Chapter Text
Two Transcendent Souls sat in lawnchairs on a suburban street, watching the antics of a particular overweight ginger tabby.
The cat’s owner ran after him with exasperation.
‘Do you think we should tell him that it isn’t a cat?’ Sharee Pertinicle mused.
Reuben Magnussen considered for a moment before making a decision. ‘Nah!’
‘No.’ Sharee nodded.
***
Garfield watched Odie slink off with a pout after his most recent presentation, a smirk on his face.
He heard a chuckle behind him. You are a troll, aren’t you? Garfield, is it?
Garfield turned his head to see a female...cat slinking out of the shadows. Yeah, that’s right. I don’t see others of our kind too often. What are you doing here?
Oh, you know. She settled in to lie on the arm of the easy chair. Just keeping an eye on a one-eyed pirate. There was an air of satisfaction about her. And if I had anything to do with him becoming one-eyed...well, accidents do happen. She shrugged. I’m Goose, by the way.
Garfield sniggered. So, why’s he need an eye kept on him?
Because he’s been culling this planet’s natural defence. 90% of the superhumans on this planet have been either collared or outright killed. This is especially bad seeing as there are currently at least two Infinity Stones on the planet.
Garfield rolled his eyes heavenward. So it’s up to us, then? I guess someone’s going after the Infinity Stones.
Naturally.
Well, there’s food involved, so I suppose I can get my paws dirty.
Goose sniggered.
***
Stephen Strange stared as an overweight orange tabby cat hopped up and sat on the table next to where Sharee was leaning.
‘Meow,’ he said.
Sharee looked at him. ‘Goose ate him?’
The cat almost seemed to smirk. ‘Ptoo!’ He spat something out and Sharee caught it...without even looking.
Her eyes immediately began to glow orange.
‘One of the Infinity Stones?’ the Ancient One asked.
‘Reality.’ She held it up. ‘Let’s send it to the other end of the universe, huh?’
‘Sorry, did a cat just spit?’ Stephen demanded.
Sharee grinned at him. ‘First encounter with a Flerken?’
***
Tony was actually sitting in the shed, working on upgrading the security features of the property. Pepper and baby Morgan were sleeping inside the house. Thanos’s failed invasion had petered out before it even started. Tony had been told that he’d been stopped by some alien creatures that Thanos had totally overlooked.
So, while Cap was still a fugitive, he was trying to act like he’d won that fight and should be allowed back because of that. And they had been annoying Tony to do it for them. Tony did not have a lot of faith that they wouldn’t target his daughter to try and get what they wanted. Any of his previous enemies would know that was a bad idea. But...they were smarter than the ex-Vengers.
Especially seeing as Fury was now trying to drag Tony back in as well.
‘Reow.’
Tony looked down. He was stunned to see a cat sitting at his feet. In the cat’s mouth, there was a ginger kitten. Tony blinked. ‘How did you get in here?’
The cat looked kind of smug as she put her kitten down and nudged it. The little kitten moved over and sniffed at Tony’s trainer. The cat meowed at her kitten and the kitten gave a cute little meow back. Then, the cat turned and walked out. The kitten proceeded to pounce up onto Tony’s leg and curl up.
Tony blinked. ‘Okay...that was strange.’
But there was one person who would have an answer. Tony made a phone call.
‘Hello, Yale University?’ Tony said. ‘Is Dr. Sharee Pertinicle available at present?’ He nodded. ‘All right. Thank you.’ A few minutes later, he was transferred to Sharee who, it turned out, was eating a bag of chips in her office. He immediately told her about the strange encounter he’d just had.
‘You’re in your garage, right?’ Sharee asked.
‘Yeah.’
‘Grab a piece of scrap metal you’re not gonna use and hold it out like it’s a kitty treat.’
Tony did as asked. Tentacles suddenly shot out of the cat’s mouth and wrapped around the metal, sucking it in. Tony thought his high-pitched yelp of alarm was warranted.
But Sharee laughed. ‘That’s not a cat, Tony. It’s a Flerken.’
The kitten was sitting there, normal as can be again, and licking his jowls.
‘And...what’s a Flerken?’ Tony asked.
‘Basically what took out Thanos,’ Sharee said. ‘Flerkens are alien creatures that outwardly look and behave like common housecats. But they have tentacles nested in their mouths which are used in the way human hands might be. They also have subspaces and pocket dimensions inside their bodies. You know how when someone eats and eats and eats we say they have a black hole for a stomach?’
‘These guys actually do?’ Tony guessed.
‘Far as we can tell, yes,’ Sharee said. ‘Also, if they feel threatened they can secrete a powerful toxin in their claws. You seen Fury’s eye under the patch? He got a little too close to an agitated Flerken.’
Tony hadn’t seen it very much, but enough to see deep scaring and that his eye was completely whited out. Tony looked down at the kitten, sitting innocent as could be on his lap. Was it still a kitten if it wasn’t a cat?
‘But the good news is that they have intellect comparable to human,’ Sharee said. ‘They can’t talk but they can understand everything we say.’
‘So any idea why his mother...’ He looked down. ‘...You are a “he”, right?’
‘Meow.’ The kitten nodded.
Tony nodded and returned to Sharee. ‘Any idea why his mother dropped him off here.’
‘If I had to take a guess.’ Sharee picked up a mug and took a sip. ‘Fury, and Carter before him, were very enthusiastic about suppressing the superhuman community. If you had powers or were capable of more than average, then you were identified as a mark, a target, or a hostile – even if you never did anything. They were able to do this through the Stark fortune. Goose – who I imagine is the mother – has been sitting and watching Fury since the 90s.’
‘Did Fury know she had human-like intelligence?’ Tony asked.
‘Not to my knowledge,’ Sharee said. ‘Far as we can tell, he didn’t go into any effort to conceal what he was doing from her so it’s quite likely he didn’t.’ She took another sip of coffee. ‘The Transcendent Souls are a last resort. Goose and the other Flerken on Earth had to get up and take action before we needed to intervene because of this decades-long mass culling of superhumans.’
‘So she basically dropped one of her kittens in my lap to prevent Fury from coming anywhere near us Starks again?’ Tony asked.
‘Well, you caught onto the fact that SHIELD was trash, and you now have an impressionable young daughter,’ Sharee said. ‘So, yeah, pretty much. Flerkens live much longer than anything on Earth, so that one will probably stay with your family for a good number of generations.’
Tony cracked a smile.
***
Pepper hadn’t been sure about the cat.
Even moreso when Tony told her the cat was not actually a cat.
Okay, it got slightly better when Sharee and her friends sent over instructions entitled: How to care for your new Flerken.
Morgan, though, had been delighted at the “kitty”. Pepper had to say, the “kitty” acted like a normal cat would. It just seemed that he had a very...unusual diet. Sharee’s instructions specified that Flerkens could eat basically anything, up to and including metal. Tony had decided metal would be saved for special treats for their new pet...or protector...or whatever he was supposed to be.
Instead, Tony started ordering all kinds of food and let the kitten decide what he liked best.
Turned out...he liked Italian food best.
‘Excellent taste,’ Tony had decided.
Rhodey had just laughed. But he agreed with Goose’s logic. ‘Seriously, SHIELD’s been yanking Starks around from the very beginning. Giving them a defence like this is the smartest thing anyone’s ever done.’
Happy had agreed. ‘Nobody would suspect the tabby cat of being an alien with a black hole in his stomach. And he’s smart enough to do the job.’
And...over time...Pepper found the animal (animal? Was he still an animal if he was an alien? Ugh! This was the worst part!) growing on her.
It even got to the point where she could sit on the sofa working, and scratching the purring Flerken behind the ears.
Pepper smiled to herself.