Work Text:
Jaehyun remembers it all so vividly.
—•—
A normal Saturday morning in the practice rooms. They’re all scattered around the room, each member doing their own thing.
Yuta and Haechan are reviewing steps in front of the mirror. Doyoung is deep in focus, practicing his vocal runs in the back. Mark and Johnny whisper animatedly to each other, playing some shooting game on their phones. Taeyong is on a call with someone, maybe his mother. Jaehyun himself is stretching lazily seated on the ground, one leg extended in front of him.
Jungwoo is the only one missing, since he’s the only employed one out of the 9 of them. Since 127 is currently in the limbo between comebacks, none of them have much to do other than sleep, exercise, and practice. Even Mark and Haechan, normally the busiest bees in the entire group, are left with nothing to do, since Dream just finished comeback promotions a couple of days ago.
Every Saturday, Jungwoo wakes up early and ditches the rest of the group to go to the MBC Music Core studio for his MCing job. The job is literally made for Jungwoo; he’s the perfect mix of entertaining, charming, and comforting, and he fits into the role of MC like it was always meant for him.
He’s been with MBC for a year and a bit now, so his absence at today’s practice isn’t abnormal. It’s not like the rest of them are doing anything productive anyways, so he’s not really missing out on much.
When Jungwoo first started as an MC, Jaehyun always made it a point to watch all of his broadcasts. Jungwoo’s been his best friend for years. He wanted to support him in any way he could.
Though he’s watched the music show so many times that he thinks if he hears that “Show, show, show!” ending bit one more time, he might just throw himself in front of a train.
It’s worth it though. He’s always thought it was worth it to watch Jungwoo in his element, interacting with so many other idols, being his endearingly sweet self to everyone around him. It’s incredible how every single staff member who’s worked with NCT 127 has made it a point to comment on Jungwoo’s charm and kindness. And Jaehyun’s never heard anything less than good things about Jungwoo, even from people who have only met or talked to him once.
Clearly Kim Jungwoo has just stolen everyone’s hearts.
Jaehyun’s, unfortunately (fortunately?), was one of the first. And he’s never gotten his heart back from Jungwoo’s grasp. He doesn’t think he ever will. He’s in too deep.
But! He digresses.
His phone vibrates with a message. When he checks, he sees a text from Yuta in the 127 group chat, epically titled ‘NCT 127 💚.’
A reminder for Jungwoo to pick up the group’s lunch order on his way back from the studio, as is their weekly routine. Jungwoo’s definitely done with the broadcast by this point. He’s probably already in the car, heading to the company. Maybe he’s already picked up 127’s order of noodles and chicken, steaming hot and ready to eat.
But that can’t be right, because Jungwoo always either responds or reacts to their messages about food almost immediately to show that he’s acknowledging them. And there’s no silly upside down smiley emoji from him anywhere in the recent text thread.
Actually, it shows that he hasn’t even read the messages, which kind of explains it all. But now Jaehyun is worried about the fate of his lemon pepper fried chicken. If Jungwoo hasn’t seen their message about their lunch order, who will be the one to bring them their precious food?
Jungwoo’s like their food angel. Every Saturday, he brings with him the holy offering of junk food and snacks, blessing them all with the material for their sustenance. Come to think of it, Jungwoo buys them all food a lot. There was the bibimbap last Tuesday, and patbingsu 6 days ago, and also the pork buns yesterday. All the food he knows the members are willing to break their diets for.
Okay then, not just a food angel– an angel, period. But also a devil. He’s both the angel and the devil sitting on your shoulder. And of course, everyone gives into Jungwoo in the end. Jaehyun is absolutely no exception. He would do anything if Kim Jungwoo asked him to.
Jaehyun checks his phone again. Weird. It’s around 26 minutes later than Jungwoo normally arrives back at the company after his MC schedule. Maybe they got caught in traffic or something.
No big deal. Jaehyun is fine with being a little patient–
The members all look up at the sound of the practice room door opening. He knows they’re all expecting a cheerful Jungwoo bearing bags upon bags of takeout food.
Instead, they see two of their managers, both looking harried and disheveled, hurry frantically through the doorway. One of them is on a call, running her fingers through her short hair. The other one seems to be strangely on edge, typing furiously on his phone with his eyebrows scrunched together.
Jaehyun exchanges a confused look with Yuta, sitting up a little straighter. On the other side of the room, Haechan gently taps Doyoung out of his focused state.
Snippets of the manager’s phone conversation float to Jaehyun’s ears.
“Yes…symptoms? What…okay. We…the way…telling them now.”
For some reason, his intuition is telling him that something is wrong. A bad feeling settles itself in his chest.
“I’ll call you back, eomma.” Taeyong hangs up on his own phone call and asks the manager tentatively, “What’s up, hyung?”
The bad feeling only grows when Jaehyun sees the man turn towards the members with a stricken look in his eyes. He glances back at his phone screen for a second before chewing on his lip in hesitation.
Then he opens his mouth and says the four words Jaehyun will never forget.
“Jungwoo’s in the hospital.”
—•—
The stylists really aren’t going to be very happy with him.
That’s the only thing Jaehyun allows himself to think. The stylists won’t be happy at the fact that he’s biting his nails again, destroying his cuticles and chewing at the tips till they’re just jagged stubs.
But who can blame him? Not when the other members are looking just as anxious. He sees bouncing knees, tapping fingers, and hands running through hair bleached too often to be healthy. The van is quiet, though. They’re all just listening to the manager driving them all through Seoul traffic to get to the hospital.
“The nurse said there’s a high likelihood it’s acute appendicitis. That’s the last I heard, at least. I haven’t gotten a call back yet.”
Appendicitis? But…Jungwoo had been fine this morning! At least, Jaehyun is pretty sure he was fine this morning. Then again, as idols they’re all stellar at hiding their problems. Part and parcel of the job they all just love so much.
“The Music Core staff who was supervising him said he was complaining of a stomach ache before the broadcast, but he drank some water and said he was okay. After the rehearsal, he asked her for some medicine. She said he looked kind of pale and weak. Jungwoo told her that he had slept badly and was feeling a little under the weather, so she let him go and MC.”
“Right after the broadcast ended, the staff realized something was wrong when Jungwoo wasn’t able to get out of the makeup chair. This was when I got a call from them.”
The manager sighs heavily. “I talked to Woo and he sounded like he was in pain, but he said he’d be okay. I told the staff members not to call an ambulance but to drive him to the hospital anyway, just to be safe.”
There’s a pause as the manager focuses back on the road. Jaehyun allows hope to bubble in his chest, because maybe that’s it. Maybe this convoluted story ends with Jungwoo being taken to the hospital, and then he gets treated quickly before his appendicitis grows to be worse than a simple stomach ache. Maybe they got lucky.
But there seems to be more to it all. Jaehyun can tell by the way the manager’s fingers are drumming on the steering wheel at a pace that betrays how worried he actually is.
“Apparently his condition got worse in the car. Way worse.” The sound of everyone’s reaction to this news is almost comical. Almost.
“By the time they got to the hospital, Jungwoo wasn’t even responsive anymore. They got him to emergency surgery, but obviously the staff members couldn’t go with him. He’s in surgery now, and the last I heard from the staff was around half an hour ago.”
No one says a word. Then Taeyong speaks up, voice barely a whisper.
“He said his stomach was hurting yesterday during dinner.”
And suddenly, Jaehyun remembers how Jungwoo had looked so strangely uncomfortable over their shared dinner of stir fry and dumplings. Jaehyun had assumed that Jungwoo, being Jungwoo, had just eaten too much. If he had just checked in with Jungwoo, just asked him if anything was wrong, would they still be in this situation now? Would they still be rushing to the hospital because Jungwoo had to get emergency surgery for an infected appendix?
If Jaehyun was less of an inconsiderate person, would they have been able to fix the problem before it escalated? Is it Jaehyun’s fault that Jungwoo was–
As if he can sense the spiral that everyone is about to go into, the manager clicks his tongue and reassures, “There was nothing you could have done. I mean, you guys know Jungwoo. He probably would have told you he was fine last night too.”
It’s true, Jaehyun knows. But he still feels guilty somehow, because Jungwoo is like his precious thing that he needs to protect and keep safe. He’s more than Jaehyun’s best friend, practically his other half. If something bad happens to Jungwoo, then Jaehyun feels it strike deep in his heart. He never shows it, though. He can never let his face betray his emotions, or else the whole world would know that Kim Jungwoo has his entire heart in the palm of his hand.
—•—
Jaehyun is the first to the door.
Room 509. A private room, which they didn’t even have to ask for because apparently the hospital’s receptionist is a die-hard NCTZen. Jaehyun makes it a point to go down there and thank her as soon as the company managers finish getting the hospital staff to sign non-disclosure agreements. The media would have a field day if they found out that Jungwoo had been admitted to the hospital in the condition that he had been in, and it’s best to avoid any rumors before they start to spread.
He hesitates in front of the door. The other members wait behind him. Haechan prods his shoulder, not unkindly, but because he’s just as anxious as the rest of them to see Jungwoo.
But for some reason, Jaehyun hesitates.
Perhaps he’s subconsciously struggling with the idea of seeing Jungwoo, normally so energetic and lively, lying silent in a hospital bed. Eyes closed. Hooked up to tubes. Just the thought makes Jaehyun’s chest feel heavy.
But he takes a breath, grabs the handle, and pushes the door open.
It’s exactly how he imagined it to be. The room is quiet, only filled with the sound of the monitor by Jungwoo’s bedside beeping steadily.
Jaehyun knows the surgery went relatively okay. He’s been told that by, like, ten different hospital officials. Jungwoo’s in no real danger. He’s perfectly fine, as fine as one can be after having his appendix removed.
He’s so still, though. Jungwoo’s always moving, always smiling, always laughing. To see him there, covered in blankets and looking painfully small…it hurts Jaehyun’s heart.
They’d told the 127 members that there had been some minor complications due to a benign lung issue caused by Jungwoo’s life as an idol. It wouldn’t cause any lasting damage, but the doctors had put Jungwoo on some medication until the small problem in his lungs cleared up.
Jaehyun hates the way the oxygen mask covers up Jungwoo’s face. He can only see his closed eyes and how his long eyelashes don’t flutter like they normally do when Jungwoo is just asleep, because the medical professionals have pumped morphine and anesthesia into his veins and he’s completely dead to the world right now.
Taking the first chair next to Jungwoo’s bed, Jaehyun sighs and leans back. It’s unnerving to sit here in the relative silence, next to the other members who also can’t seem to say a word.
Because Jungwoo, though he doesn’t look it, is the strongest out of the 8 of them. Despite him joining the group late, he’s endured more than any of them can even imagine. He’s spent the longest time in the vocal rooms, stayed the latest in the practice rooms, worked the hardest on his training just for a chance to debut with his fellow trainees. He’s turned all the hate he’s received into motivation to do better. He’s become the best version of himself, and he’s getting better every day. Kim Jungwoo is the example, and every day, Jaehyun strives to be like him.
Jungwoo is strong. He’s so strong that it’s rare for any of them to see his weakest sides. Though he seems like a sensitive and fragile person– and he was when he first debuted– he’s one of the most closed off of all the members. He hides his tears with a smile and a joke. He never tells anyone when he’s feeling unwell.
127 learned this the hard way a while ago. None of them had even realized anything was wrong. But then Jungwoo had collapsed in the middle of his recording session, and it had turned out he’d been running a 38.6º fever the entire day on an empty stomach. Jaehyun, being his roommate at the time, had taken it upon himself to bring Jungwoo’s fever down and to nurse him back to health. Out of everyone, he’s the only one who’s witnessed Jungwoo’s true weakest moments.
He rests his elbows on the bed and his head on his fist, staring at Jungwoo’s chest. Watching as it rises and falls, steadily and slowly. He can see the small bulge of bandages wrapped around Jungwoo’s torso underneath the blanket.
Jaehyun knows some of the other members will get up and leave soon. They have other schedules that they weren’t able to cancel. He knows they all wish they could stay with Jungwoo.
He also knows that he’s going nowhere. For one, he doesn’t have anywhere else to be. He doesn’t need to be anywhere else other than right here, by Jungwoo’s side. Even if he did have somewhere to be, he’d cancel his schedule, because there's a boy who takes up first priority in Jaehyun’s world, and he’s right in front of him.
He’s always been right in front of Jaehyun. And Jaehyun will always be right beside him.
—•—
It’s been an hour and a half, and Jaehyun hasn’t moved.
Doyoung and Haechan’s bags are still on the couch next to Jaehyun’s own bag, but the traces of the other members are all gone. They’ve all left, albeit unwillingly, to go and finish things of their own. Doyoung and Haechan are still here, though 2 minutes ago they both donned bucket hats and masks and went out for a walk.
So Jaehyun’s the only one left in here with Jungwoo. Jungwoo, who’s still under anesthesia, though the doctors say it should wear off very soon. They had to give him a larger amount than they normally administer to appendectomy patients because of that lung complication. They’ve removed the oxygen mask, though, which Jaehyun is happy about.
He sits there in his spot on the chair next to Jungwoo’s bedside. His arms are on the bed and his head is pillowed in the crook of his elbow. All he’s doing is watching Jungwoo’s face for any sign of movement. Any sign that he’s waking up.
And– wait.
Was that an eye twitch?
Eyes widening, Jaehyun shoots up and stares at Jungwoo’s face intently. Sure enough, his eye twitches again. Then a tiny intake of breath, and then the smallest scrunch of his eyebrows.
Yep, he’s definitely waking up. Jaehyun scooches his chair as close as he can to the bed and waits anxiously for Jungwoo’s eyes to open. It takes another minute or so, but finally Jungwoo peels his left eye open slowly. His right eye is a little delayed after, but Jaehyun only thinks it’s adorable.
He doesn’t say a word, holding his breath as he waits and watches Kim Jungwoo struggle to keep his eyes open, still groggy from the anesthesia.
“...Jungwoo? How are you feeling?” Jaehyun asks tentatively.
Jungwoo blinks once, sluggish. Then he opens his mouth to mumble a slurred syllable. “You.”
It’s a statement, not a question. Taken aback, Jaehyun just nods hesitantly and replies, “Me.”
“You…” Jungwoo lifts his hand– or at least he tries to, but he’s a little too weak to really accomplish anything, so he ends up dragging his arm across the blanket to point vaguely in the direction of Jaehyun. “Who…who are you?”
The sense of stomach-dropping dread that fills Jaehyun at those three words is astonishing. It overwhelms him for around 3 seconds, during which he’s terrified that somehow irreversible damage has been done during the surgery and that his Jungwoo doesn’t remember him and he’s doomed to suffer a broken heart forever.
Then he remembers that Jungwoo is under the influence of a, frankly, stupid amount of drugs in his system, and the dread is quickly replaced by a growing amusement. Oh, the potential for blackmail videos…Jaehyun simply cannot let an opportunity like this go to waste.
So he just purses his lips to hide his smile and reaches for his phone to record everything.
“Me? I’m your best friend.” He positions the phone in the perfect spot where Jungwoo won’t be able to see it, but he still has a perfect recording angle to catch all of Jungwoo’s anesthesia-induced antics. “Jaehyunnie.”
“Jae…Jaehyunnie?” Jungwoo tilts his head, but again, he’s more than a little weak from the surgery, and his head just lolls over his chest pathetically. God, he’s so cute.
“I remember you!” He giggles softly, managing to lift his hand enough to poke Jaehyun in the chest. “You’re…that person, right?”
Jaehyun’s acting skills are seriously being put to the test right now, because he thinks his face is about to explode if he keeps attempting to hold in his laugh without showing it on his features.
“That one…that really handsome one.” Jungwoo lets his head fall back, and he stares up at the ceiling and sighs dreamily. “That guy. He’s so pretty. I want his face.”
Tears of mirth are beginning to form in Jaehyun’s eyes from the effort it’s taking to stop himself from bursting out into laughter. He manages to force out a strangled, “Oh really?”
“Yeah. Hey.” Blurry eyes focusing slightly, Jungwoo turns his devastating pout on Jaehyun. “Why are you crying, Jaehyunnie hyung? Don’t cry. I’m sorry.”
Jaehyun adjusts the camera so it’s still recording Jungwoo, then he reaches out and pats Jungwoo’s arm reassuringly. “Don’t worry. I’m not crying because of you.”
It’s a lie. Jaehyun is absolutely dying because of Jungwoo. But he thinks that if he tells Jungwoo that in the state he’s in now, the poor boy will actually burst into tears.
“Why, then? Is it because you want your beautiful face too? You’re lucky, you already have it! It’s so perfect, by the way.” Jungwoo’s words are slurring together, but he has the dopiest grin on his face and it’s making Jaehyun want to scream into a pillow because it’s just so goddamn adorable.
“Well–” Jaehyun starts to reply, but he’s interrupted by Jungwoo’s noise of displeasure.
“I can’t feel my stomach. Why is it so big here? Did I eat something?” He prods at the spot where there’s a bulge from his bandages. “Why can’t I feel this place?”
“Oh.” Gently grabbing Jungwoo’s hand, Jaehyun stops him from ruining his bandages. “It’s because you had an infected appendix, and the doctors had to remove it by cutting open your stomach.”
“They cut open my stomach?!” Jungwoo gasps comically, mouth dropping open. “Why does it not hurt, then?”
It’s like Jaehyun is talking to a kindergartener. Normally, he’d be exasperated by this point. But now, it’s taking everything in him to not smother Jungwoo in a ginormous hug and kiss all over his pretty face because he’s just so damn cute and Jaehyun is so in love with him.
“They put you on morphine, aegi. It stops you from feeling pain so that you can get better quickly.”
“That’s so smart.” Jungwoo giggles again. “Hey, Jaehyunnie hyung. Aren’t there…like…more of you? More of…of us?”
What…oh.
“Oh, the other members? Of NCT 127?” Jaehyun smiles when Jungwoo nods fervently.
“Yeah. Them. Those ones. Where…where are they?”
Right, Jaehyun was supposed to message them that Jungwoo was awake. That slipped his mind completely.
“They had to leave because they had other schedules. Well, Doyoung hyung and Donghyuckie are here, but they went for a walk.” Jaehyun stops recording so he can open his messages and pull up the 127 chat.
“Why are you here, Jaehyunnie hyung?” Jungwoo blinks up at him slowly, expectantly.
Jaehyun pauses where his fingers are drafting out a message. “Well…I’m here because I wanted to take care of you, Jungwoo-ah. I didn’t want to leave you.”
There’s silence for around 10 seconds, where Jaehyun thinks that’s the end of the conversation so he keeps typing the message. He clicks send and immediately gets a reply back from Doyoung that they’re heading back to the hospital room and should be there in 10 minutes.
Then he hears an obnoxiously loud sniffle from right next to him, and he drops his phone onto the bed, startled. Turning to the side, he sees Jungwoo crying, tears sliding down his face as he continues to sniffle animatedly.
The sight is just as jarring as it is incredibly endearing.
“Oh, aegi. What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” Jaehyun quickly reaches for Jungwoo’s hand and gives it a squeeze.
He’s not quite sure what else he can do in this situation, but thankfully, Jungwoo answers him through his sobs.
“It’s just…” Another sniff. “You’re so perfect, Jaehyunnie hyung. You’re so handsome and kind and sweet and nice and…and, like, kind.”
Jaehyun’s heart is just a melted puddle of goo at this point. How is he supposed to survive this pure emotional torture? He’s trying so very hard to keep his emotions from showing on his face, or else it may actually short-circuit from the sheer amount of adoration he’s feeling right now.
“I remember you always take care of me. Always.” Jungwoo pouts again and sighs miserably, slumping back into the bed. “I don’t know why.”
Because I love you.
Because I’m so in love with every single thing about you.
Because I have no other way of showing you that I love you, and I have no idea if you feel the same way.
Jaehyun doesn’t say any of that, though.
“It’s just…” Jungwoo yawns, big and wide. The anesthesia seems to be taking hold of him again. The doctor did mention that he’d probably have to sleep the rest of it off once he woke up. It’s a shame Doyoung and Haechan will miss seeing Jungwoo like this, but Jaehyun really doesn’t feel all that bad about it, because it means this moment is all for him.
“I just think…” Eyes drooping, Jungwoo stares at Jaehyun. “You make it so hard to not be in love with you, Jaehyunnie hyung.”
What.
What.
“And I tried! I really tried, I know I did! Because… it’s not possible to love you, hyung. We’re not…like, we can’t. We just can’t.” A single tear rolls down Jungwoo’s cheek as his eyes slip further closed.
Jaehyun can only stare back, completely dumbfounded.
“But I want to. I want to. Jaehyunnie hyung, I want to love you…because…you make it so easy to love you. You…you do, because I said you were perfect.”
“I want to tell you that. I can be a scaredy cat sometimes, hyungie.” Jungwoo’s words are slurring together again, getting harder and harder to understand. “B-but I…it’s true, hyung, please…”
“I don’t know…” He’s mumbling now, almost incoherent. “Do you…feel…l-like that too…”
But before Jaehyun can even begin to even think of formulating a response, Jungwoo’s passed out again, limp against the pillows as his breathing slows once more.
What in the k-drama scene just happened?
He’s left staring at Jungwoo’s peacefully sleeping face after just being hit with the biggest bombshell since he was told he would be debuting.
There’s no way.
All those sleepless nights listening to Jungwoo’s breathing in the bed next to him. Overthinking and overanalyzing every single word, touch, glance that Jungwoo made in his direction. Intentionally misinterpreting (???) every interaction between him and Jungwoo because there was absolutely no way that Jungwoo felt the same way.
But, as it turns out, he does?
Jaehyun thinks he does?
But Jungwoo also has drugs pumping in his veins. He’s delirious and loopy from the anesthesia and the morphine mixed with his blood. He’s probably just saying things, right? Just random things…off the top of his head…that don’t really make any sense…
But then again, why would he say all of the things that he said if he didn’t unconsciously think about them at some point during his normal everyday stream of consciousness? Jaehyun knows Sigmund Freud was a bit of a lunatic, but there’s got to be some truth to his psychodynamic theory.
And drunk words are sober thoughts, right? Though Jungwoo isn’t exactly drunk, but it’s close enough, so maybe it still applies?
In any case, Jaehyun’s going through a complete and total crisis at the moment, and the reason behind his freakout session is currently dead asleep in a hospital bed, so he has to wait till Jungwoo has recovered enough to be relatively coherent before he can ask him if he truly meant everything he said during his drug-addled rant.
God. What a situation.
Doyoung and Haechan find him in the exact same position 5 minutes later, still unmoving, still staring at Jungwoo’s sleeping form with wide eyes and parted lips.
“Jae. Hello? Earth to Jeong Jaehyun.” Doyoung waves a hand in front of Jaehyun’s face, effectively rousing him from his daze. “I thought you said Jungwoo was awake.”
“He–what?” Jaehyun opens and closes his mouth, trying to figure out how to use words again. “Uh, yeah. He was. Then he fell asleep again. You, uh, you guys just missed him.”
“Damn.” Haechan looks a little too disappointed at the fact. “Missed a chance for some great embarrassing content to blackmail Jungwoo hyung later.”
Jaehyun blinks once, twice. “Oh yeah. I took a video, don’t worry. It was…funny.”
“Funny,” says Doyoung, sounding unconvinced. “Jaehyun, you good there? Is everything alright in that spaced out brain of yours?”
No. Jaehyun is not alright. Everything is very much not alright.
“Everything’s alright, hyung.” He straightens his back, clears his throat, pretends to act normal as if his entire world didn’t just change around 6 minutes ago. “Just peachy.”
“Yep. Now, do you guys want to see the video?” He reaches for his phone, and when a spark of electric warmth rushes up his arm and spreads through his entire body at a single brush of his hand against Jungwoo’s limp one, he ignores it entirely. “I think you guys will love it.”
He plays the video but tunes out the sound around him. All he can hear is his beating heart.
With the speed at which it’s thumping in his chest, Jaehyun thinks he might be the next one to end up in the hospital.
—•—
“Man. I’m so glad I’m home now,” Jungwoo sighs contentedly from his place tucked into his own bed. “I can only tolerate reheated hospital food for so long, you know.”
Three days later, and Jungwoo’s been discharged from the hospital with orders to rest and restrict movement for the next 2 and a half weeks at least. Thank god, because his complaints about being stuck in a “stupid hospital room” were starting to get unbearable with how constant they were. And Jaehyun normally has endless patience with Jungwoo, so it’s really saying something if even Jaehyun can’t stand Jungwoo incessantly complaining.
No, he hasn’t brought up anything that happened between them during the infamous drug-trip-confession. But now that Jungwoo’s back home and they have some more privacy, maybe it’s time for Jaehyun to finally confront Jungwoo about the words that may or may not have been true.
“Hey, Woo.”
Jungwoo hums, scrolling on his phone while absentmindedly playing with Jaehyun’s hair where his head is resting against Jungwoo’s chest.
“Do you remember what you said to me while you were still under the anesthesia?”
At this, Jungwoo looks up, soft features contorting into an expression of what can only be described as a mixture of regret and cringe. For a split second, Jaehyun doubts everything.
“God, please, don’t remind me. I’ve only seen the video you took like, a thousand times. All unwillingly, might I add. I’m sorry, by the way. It’s pretty embarrassing now that I’ve rewatched it and–”
If Jaehyun’s going in, he’s going all in.
“Did you mean it all?”
Jungwoo stops abruptly in the middle of his sentence, turning to look at Jaehyun as his expression morphs into something sheepish but shy. Jaehyun just gazes intently at him, determined to find the answer once and for all.
“Um. Would you be okay if I told you yes? Because I’m sure it was all true. I mean, I’ve definitely thought you were pretty more than once.” Jungwoo scratches his ear, grinning timidly. “I don’t think I tell you very often though. Maybe the anesthesia loosened up some of my inhibitions.”
That is…somehow exactly what Jaehyun wanted to hear, but also somehow completely terrifying at the same time, because now he’s around 64% sure that Jungwoo meant what he said about…about being in love with him, which is so scary and amazing and frightening.
“For what it’s worth, you are very good looking, Jaehyun hyung.” Jungwoo makes the stupidest kissy face at him, which is the exact thing that makes Jaehyun decide to ignore all of his own inhibitions and just confront this whole situation head on.
“Okay. Thank you, by the way.” He smiles at Jungwoo before taking a massive gulp of air.
“Right, so you actually said more when you were on drugs. Like, a lot more. After I stopped the recording, you were like, ‘Oh, hyung, you take such good care of me and I don’t know why,’ and then you just kept talking and talking…and I just need to know this for sure, Jungwoo, because the last 3 days have been purgatory for me, okay, and I haven’t talked to you about this yet so that’s what I’m going to do now–”
“Hyung!” Jungwoo grabs his chin and forces Jaehyun to look at him. His eyes are blown wide and the expression on his face is so adorably anxious, like he’s waiting for the bomb to drop. “Just tell me what I said. Please. I’m being serious right now.”
“Okay. Right. I might be on drugs right now, because no way I’m actually saying this. Anyways.” For some reason, he hesitates. Again. “Um.”
God. What is he doing? Maybe he should just get up and leave and walk to the company and talk to the management to see if he can just leave NCT altogether because how the hell is he supposed to deal with this?
“Jaehyun hyung, I swear to God if you don’t–”
“You told me that you loved me.”
Absolute silence. Crickets chirping.
“You said…you told me that I make it easy for you to fall in love with…with me and that it’s not possible for you to love me even though you wish you could. That’s what you told me.”
Jungwoo’s face seems to be stuck in the exact same expression: jaw open slightly, eyes blown wide, cheeks so red they look like cherries.
“And it has been the most stressful 3 days of my entire life because I just had to know if you really meant it, Kim Jungwoo, because news flash: I’m so goddamn in love with you, and for years I’ve been wondering if you felt the same and I absolutely cannot believe that it took you getting appendicitis for me to finally tell you this, but it’s true. I love you.”
Jaehyun takes another deep breath because whew, that was some word vomit right there, and it still hasn’t quite processed in his mind what he just said out loud.
Oh, wait. He just said all that out loud.
Then Jungwoo chuckles, of all things. Jaehyun turns to stare at him incredulously, watching as Jungwoo falls deeper and deeper into pure hysterics. His borderline maniacal cackling continues for half a minute longer before one particularly heavy wheeze has him flinching and clutching his torso. Jaehyun is back at his side instantly to check on him, because Jaehyun is just like that.
“Holy– and here you had me believing I had accidentally confessed to a double homicide or something– which doesn’t even make sense since it’s not like I’ve ever committed a double homicide, right?”
“What.”
“God. Come here, you total idiot.”
Jaehyun moves like he’s in a trance, sitting on the edge of Jungwoo’s bed so he’s face to face with Jungwoo propped up against the headboard.
“Yes. I’m confirming it right now: I am in love with you. I have been in love with you for a very long time, ever since, I don’t know, we were trainees. And I clearly have not been making it obvious enough, since it took me being put under anesthesia and some scarily strong pain meds for me to get the point across. Frankly, I think that’s your fault for being such a dense blockhead.”
“But yes. Did I also tell you I was a coward when I was all drugged up? Because I am. I notice the way you look at me all the time like you feel the same way I do, and every single day I wish I could muster up the courage to tell you that I love you, but I end up chickening out of it. It’s so stupid that my appendix almost rupturing was the reason why I finally told you everything, and I wasn’t even fully aware and awake for the moment anyways.”
Jungwoo sighs. “It’s not at all how I imagined this would go, but I guess I’m just going to run with it for now, so can I ask you something–”
“Can I kiss you?” Jaehyun can’t help but interrupt.
Looking up, Jungwoo inhales sharply. “I’m sorry, what–”
“I asked, you stupid idiot, if I can kiss you?”
More silence. Jaehyun is starting to regret asking, but then he hears a whispered, “Yes, please,” and it’s all he needs to surge forwards and capture Jungwoo’s soft lips with his own.
He tries to be as gentle as possible, since Jungwoo is still recovering from surgery, but he can sense how desperate Jungwoo is, which makes it kind of difficult for Jaehyun to hold himself back. Jungwoo’s arms drift up to loop around Jaehyun’s neck, and Jaehyun has one hand braced on the headboard and one cupping Jungwoo’s cheek. It’s absolutely not the most comfortable position in the world, but neither of them could care less.
Kissing Jungwoo is everything Jaehyun imagined it would feel like. His lips are chapped but they taste like fireworks, sparks exploding between them. It’s soft but needy and it seems like it’s never ending, like Jaehyun could do this forever.
But all good things have to end, unfortunately.
“You’re an even better kisser than I thought you would be.” Jungwoo murmurs jokingly into the miniscule space between them.
“Thank you?” Jaehyun’s not sure if that’s supposed to be a compliment, but he’ll take it anyway.
“You’re welcome.”
“You’re such an idiot, Kim Jungwoo.”
“Ah, but I’m your idiot, right?”
“And that was so cheesy. So, so cheesy.”
“Sorry, not sorry.”
“I hate you.”
“You love me.”
A pause.
“Yeah. Yeah, I do.”