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Tonight was a bad night.
A bad, bad night.
Bill laid in his bed and clutched at his covers.
It had been almost a year since Georgie had died, and Bill just couldn’t handle it.
Fuck he missed that kid.
He was his best friend.
He missed his stupid jokes he would make up that didn’t make any sense, Bill would crack up and Georgie thought it was because he was brilliant at comedy, but really, his jokes were stupid, but Bill adored them. Bill let him know he was a super star.
He missed how Georgie would always want to go on the big kid rides at the annual fair, but chicken out in line every time.
He missed how Geogie thought he was killer at soccer, but only because Bill never let him know you couldn’t touch the ball with your hands.
He missed how Georgie would laugh and shriek so hard he would get tears in his eyes if you tickled his sides.
He missed how Georgie would come and sneak into his room at night if he had a bad dream, only to complain that Bill was too cold, and that he deserved over half the blankets because he was the littlest. And how he only covered his ears and hummed when Bill tried to tell him this didn’t make any sense.
Oh, how Bill had wanted him to just grow up. And, oh, how he would give anything to have that little kid back in his arms again.
He missed how patient Georgie was. Never getting frustrated with his stutter. Letting him finish his sentence no matter how long he stammered on for, purely because he was always interested in what Bill had to say.
Georgie thought he was the one who looked up to Bill, and even though Bill wouldn’t realize it until far too late, Bill now knew that he was the one to look up to Georgie.
Why Georgie?
Why Georgie?
Why?
The Turtle is stupid.
Why did the Turtle not see that Georgie deserved to be saved?
Georgie was gone now.
Georgie was dead.
Bill clutched his covers and cried.
He hadn’t cried like this in a while.
He felt lost. He didn’t know what to do with himself.
Georgie was his other half. His sidekick. His partner in crime.
He was missing his front tooth when he died. It would never grow in.
He was so excited for his big teeth to come in.
“I can’t wait to have my big kid teeth like Bill! They’ll be so cool!” he had said as he chomped down on nothing. Then his brow furrowed and he looked serious. “Will they be crooked like Bill's are, mom?”
Bill had yelled at him and chased him around the house.
They eventually spilled out the front door and tumbled outside. This would soon become the best game of cowboys Bill would ever play.
Maybe Georgie really had been his other half. Now he was gone Bill could feel a hollow pain in his chest always. The place Georgie had been, now vacant.
Bill was crying so hard he was choking on his own sobs.
Was heaven real?
Was Georgie looking down on him now?
Bill hoped not, but hoped so at the same time.
Oh please don’t let Georgie see what a mess I’ve become without him.
Bill hoped heaven was real so he could see Georgie again someday.
Bill would give him the biggest hug he had ever given anyone.
This thought comforted Bill enough to get himself under control.
He cried himself to sleep that night.
It wouldn’t be the last.