Chapter Text
What the fuck am I doing.
That thought seemed to be a constant in his life. When he was a teenager, watching his classmates go out and party and go on dates while he sat at home. When he graduated, when all those he knew before went off to college while he stayed behind. When he had worked his objectively worst job as a water cooler salesman, and realized there might not be more to life for him than some sort of sick joke for some higher deity. When he flung random, half baked advice at a middle schooler that could destroy the entire country in a few seconds if he tried hard enough. And now, it seemed like it was hitting him every second. But if there’s one thing Reigen Arataka’s good at, it’s bullshitting. And bullshit he does.
When he was a kid, people would tell him he’d make a great actor. Or, even, a lawyer, though honestly the two are very connected. Anywho, there were high hopes for a man with such a supreme ability to string along falsehoods as if they might save his life. And honestly, they have. Many, many times.
He tries not to think about his countless near death experiences.
Anyway, they’ve gotten him here. And it's not a bad place. He owns a business, he has friends (even if a majority of them happen to be teenagers), and he only occasionally feels a sense of dread. Compared to how he was a bit ago, this isn’t bad at all. But no matter how hard he tries, he can’t seem to get that horrible thought out of his head.
There have been stress causers. For example, his entire business is reliant on people who aren’t him. Specifically, Serizawa. A man who would probably leave in an instant if he became aware that his spews of “spirit power” and “top psychic of the 21st century” had been complete and utter bullshit. And then what would Reigen do?
I could fake a law degree, like that guy in that American show Teru made me watch. Reigen seriously contemplates that. I mean, it only took him so long to get caught. Plus, I’m not like him, I’m sure I’d be much better at convincing people then he was. There’s a perfectly decent chance I’d manage to consistently fly under the radar.
He shakes that thought out of his head, for believe it or not, he likes his job. And he just doesn’t feel like the lawyer type, even though it’s what his parents begged him to become.
I haven’t called mom in ages.
He shakes that thought out of his head as well. He’s simply been too busy to deal with familial affairs. Perfectly explainable! There’s no guilt clawing at his chest. What a preposterous idea. Oh yeah, back to the stress causers. That’s one of them.
It’s not my fault my family doesn’t understand what I’m doing. They all think I’m a dirty conman. And you know what, if they don’t want to support me, then I don’t have to support them. They barely supported me when I was a “star student”, anyways.
More aggressive shaking. He prefers not to dwell on his teenage years. Very dark times. But his thoughts did have a point. His family was never happy with him. That’s why he never let them into any detail of his personal life. They didn’t deserve to know anything about him except what was on surface level. If he called his mom, all she’d do is send him various offers for soulless jobs, try to get him to go back to school, or try to set him up with some random daughter of one of her friends. Honestly, he was sick of it. Why couldn’t she just be happy for the place he was at right now? Why does he need some “respectable” job, a fancy degree, and, god forbid, a family ? His mom’s “perfect idea” for him sounded like a nightmare. Even excluding some… personal restraints… it still sounded perfectly dreadful. He tries to think of himself working for another person, or sitting in a business class or something, but the only image that greets him is his grayed out memories of working as a water cooler salesman.
Definitely not going back there.
And then there was his sister. She thought he was a criminal. That hurt him more than anything his mother could do. That was his sister, the girl he grew up with. They were thick as thieves when they were younger, best friends, even. They always had each other’s backs. She was the only one he ever let into his personal life, the only one he shared things with. He knew everything about her. He was the one who sat by her side all night when she went through her first breakup. She was the first and only person he came out to. He was the one who threw her an impromptu party when she got into her dream college, buying her a small cake which they ate in the park. But now here they were. The last time he spoke to her was at her wedding, but even then he left early because he couldn’t handle the constant criticism. If she enjoyed that ideal life their parents had set up, then good for her. But he just couldn’t stand being around her, especially knowing how low she thought of him.
Getting stuck in his head is bad. He should stop doing that. Especially when he has a client in two minutes.
He clapped loudly, mostly for his benefit, but it also startled Serizawa, who dropped his pencil and looked up with a shell shocked look in his eyes. The moment he noticed the source, however, his face relaxed, and he got up to walk over to Reigen.
“Hey, we have a client in a minute. Get prepared,” Reigen commanded, as Serizawa shuffled off to prepare tea.
“Do you think it’s a real case? Or…”
“Heh, I’d say it’s just a good old fashioned case of tight shoulders, but I guess we’ll see.” He stretched out his hands just in case, and immediately he heard a knock at the door. After Serizawa rushed to open the door, a man walked in, with the swagger of someone who thinks much too highly of himself. He was around middle aged, and on top of his balding hair sat a pair of sunglasses, despite the fact that regular eyeglasses sat perched on his nose. His name was Kanei, Reigen remembered that from the phone call, but something about the man was so naturally overwhelming that he almost forgot it. Oh, we’ve got a character for sure.
Reigen immediately launched into customer service mode, the fakest smile possible plastered all over his face. “Welcome, welcome! Please sit yourself down. Would you like a cup of tea?”
“Oh, sure, why not.” Serizawa ran off to fetch a cup of tea, before returning, carefully handing it over to Kanei, who aggressively snatched it and downed it in a single gulp. Reigen and Serizawa shared a look.
“Hello, sir. If I remember from your call, you were experiencing…”
“Oh, it’s so absolutely dreadful!” Kanei launched himself off the chair, an expression so nearly comically pained that it reminded Reigen of his theatre days. He sat kneeled on the floor, hands reaching up to the sky like he was praying. “Oh, I had just gotten home from a business trip, but when I walked through my front door, it felt like there was 12 pounds on me! Getting home from work should make me feel light and free, not so absolutely awful! Oh, you could only imagine my pain. I can’t even enter the home I’ve lived in for most of my life! How lucky I don’t have a family…” He continued to ramble for a solid minute before Reigen decided he had gone past the regular courtesy amount of words.
“You said you had just gotten home from a business trip?” He interjected, cutting off a string about the man’s ex-wife or something. The man looked startled by the abrupt intrusion, but he quickly fell back into his sorrowful demeanor.
“Oh yes, yes! Yes I had!” Reigen was starting to take note of his overuse of “oh”. Frankly, it was starting to get a bit annoying.
“Alright… Was anyone watching the house or anything while you were gone?” Reigen leaned forward, hands folded on his chin, trying to display a genuine show of interest. Serizawa continued to stand awkwardly perched over the couch, but he too was beginning to move closer. I’ll be sure to compliment his care towards clients later.
“Oh, yes! My ex-wife, Eimi!”
“Oh?” Reigen pressed, trying to hide how appalled he felt at the prospect of letting your ex-wife watch your house alone for a week.
“Yes! She offered. It was extremely kind of her, of course. I wasn’t expecting it at all, considering how hostile she’s always been towards me…” Kanei ducked his head and shook it, before looking up again expectantly at Reigen. Reigen and Serizawa shared a knowing look. It was pretty easy to guess where this was going.
“Anything that might’ve… prompted this generous offer of hers?”
“Oh, no, nothing at all. I think she must’ve just had a change of heart. You know, I’ve always been so sad at how our relationship ended. If only I hadn’t been so tempted by that intern…” He splayed his arm against his forehead as if describing some great wrong committed against him. Hey, if this is a curse, at least I know its source… Reigen gritted his teeth, before looking up at Serizawa once again. They nodded at each other, and Reigen stood up, reaching his arm out towards the man still kneeling on the floor. He took it, and stood up to face him.
“Any other description of whatever awful thing has stricken your poor house?” He was laying on the sweet words. Luckily, the man was eating it up, clearly grateful for receiving sympathy for his situation, no matter how fake it was.
“Oh, yes! It only appeared once I opened the door. Once I closed it, I was fine.” Perhaps not a tense shoulders situation, then. “Oh, and again, it feels like there’s pounds upon pounds on your shoulders. I had my sister try entering, and she also felt it, so it’s not specific to me. You know, she was actually the one that suggested I contact a psychic. She’s always been extremely into the supernatural, perhaps I should give you her-” Another ramble. Time to end this before it can begin.
“Hm, yes, yes! Seems like quite the serious situation! Luckily, you have me, Reigen Arataka, to take care of this! You came to the right man. I happen to be the greatest psychic of the 21st century AND the world’s best exorcist. My assistant, Serizawa Katsuya, also happens to be one of the most powerful men of our generation! You’re in good hands, sir, I assure you.” Reigen finished his usual mantra with an aggressive point to himself, before Kanei quickly took his hand and aggressively began to shake it.
“Oh, thank you sir, thank you! Nobody else would take me seriously. I really did come to the best person! Oh, I’ll be so grateful to be back in my home again. How quickly can you come and check it out? The sooner the better, of course, but I won’t rush you.”
Reigen looked over at Serizawa, who let out a curt nod, and responded, “I’m free right now.”
“Alright then. Sir, why don’t you head over to the site of this horrible curse? We’ll join you in a minute.” Reigen led the man towards the door, motioning towards it in a way that he hoped would encourage him to leave without appearing like he was forcing him out.
“Yes, yes! Thank you so much!”
The man hurried off with the same vigor he had entered with. Serizawa strolled towards Reigen, hands wringing in front of him.
“Well he was… intense,” Serizawa commented, eyebrows knitted, probably still contemplating what he just witnessed. Reigen couldn’t blame him.
“To say the least. But, he’s a paying client, and he was pretty respectful, so I suppose we can’t complain,” Reigen replied, hands flying in every direction. Serizawa watched them move with a slight smile.
“No, I suppose not.” Serizawa paused for a second, before leaning in towards Reigen like he had a secret to share. “I sensed something.”
“Yeah! Me too. Definitely.” Serizawa gave him a weirdly bemused expression which Reigen chose to ignore. “But, pray tell, what’d you sense?” He’s been picking up a lot of English sayings from those weird American things Teru’s been making him watch. He likes inserting them into random conversations.
“Some sort of essence.” He turned away, looking deeply at the wall. “This is a real case, for sure. There’s definitely something… lingering. I’ll find out more when we investigate the house.”
“Alright then. The train’s leaving soon, so let’s get moving.”
Feeling a slight nudge on his shoulder, Reigen awoke with a start. Checking for the source of his rude awakening, he saw Serizawa, trying to stifle a giggle. He was confused until he remembered they were on the train.
“Honestly, I don’t even know how you always manage to fall asleep. The ride was only 10 minutes.”
“I was just… refreshing! For such a powerful man like me, those naps can be immensely important. I have to stay in tip top shape in order to replenish my…” He desperately waved his hands around like they’d suddenly supply him with the perfect lie to keep his story together. “Spirit powers! Yes, yes. If I became weakened, my powers, well they’re so colossal that they’d simply crush this entire universe. I must fortify my strength in order to keep our entire world together. You understand.”
The other man smiled and nodded, and though the motion felt like the kind an adult might give to a boisterous toddler, Reigen still celebrated the success.
“I’m sure. Anyway, it’s time to get off. Come on.” The two got off and paraded down the street like men on a mission. They were greeted by a large, two-story house. The garden in front was semi-kept, with dead grass here and there but in overall good condition. Typically, the sight would be pretty impressive. But now… something was off.
I may not be able to sense spirits or whatever, but even I’m getting a bad vibe.
“Are you sensing that as well?” Reigen asked, but a simple look over at Serizawa answered his question. He was practically bristling ( He’s a lot like a cat , he thought, before quickly chasing that idea away), eyes widened as if witnessing some sort of horrible phenomena.
He nodded, then leaned closer to Reigen, lowering his voice. “A curse for sure. If his ex-wife did place it, she must hold a serious grudge.”
“I can only imagine,” he whispered back, before laughing to himself a little about the case. “I swear, how do people even get themselves into these situations? Is it that hard to just… be a respectful husband?”
“They definitely do this to themselves,” Serizawa replied, shaking his head in disapproval. The two began to tread towards the door when the client suddenly dashed in front of them.
“Yes, yes, hello! I wouldn’t take a step closer if I were you. Not until you’re prepared. No, no, that would be just purely awful.” He stopped to take a large breath. Did he run here or something? “So, gentlemen, have any idea what we’re facing?” Why is he talking like he’s a member of the team?
“We have a good idea. You see sir… what you’re facing here… is an awful curse! Yes, it is simply the most atrocious kind. It’s going to be a real tough one to exorcize.” Reigen launched into his salesman mode. He was going to get as much money as possible from this.
“But you can do it?” Kanei looked at him with a worried expression, pressing for reassurance. Hook, line, sinker. Reigen began to wildly move his hands before settling on a thumbs up.
“Of course! Have no fear, sir. You are in the best of hands! Now, of course, before we begin, I’m afraid we’ll have to discuss pricing…” He pulled out his pricing chart, before unloading his typical bullshit. Luckily, the man was eating it all up, and as expected, agreed to the highest price.
“Thank you, sir, again. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I never got to visit my beautiful house again…” The man bowed, before stepping back. “I’ll let you two do your work. Oh, don’t be afraid to contact me if-”
“Don’t worry, we’ve got this.” Reigen motioned for Serizawa, and the two began to walk up the stairs to the house. With each step, Serizawa looked a little more frayed.
I wonder what it’d be like to have psychic powers… No, wait, head in the game, Arataka.
“Reigen, I’d take a step back if I were you. I’ll take it from here.” Serizawa put a hand out, beckoning Reigen to get behind it. Usually, Reigen would protest, but he decided it was probably best to just do what the man said. He almost wanted to applaud him for the initiative. He’s been getting a lot more confident recently.
“Yep, this one’s pretty small. I’ll let you handle it.” He yawned, stretching out his hands to show how unthreatened he felt. In reality, he was feeling quite the opposite, but he decided keeping up a confident exterior would help everyone. By the time they reached the top step, Reigen began to understand what Kanei was going on about. It felt like someone was physically grabbing his shoulders, and trying to push him down to the ground. It was almost unbearable. Serizawa looked a bit less strained, but it was clearly also affecting him. He kept shifting his shoulders like he was trying to keep something balanced, and his left eye let out a twitch.
“Okay, I’m going to open the door now. Don’t rush in, stay collected…”
“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Serizawa pushed open the door, and the moment he did so, the “weight” Reigen was feeling almost doubled. It was getting hard to even stay standing.
“I’m going to investigate. I’d recommend you stay here.”
“Yeah, whatever.” The other man limped off, leaving Reigen alone with his thoughts and the pressure he was experiencing. Physical pressure, that is. The emotional pressure didn’t help, though. I look like a loser. I should go follow him, just to show… I don’t know, strength or something. What kind of boss hangs back like this? He let out a deep sigh, and tried to raise a hand to move it, but found the mere motion nearly impossible. Serizawa knows what he’s doing. I should trust his judgement , he reasoned, taking a step back towards the door. He began to feel restless, though. A step or two couldn’t hurt. Just to get a little closer to the action…
Reigen took a step forward. Then another. And another. Soon, he was nearly out of the foyer. With each step, however, the weight got more and more unbearable, until Reigen was walking with a visible hunch. This is probably what it felt like for Kiyo when she used to give me piggy back rides when we were kids.
Caught in thoughts of his childhood, he didn’t realize how he was practically crumbling until it was too late. He fell face down on the floor, which was luckily carpeted. Startled, he tried to raise his head up, but found himself incapable of doing so. He tried to call out for Serizawa, but again found himself helpless.
Shit.
What was he going to do now? What if Serizawa came out again right now and saw his boss splayed out on the floor like a carpet? Surely he’d meet him with shock, maybe even some disgust. He’d see how powerless Reigen truly was, and he’d yell at him for lying (awfully out of character, he knew, but he preferred to stick to the worst case scenario, no matter what), and leave him here, alone. He would quit, and Reigen would be back to square one with nothing. His grimace deepened, as he continued to run through horrible situations in his brain. Most ended with him staying here alone forever until he died of hunger or some rats came and ate him or something. He was screwed! He’d die here, he’d never talk to Mob again, he’d never call his mother again, and he’d never get to make peace with his sister. This was it. He relaxed a bit, waiting for his inevitable end to take him. Something went weirdly, though. His shoulders relaxed a lot more than he intended. Slowly but surely, he lifted them off the ground. He could move again! He stacked himself back up, then dusted himself off.
Maybe I finally gained psychic powers. Either that, or…
“Found it. Just as you thought, a curse. A real tricky one as well, didn’t want to get caught. Kept trying to evade me.” Serizawa strutted out with a confident gait that was almost out of character for him. He must be really proud of himself. I’m happy for him. I’m also glad I was able to pick myself up on time…
“Fantastic job! I wouldn’t expect any less from my employee, of course, but nevertheless. Anyway-” He was so focused on his monologue about spirit power or something that he didn’t realize the other man stepping forwards. He looked down to suddenly see hands on his tie, straightening it. Something about the gesture made Reigen’s breath catch. He’d think about that later, but now wasn’t the time.
“Sorry, um, your tie was all messed up. Did you fall over or something?” He finished messing with the tie, but kept his hands on it. Reigen couldn’t decide whether he wanted to swat them away or place his own hands over them.
“No, no, what? Of course not! Guess I simply got so caught up in the situation-” Reigen’s mouth and hands were moving a mile a minute, and he could feel his face redden as he desperately tried to defend himself. Serizawa laughed, stepping back.
“Just messing with you. We should get back to Kanei. I’m sure he’s anxiously waiting. Add some more energy to him and I think he’ll explode.”
“You’re right, you’re right. Let’s get going.” Now that he wasn’t physically falling over, Reigen had time to appreciate the house in its full beauty. This is a decently nice place, Kanei must be pretty well off. Various souvenirs from varying countries dotted the shelves, along with strangely out-of-character dolls every once and a while. It seemed as if he had a collection going. Despite the fact that Serizawa was practically dashing to the door, Reigen decided to slow down a bit, and investigated the various photographs that dotted the wall. A majority of them featured a younger Kanei, one with hair and a slightly better fashion sense. Almost every single one of those featured an unfamiliar woman, one who rarely smiled, even in their wedding photo. Her mouth was practically a pursed line. Her auburn hair, later dyed a salmon color, was constantly held up in a top bun. She had the perfect aura of a businesswoman, with a general energy of calm collectedness. As photos went on, however, she looked tenser, until she practically seemed pissed to be there. Not too soon after her sudden change to an angry demeanor, she vanished completely. Reigen almost felt sorry for the woman. He didn’t even know her, but still felt like she deserved better. Nothing could, however, excuse the fact that Kanei was a client, and she had placed a curse on him. It would probably be best for Reigen to avoid giving his two-cents.
Finally rushing off to catch up to Serizawa, the two descended down the stairs to the house, where a panicked Kanei bolted to meet them. There was sweat practically pouring off his forehead, which he kept attempting to wipe off every few seconds. All in all, he looked more stressed than the two of them combined, even though they were the ones who had actually dealt with the curse.
“Oh, hello! Hello indeed! Did you two do it? Did you get rid of it?” He grabbed Reigen’s hand and started aggressively shaking it, and it took all of Reigen’s willpower to not shake him off.
“Yes, sir! It was a real tough one. A real bugger, let me tell you. But, luckily for you, we were able to use our COMBINED top tier spirit power to obliterate it! Not even a trace left, just what you paid for.” Reigen smirked, before using this opportunity to free his hand and pat Serizawa on the back. The other man smiled back, albeit in a much less over the top manner.
“Oh, thank you so much again. I’ll finally be able to get back to all my various collections… I really am so happy. Thank you, really! I’ll be sure to tell everyone I know about your business.” Kanei continued to ramble on as Reigen nodded along happily. He could practically see the yen rolling in. Another job well done for sure. He’d definitely have to take Serizawa out for a celebratory meal after this.
After a few minutes of ceaseless words of gratitude, the two parties parted ways. Serizawa and Reigen walked off, and once they were sure they were out of earshot of the man, burst into laughter.
“Man, he sure was something, right Serizawa?” Reigen chuckled, putting his hands in his pockets.
“Definitely. I think my eardrums were bursting. He almost beat you in terms of dramatics.”
“That better not be sass I’m hearing. You might hurt my poor feelings,” Reigen replied, splaying his hands over his heart and exaggerating his movements.
“Case in point.” Feigning shock, Reigen lightly punched him in the arm, before putting his hands back in his pockets.
“Anyway, good work today. We’re set for a good week now. He might’ve been hard to deal with, but he paid , didn’t he?” Serizawa nodded, and the two continued to walk in silence before Reigen remembered what he had decided on earlier. “Oh yeah, I think we have a celebration in order, no? Why don’t we get some soba?”
Serizawa paused for a second, and Reigen began worrying that he’d overstepped in some way. It’s stupid to worry about, considering I’ve done this time and time before, but I mean, you never know, right? Finally, the other man offered his answer.
“I’d like that,” Serizawa responded, grinning back. A sense of relief rushed over Reigen, and he quickened his pace.
“Well, we better get moving. It’d be awful to go all that way just for it to be closed… You know, one time, me and Mob-” He continued to prattle on nearly senselessly as Serizawa watched with a bemused smile. By the time he had finished his string, they had reached the train station. Luckily for them, the train had arrived at that moment, and they hopped on, minds already full of fantasies of delicious food.