Chapter Text
This was what Midjourney gave me when I asked for Obi-Wan as a regency lady, and while it obviously needs a refresh on Regency fashion, I think it does quite well for a basic idea!
-
Obi-Wan could not say she was very surprised, upon reflection, when their lawyer told them they could no longer afford to live at Kellynch Hall.
It was not that her father was an extravagant man when it came to finances, but he had no head for money, adored his park and purchasing new exotic flowers for it, and loved buying Anakin anything Obi-Wan’s brother wanted and taking him to town whenever he wanted. Sir Qui-Gon didn’t need anything for his personal comforts, but that did not make him any more frugal.
That did not make it much easier to accept that they would have to leave her childhood home, however. Her memories were tied to its halls and gardens, and while she might make new ones with her father and brother, her mother had been dead for many years and her rooms in Kellynch Hall were one of the places that best kept her memory.
Still, she had been taught since she was a child that growing excessively attached to things of this world led to sin, and so for all that the parting would be painful, she knew she would overcome it in time.
She was less certain about the decision of where to move.
If someone had asked her where they would relocate if they were to quit Kellynch Hall, she would have answered that naturally they would rent a small house in the neighborhood, so that they could stay with their friends and her father could, perhaps, at least visit his beloved park.
She truly believed it would have been her father’s preference, too, but she had forgotten to account for Anakin.
Her brother tended to be bored in Kellynch as it was, and with the limited budget that would also mean limited traveling, he firmly declared that they simply had to move to town.
He would have preferred London, clearly, but thankfully there at least their father interfered. He hated big cities, and would have been truly unhappy there, and so they settled on Bath as a compromise - there, at least, Qui-Gon had the attraction of his now very old maternal grandfather, whom he dearly loved, and who had chosen the place to spend the final years of his life.
Obi-Wan hated the town, for all that she liked her great-grandfather, but then, that was par for the course, it sometimes seemed to her. And anyway, she would not have wanted her father or brother to be unhappy.
She obligingly helped her family with decisions regarding furnishings and the lay of the rooms in the house they had preliminarily chosen from the particulars that had been sent to them, as was expected of her, but she could not say that she was looking forward to realizing those plans in person.
Her home was in Kellynch Hall, and she had no desire to furnish another.
Therefore, when she received an invitation from her maternal uncle to spend some time with him and his daughter before she left Somerset, she gladly accepted.
She was always happy to go and see Uncle Koon, and any delay of moving to Bath was welcome. Let her father and brother arrange the house as they saw fit, unconventional as it would be. She knew they would not care about it, and Obi-Wan was in no humour to entertain the notions of the fashionable society of Bath.
So it was that her father and Anakin left the Hall first, leaving all legal matters in the hands of their lawyer, and it was on Obi-Wan to arrange all the necessary little details that went with leaving an estate like Kellynch behind. She visited the local poor for the last time, bid their goodbyes to all the important local families - for all that she might keep meeting them from Uppercross, since it was not as if Uncle Koon lived far - and took one last walk through the rooms of Kellynch Hall and its gardens, thinking of her childhood there and of all the memories.
Then she spent one last night, bid goodbye to the servants who remained behind to wait for the new tenants, gave away little gifts to them, and boarded the carriage her uncle had sent for her.
She did not look back. She thought back to her lessons on attachment to worldly matters, and though this was one of the greater trials in that respect so far in her life, it was not the greatest by far, and she was determined to persevere. Her family, or what remained of it, was healthy and happy, and that was what mattered. She would make those new memories elsewhere.
That, too, was what she firmly kept her mind on as they drove towards Uppercross.
Her uncle and cousin were waiting in the door to the house when she arrived, Ahsoka shifting impatiently on her feet. Nevertheless, she managed to show enough restraint to wait until Obi-Wan got out of the carriage and Uncle Koon got out his “Obi-Wan, welcome to Uppercross” before rushing to her side - perhaps she truly was growing up?
“I’m so glad you’re here!” She burst out as Obi-Wan leaned in to embrace her. “It’s so boring here when it’s just the two of us!”
Obi-Wan gave her an amused look. “Well, if you wanted someone to commiserate with you on that, you should have caught Anakin before he left,” she pointed out.
“Well, it’s never boring when you’re here,” Ahsoka insisted, flatteringly enough - she got on very well with Anakin and Obi-Wan had little doubt she would have preferred his company, but he was not a frequent visitor at Uppercross. “We’ll have so much fun together! I’m out now, so we can even go places!”
Not that there were many places to go in the neighborhood, thankfully. The older Obi-Wan was, the less like being ‘fun’ she felt, and things like balls tended to be mainly exhausting to her, though of course she still did her duty and never showed it.
Obi-Wan always did her duty.
“Let our guest settle, at least, before you start tiring her with your boundless enthusiasm,” Uncle Koon said with a chuckle, approaching them where they stood on the path towards the house.
“It is fine, truly,” Obi-Wan assured him. “I’m glad to be as warmly welcomed.”
“Well, I hope you will believe me that my welcome is equally meant without me having to put quite as much energy into it,” Uncle Koon noted with another chuckle, and Obi-Wan gave him a warm smile.
“Of course,” she assured him, learning in for an embrace as well, before she frowned. “But you should not have walked all this way - come on, let us go back inside so that you may take a seat.”
Uncle Koon huffed at that, but went obligingly enough. He had suffered an injury in a war years ago that left him with breathing trouble, not allowing him much exertion and contributing to the retiring life he had to lead with Ahsoka.
Obi-Wan had sometimes thought in the past that she and Ahsoka should have switched households. Ahsoka adored Akanin for a similarity in their characters - enough so that Obi-Wan would have wondered if there was a future there, if their relationship had not been so clearly that of siblings - and she got on well with Qui-Gon as well, as much as Qui-Gon ever paid any attention to anyone who was not Anakin. Obi-Wan, meanwhile, would have thrived in the calm, settled life of Uppercross.
But it was all idle thoughts, in truth. Ahsoka had spent most of her recent years at school, in any case, and she would have never wished to leave her beloved father behind, no more than Obi-Wan would have wished to abandon her father and brother.
She just could not quite stop her mind from running away with her, wondering about what ifs and what possibilities there might have been otherwise, and if, perhaps-
Well, it was immaterial, and she pushed such wonderings away as she walked by Uncle Koon to the morning parlour, Ahsoka fairly vibrating with excitement next to them.
“It is good to be here,” she noted as she settled into the calm familiarity of it. If she had to miss Kellynch, at least there would be the good old Uppercross to keep some of her memories safe.
Uncle Koon smiled at her and pressed her hand, and gave a significant look to Ahsoka, who recalled herself and called for some refreshments - clearly, the role of the lady of the house was still very new to her.
Once that was arranged, she turned to Obi-Wan and said, fairly bursting with curiosity: “So do you know anything about these tenants that will be renting Kellynch?”
“Ahsoka…” Uncle Koon said softly, chidingly.
Obi-Wan smiled and shook her head. “I do not mind,” she said. At least, not for the reason Uncle Koon thought. She did not mind speaking of the people who would be taking care of Kellynch Hall for them, living in its rooms when they could not. But those particular people…
“It is Admiral Kryze,” she explained, “with, I understand, his daughter.”
“Ah,” Uncle Koon said with a brief look at Obi-Wan, and then added: “a military man,” with appreciation. Ahsoka smiled at him. Her father was too old and too injured to have served in the last war, but before that, he had spent long years in the army before he became unable to, and was always full of interesting stories from his travels with it.
“I am sure you will have much to discuss together, even though he was in the Navy and you were in the Army,” Obi-Wan told him with a smile that was only a little fixed. Everything she had ever heard about Admiral Kryze indicated that he was a good, sensible man, and would be a good conversation partner for her uncle. Any other matters related to the family would surely not become relevant at all.
“Is there a big difference?” Ahsoka asked curiously. “I mean, I know the navy is on ships, obviously, but with organization and discipline and such?”
Uncle Koon began to answer, and Obi-Wan was happy to listen, bittersweet, and think about one particular naval captain, and whether this change would bring him into her orbit once again, and whether she would prove herself a liar in her belief that she could let the past rest.
-
The Kryzes took possession about a week later, on Michaelmas, and soon, as manners dictated, the Uppercross party set out for a visit.
Obi-Wan could not be uncurious about meeting them, given all the second-handed accounts she had had of them, though she would not show her excitement in the way Ahsoka did - the girl was, again, fairly vibrating in place, and required repeated reminders by both Obi-Wan and Uncle Koon that this was not, in fact, a proper way to behave in front of people who were not family or close friends.
Obi-Wan was just in the middle of one such reminder, in fact, when they were announced and she had to fall silent as they entered the room.
Her first impression of Admiral Kryze, upon laying eyes on him, was good. He was tall and broad-shouldered as he stood to greet them, just the bearing that she would imagine an admiral should have, and carried with him the same air of calm authority as Uncle Koon did. The young lady next to him - presumably his daughter - seemed to be in her early twenties, a good-looking woman with hair of a shade similar to Obi-Wan’s and proud carriage.
“Admiral Kryze,” Uncle Koon said, “it is a very real pleasure to meet you.”
“General Koon,” the admiral replied with a slight bow. “Likewise. Allow me to present my daughter, Bo-Katan.”
“It is a pleasure to meet you, Miss Kryze,” Uncle Koon replied with a bow of his own. “Allow me to present my niece, Obi-Wan Jinn, and my daughter, Ahsoka.”
There were more bows and curtsies and ‘pleasure’s, and once they all settled down again, Admiral Koon turned to Obi-Wan and said: “Miss Jinn, am I to understand that you are the daughter of this house?”
“Indeed, sir.”
“Then we will try especially hard, for your sake, to keep everything in the best order!”
Obi-Wan smiled a little. “I wish you the best of luck with that, sir, as I believe neither my father nor my brother are particularly of an inclination to be gentle with our furnishings.” The frequent need to repair or replace them had, in fact, probably been a contributing factor in their sorry state of affairs. Not that Obi-Wan had access to her father’s accounting - she had only had to face the results of it.
Admiral Kryze barked a laugh. “Then your brother sounds like he is cut of the same cloth as my daughter was when she was younger.”
Obi-Wan shot Miss Kryze a look - young ladies often did not enjoy their youthful indiscretions being pulled out in public - but Miss Kryze only sniffed. “In truth, I do not understand the point of dainty furniture that can hardly be used for fear of being broken into pieces.”
Obi-Wan arched an eyebrow. “Well, you will certainly not find such in Kellynch Hall.” The few pieces that had been like that had belonged to Obi-Wan’s mother and so now to her, and had already been either sent forward to Bath or stored with Uncle Koon for until such time, if it ever came, that Obi-Wan would have space for them again.
“Miss Kryze is right!” Ahsoka exclaimed in vigorous agreement, then, at Obi-Wan’s and her father’s look, subsided a little, but went on: “Father likes little fragile things, though, don’t you, papa?”
Uncle Koon smiled. “Well, my dear, you know my health no longer allows me the amount of vigour you prefer. You must leave me some pleasures, at least.”
“A memento from the wars?” Admiral Kryze asked in sympathy, and Uncle Koon elaborated as Ahsoka turned to Miss Kryze and began to expand on the point of breakable furniture and the pointlessness thereof.
Obi-Wan was happy to listen, taking pleasure in the contentment of those around her. It seemed Ahsoka and Miss Kryze were kindred spirits in a similar way to how Ahsoka and Anakin were, and the younger girl was clearly deeply impressed by the older, hanging on her every word as she described where she had visited with her father.
Meanwhile, Uncle Koon and Admiral Kryze were discussing the military in just the way Obi-Wan had expected they would, and so it all seemed to be going well and peacefully until she heard Miss Kryze say: “And my brother will come to us next week, or the one after that. He is looking for a house to buy and a place to settle, but before he does that, he wants to spend some time with us. He will be able to tell you even more interesting stories, if he condescends to.”
Obi-Wan froze, and had to take a deep breath and think of the notation of some of the more complicated songs she knew to make sure she did not show her distress visibly, merely clenching her fingers in her skirts where no one could see them..
It was true, then. Satin would come here, much sooner than she could have expected, and Obi-Wan still had a month until she was to join her family in Bath.
She very much did not feel up to the meeting, but on the other hand, she did wish to know how he was. She had done her duty, back then, and she did not regret that, but…it would be good, she thought, to see in person that he was healthy and happy and doing well.
She would never wish for more.
-
The story of Obi-Wan and Satin was this:
When she had been nineteen, just over a year after acquiring a brother from her father’s second marriage and still getting used to his and his mother’s presence in her life, Satin Kryze, then a newly made commander of the Navy, came to the country to visit with his newly married colleague who was settled in the neighborhood.
At that time, Obi-Wan frequently found it desirable to be away form Kellynch Hall to give the newly formed family of her father’s time to get used to each other in comfort without her - who used to be a lady of the house for a few years and now eternally feared she would be getting into the new Lady Jinn’s way by some ingrained habits of hers - confusing the situation. Thus, she often found occasion to visit everyone she was familiar with in their social circle, Satin’s friends being no exception to that, and frequently being thrown into company with Captain Kryze as a result. He was young and handsome and idealistic and full of fire; his mind and ideas were more developed and strongly held than anyone else Obi-Wan knew, and what started as spirited discussions between them soon developed into attraction and then stronger affection.
That, however, was when tragedy had struck at Kellynch Hall. So soon after the marriage, Shmi Jinn was taken by a dangerous infection, and after some weeks of fighting, her life left her, leaving behind her grieving son and husband.
Her marriage had been a love marriage. Sir Qui-Gon, after marrying the first time a very appropriate wife to oblige his then still-living father, went with his heart fully the second time and married a widow living in genteel poverty before she met him, under the thumb of more fortunate, but entirely unfeeling, relatives. In spite of all the material advantages of the match for her, Shmi Skywalker would not have chosen it if she had not held deep respect for Qui-Gon, and though she might not have loved him and agreed to the match chiefly to ensure a better future for her son, she esteemed him as much as she was willing to esteem any rich man.
Qui-Gon, for his part, loved her madly, and adored her son, taking him immediately as his own in all the ways he could, and Anakin returning the affection.
With all that intensity, Obi-Wan often felt herself superfluous. Somewhat paradoxically, her new step-mother was the one who made her feel it the least, always kind to her and clearly very conscious of the delicate situation in which she found herself, with an adult step-daughter whose place of precedence she had taken. Not that Obi-Wan cared about that, and in fact, she was happy to assist the new Lady Jinn in learning all of the duties her new station entailed, in spite of the occasional pangs for her mother she felt during it.
With Lady Jinn’s death, however, that comfort and potential for a close friendship had disappeared, and Obi-Wan mourned that dearly.
It was, naturally, nothing to the raw grief to the other two members of the house.
Obi-Wan tried to offer comfort where she could, but neither her father nor her brother were very receptive to it, and so she was left to arrange all the practicalities that followed such a tragedy and seek solace elsewhere in the remaining time.
It was at that difficult period in her life when Satin elected to make his proposal, wishing to take Obi-Wan away from a home where, he felt, she was not appreciated enough, and where she was drowning in others’ grief.
Obi-Wan had accepted him at first - she loved him, and he was a good man, so what reason was there to say no? She then, conscious that she could hardly tell her joyous news to a house in mourning, hurried to Uncle Koon to tell him instead,
That was when her happiness first met the harsh reality.
Uncle Koon was gentle, as he always was, but he asked the difficult questions.
Her family was mourning now, and her father was left a young boy in his sole care - and Obi-Wan knew very well that, for all his genuine affection, Qui-Gon was not always best at caring for others, at paying attention to their needs. Would Obi-Wan be willing to leave them to it? Could she predict how long it would take until they no longer needed her assistance? Would Satin, a strong-willed, tempestuous young man, be willing to wait indefinitely in such a way? Anakin, after all, had many years left until adulthood, and under these circumstances it was not clear whether Qui-Gon would wish to send him to school at the usual age, or whether he would prefer to keep him in the comfort of home longer.
“It is your choice,” Uncle Koon had said, “but you must always keep in mind what is on each side of the scales.”
Obi-Wan had gone home, to the raw grief of Kellynch, and saw again how desperately she was needed for anything practical at all at this time, and she thought about her uncle’s words.
The following day, she went to Satin, and told him all of her thoughts, and that they would have to wait for a long time.
Satin did not take the news well. He meant to help Obi-Wan from her untenable situation, as he saw it, not let her mire in it for years to come - and so he protested and insisted, and in the end Obi-Wan, conscious of her duty, broke the engagement off.
That had been over seven years ago, and as he had subsequently left the country, Obi-Wan had not seen him since.
-
Satin did, indeed, come as announced, and after being called on by Uncle Koon. returned the visit to Uppercross with all polite haste.
He was, Obi-Wan couldn’t help but notice, as handsome as he’d ever been.
He clearly was not surprised to see her - his father must have warned him, unknowingly, when mentioning people staying at Uppercross at the moment - and gave her a cool, polite nod which she returned.
That was all to be had between them, she supposed. After all that closeness in which they had lived next to each other for many months when he had stayed in the country, and now what was left was a cold nod and a distant smile, and a gulf of silence.
It was her own fault, Obi-Wan knew, and she would not - would not, she told herself firmly - dwell on it.
Satin was only cold and distant towards her, unsurprisingly, while to others, he was as personable and charming as she remembered him being ten years ago, if not more so. Soon he engaged his sister and Ahsoka in the idea of going for a walk, and Obi-Wan, knowing when she was not wanted, pled tiredness.
She loved the country in the autumn months when the leaves turned such beautiful colours and the melancholy of it seemed to match her soul, and such a walk would have soothed her perfectly just now, but not one, she knew perfectly well, where she would be accompanied by Satin.
Uncle Koon thankfully only gave her an understanding look and otherwise stayed silent on the subject as she retreated to her room for some silent contemplation instead.
At least, she thought, the first meeting was over. It was always bound to be the worst for the first time, surely, and now that the uncertainty of what would happen was over - now that she knew what their manner of intercourse was to be - she would be more able to face their further meetings with equanimity.
She hoped.
That there would be many meetings, she had no doubt. The friendship between Ahsoka and Miss Kryze had only grown in the past weeks, the young ladies becoming near inseparable, and Obi-Wan knew Ahsoka was bound to like Satin equally well, with all his energy, of which he seemed to have lost none in the intervening years.
She hoped it did not make her too selfish to hope that she would not like him too well. She was not certain she could face the idea of him becoming part of her family by marriage to her cousin with equanimity, and while she once might have known his taste enough to say with confidence that he would not give his preference to Ahsoka, what did she know now?
Ahsoka returned from her walk bubbling with excitement, just as Obi-Wan had expected, and eager to share stories. The ones she told in front of Uncle Koon were all happy and harmless, but once she was alone with Obi-Wan, Uncle Koon having retired for his prescribed daily rest, she grew a little more serious and discontent.
“He was very kind and charming to me,” she said, “but I have one complaint of him, and that was how he spoke of you! Bo-Katan asked him what he thought of you, meeting you after so many years, and he said you were so altered he should not have known you again! He refused to elaborate, but that cannot mean anything good, can it?”
No, it could not.
“How could he be so ungallant!” Ahsoka exclaimed upon seeing Obi-Wan’s expression.
Obi-Wan gave a sigh. She did not wish to ruin her cousin’s chance for some pleasant company by dragging her into her personal woes. Ahsoka really was lonely and bored at Uppercross, and Miss Kryze was a valuable friend to her.
“You cannot blame him,” she therefore said out loud. “I truly have grown much older in the last seven years - more than he had. I do not blame him for his surprise.” She might blame him for speaking so openly in front of Ahsoka, if only because it didn’t spare her this conversation, but she supposed - bitterly - that his shock had been simply too great to contain himself.
Well, she told herself firmly, now you certainly know where you stand, and there can be no more reason for foolish sentimentality on your part. It is time to finally put all of that to rest.
Satin Kryze had, indeed, said those words about her, though unaware of the close relationship between the cousins, he had not suspected Ahsoka would share them with Obi-Wan.
He had not forgiven Obi-Wan. She had used him ill; deserted and disappointed him; and worse, she had shown a feebleness of character in doing so, which his own decided, confident temper could not endure. She had given him up, he was convinced, to oblige others. It had been the effect of over-persuasion. It had been weakness and timidity.
He had been most warmly attached to her, and had never seen a woman since whom he thought her equal; but then he had been disappointed in her, and now it was all in the past.
In fact, it was now his object to marry, and he looked with an open heart for any woman that would charm him - any but Obi-Wan Jinn. Nevertheless, Obi-Wan was not out of his thoughts, when he answered his sister regarding the kind of woman he hoped to marry: "A strong mind, with sweetness of manner," made the first and the last of the description - the latter added mostly by bitter experience, as for all he did not like remembering their months together, he liked remembering their final arguments the least of all.