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“Xiao?” Aether said after greasing the cake pan.
“Hmm?” Xiao answered without looking up. He was focused on the batter, making sure that all the ingredients were well combined. They were baking a cake at Aether’s house for their Home Economics project.
“There’s something I want to tell you.”
Xiao looked up.
“But I’ll tell you after we put the cake in the oven,” Aether continued. His words came out a little faster.
Xiao nodded and looked at Aether cautiously. When Aether started a conversation like this, it was usually about a secret to be kept between the two of them. He took the cake pan from Aether, feeling a skip in his heart when their fingers briefly touched.
It was getting harder every day to be around him. How many times had Xiao daydreamed about holding Aether’s hand, running his fingers through his long blond hair, snuggling his nose into his neck? Too many to count. But he’d have to rein in these feelings. Because who in their right mind falls in love with their best friend?
He poured the batter into the pan and left the cake to its own devices in the oven. Most of the work was done. It was going to be a simple cake. No icing. The project was to make a basic cake and then use what they learn to tackle more complicated recipes later on.
Aether did most of the preparation. Xiao was fascinated by his efficiency. He measured every ingredient with precision and had no wasted movements. All the ingredients were neatly prepared, organized and within arm's reach.
He turned to his friend and asked, “So what did you want to tell me?”
Aether started fiddling with the edge of his apron.
“Xiao, we’re best friends, right?”
Xiao nodded.
“We tell each other everything, right?”
Xiao nodded again. He didn’t know where this conversation was going, but he had a feeling Aether was going to say something... not good.
“Um, I have a crush on someone.”
Xiao felt his heart sink to the pit of his stomach. Of course Aether liked someone else. Of course he would never feel the same way. How stupid of him to think that he could like him back. He should’ve known better than to fall for his friend.
“I don’t know if he feels the same way. I hope he does. But maybe I’m just kidding myself because he’s so smart, so good at sports, and so good-looking that there’s no way he’d like someone like me.”
Xiao couldn’t breathe. Aether’s words were knocking the wind out of his lungs like a sledgehammer to the chest. The more Aether talked, the more his heart shattered. Part of him knew this might happen, but he never prepared for the reality.
He wished he didn’t feel feelings. He wished he was anywhere but here. He looked towards the kitchen doorway, thinking of ways to get out, excuses to leave. He couldn’t stay here any longer.
“I-I have to get going now,” Xiao said as he stepped back.
“Huh?” Aether was startled. “Why?”
“I... just remembered something.” He picked up his backpack from a counter and headed for the door.
“What about the cake?” Aether asked.
“Just let me know how it tastes.”
And with that, Xiao was gone. Aether heard the front door open and close.
Xiao had no idea how long he’d been walking or what direction his leaden steps had taken him. When the heaviness in his chest started to ease, he recognized his surroundings. He had taken the longer way home. He was in a shopping district. Pop-up shops were selling chocolate. That’s right. The day after tomorrow was Valentine’s Day. He remembered the bars of chocolate he saw in Aether’s kitchen and felt the knot in his chest again. Aether was going to give those chocolates to his crush.
He remembered his own chocolate that he bought for Aether. He debated giving those on Valentine’s Day. Maybe the only place it’ll be going was the trash.
--
Xiao arrived ten minutes before class on Monday morning. Upon stepping foot in the classroom, there was the usual bundle of smiles and blond hair that greeted him every day.
Xiao’s seat was behind Aether’s, where he had the perfect view of his rope of golden hair and smooth neck. Aether was his usual cheery self, as if nothing upsetting had happened over the weekend. He talked about the cake they made and how it tasted.
There was an unusual flurry of activity in the classroom. Girls whispered among themselves about boys they were going to give chocolates to. A few boys huddled together to bemoan their lack of chocolate gifts.
Valentine’s Day never mattered to Xiao. It was just a day like any other. Except stores liked to advertise what it meant to get more sales. But this time was different. It was the first time he actually wanted a Valentine’s gift. Maybe he should join the huddled group of guys whining about getting nothing.
The hours breezed by like they always did. Xiao didn’t know how he survived the day. Aether kept bringing up giving or receiving chocolates at lunch break. It was painful to listen to. When the last class was over, they were the last to leave the classroom.
“So, Xiao.” Aether called his attention, “Remember that conversation we had in the kitchen?”
No, not this again. Xiao meant to mumble a yes, but it came out as a dismissive hum. Maybe they should stop hanging out. What was the point anymore?
“Um, I’ve been wanting to give this to you all day.” Aether reached into his bag and handed Xiao a box of chocolate.
Xiao’s eyes widened, then his forehead slightly creased. It was probably pity chocolate. “Why?” he asked.
“Well, uh, because…” Aether stumbled.
“I can’t accept this.”
Aether felt a knot in his chest and a lump in his throat. Of course Xiao wouldn’t accept his Valentine’s gift. He probably hated him. He wasn’t good enough. He was a fool to think Xiao would ever return his feelings. A hopeless, good-for-nothing fool. Aether felt the sting of tears at the back of his eyes. But he must not cry in front of Xiao. Not now.
“Won’t your crush get jealous?” Xiao asked.
Aether was silent for the longest moment. “Xiao, you’re my crush.”
Xiao blinked and stared. “Oh.”
Aether half-laughed and half-cried while wiping a stray tear that rolled down his cheek. Xiao reached up to wipe away the tear, and he ended up touching the back of Aether’s hand.
“I’m sorry, Ae. Thank you for the chocolate,” Xiao said as he realized they were holding hands. They both turned away at the same time. The touch sent a tingle down his spine. “I have chocolate for you too, but I, uh, forgot it at home.”
Xiao will have to get it out of his bedroom bin. He hoped it wasn’t soiled. It was neatly wrapped in pretty paper.