Work Text:
Another successful delve, Nakahara Chuuya thought to himself as he came back from the book Hanahaki Otome.
It was an easy job, the taint was weak so he handled it all himself.
Yet, he felt uneasy for a reason.
You didn't win, the taint had said. You'll see soon. You'll wish you never delved into this book, it said.
Chuuya just grinned as he pierced it with his weapon.
Even though he acted like that, he was kind of disturbed by what it said. He was ninety percent sure that it was just bluff, but still.
The ten percent remained.
Shaking his head, he headed to the kitchen. Ango was supposed to be trying his new recipe there, making dinner (Was it? No one was sure about the time in the library.) for everyone. He felt his stomach twist at that. Even if Oda loved all of his meals, the food Ango made was always kind of... Suspicious.
Yet, no one other then him was volunteering to make food, so they had to make do with what they had.
No one had food poisoning yet, so it was going great.
Walking down the corridor, Chuuya felt a sudden ache hit his lungs, stopping to lean on the wall to put a hand over his chest. He furrowed his eyebrows, that was strange. When a cough creeped up his lungs, he put one hand over his mouth and let it out, only to feel something sticky fall from his mouth onto his hand.
Confused, he moved his hand back, looking at the thing in his hand.
A flower petal. Covered in blood, no less.
He widened his eyes as the shock hit him.
Oh.
"Chuuya?"
Closing his palm quickly, Chuuya turned his head to the owner of the voice.
"Yo, peach flower boy."
"You're back, I see! How was the delve?"
Chuuya forced a grin out, giving it everything he had to not to let the other suspect anything.
"Fine, of course. What do you think of me?"
Dazai just smiled instead of answering him. "Where are you headed to now?"
"Somewhere you aren't going to," Chuuya responsed bluntly.
The red head pouted, mumbling a small "How rude."
"Yeah. Anything else?"
"Nope. See you later, then!" When Dazai waved at him, Chuuya simply nodded. "Yeah, later."
When he lost sight of the other, Chuuya's face returned to to it's previous state of worry. Brows furrowed, he opened his palm once more to examine the soft petal.
Well, it was more sticky instead of soft, actually. With blood all over it.
Trying to understand what the heck was happening, another wave of coughs escaped Chuuya, leaving a disgusting taste in his mouth. He catched every last one of the petals.
Then it hit him.
It hit hard.
Like a thunder just striked him.
Suddenly widening his eyes and raising his eyebrows, he looked at the petals in his hands, thinking about the book he had delved into. Letting out a small "Oh," he understood what the taint had meant back then.
You'll wish you never delved into this book.
Of course.
Injuries could get carried into library if someone injured themselves inside a book. So it was a possibility that diseases could get carried, too.
Blinking, Chuuya thought about the book Hanahaki Otome.
After delving into it and making the story reach it's true conclusion, he was familiar with that kind of situation. A fatal disease which caused the patient to cough up flower petals and blood along with a pain in their chest.
The cause of the disease was unrequited love.
One could get rid of the disease with surgery, but they would forget their memories about the said love interest along with their feelings for them. Ones who don't want to forget could die in misery.
Or their feelings could get reciprocated, which was really rare.
He stood there, holding onto the wall for support. Looking at the petals, Chuuya cursed internally.
He, certainly, didn't have a chance for a surgery, considering he was in the library and all.
About getting his feelings reciprocated...
Chuuya sighed. He knew exactly who he gave his heart to. Just looking at the petals made it obvious.
They were peach flower petals, which would've looked much more beautiful if they weren't covered in Chuuya's own blood.
Cursing again, he turned back, coughing one more time and changing his direction to walk towards his own room.
Hopeless, wasn't he?
Dying when he was not even considered a real human.
...
Laying down on his bed, Chuuya felt miserable, watching the ceiling with blank eyes.
He didn't cry, no. He had already accepted his fate. He was going to die because of his stupid emotions, that much was obvious.
He was just pissed at himself for letting himself love such an idiot. Dazai Osamu, that was.
Chuckling, Chuuya found himself coughing. It was annoying, disturbing, disgusting. He didn't want to look at the petals, it made his stomach twist when he thought about where they came out. More than when he thinks about Ango's weird recipes. So he just threw them aside as soon as they came out.
No one has came to check up on him yet. Good, Chuuya thought, he didn't want anyone to see him in that pathetic state.
But it would've been good if someone cared about him.
He didn't dare to think about that again.
He knew he couldn't hide his condition forever, the others would find about that sooner or later. Especially since he wasn't coming out of his room.
He just wished he could die before someone found him in the state that he's in.
Letting his thoughts wander, Chuuya thought about the man who's the cause of his situation. Dazai. The suicidal loser.
Well, who was the loser now? Chuuya was literally dying of his love, so he wasn't sure about that anymore.
Coughing again, he threw the peach flower petals around his bed. The sheets were stained with blood, but Chuuya couldn't care less.
It took a while for someone, anyone to notice that he was missing.
Entering the room, Oda left out a loud gasp, Ango peeking behind him.
"What..." The man with braided hair stumbled. "What happened?"
Opening his eyes after a little nap he had, Chuuya looked over to his door, seeing Oda and Ango there. "Oh," he said, "You came."
Looking at each other both Oda and Ango rushed into the room, finding themselves beside Chuuya's bed in the blink of an eye.
"What is this?" Ango asked, voice filled with concern.
Turning to his side, Chuuya hid his face in his arms, voice coming out muffled. "Nothing." he said.
"What the fuck, Chuuya, tell us what this is!"
Peeking behind his arms, Chuuya side-eyed Oda, not sure about what he should say. "This is the exhibition of my pathetic self." he ended up saying after thinking for a while.
Oda and Ango looked at each other, not understanding at all. "Why are there... Flower petals everywhere?" Oda asked.
"And blood," Ango added.
"Did you guys read Hanahaki Otome?"
Both of them shook their heads.
"That's the name of the book I last delved. Read it and come back later. Now leave me alone, I want to—" A cough. "I—" He tried to speak between his coughs, but more and more petals came out of his mouth as he tried.
He hated this.
He hated the lingering disgusting taste of the petals and blood. It didn't go away, no matter how much water he had drank.
"Okay," Ango said, surprisingly. "Don't force yourself. We'll figure out." he said like it is the most basic thing.
Pulling the blanket up to his face, Chuuya felt his eyes burn along with his throat. "Okay," he said, but he didn't cry. No matter how much he wanted to.
Oda and Ango exchanged looks, deciding it's about time they left and found the book.
"One thing," Chuuya said, just as they were about to leave. "Don't tell anyone about this... Please."
Oda looked like he wanted to protest, but Ango shushed him. "All right," he said, "We won't." Oda looked at him, shocked, but seeing the knowing look Ango gave him, he agreed anyways.
"Take care," he said, as they both left the room.
Chuuya sniffled, eyes still burning hot. No, he wasn't gonna cry.
Not when there weren't a shoulder he could cry on.
...
"Hanahaki Otome, Hanahaki Otome... Did you find it, Ango?"
"Nope, I'm still searching."
The duo were searching the library for the said book.
"It seemed pretty serious," Oda said. "He seemed sick."
"No need to dwell on it right now, we'll figure out once we find the book."
Oda furrowed his eyebrows. Just where the heck was that damned book?
"Are you two looking for this?"
Both Oda and Ango widened their eyes, turning their gazes to the red head interrupting them. Dazai was holding the book they've been searching for, Hanahaki Otome.
"Where did you even come from?" Oda asked, even if he knew it was dumb.
"Dazai, for once, you're a life saver." Ango said as he extended his hand to take the book.
However, Dazai didn't give it to him right away, scratching his neck. "Why were you looking for that book, anyways?"
"It's because Chuu—"
Ango slapped his hand on Oda's mouth before he could say so much. "Just wanted to read something. Why do you have it, actually?"
Dazai raised his eyebrows but he didn't dwell on it too much, his mind was too busy to think about this. "I heard from acting director that this is the book which Chuuya had delved, so i just wondered since I haven't heard about it before. Apparently it's a new book. It's interesting, though."
Ango blinked.
"What's it about?"
"Why don't you read it yourself?" Dazai shrugged, then extended his hand to give the book to Ango.
Ango just noticed that Dazai's eyes were reddish and his cheeks puffed. He didn't have the usual bubbliness in him, too.
He blinked again.
"Okay, I guess..." Taking the book, he looked at Oda, who gave him the same look of concern.
"I'll take a little nap now... See you later." With that, he waved his hand and disappeared without waiting for a response.
"Don't you think he acts a little weird?" Oda said after Dazai got out of the range he could hear them. Ango nodded, agreeing with him.
Something was off.
"Let's see what's wrong with this book," he said.
...
They ended up with a bawling Oda Sakunosuke and a sniffling Sakaguchi Ango rubbing his back.
"Get yourself together," sniff, "We have to go see Chuuya."
"Yeah, yeah, give me a—" Oda sobbed before talking again. "A minute. Okay, I'm done."
With that, they stood up. Bloodshot eyes, sweat dripping from their foreheads, they headed in the direction of Chuuya's room.
"Unrequited love, huh...?" Ango thought loudly. "I wonder who he's in love with."
"Nah, he would never tell. You know how proud he is."
"Oda, he is going to die." Ango yelled, grabbing the other's collar. Oda widened his eyes, surprised at the sudden rage.
"Hey... Chill, I know what's happening. I just said that because—"
"Who's going to die?"
As shock hit them once more, both Oda and Ango turned their heads to the one who asked the question.
"Akutagawa," Ango said, leaving Oda's collar and greeting him. Oda also turned to him and nodded.
Akutagawa raised one of his eyebrows. "You didn't answer my question?"
"We... Can't, actually." Oda said, fidgeting with his fingers.
"And why is that?"
"We made a promise. Sorry."
Furrowing his eyebrows, Akutagawa looked at the two exchanging looks. He sighed. "You're talking about death. It's something serious. I'd rather you to tell me right now, or I might have to go and alert the acting director."
"Wait!" Oda said, throwing his hands up. "It'd be better then everyone knowing... Ango, let's just show him."
Ango hesitated, not sure about what they should do. Although it seemed like they had no choice, it was just Akutagawa or everyone in the library. So he just said, "Okay."
The road to Chuuya's room was as long as ever, but Akutagawa followed them silently. He wasn't sure about what to expect, so he braced himself for any kind of thing.
Apparently, he couldn't brace himself enough, because he was caught off guard when he saw the view in Chuuya's room.
Ango and Oda had entered before him, mumbling 'sorry's to a miserable looking Chuuya laying in the middle of a bed covered with blood and flower petals.
He blinked once.
"You guys..." Chuuya started, voice raspy from all the coughing. "I told you to not to tell anyone."
A coughing fit.
Flying petals.
Blood dripping from his mouth.
Akutagawa watched the scene with wide eyes as both Ango and Oda went to his side, rubbing his back and wiping the blood on his face.
"We had no choice," Ango said while throwing the petals on him to somewhere in the room. "Sorry."
"Would anyone..." Akutagawa breathed. "Care to explain?"
Sighing, Oda patted a place beside him on Chuuya's bed. "Sit down."
So he did.
Telling him the whole story was a struggle when flower petals kept flying around. Chuuya felt ashamed, hearing his own situation from someone else was overwhelming. It felt suffocating, working together with the flowers in his lungs to make breathing harder and harder for him. So they were going to take the right of dying with honour from him, too.
Every time he gasped for air, a drop of sweat dripped down form his forehead. Petals were disturbing, they sometimes got stuck on his throat and made him unable to breathe. He coughed at those times, an unbearable ache occuring in his lungs with every cough fit he had. His throat burned, it hurt so bad. Water did nothing to soothe it.
He thought, maybe, if someone cared for him, it would soothe his pain. But at that moment, having Ango, Oda and Akutagawa all over him did nothing to relieve his pain. If anything, it got him out of the I'm going to die lonely phase.
They had thought the whole story to Akutagawa, but Chuuya could barely listen. His heart was pounding so loudly, making it even harder to inhale and exhale properly.
"So," Akutagawa said, "We can't cure him, unless the one he loves reciprocates his feelings...? Is that right?"
"It seems like it." Oda said. "Although, things might work different in the library, so we might just... I don't know, delay it, maybe?"
"There's—" Cough. "There's no point in delaying the inevitable. At least let me—" Cough. Again. "—die in peace, would you?"
Everyone looked at him with hopeless eyes.
"Just don't let anyone else know... I'm begging you."
"But Chuuya," Ango said, "How are you so sure that person isn't going to... Love you?"
Chuuya genuinely laughed at that. Then got caught up in a cough fit.
"Seriously, just leave me alone." he said with a raspy voice.
Akutagawa furrowed his eyebrows, took one of the petals in his hand, examining it.
He sighed softly.
"You love Dazai, don't you?"
Chuuya froze in his place.
Oda quickly stood up, furrowing his eyebrows. "What?"
"Didn't you look closely at the petals? Not even once?" Akutagawa said, looking at the curious gazes of the other too.
"Akutagawa—" A cough fit.
Other three turned their attentions to Chuuya once again when he struggled to breathe.
Akutagawa gave him a knowing look.
"I'm know I'm right."
"What do you mean?" Ango asked after Chuuya calmed down a bit.
"Those are peach flower petals," Akutagawa answered, "Do you know what Chuuya calls Dazai all the time?"
Chuuya inhaled sharply as the other two fixed their gazes on him, shocked.
...
"He loves you." Oda talked.
"I know you might not love him, maybe not even like him or even hate him, but he loves you. I don't know if there's anything you can do, but..." Ango went silent after a little speech.
They ran to Dazai after hearing what Akutagawa said. They knew Chuuya didn't want them to tell Dazai, but man, his pride was too important for his good own. He was going to die.
So they told him. They had to. They weren't even sure if Dazai could do something about it, but they told him, anyways.
Now Dazai sat there, totally dumbfounded, eyebrows raised and heart pounding.
"I..." His voice shook.
It was bad.
Oh god, Chuuya was going to die.
He was taking a nap when his two dear friends banged into his room, yelling.
He didn't hate Chuuya, he definitely didn't. Fear bloomed in him when he heard about his situation. Eyes prickling with tears, he looked at his trembling hands.
"Ah..."
He couldn't even get surprised about the fact that Chuuya loved him, deadly focused on his disease and deadly situation.
Oda and Ango looked at him, concerned. "I'm sorry," Oda said, "We had to tell you. He doesn't know that, he even said don't tell anybody, but we couldn't just sit there when he's going to die."
"I... Of course..." A tear trailed down the red head's cheek.
Then he stood up.
"I'm going."
"Wait," Ango also stood, "Where? To him? You can't just—"
"I'm going, Ango. I know what I should do."
Ango blinked.
"You... Do?"
"Yeah. I mean, not exactly. I'm not sure. I just—" He wiped his face with the back of his hand. "I have to do something."
Holding Ango's wrist, Oda gave him a meanful look. "Let him go," he said.
And Ango understood.
"Go," he said. "Go. I don't know what you're thinking, but go."
Letting a sob escape his throat, Dazai nodded, leaving the room hurriedly and running towards Chuuya's room.
Ango and Oda watched behind him.
"They're gonna be all right," Oda said.
"I know." was Ango's response.
And so, Dazai ran. He ran to the room filled with flower petals and blood.
Opening the door with more aggression then he aimed to, an unforgettable view welcomed Dazai.
The room was dim. The floor was covered in flower petals, which Dazai recognized to be peach flowers.
Oh god.
There were a lot of them. A lot of petals, all of them were stained with a red liquid; some of them were gone dry long ago, some of them were fresh. The carpet and the sheets were also stained red. There were no place to step on the floor without touching the flowers.
And there, he was. Nakahara Chuuya. Laying down on his bed, eyes open and bloodshot, cheeks puffed, hair sweaty and messy, lips covered in blood, some dripping down his jaw. His body has gone limp, he seemed very tired, like he was already dead. His beautiful eyelashes fluttered when he heard the door open, eyes going wide at seeing the red haired man on his door.
The eye contact they had was intense for a moment, before Dazai got his courage back and walked towards him, sitting on the bed right next to the smaller one. The eye contact didn't break.
"So you learned." Chuuya said with a raspy voice after a while.
"Why?" Dazai asked, voice low and trembling.
Chuuya couldn't get the expression he wanted to have on his face. His body refused to let him move it like he wants to.
So he stayed silent.
When Dazai held both of his hands, he maintained his silence.
When he saw tears streaming down the other's face, his lips wobbled, a knot forming in his throat, making him cough up petals and blood. For the dozenth time that day.
It hurt.
When Dazai pulled him up to make him sit, he started crying silently, tears trailing down his cheeks. He was quiet, because if he sobbed, his throat would've hurt.
He couldn't take it anymore.
So they both sat there, hands intertwined, mouths gaped, facing each other and crying. For a while.
Chuuya's vision was blurry, so he didn't saw Dazai getting closer to him.
His mind was hazy, so it took a few moments to realize that Dazai's lips were pressing his. He was kissing him. It was open mouthed, clumsy and messy. It was just Dazai trying to smash their mouths together. He wasn't even trying to make it better.
Yet, Chuuya gasped sharply when he felt Dazai's mouth on his. He inhaled so suddlenly that he felt the petals in his lungs getting stuck, so instinctively, he tried to get them out. He coughed into the kiss.
He was surprised when Dazai didn't back out. It was disgusting, how was the red head not disgusted by him? Dazai pressed even more, trying to deepen the kiss yet it was so clumsy that their teeth clanked. He kept holding the smaller's hands, squeezing them, as if trying to reassure him.
A million thoughts rushed through his mind. He felt shocked, hot, excited, scared, embarrassed and disgusted by himself.
What the fuck is happening?
Both of them were still crying. Dazai acted too desperate, and Chuuya couldn't even react. It was too messy for his liking; yet, after getting over the shock, he started to adapt to it.
Dazai was so close.
His body shook as he tried to hold onto Dazai's hands, he felt alive again.
Chuuya felt a relief in his lungs as they parted. He took a deep, comfortable breath after a while, being surprised when petals didn't get stuck in his trachea.
He felt his chest relaxing, the lungs inside getting cleaner as he wiped his mouth.
The smaller man widened his eyes as he looked at the equally surprised red head. Both of their faces were stained with tears, they were flushed red, a little blood and saliva dripping from both of their mouths (Apparently Dazai got the blood on his mouth while kissing Chuuya). They looked messy.
But Chuuya felt relieved. He felt much more relaxed then he was before the kiss. It was good, being able to breathe without getting petals disturbing your lungs. It was good to breathe without having to cough up blood everytime you do.
Even if he was relaxed, the shock was still present, on both of their faces.
"You..." Chuuya started with a raspy voice, but couldn't continue.
"Don't talk," Dazai said as he buried his face in the crook of Chuuya's neck, nuzzling him. "No need."
So Chuuya didn't.
But it didn't stop his mind from rushing.
He breathed again to test it. It was good. It was getting better. He felt the flowers in his lungs disappearing one by one.
"Huh... Ah."
He could breathe. So he was recovering. And it meant one thing.
Dazai was in love with him.
His train of thoughts stopped when he felt Dazai's arms wrap around him. "Rest," Dazai mumbled. "You need it."
Chuuya knew he needed it. His arms were going limp after finally taking a deep breath. So he laid down, Dazai still wrapped around him. Blonde locks spreading on the pillows, one last drop of sweat dripped down his forehead.
He took another deep breath.
Then he smiled.
"Your heartbeat is steady," Dazai said after moving his head to his chest, listening to the sounds of his heart.
"I'm relieved." Chuuya answered.
Of course he was. He was going to live, after all.
"Hmm..." Dazai got more comfortable, tangling their legs. "I love you." was what he said next. That made Chuuya freeze.
"Now it's getting faster." Dazai said, chuckling. "I just noticed it... Sorry for being late."
Chuuya's face flushed red, so did Dazai's.
"Ah... Yeah. No problem." He watched the ceiling, feeling the red head's warmth all over his body.
It was so warm.
Chuuya felt hot.
That was when his breathing got unsteady. He inhaled, then exhaled. It was real. Dazai was still there. He was still with him, cuddling with him in his bed.
He kissed him.
Oh god.
He said he loves him.
It was suddenly hotter then having a flu, Chuuya actually suspected that he was sick.
But Dazai was there.
He cured him.
He loved him.
Chuuya put his hands on Dazai's hair, tangling his fingers in his red locks.
"Is something wrong?" Dazai asked, raising his head and looking at Chuuya with his beautiful amber cat eyes. "Your palms are sweating."
Chuuya inhaled deeply. "No. Nothing is wrong."
Dazai straightened himself, getting their faces closer and looking directly at his eyes. He looked... Innocent. "You sure?"
"Everything is so right." was how Chuuya responded, exhaling shakily.
That was true. Being with Dazai felt right.
Dazai smiled. "That's how it should be."
"I love you."
The red head's eyes went wide, cheeks getting slightly redder. But he didn't avert his eyes, he kept the eye contact and his smile got bigger.
"I know that."
Then he collapsed on Chuuya once more, being a blanket to him with his body weight.
Neither of them said anything else after that. Chuuya hugged him close, still breathing heavily after not being able to do that for so long.
It was warm. It was good.
They fell asleep while cuddling on a flower covered and blood stained bed. But it didn't bother them.
Chuuya loved him.