More plot twist than that, it would be if you found out you were bi.”
Steve laughed.
“Sorry to disappoint you, Robin, but not everyone is gay.”
“And that's why the world doesn't work.”
Steve laughed out loud and Robin followed suit. They ended up getting scolded by the employee in charge of the library and then laughed softly.
In another part of the school, specifically the dining hall, Eddie Munson had just stepped out of line to get his lunch. He sat around a table with his friends Jeff and Jackie.
Jeff was black and wore an identical shirt to Eddie, as both belonged to a Dungeons and Dragons club called “Hellfire”. Jackie was a girl with Asian features, thanks to her Chinese ancestry on her father's side, and wore eyeliner and black lipstick. She was also part of the club and wore a matching shirt.
“Where's Gareth?” Jeff asked.
“Still in line,” Eddie replied. “Oh, and speaking of Gareth, I wanted us to go practice for the band today at his house, at the usual time. I composed a new song and I wanna show it to you guys.”
“Okay, then we'll also schedule a performance at The Hideout,” Jackie suggested. “My boss is starting to be nicer 'cause we attract people on the days we play.”
“Great! Let's see if he finally gives us something more than that shit he pays us.”
Suddenly, a loud crash of something falling to the ground rang out and everyone turned towards the direction of the sound.
A boy, tall and muscular, wearing his school basketball jersey, was glaring at a short and robust student. The jock had an intact tray of food in his hands, but the other had his on the floor along with everything that was on it.
"Watch where you're going, Porky!" the athlete exclaimed and walked normally to a table, which was surrounded by other students in coats identical to his.
Eddie clenched his fists. He was angry at how the jocks were assholes, acting like they were kings.
The kid was clearly embarrassed. It didn't take long for two other preteens to appear and accompany him to an empty table in whispers. At the same time, Gareth sat down with the rest of the club.
“I hate these fucking jocks.” he said with a frown between his plump cheeks.
“There's Corroded Coffin practice at your house today.” Jeff informed.
Eddie watched the table where the kid and other boys were. Both were thin and quite tall, but one was white and had neck-length hair while the other was black and had short hair. Clothes with geek references already made clear the part of the school food chain they were at.
“These newbies seems like the exact type of people these jerks like to pick on,” he commented.
“Yeah, they seem to be nerds like us,” Jackie agreed and slurped a juice box through a straw.
Eddie stared at the preteens for a while. Remembered his freshman days in middle school, five years ago. He was judged and bullied daily for his different way of being — he still was being judged and bullied, but now he knew there was nothing wrong with being different. If someone older had supported him back then, it would have been easier to deal with.
He got up.
"Come with me," he said.
He headed to the rookies' table and the Hellfire members followed behind, looking at each other in confusion. They sat on the empty benches and saw the youngsters' frightened expressions.
"Hi, brats," Eddie greeted with a smile. “Have you heard about Dungeons and Dragons?”
“Hmm… it's our favorite game,” the same boy bullied by the jock replied.
“Excellent! My name is Eddie and we are from Hellfire, the school D&D club.”
“The school has a D&D club?” His eyes sparkled.
"Yes, thanks to Eddie," Jackie said.
"And if you want to, you can take a look tomorrow at four-thirty," Eddie added.
The preteens looked at each other with enthusiasm.
“See you later, brats.” Eddie went back to the other table, being followed by his friends.
In the last class of the day, Eddie sat in the back of the room like he always did. People came in and quickly the room crowded. The teacher was about to talk when Steve Harrington appeared.
“Sorry I'm late, Mr Collins. I promise it won't happen again.”
“Okay, sit down, Harrington.”
Steve glanced around the room and, unfortunately for Eddie, sat down in the chair behind him.
The teacher started talking about the day's content and then wrote some related things on the board.
Eddie hated Professor Collins's classes because he wrote in such terrible handwriting, it's impossible to understand anything. So he didn't even try to copy. Instead, he started scribbling some drawings in his notebook.
Steve, on the other hand, wanted to push himself to pass the year. He had to give himself up to the torture of trying to understand what the hell was written on the blackboard. Sitting in the back when his vision wasn't the best didn't seem like a good idea either. He looked at Eddie and saw him move the pencil without concern, maybe he was understanding.
Eddie got halfway through drawing a bat when he felt breath on his shoulder and a strong whiff of male perfume. Steve Harrington was peering into his notebook.
“Did you miss something here, Harrington?” Eddie asked, turning his head to face the other. Their faces were inches apart and it made the metalhead catch his breath.
Damn! He hated Steve, but being this close to a handsome guy made him panic. After all, he wasn't blind.
“Oh… no, no, it's just… I was just…” Steve fumbled and leaned back into his seat. “Leave it alone. Nice drawing, by the way.”
Eddie raised an eyebrow. What praise was that? It only could be some kind of stupid joke.
“Thanks? That's kind of you, Your Highness. ” replied with sarcasm.
Eddie turned to the drawing and didn't look back at Steve, nor did he look back at him.
At home, Eddie took a shower.
He had to take bandages off his breasts to loosen them up and put on a baggy Metallica T-shirt. It was comfortable to feel his breasts free. He would never put bandages to hide them, he kinda liked them, but was afraid of the idiots at school finding out he was trans.
There was a knock on the trailer door and he went to answer it. Opening it, he was surprised to see Chrissy Cunningham.
“Hi, Eddie,” she greeted, smiling.
“Chrissy, come in.” Eddie gave the girl room to pass, and when she did, he closed the door. “Have you come to buy the usual?”
“Yeah, what you sold me last week is gone.”
“Okay, just wait a second.”
Eddie went into the bedroom, picked up the lunch box he guarded his “products” and quickly returned to the room. He found Chrissy a little lost, scanning the furniture.
“You can sit on the couch,” he offered and settled back on the upholstery.
Chrissy nodded and sat down next to Eddie.
“Look, when you want to buy again, don't come to my house. That's fine to me, but if your boyfriend finds out, he dumps me. He made that very clear to me today.”
“Did Jason talk to you?” Chrissy questioned, gaping. “He didn't say anything and he was normal with me today.”
“He pushed me against the locker and told me to stay away from you. Probably thinks I'm stalking you or something.”
“Oh my God! Sorry, Eddie. If I had known, I would've been more careful.”
“It's not your fault. He's the one who rather jumps to conclusions than talking to his girlfriend.”
"Jason… doesn't know I smoke," Chrissy confessed. “But look, I'll make up some excuse and then I'll be more careful.”
Eddie nodded and took a bag of marijuana smoke out of his lunch box. Then he handed it to Chrissy. She paid fifteen dollars.
“Can I… smoke here?” she asked. “My mother's at home now and I don't wanna get caught.”
“No problem, we can watch a movie if you feel like it.”
Chrissy smiled gently.
“Sure, it would be nice.”
Eddie made a reefer for her and one for himself. Then he put the tape of A Nightmare on Elm Street in the VCR for them to watch.
It was the second time Chrissy had bought drugs with him. Eddie knew her from middle school, the time he had just arrived in Hawkins. The girl was never close to him, but she didn't lash out at him either.
Eddie used to be jealous. Chrissy was the super girly, popular chick he could never be. This realization, for a boy who had just left one country for another to go live with his uncle because he was not accepted by his parents, was too painful.
However, when Eddie was smoking next to her and laughing at some of the scares she had with the movie, he didn't feel hurt or envy. Still had his insecurities, but assumed that the Perfect Chrissy Cunningham wasn't so perfect after all and she had problems too. Well, to be buying drugs, she must have been kind of fucked up in the head.
The movie came to an end and Eddie smiled when he saw the girl dozing. He decided not to wake her up, as she looked cute.
He looked at the clock on the living room wall and realized that it was time for band rehearsal. In a hurry, he wore only a vest over his baggy shirt and left the trailer, heading for Gareth's house.
About twenty minutes later, he parked the van near a sidewalk and saw his friend's garage open. There were Gareth and Jeff, but no sign of Jackie.
“So where's Jackie?” he asked as he entered.
“She hasn't arrived yet,” Gareth replied.
“Okay, let's see the arrangement of the song for now, then.”
Eddie showed the guitar arrangement. Gareth added drums and Jeff added bass. They stayed up all afternoon working on it, since Jackie didn't show up.
It was already night when the arrangement of the song was finished and they had rehearsed about five times to memorize.
“I'm gonna give Jackie a hard time for not showing up,” Jeff commented. “I wanted to hear her singing that song.”
“I'll call her as soon as I get home,” Eddie said. “She'll suffer.”
They said goodbye and Eddie drove home. When he entered the trailer, he saw that Chrissy was no longer there and assumed the girl had woken up earlier and left.
He dialed Jackie's home phone number and waited for it to ring.
“Hello?” a male voice sounded from the other side.
“Hi, good evening, Mr Zhao. Is Jackie in?”
Jackie's father was silent.
“Mr Zhao?” Eddie called.
“Listen, kid… Jackie… she… she's in the hospital.”
Eddie's heart leapt.
“Why? Did something happen to her?”
The man sighed.
“She overdosed this afternoon.”
Eddie felt short of breath.
“She'll be discharged in the morning, but I'll take her to rehab in Indianapolis” the father told.
“Can I… can I go check on her?”
“It's late now, but you can say goodbye tomorrow at 7 o'clock.”
“Oh… okay, I will. Good night, Mr. Zhao.”
“Good night, kid.”
Eddie hung up the phone and felt a lump in his throat. His left breast ached and tears threatened to fall from his eyes.
He yanked open the trailer door and sat down on a step, dizzy. Pulled out a cigarette, which he always kept ready in his waistcoat pocket along with a lighter, and lit it. Took a drag in order to relax. The night breeze also helped to calm down.
Eddie felt guilty for not having noticed that Jackie was addicted or in trouble. Should've noticed more, helped her. They were friends, bandmates and saw each other daily, they had a connection. It was his duty to have helped her, but he hadn't and now she was going to spend a long time in rehab.
As soon as Eddie realized, the cigarette was gone and found himself pulling another one out of his pocket. He was in the middle of another one when a familiar car pull up in front of his neighbor's trailer, a luxurious brown BMW — the Steve Harrington's car.
Steve himself got out of it and rapped softly on the trailer door. It didn't take long for a red-haired teenager to open it. Both of them exchanged short phrases before entering and the door was closed.
Eddie found this intriguing. His neighbor was a simple woman with a drinking problem, who lived with her teenage daughter. The girl looked to be fifteen at most. It was strange that Steve Harrington knew her.