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Don't breathe. Hold your breath, and it'll go away.
The thoughts were fleeting, useless, aggravating. Unlike many other kids, his own head felt like it was out to get him. Like his thoughts were a rope strangling him tightly, every single day. And that strangle would become tighter ever so often, to the point that he would hyperventilate.
And no one would bat an eye.
Not his parents, nor his 'friends'. No one. To everyone, he was but a twitchy little freak. One all could hear approach by his verbal gasps and squeaks. Their eyes felt like they were piercing holes behind his head. Judging him. Still he would press on through the day, unable to truly focus. Coffee was his lifeline, but not during those times.
Curled up and hidden in the last stall of the guys' bathroom, Tweek clenched at his chest. Hot tears streamed along his cheeks as he held his breath. He was so fucking stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. His free hand instinctively went for his hair, pulling a chunk hard, enough to rip some golden blond strands out.
You're a fucking dumbass, everyone knows it. What is your purpose anyway?
The voice kept on teasing him, taunting him. Tweek left out a vocal grunt as he gasped for air, unable to hold it any more. He let go of his shirt to use the ball of his palm to hit his head with it.
"Shut up shut up shut up."
Cry about it. I won't leave. Ever. Cuz you know damn well I speak the truth.
The boy whined as he tightened his embrace on himself, his legs pressing so hard against his face it hurt. Somehow, it was a welcome hurt. Maybe hurting himself more would stunt the voice into silence. He couldn't even remember why he was in such a state, but he was in it now, for all that it mattered. He was glad that at least the bell had rang, beconning all the students to class, leaving the bathroom empty and quiet. Just for him.
No noise to make you forget I'm here. Tough shit. I'd still be there even if there were a thousand people. You're a pathetic whiny cry baby that can't even handle the stress of school. Can't even imagine what it'll be like when you grow up. You'll be fucking homeless, useless on the streets like how you were useless your whole life. Unable to save your parents' business, unable to finish school, unable to do shit.
"Shut up!!"
Tweek cried as he brought his hand to his open mouth, digging his teeth into his own pale skin and biting hard. The spark of pain made his eyes close tightly, but he didn't let go. No. He bit harder, tears growing in size as pain and anger pooled in his chest. Why wouldn't it shut up? After all the bites on his arm, reddening and fresh with saliva and tears, he had still not managed his inner voice to go quiet.
All he managed was to make his own body hurt more.
A door squeaked, making Tweek jolt in fear, pushing himself further against the wall, holding his body squeezed between it and the toilet. His vision was blurred, unable to tell who's shoes it was. Tweek closed his eyes.
Hah. You'll be found. You'll be mocked. You'll be pushed into the toilet like those 6 graders would do. You'll get what you deserve.
Tweek couldn't hold a hiccuped sob followed by a quiet 'ack'. This, although, was enough to slow the steps of the person that dared walk into his sanctuary. The blond hid his face behind his knees, softly repeating words in mumbles.
"Go away go away go away go away go away."
His voice broke a few times, sobs repeated as the steps grew closer and closer, then a creak. What an idiot. Thinking he'd have the bathroom to himself, he didn't lock the door to his own stall, allowing the unknown intruder to waltz on in to see his sorry ass hiding and twitching like a damn terrified rabbit.
"Oh gee- Are you alright?"
The soft tone and light accent was barely recognizable in the jumble that was Tweek's brain. But as a hand made contact with one of his knees, the boy screamed, finally allowing himself to uncurl, only to shove himself even further beside the toilet and wall, uncomfortably squeezing his body in the tight space.
His chest heaved as his eyes anxiously darted around in search of an escape route. As his vision cleared, his eyes recognized the shape standing before him, squatting at his height, blue eyes wide in surprise. His short blond hair glowing under the gross neon lighting, a small worried frown adorned his face.
"B… Butters- Agh!"
Tweek jolted as he grasped for his hair, pulling another handful of golden locks. The young boy, Butters, was one of his classmates. He was a smiling, happy boy that somehow, everyone hated.
"Sorry! I didn't mean to scare ya…"
The boy apologized, eyebrows knitting together as he seemed to try and understand what Tweek was doing there, jammed between the wall and toilet, alone in the bathrooms way past class time. Yet there also seemed to be a twinkle of knowing in his eyes.
His stare fell silently to the boy's arms, red teeth marks and slight beads of fresh blood decorating them in a messy pattern. Tweek scrambled quickly to pull down his sleeves as he noticed.
Good job dumb bitch, now he knows you're pathetic.
"Oh dear. That seems like it hurts-"
Without even questioning where the marks came from or how they were made, Butters' hands went to his pockets, digging for something that he quickly fished out.
Gently, he offered an open hand to Tweek, who hesitates. His eyes darted from his hand, to Butters' caring face.
He's gonna trick you. Pull you and push you. Hurt you. Don't trust him.
His mind viciously twirled him into fear, forcing tears to swell in his eyes again. Butters seemed so kind, but Tweek was terrified of what anyone would do. He was vulnerable, weak, an easy target.
As he tried to curl back into a ball, skin made contact on an uncovered part of his arm, then a gentle feeling he knew from years of knee scratches. A band-aid?
Looking up through his mess of hair, he watched as the other boy gently covered the bleeding parts of a bite mark with a pink Hello Kitty band-aid. He was almost stunned.
The voice was wrong. He did not pull him. He did not mock him. He did not hurt him.
He was patching him up, without even asking anything.
"I-I don't think I have enough for all of em, but…"
He dug his pockets for more as Tweek sniffled, his focus now on Butters as he could feel his heartbeat calm. This was the first time another person actually cared for what happened to him, even better in tending to his wounds.
"Its… Okay- Ngh! Agh! I… I can hide the rest."
"But you're bleeding! Just let me help ya clean up, yeah?"
His kind voice didn't lull him entirely in a sense of security, but the unexpected kindness sure disarmed whatever panic attack that was twirling him around. He quietly nodded, rubbing his face with his hands to dry the tears and snot. Butters got up, watching as Tweek made his best effort in rising up, pushing himself free from the grip the toilet had on him as he used it as leverage.
Together, they slowly walked to the sink, Tweek's random and rather violent twitches didn't seem to alert the other kid, guiding him. Once before the mirrors, Tweek's expression sank.
He looked like shit.
Heavy bags hung under his eyes, darkened by the lack of sleep and current crying fit. His eyes themselves were shot red and puffy, glassy from all the tears. His hair is even more of a frantic mess than usual, some strands laying on his shoulders as a reminder of how much he pulled on them. His eyelid twitches.
"Oh jesus…"
He whines at himself, jumping back with a squeak at the sound of the water starting to run.
"Sorry."
Butters softly apologizes for startling him, making sure to be gentle with every move he'd do from then on out. Grabbing a few paper towels, he laid them into the sink to soak.
"I know you don't want me to see em. If you want, I can close my eyes and clean you up! Pretend I didn't see anythin'."
He offers, looking to Tweek with a gentle smile, an understanding smile.
Why was he being so kind?
Be careful. It's surely a trap.
Then why did he offer to close his eyes. To pretend he did not see the marks. To clean him up when he could have easily left the bathroom and start whispering rumors on how he found the pathetic twitch kid, hiding bleeding wounds in the bathroom.
Butters could have left long ago. Yet he stayed. And it confused Tweek way too much.
"O-Okay… Hng!"
He accepted, and so Butters did.
Quietly, he picked up the towels, leaving the water to run for no one, giving a rather soothing white noise of the tap running. As Tweek carefully uncovered his arms, the other closed his eyes and let himself be guided to his forearm. As the wet paper towel touched his skin, Tweek hissed between his teeth. The water was cold. But, It felt nice.
In small circles, Butters blindly made his way along his arm, wiping away the blood, saliva and tears. His hand would awkwardly move away from him whenever a twitch happened, but recorected until the towel was back on the mutilated skin. Tweek's green eyes watched in growing calmness as his skin was soothed by the water, trickling down on the floor below. When his arm was clean enough, he guided Butters to the other, mimicking the same movements he had done before.
"I don't wanna pry but. Why were you hiding here?"
Butters asked softly, regretting even asking as he felt Tweek becoming tense.
"I-I mean, only if you want to tell me! You don't have to."
He corrected, a gentle 'rrgh' escaping Tweek's lips as he bit into it. He wasn't sure why he should answer, but, looking up to Butters, he noticed a few things his anxious spiral didn't let him notice before.
The smaller boy had a huge red mark on his forehead. He also visibly had a smeared trail of blood that had leaked from his nose. Was that why he came to the bathroom..?
Tweek looked down. Maybe Butters wasn't the enemy, after all. What if he could trust him? Just a bit.
"I… Was. Scared. I was getting really anxious and- Oh god. I just couldn't hold it back you know? And then when the bell rang I thought maybe this is the place to be no one would see me cry and get so anxious and afraid and be a coward and a loser ! Agh! I always do this I hate it I really do I'm just so fucking stupid I don't even get why I'm like this no one told me anything but its like everyone is talking behind my back, they always look at me and murmur things I cant hear what if they're all plotting to kill me? Kidnap me? Send me far away or into some lake to drown and die ?!?"
Tweek wanted to keep going, lost in his ramble so bad he was beginning to twitch harder, but a gentle squeeze to his hand reminded him of where he was, and who he was talking to.
"Oh-Oh god I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have said all that!! Rrgh! Agh! Stupid stupid stupid!!"
His hand rose to his head, ready to hit it again before being grabbed, Butters' gentle hands bringing both his arms back down. Tweek's darting eyes focused back on the other blond, noticing he had kept his promise, his eyes still closed tight.
"H-Hey no no! None of that, fella."
He hushed in a gentle tone, somehow still not freaked out by his outbursts or need to punish himself. Maybe because he couldn't see him? Somehow, that put Tweek at ease.
"I get it. You know? Well, maybe not the whole people are out here to kill me but. To hide. I come here to cry too. In fact…"
The small blond boy pursed his lips as if he was hesitant to speak the rest.
"...I was coming here to cry."
He admitted, Tweek tilting his head. The boy did seem pretty battered up, not just his face now that Tweek noticed. His clothes were dirty, like someone had pushed him in dirt, his knees were scraped through a small rip in his jeans.
"Y-you were?"
Tweek whispered, his hands now squeezing Butter's own hands. A sense of understanding finally washed over him. He wasn't the only one. He looked down to the small pink Hello Kitty band-aid on his arm, barely covering the whole bite mark. But still. Butters had tried. And that was more than anyone had ever done for him.
"Yeah… Gee, I really didn't expect to find you though. But I just couldn't let you cry there alone. That's not right!"
The boy claimed, almost in authority, which made Tweek give him a small giggle as a reply. A kind boy, Butters was. A boy that people bullied for being too naive, too kind.
That wasn't fair.
Tweek separated his hands from the other and grabbed a wet paper towel left on the sink, and brought it to the smaller blond's nose, wiping away the dried blood with smooth motions. Butters still kept his eyes closed, but Tweek didn't mind anymore.
"You don't need to do that! I can clean my own wounds up."
He quietly spoke, but Tweek shook his head, even if the other couldn't see him.
"N-no. I want to help you too."
He whispered. Even through small twitches, he managed to clean up Butter's face, though he still looked worse for wear. Crouching down to clean his knee through the hole in his pants, Tweek focused on the job, letting his fleeting anxieties disappear with each press of the towel. This was somehow relaxing. Even though he was coming in slight contact with someone's blood, it wasn't revolting him as much as it should have. Maybe because Butters showed no care while cleaning him up, why shouldn't he be able to do the same?
As the wound became cleaner, Tweek eyed up to the sink, noticing a few more wrappers of bandaids, Butters had probably taken them out to fix himself up before he heard him. Snatching one, he awkwardly opened the wrapping and took the matching Hello Kitty band-aid and applied it on his knee.
"T-There. You should- Ngh! Watch it just in case it infects. You had… A lot of dirt in there."
The blond admits as he rises once more, unable to hold a snort as the other still had his eyes closed.
"You can open your eyes now, you know?"
Under this remark, Butters opened one eye, looking at him as if to make sure it was okay, then opened both with a gentle sigh of relief. Tweek had pulled back down his sleeves.
"Thanks, pal. You even patched me up too!"
He said with a smile as he looked at his knee, the pink bandaid showing through the rip.
"It's the least I could do! But please can… You not tell anyone that I was here?"
He asked, hands together as he looked down. As much as he felt safe now, he just hoped this wasn't a ruse to get secrets out of him, and have them spread all over class. The last thing he wanted was for people to know he was biting his arms and hitting himself when things got rough.
Butters' smile was radiant when Tweek looked back up.
"I aint gonna tell a soul! We're band-aid buddies now! And band-aid buddies stick together."
Tweek snorts. So cheesy.
"Y-Yeah."
Yet, he couldn't help a smile, looking at his wrist, where the shy point of a pink band-aid could be seen from under his sleeve.
Band-aid buddies.
"We should really get goin', though! Mr. Garrison must be lookin for us by now. Oh hamburgers, if my parents learn I was not in class-!"
Tweek held his hand, a gentle grasp, the same Butters had used to bring him back to the present earlier.
"H-hmhm. I don't want to get Ack! G-Grounded either."
He admits, but both shared a smile. They wouldn't be in trouble, somehow they knew.
No one would know they shared a cry in the bathrooms.